Blue2212 Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 Hello LoveShack! I apologize in advance if it's too long. I probably could have cut it down, but I wanted to include as much detail as possible. I was in a long distance relationship with a 23 year old woman from Mexico. I'm 27. We got along extremely well and had so many things in common. We understood each other and were each others support through the best of times and the worst of times. We mainly communicated by Skype, but we have met up with each other 4 times. I visited her twice in Mexico, the first time to meet her family who absolutely loved me and the second time to accompany her to another state to get her visa to visit the USA, which I paid for it. I paid for all of her plane tickets as well. She visited me twice to meet my family, who loved her, and to just spend time together. We were deeply in love with each other and everything just felt right. I couldn't be happier and definitely saw this woman as my ideal wife. Her home life was a bit stressful for her. She would have to work at her grandmothers grocery store, go to school, do homework, cook, clean, and take of her siblings because her mother suffered really bad depression and wouldn't get up until much later in the day. After she graduated university some family friends presented an opportunity to her. They lived in Cancun, which was much closer to me and would minimize travel time/costs, and they invited her to stay with them until she found a job so that she could get an apartment for herself. I gladly paid for her plane ticket because we wanted to be closer to each other and the area she lived in wasn't too safe. Her and her mother actually got robbed for the first time a couple of months before she moved and the phone that I bought her for Christmas got stolen. She was coming home from the mall by herself, it was a bit late and I told her to contact her mother to meet up with her at the bus stop that night so that she wasn't walking home alone . To this day I feel like I was meant to protect her after making that call because I hate to think what could have happened that night if she were alone. I couldn't eat or sleep that night. I even helped buy her a new phone. I was positive that at this point in our relationship that she knew how much she meant to me. She moved to Cancun and she lived with an older woman who she considered her aunt, 2 girls that are around her age, a younger brother, and a baby girl. She began to look for work there. She shopped around until she found a job selling timeshares. She seemed somewhat passionate about it because she loved to meet new people. She even called me one day, while in the bathroom, crying because she felt that she was close to making a sale. The time we had to Skype was cut down to maybe about 30 minutes - 1 hour a day from around 2 or 3 hours at most a day. She would cry sometimes and tell me that she misses me and that she wants me to come and visit. I was having issues with making that work anytime time soon because of work scheduling issues, but we always talked about it and I even planned to book the flight in a few days when I got paid. She called me one day after work and seemed very uninterested in what I had to say. I asked her if she wanted to Skype and when we saw each other, she gave me a look of disinterest, something that I've never seen her give me before. I'm trying to talk to her like I normally do and make her laugh, but she responds with "I kind of want to talk to you, but I kind of don't at the same time." That made my heart sink and I was very curious as to why she felt that way. We have texted that whole day and everything seemed normal. She began to burst into tears while telling me all of the mistakes that I've made and that I haven't made enough of an effort to go and see her (it's been 5 months since we were physically together). She's constantly telling me that I have a lack of interest in her and that the relationship was not 50/50, even though I talked with her everyday, paid for her phone bill whenever she needed me to, send her money when she needed it, paying for her visa, plane tickets, and generally treating her nicely both online and in person. We would have the odd argument here and there about me not being available to Skype after work sometimes because I would go have a drink with co-workers every once in a while. The only time we have ever disagreed in person was her wanting to show an overwhelming amount of public display of affection. We would always hold hands and hold each other close, but sometimes it just seemed to be unnecessary and out of place for me. But there certainly wasn't a lack of affection shown on my end. Whenever we would have long bus rides in Mexico, we would always cover ourselves in a blanket and we would practically cuddle and sleep next to each other while kissing every so often. She was very affectionate. She went on to tell me more "mistakes" I've made in the past and I'm just constantly apologizing while trying to calm her down, but she would just cry to the point where she tells me that she cannot talk anymore and then hang up. This happened about 3 times that night while trying to Skype with her and 1 time when I called her on the phone. I get a text at midnight from her telling me things like I need to "win her back" and that I need to be more loving to her. I respond by saying that this is very strange