Wanting to quit my uni because of my ex.

[forumposted]

Okay, I have no idea what to do here and would appreciate some advice.

 

Long story short: I met my ex in uni, they cheated on me with someone in our uni, made it very uncomfortable for everyone, I lost a lot of friends as my ex is popular, loud, friendly etc.... my ex is the one who actually broke up with me, because after they cheated, I took them back. But it wasn't the same and they broke up with me as it wasn't working. I was heartbroken and they were very nasty during the breakup. But over summer, we broke contact and I felt myself moving on.

 

 

However, ex spread a lot of rumours about me (said I was too dependent and clingy, and basically tried to justify cheating on me to them) and since then most people have stopped speaking to me, even people that were both our friends before.

 

People are weird with me now in uni and I am basically walking around myself constantly. It sounds like no big deal, but I feel like everyone I walk by is judging me, no one invites me places, I get left out, people I used to be friends with (while my ex and I were in a relationship) just say an awkward hello to me in the corridors and it doesn't go more than that. They're all so close with my ex and I still see them all going out but no one is like that with me. So my confidence has lowered being around them.

 

Some of my friends have had parties and go places and I find out through other people that I wasn't invited... I'm sure this is to do with the awkwardness of the breakup, but I can't help but feeling it's not fair that my ex and the person she cheated on me with are having a great time with everyone, and I'm the one suffering and being myself? I feel like it's me who cheated or something, and people are treating me like I did something wrong.

 

Anyway, I'd avoided contact with my ex all summer, they'd tried to text me constantly and even apologised, but I kept it polite and felt I was getting more confident. However, since being back at uni, I feel I'm more depressed. Obviously I've saw my ex around, and we've said awkward hi's and I hate it so much. We stopped to have a conversation the other day and they told me "I can't be friends with you, so that's why you're not being invited places that I'm at, because I still have unresolved feelings". They're getting what they want, having me saying hi and being civil but not having any relationship with me.

 

It's so unfair, because the experience for me right now is affecting my work and I feel sick going into that place everyday. I'm being treated like I don't exist to anyone, and I've been forgotten. I feel like I won't ever get over my ex because I see them every day and I just want to quit and move on with my life, as everyone there is obviously not my friend and doesn't care about me.

 

My ex has this control over people and I'm finding it difficult because although it's easy for everyone to be like "just focus on your uni and not bother about them" it's difficult because I'm so unhappy. I'm still hurting over our breakup, I'm still dealing with my feelings, I feel like I have zero friends, everyone treats me awkwardly, I have to see them around constantly having fun and telling people not to invite me places, I just feel so alone and it's really affecting me.

 

What do I do? I obviously want my degree, but it's really affecting my mood and my self esteem, as each day is a struggle.

 

The problem is I feel I can't get over my ex this way. I don't even mean feelins, because I honestly hate what they did to me and everything, but I mean just get them out my life, because I have to see them everyday. When my ex and I didn't have to see each other, and didn't speak, they were constantly interested in my life and tried to text me all the time, but now that we're back in the same place, it's fine because they get to see me all the time being alone and know they're superior to me, but still get to say hi and be on good terms so the guilt thing is gone. I just hate it so much. I honestly don't feel like being there because it's making me hate my course and it's just very lonely.

Edited September 2, 2017 by forumposted

[BG1]

Think down the line 5 years time and when you look back, if you will be happy with your decision, a degree is for a lifetime a ex is not. This website is a good reference: http://breakuprecoveryguide.com/

 

My advice would be don't take any big decisions while you are in a post break up situation. Also, think that you will eventually have to deal with a similar situation (not to the same extent of course) but if you can manage this you will be able to grow up a lot and deal with people you dont want around in a much better way. Join a sports club to make new friends, find a new circle of people.

[d0nnivain]

At this stage -- September -- you can't change schools. Perhaps you could have in July but not now; the semester has already started.

 

I doubt "everyone" hates you. When you are upset it can feel like that & in a vulnerable state we tend to be overly dramatic.

