Sam2 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 This is hardly new advice, and it's probably been mentioned so many times before on this very site, but I thought I'd do some of you the favor with the obvious reminder that if you don't take take initiative with a girl/woman you'll really pay for it later. The sad thing is that though I myself remember reading on this point several times, I still disregarded it just like I'm sure many of you still will. I thought the least I could do was throw it out yet again since so many people such as myself have committed the same blunder. There's no doubt in my mind she was interested for some time (several details that I won't bother getting into), but for whatever stupid reason I kept drawing it out and drawing it out and telling myself I would take more aggressive action later. Obviously I was just freaked out for whatever reason, but now after some time after my not doing anything, she started dating some guy recently. She's clearly into him now, and I'm sure she disrespects me for never having the guts to say anything like this guy seems to have done. It's funny to dislike a guy so much you don't even know. So go ahead and ignore this reminder like I did as well, but you don't realize how hard it will be when that window of opportunity is closed. When you really have strong feelings for her and you know there was a possibility there, you're going to really feel a horrible sting when you don't do anything about it and they end up with someone else. It's really depressing, and I probably wouldn't bother posting on a message board if I wasn't intoxicated right now, but I guess this is my stupid public service. Hopefully at least one person doesn't make the same mistake I did and suffer the same consequences. I know there's always someone else out there, but I hadn't had a connection with someone like this before, and to know nothing will ever come from it is extremely painful.
erika2610 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by Sam2 This is hardly new advice, and it's probably been mentioned so many times before on this very site, but I thought I'd do some of you the favor with the obvious reminder that if you don't take take initiative with a girl/woman you'll really pay for it later. The sad thing is that though I myself remember reading on this point several times, I still disregarded it just like I'm sure many of you still will. I thought the least I could do was throw it out yet again since so many people such as myself have committed the same blunder. There's no doubt in my mind she was interested for some time (several details that I won't bother getting into), but for whatever stupid reason I kept drawing it out and drawing it out and telling myself I would take more aggressive action later. Obviously I was just freaked out for whatever reason, but now after some time after my not doing anything, she started dating some guy recently. She's clearly into him now, and I'm sure she disrespects me for never having the guts to say anything like this guy seems to have done. It's funny to dislike a guy so much you don't even know. So go ahead and ignore this reminder like I did as well, but you don't realize how hard it will be when that window of opportunity is closed. When you really have strong feelings for her and you know there was a possibility there, you're going to really feel a horrible sting when you don't do anything about it and they end up with someone else. It's really depressing, and I probably wouldn't bother posting on a message board if I wasn't intoxicated right now, but I guess this is my stupid public service. Hopefully at least one person doesn't make the same mistake I did and suffer the same consequences. I know there's always someone else out there, but I hadn't had a connection with someone like this before, and to know nothing will ever come from it is extremely painful. I feel like I could've written this post.. I've been down the same horrible road, and it sucks..
Author Sam2 Posted August 12, 2005 Author Posted August 12, 2005 How did your situation end up, Erika? I'm trying to keep busy, but I'm just so demoralized and I keep thinking about what a huge mistake I made. What makes my situation worse is due to certain circumstances there is unfortunately no way I can avoid seeing her all the time, so out of sight out of mind and time passing don't apply. I'll always have that constant reminder, and as much as I'll try avoid interacting there is only so much dodging I can do.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 This is happening to me right now, only you are the guy who didn't ask ME for a date, so I started seeing someone else. I really wanted to go out with "you" and you had one excuse after another. I even told the new guy during our first conversation that I didn't want to make plans because I was waiting to see what the first guy was up to. He said to me Do you want to say no to a for sure date with me and wait on a maybe date with him? So I said okay yes I'd love to go out with you. And it turns out the first guy was sick and that's too bad, but he had many chances to ask me out. Now the first guy, which is YOU still wants to get together, but I've been putting HIM off now while I decide if I want to see this new guy exclusively, and it also depends on the new guy's feelings for me too. I will tell the first guy as soon as I know this is exclusive with the new guy, maybe sooner.....to let him know that he is back in the 'Friend" category.