and that I've always showed her nothing but love and respect. I don't hear much from her during the next day until about 10 PM when she calls me and asks me how I was doing. I was put off a little bit with her question and the way she asked it so I told her that I was just "fine" and the conversation seemed unusually empty. It was very weird and I told her that I had to go and that I would call her back. She texts me on Whats App saying "Wow, you really hate me" and she deletes my number from her phone (I wasn't able to see her profile picture). I send her a message back telling her I don't hate her and that I wish I understood what happened yesterday. She sends me a message the next morning telling me she would like to Skype. During our conversation she explains to me that there is a man that she met at her job that is 36, has a 14 year old son, and makes her feel like a goddess. She had just came home from being on a date with him the night before when she called me. He texts/calls her every morning and is "ready to do anything for with a simple phone call". She tells me that she is confused about our relationship. That she doesn't want to lose me, but this man makes her feel extremely happy. She has only known this man for around 20 days at this point and he is already winning her over me after a year and a half of spending thousands of hours of staying connected on a daily basis. She seemed to be gaining this man's trust rather quickly while it took me months to get her to trust that I wouldn't hurt her. She even told me she kissed him, which just shattered me. I assumed we were done at this point, but she says that she is very confused and just wants me to come so that this can be fixed. I was stupidly willing to forgive her kissing this man without really telling me that we were officially over. For the next couple weeks our relationship becomes this weird roller-coaster where she is barely talking to me, giving me a nickname she has never called me before, and is starting to become harder to reach in general. Somehow I couldn't make calls to her phone until we both discovered someone blocked me, she claimed she didn't know why I wasn't able to make calls until she actually checked her contacts and saw me blacklisted. She said she definitely didn't do it, what she did do was silence/disable notifications for me whenever I would send her a message via text and she showed this to me on Skype one day and I told her to change it back. Her Whats App picture, which contained both of us, was just her now. I questioned it and she changed it back. Then changed it back to herself again a couple of hours later. I was beginning to get fed up with the way she is acting because it seemed so unlike her. Her attitude has changed. She made it seem like I had to fight for her love. She still seemed very interested in me and wanting to see me, so I bought a plane ticket to see her for September 9th and made hotel reservations at a 5-star resort. After this happened, she started to become even harder to reach and I would only get to Skype with her at night while she was half-asleep. At this point in time she tells me that she doesn't want to talk about our relationship until I arrive and that we should take a "break". She also told me that she is starting another job because she actually loved me and the man was becoming a "distraction. She began to complain that I'm only going to visit her for a week, she's getting tired of the distance, and that she wants me to live there with her. As much as I loved her, I did not want to do anything like that anytime soon. She then officially breaks up with me and starts "dating" this man. I'm crushed because we've been through so much and got along so well only to have our relationship end because of how this man makes her "feel". I wanted to stop talking with her at this point, but she insisted I should be mature, continue talking with her, and that when I com we could possibly fix things. I wanted to fix things even though she broke my heart because I loved her, but she was getting much harder to talk to. She would also try to start arguments with me about random things and she would give me mixed signals. Some days she would be cold, send me 1 word texts, would read my messages and not reply, and she would promise to Skype with me sometimes after work but she would do other stuff until it got really late and we couldn't anymore. She would also ask me things like "What if, when you come, I fall for you and you take revenge by breaking my heart" and "Would you live here with me?". I was online one time talking to a friend of mine about this situation and she saw that I was online not talking to her and she asked if I was talking to another girl, because if I was it would make her jealous. I told her no I wasn't and she continued to sends me a hearts and a nervous smile emoji while telling me that she is glad that I am coming. Her mother even noticed changes in her behavior as well. She would become argumentative when either of us brought up topics about this man, how is she managing, is she making sales at her job, etc. She would cry, remind us of past mistakes, tell us she doesn't want to talk anymore, and hang up. She's staying out much later than she usually does and is drinking more than she ever has. She did not want her mother and I talking to each other, but her mom sent me a message telling me that she is sorry that