 

It's a new semester. People have short memories. What happened last semester is old news. Presumably you have new living arrangements. You can reinvent yourself & make new friends. Join a new group on campus that has nothing to do with your EX. Throw yourself into your studies. See if you can make straight As.

 

Do not throw away your future over some relationship. That is cutting your nose off despite your face.

 

Hold your head up. Adopt a good riddance attitude & love your life.

[Maldives]

Okay, I have no idea what to do here and would appreciate some advice.

 

Long story short: I met my ex in uni, they cheated on me with someone in our uni, made it very uncomfortable for everyone, I lost a lot of friends as my ex is popular, loud, friendly etc.... my ex is the one who actually broke up with me, because after they cheated, I took them back. But it wasn't the same and they broke up with me as it wasn't working. I was heartbroken and they were very nasty during the breakup. But over summer, we broke contact and I felt myself moving on.

 

 

However, ex spread a lot of rumours about me (said I was too dependent and clingy, and basically tried to justify cheating on me to them) and since then most people have stopped speaking to me, even people that were both our friends before.

 

People are weird with me now in uni and I am basically walking around myself constantly. It sounds like no big deal, but I feel like everyone I walk by is judging me, no one invites me places, I get left out, people I used to be friends with (while my ex and I were in a relationship) just say an awkward hello to me in the corridors and it doesn't go more than that. They're all so close with my ex and I still see them all going out but no one is like that with me. So my confidence has lowered being around them.

 

Some of my friends have had parties and go places and I find out through other people that I wasn't invited... I'm sure this is to do with the awkwardness of the breakup, but I can't help but feeling it's not fair that my ex and the person she cheated on me with are having a great time with everyone, and I'm the one suffering and being myself? I feel like it's me who cheated or something, and people are treating me like I did something wrong.

 

Anyway, I'd avoided contact with my ex all summer, they'd tried to text me constantly and even apologised, but I kept it polite and felt I was getting more confident. However, since being back at uni, I feel I'm more depressed. Obviously I've saw my ex around, and we've said awkward hi's and I hate it so much. We stopped to have a conversation the other day and they told me "I can't be friends with you, so that's why you're not being invited places that I'm at, because I still have unresolved feelings". They're getting what they want, having me saying hi and being civil but not having any relationship with me.

 

It's so unfair, because the experience for me right now is affecting my work and I feel sick going into that place everyday. I'm being treated like I don't exist to anyone, and I've been forgotten. I feel like I won't ever get over my ex because I see them every day and I just want to quit and move on with my life, as everyone there is obviously not my friend and doesn't care about me.

 

My ex has this control over people and I'm finding it difficult because although it's easy for everyone to be like "just focus on your uni and not bother about them" it's difficult because I'm so unhappy. I'm still hurting over our breakup, I'm still dealing with my feelings, I feel like I have zero friends, everyone treats me awkwardly, I have to see them around constantly having fun and telling people not to invite me places, I just feel so alone and it's really affecting me.

 

What do I do? I obviously want my degree, but it's really affecting my mood and my self esteem, as each day is a struggle.

 

The problem is I feel I can't get over my ex this way. I don't even mean feelins, because I honestly hate what they did to me and everything, but I mean just get them out my life, because I have to see them everyday. When my ex and I didn't have to see each other, and didn't speak, they were constantly interested in my life and tried to text me all the time, but now that we're back in the same place, it's fine because they get to see me all the time being alone and know they're superior to me, but still get to say hi and be on good terms so the guilt thing is gone. I just hate it so much. I honestly don't feel like being there because it's making me hate my course and it's just very lonely.

 

 

Dude I can so relate to this. Ur basically me in my situation similar very similar. Me and my ex work together it's been a yr and I gotta be honest it's traumatized me. She too did what ur ex did had lost a few work mates she starts dating son work colleague thankfully he left. My advice would be to look at leaving I too feel Ill and sick going to the place even now. I've decided for my own sanity and healing I need to get out and find another job. I'm pissed because it's a huge company good money and and close to home but unbearable working wth her. In the meantime I've had to make some short term goals just to have something to aim towards to survive like a holiday for a weeks.

