Fitz89 Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Hi guys new to this area. Long story here. I have had a hard life with relationships before but never this hard. The love of my life who took me out of my depression 7 years ago has destroyed me for the second time. 2 years into our amazing relationship she got pregnant and we had little bit of a fallout and she started cheating on me. For 5 months she was with another man and then showed up and came back. Since then we had a great relationship raising our kid and living together since we forgave each other. Fast forward to a few months ago we had made arrangements to go to Vegas for alone time before she started her job again. She is a kindergarten teacher. I have a emergency and go to er. Only later that night to get a call from doc saying I have a std. I freak out and ask her if she has been faithful and of course she says yes. She goes that night to get checked and she has it as well. We cry and say it's ok. We get cured and go to Vegas. Vegas is a blast and then I see her texting another guy. She says it's just a friend I let it go. We come back and on July 4th I just get curious and question her. She says nothing is wrong so I took a step I never do because I don't want to be controlling. I ask to see her phone and she just explodes in tears and says I was right and she is cheating on me again. That night we talk it out and she says she loves me. I find out she had been cheating on me for 4 months. I end up asking her to leave. In the month following I am torn to shreds. I have a car accident and total my car and she runs to hospital and cries all night with me but then 2 days later leaves to Texas with the guy for a trip. 2 weeks later I have a house fire and we lose everything. During the clean up she helps and we salvage alot. We cry when we find family photos and all the stuff we have givin each other over the years. She then gets a apartment as do I. She has our kid. She comes with me for furniture and picks out all of the stuff for my apartment. We start to move our salvaged stuff from fire and she takes very little and wants me to take all of our prized stuff and baby stuff she could never part with to my place. I do just trying to be nice. She tells me she is coming back and I have everything like our passports and birth certificates and stuff like that. The guy she is with is trash and very controlling. I can't see my kid anymore accept once a week because of him not allowing her to be around me and she follows his rules. She talks to me every day and deletes my texts because if he sees then he will yell at her. She says she loves me every day but just has to do this. Our kid is destroyed but she doesrnt seem to care at the moment in time but says she does. I watch our child and she goes and spends the night at this guys apartment. The guy had the nerve to message me and say he is not trying to keep me away from my kid and tell me to be the man and take care of my child and that's it because she doesrnt love me anymore but then continues to not let me see my kid because he is around so much. What the hell am I supposed to do. I don't want to go into custody battles or anything because I'm waiting for her to show back up because that's what she says and then again I don't know what right. I can't leave her or my child I just don't have the heart to do so. I told her she needs to end it with me but she won't because she says she still loves me and will be back.
Maldives Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 **** dude what a mess. U need to let her go and cut all ties for ur own sanity she's no good for u. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 You can't cut all ties because you share a child. Get a lawyer. Get custody if that is in the best interest of your child. At the very least establish a visitation schedule so you can see your kid. What her new BF wants on the subject of your relationship with your child is irrelevant. I'm sorry about your car accident & your house fire. That's a lot of loss in a short time. But know she didn't bring you out of your depression -- you did that all by yourself. Don't sell yourself short. 1
Author Fitz89 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 That's what I'm scared of at the moment in time is making it way worse than it is by getting lawyers involved. I love her and my kid so much I don't want to see either go thru that. Our kid is 5 and I don't want him to be any more hurt than he is and I feel like he will hate the both of us one day because he doesrnt really know what's going on. He just knows mommy and daddy are living seperatly right now and mommy tells him that we will all live together again soon and promised him a dog. I am torn because she is telling me at the end of her lease which she only signed a 3 month and that ends first week of November is when she will be back. I'm trying to figure out how yo cope with it until I make hasty decisions
BluesPower Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Dude, are you kidding me... This woman is trash, and by the way, how do you know that this kid is yours in the first place? You need to grow up and wake up. She is worthless in every way. File for joint custody ASAP, and don't talk or text her about anything but the child. She has been using you the entire time that you have been with her. She has been sleeping around on you since you have been with her and you are too blind to see or understand it. Brother, please wake up, you have a child that only you will be responsible for... 6
Captivating Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 This is terrible ! Your ex is nothing but lies. You could have shared or full custody if she does not work and cannot provide for your child. Don't wait for anybody, especially not for your ex .... GO TO A LAWYER ! ASAP ! Get this thing rolling. Your child does not deserve to be raised by an unfit mother who cannot control her urges. Why would she separate your child from you ? I don't buy the controlling boyfriend story, sorry. Boyfriends want nothing to do do with other guys' kids. Be the best dad and look out for your kid !!! Focus on your child. There will be someone out there who appreciates you someday, when you are ready to date again. You will be just fine, don't worry ! LOTS OF HUGS !