her daughter and I didn't work out. We end up talking about the changes we saw in her and there were things that she would only tell me and not her mom, but I needed to tell her mother because she would tell me things like she planned on moving in with this man, that she isn't making much money, and that she absolutely refuses to go back home even though she was needed because her grandmother was getting surgery, so her mom had to run the grocery store. Someone needed to take care of her brother and sister. Her mother and I agreed to keep our conversations to ourselves, but she just couldn't one day and started arguing with the woman she is staying with, telling her that she isn't watching over her daughter while also bringing up things from our conversations that was supposed to be personal. My ex catches wind of this and sends me a VERY heated drunk text message calling me a "weak pussy" for not being able to cope with her leaving me, that I'm a "disgusting piece of ****", and that I should leave her and her family alone. She even told her mother about things that we were supposed to keep between us because it might offend her. She blocked me after this. She has never insulted in such a way, ever. I texted her from another phone telling her that the conversations between her mother and I were only out of concern about how she is doing out there with no real family, not making money from her commission based job, and leaving me for a much older man that she just met without knowing what his intentions are and only because he makes her feel nice. I told her even though I'm not her boyfriend anymore that I wasn't just going to stop caring about her well-being and safety. She says that I'm not a good person. She tells me that I don't know what his intentions are, that I don't know him, that I don't know her, that she hates me, and to never contact her again. She also said that I never wanted her to succeed or be independent (what?). She finished by saying "Guess what? I never really trusted you and always cheated on you from the since the beginning". I wasn't sure if I believed that or not, but it appeared to me that she definitely wanted to burn bridges. I managed to tell her, before she blocked me again, that all I've ever done was support her and that if after everything that I've done for her and after the many times I've put her before myself and even my family, that if she seriously believed in what she's telling me then must have been asleep for the duration of our relationship. I also told her that if she really did cheat on me from the the start of our relationship, which I honestly think she only said the make me hate her or make me feel feel bad, that I definitely wasn't the bad person here at all. Somehow I feel a lot better after this happened and I'm not sure why. But I'm eating again and I'm able to focus on myself after such a tumultuous month. What I'm still confused about is what the hell has gotten into her? Her mother and I were not able to figure it out, but something definitely changed after she moved there. I'm still going to Cancun, but it seems like she won't be meeting with me. I could use a solo vacation anyway. We originally planned to have her meet up with me at the airport, we would check in at the resort I'm staying at, and spend the day together, even though she said her new "guy friend" wouldn't like it.. This was pretty much my entire August. I could barely eat and missed about 4 days of work because I couldn't function. I wish that I never paid for her ticket to Cancun because now even her mother is upset with me and asked me not to speak with her because I'm partially responsible for her "losing her daughter" and for saying "bad things" about her when in reality my ex would say things about her and I would just question her and agree with some of what she would say. tl;dr: My Mexican 23 year old long-distance girlfriend for over one year decided to leave me for a much older man with a son who she has known for around 20 days about a month after I bought her a plane ticket to live in Cancun for better opportunities and to decrease travel distance between us. She wasn't making money at her job and her overall attitude has changed. She cursed me out after finding out that her mother and I were talking about this behind her back out of concern and we both wanted her to return home because things did not seem to be going well for her. She seems to be making irrational decisions, staying out later than usual, and has become very hard to reach. I bought tickets to go and see her, but it seems that she wants nothing to do with me anymore.
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 It's not an odd break up. The distance finally got to her & it destroyed your relationship. She can immigrate to the US. You don't want to live in Mexico. You were happy & satisfied with the Skype. She wanted a real relationship where you could touch & cuddle all the time. When she realized the distance would never end she cried on the shoulder of the older man at work. He used her sadness to make his move. He's right there ready to be her Prince charming. You are hundreds of miles away & you weren't coming around even when she begged. She dropped you & picked him. No mystery. I'm sorry you are hurting but you have to leave her be. She made a choice for a more conventional relationship.
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