 

My suggestion to u is look at other options available to u can u transfer to another uni? Even if it takes a few mths at least u know ur only there for a few more.

 

I can tell u dude it does get a little easier but not by much ur gonna have constant reminders all u have to do is bump into and see her laughing and it tears u apart. Whilst it get a a little easier it makes it very difficult to heal. Look at me one yr on and I'm not healed. If your ex is anything like mine vengeful and it's not gonna get that much easier. I been traumatized from the experience.

 

I can't believe I didn't see the red flags wth her she's left all her kids selfish to be up in this holiday destination. Hardly sees her kids I'm not sure the reasons but I put it down to selfishness.

 

Get out dude start trying to look for alternatives but I wouldn't give up ur degree just look at what ur other options are and what and how u can do that and start moving towards that. Once I get a better offer and job I'm out myself. I'm angry because like u I got screwed over by her we both didn't deserve it. Wth me i was at tge company first. Being around in that environment is no good dude take it from someone who's been in it for a yr it's a yr of pain rather than healing keep us posted bro. If u need someone to chat to I have whatsapp I can send u my I'd to ur email address no problem I know how hard this stuff can be

Edited September 2, 2017 by Goodguy05

[mousse]

So sorry you're going through that :/ it must be very difficult.

 

I'm torn about what to tell you...

 

On one hand, I think it's good to keep going despite the presence of your ex, and that getting your degree despite that hostile environment would be the best revenge and something that would give you a lot of confidence for your future life...plus, quitting would show your ex that she has a tremendous power over you and your life, which is not good for your self esteem.

 

On the other hand, I also think that if it's much too hard, you shoudn't force it either and find a new uni. It's not good to force yourself and to suffer too much, it's not healthy for your body and mind. Plus, sometimes having the courage to say 'I can't do this anymore' is a sign of strength and not of weakness.

 

Ultimately, you know yourself best, so I can't tell you what to do. But this is the two options I see in your situation.

 

Good luck to you.

[spiderowl]

I am sorry you are in pain. Please do not give up uni because of your ex. Do not allow them to have that power over you.

 

From what you say, your ex is very popular. I would assume from that that at least some of the friends you had in common were your ex's friends originally. If your friends drift off - for whatever reason - you are bound to feel you have lost out. It is often the case when one person is more outgoing than the other. The least outgoing one finds it harder to adapt to the loss of a social circle.

 

Having said that, I doubt that you have lost these friends. It could be that they realise you are hurting and are not inviting both of you because they think YOU will feel hurt, not because they prefer your ex in any way. If you can show these friends that you are ok about being in the same place and are certainly not interested in confronting your ex while socialising, then I feel sure you will find yourself included again. If you have hassled your ex in any way, stalked them or made a scene in public with your ex, then that could by why others are not including you. I am assuming from what you say that you haven't done this though.

 

You are bound to feel down. Your ex cheated and then broke up with you later when you forgave him. He was no good basically. It is not your fault. He is the one who should feel down and contrite. You are probably being over-sensitive to any perceived slight because you already feel bruised and battered by his treatment. I am sure when your confidence returns, you will interpret other people's behaviours differently. It is best if you talk to these friends, be cheerful and sound interested in social events. I am sure once they realise you'd like to go, they will include you.

 

Many universities have a pastoral service with student counsellors. If yours does, please contact them and find out if you can see a counsellor. It will make a lot of difference to feel you are being supported by a skilled listener. It will help you to talk about this situation. Don't give up on your course - that is your right, your future. Your ex should not even be a consideration where your future is concerned. With the right support, you will flourish.

[Sweetfish]

University/school is not about friends, relationships, or social circles. Its about you and only you.

[whatnot]

buddy....she's told ya....she's having her own issues.

 

Don't let outward appearances affect your innards. Things are not always what they appear to be.

 

Just because someone *appears* to have a lot of friends doesn't mean jack.

 

You think Robin Williams hurt for companionship?

 

Things are not always as they appear.

 

(pssst....and the people that *seem* to not like you? If they don't....you don't want them to. Trust me on that )