zi11 Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 (edited) OMG man! You've been through hell! I'm so sorry for your car accident and for losing your house. But do you know what? This is a sign. A wake up call to get rid of your cheating and liyng fiance. It's not worth it. A decent mature women and a mother does not cheat and run away with another guy everytime she wants it. This is totally unacceptable. She is not stable as a person and she broked your heart several times. You deserve so much better. You don't have to cry with her and make up all he time. You don't need this drama in your life. It's unhealthy and it will destroy you on the long run. I'm so sorry that you lost your time with this person. As other members said, get a decent lawyer and get a custody for your child. You have to make sure that your child is in safe environment and that he'll grow up in healthy person. My advice will be: Get your self a new apartment, and start a new life. Don't get back with her ever again. Just maintain a diplomatic relationship for the sake of you child. This child deserves a happy life. Forget about her, disengage emotinally, and focus on your self and your child. I'm pretty sure that you're a nice guy and that another honest and non cheating female will recognize these signs and she'll love you deerly. For future reference, if you recognize these red flags (cheating, lying, etc) in another women, run away and don't look back. These type of women are not a relationship material. The are attention seeking drama queens who will make your life miserable and you'll end up controlling and crazy again! Keep your head up, your life has just began! You'll be happier and better off without her! Wish you all the best man! Edited September 2, 2017 by zi11 1
Author Fitz89 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 That's what I'm worried about is how to even try custody or visits. When I was 18 I had my first kid and he was taken away from me for being a unfit father because I was young and didn't know what I was doing. I lost parental rights and got labeled a child abuse. My parents adopted him and I have been in his life ever since he was 1 and he is now 10 and I can see him whenever and the law doesrnt bother me but I have a stupid felony against me and I fear it will be used against me and I'm at a loss
Author Fitz89 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 This is terrible ! Your ex is nothing but lies. You could have shared or full custody if she does not work and cannot provide for your child. Don't wait for anybody, especially not for your ex .... GO TO A LAWYER ! ASAP ! Get this thing rolling. Your child does not deserve to be raised by an unfit mother who cannot control her urges. Why would she separate your child from you ? I don't buy the controlling boyfriend story, sorry. Boyfriends want nothing to do do with other guys' kids. Be the best dad and look out for your kid !!! Focus on your child. There will be someone out there who appreciates you someday, when you are ready to date again. You will be just fine, don't worry ! LOTS OF HUGS ! He is controlling tho as I have seen it over texts him bitching her out when she went out with me for 2 min to get something to eat he flipped and was demanding pictures of where she was
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Your felony conviction will be used against you but it won't be a basis to deny you visitation, although it may be a factor against awarding you sole custody. Still you have to fight to see your child. You have a relationship with your 1st child. Your parents will probably stick by you again if supervised visits are required. Your child won't resent you for bringing a lawyer into the situation but that kid will be heartbroken if you just walk away & don't fight for him. 1
Author Fitz89 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 I will never leave him I'm not a deadbeat. I have stuck thru my first child life and would never leave any of them. Sad part is my fiance was the one who helped me out of depression and helped me cope with it all and then we had a kid together and he has grown up amazing and she tells everyone I'm an amazing father and never would tell anyone other
Reddice Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 She slept around because you let her. You do understand that don't you...? It's pretty much the life you chose to live, with a woman that shouldn't be trusted to begin with. Don't act like a doormat, act like a man. Only talk with your ex if it's regarding the child and apply for custody. Get a good lawyer and come in guns blazing (the proverbial kind, not the real ones). Keep all text messages you receive from either one of them, they might serve a purpose somewhere down the road. And whatever you do, do yourself a favor and do not take her back ever again. No matter what. Ok? No, it's not in the child's interest either, it never is. 1
doyathinkso Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 How do you know the kid is even yours, especially given her track record. Have you done the dna paternity test yet? Hmm?
Author Fitz89 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 How do you know the kid is even yours, especially given her track record. Have you done the dna paternity test yet? Hmm? Yes kid is mine. Paternity test done long ago and looks just like Me and my other son 2
spiderowl Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 I think you have to choose whether to consult a lawyer or not but consulting does not mean you have to act on their advice. You can at least find out your rights; that might give you strength to deal with the situation. Your wife is a cheater and can't be relied upon. She might say sweet things and that she is coming back. She might come back until she meets the next 'love of her life' and then run off again. Is there any point going through this kind of torture over and over? You could be with a woman who loves you and is faithful. I would draw a line in the sand here and refuse to have her back. At the moment, she thinks she can have you and someone else, because you have let her come back once before and are indicating you would do again. I know you feel drawn to her and compelled to be with her. Whilst difficult, these are feelings you can resist if you make up your mind to do so. She is always going to be unreliable and you are always going to be hurt and messed around if you stay with her. You deserve so much better. As long as you are prepared to take her back, you will stay in this mixed-up mess. If you decide not to risk her again, a whole different course of action will open up to you and a better future would be possible.
Been Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Read what you just wrote. She cheated on you and gave you an STD which you got lucky it was something that could be cured. She's cheated on you with multiple men. She is never going to change yo know that right? Your her safety net nothing more. As soon as she thinks she's found a suitable replacement your done until it falls apart and then she will comeback to you.
doyathinkso Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 At this point all he needs is court mandated shared custody.
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