Author Sam2 Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 This is happening to me right now, only you are the guy who didn't ask ME for a date, so I started seeing someone else. I really wanted to go out with "you" and you had one excuse after another. I even told the new guy during our first conversation that I didn't want to make plans because I was waiting to see what the first guy was up to. He said to me Do you want to say no to a for sure date with me and wait on a maybe date with him? So I said okay yes I'd love to go out with you. And it turns out the first guy was sick and that's too bad, but he had many chances to ask me out. Now the first guy, which is YOU still wants to get together, but I've been putting HIM off now while I decide if I want to see this new guy exclusively, and it also depends on the new guy's feelings for me too. I will tell the first guy as soon as I know this is exclusive with the new guy, maybe sooner.....to let him know that he is back in the 'Friend" category. So there's no going back after that window of opportunity closes? I'll take any feedback from anyone willing to give it. While this girl has already gone out with this guy a few times, I don't think it's incredibly serious yet, but I don't want to do anything stupid (if asking her out at this point is stupid) since I'm not thinking straight. Should I just give up now? The situation quoted above suggest that it's already too late for someone in my position.
kitkat826 Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 Originally posted by Sam2 So there's no going back after that window of opportunity closes? I'll take any feedback from anyone willing to give it. While this girl has already gone out with this guy a few times, I don't think it's incredibly serious yet, but I don't want to do anything stupid (if asking her out at this point is stupid) since I'm not thinking straight. Should I just give up now? The situation quoted above suggest that it's already too late for someone in my position. This is one of those situations that you just have to have incredible faith in. I don't know where you stand in terms of spirituality, but I would invoke whatever works for you in order to deal with it. I think you have to realize that no matter how helpless you feel, that it WILL all work out in the long run. Once you have that confidence in yourself you will do whats right. If she is seriously interested in you and you two actually have a chance at something, it will happen. Are you two friends? Even though she is dating him, do you still have contact? It is possible that she is with him and although seems "into him", really isn't. Its also possible that she truly IS into him, but that it will be short lived. Please remember that ALL situations are opportunities for learning. Concentrate for now not on what you are losing by having "missed your opportunity", but what you have gained from this new, and important experience. Again, with that new confidence and knowledge you will be in a better place to respond. I don't think its absolutely too late for you. The vast vast majority of relationships don't work out, so most likely her time with this guy wil be up relatively soon. Meanwhile, work on yourself to be ready for when it is. Keep us updated!
Author Sam2 Posted August 14, 2005 Author Posted August 14, 2005 Originally posted by kitkat826 This is one of those situations that you just have to have incredible faith in. I don't know where you stand in terms of spirituality, but I would invoke whatever works for you in order to deal with it. I think you have to realize that no matter how helpless you feel, that it WILL all work out in the long run. Once you have that confidence in yourself you will do whats right. If she is seriously interested in you and you two actually have a chance at something, it will happen. Are you two friends? Even though she is dating him, do you still have contact? It is possible that she is with him and although seems "into him", really isn't. Its also possible that she truly IS into him, but that it will be short lived. Please remember that ALL situations are opportunities for learning. Concentrate for now not on what you are losing by having "missed your opportunity", but what you have gained from this new, and important experience. Again, with that new confidence and knowledge you will be in a better place to respond. I don't think its absolutely too late for you. The vast vast majority of relationships don't work out, so most likely her time with this guy wil be up relatively soon. Meanwhile, work on yourself to be ready for when it is. Keep us updated! You're right about focusing on the learning experience, I won't make the same mistake in the future. These "life lessons" are costly though. I guess I just wanted some hard advice on the appropriate action now since I know I'm not entirely in a position to act rationally. Originally I was just going to just avoid ever engaging her from now on (I 'm in a situation where i see her a lot) beyond just "hi" to make it less difficult on myself. That whole part of not knowing how into him she is makes things difficult. Let me know if I'm reading you wrong, but what I'm getting from all this is I should just go on with my life and make sure I'm in a place where I won't let things just slip away if the opportunity presents itself again with her, yet keep my distance while remaining friendly when seeing her. If she ever happens to mention anything about the guy like it didn't work out, speak up, but if not, just continue moving on. I didn't want to let it slip away if there was still a chance and she's not completely won over by this guy yet, but the last thing I want to do is torture myself by thinking I still have a shot if I don't.
erika2610 Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by Sam2 How did your situation end up, Erika? I'm trying to keep busy, but I'm just so demoralized and I keep thinking about what a huge mistake I made. What makes my situation worse is due to certain circumstances there is unfortunately no way I can avoid seeing her all the time, so out of sight out of mind and time passing don't apply. I'll always have that constant reminder, and as much as I'll try avoid interacting there is only so much dodging I can do. My situation sucked. My grandmother's in a nursing home.. which I go to everyday. Well, one day I saw a cute nurses aide. I asked a resident about him, then like the next day somebody told me he was asking about me. I was waitin for him to talk to me.. but he's a shy boy. I KNEW I shoulda talked to him. I kept crushin on him, then one day heard he had gotten a girlfriend that he's moving in with. And I knew if I had just talked to him, it coulda gone somewhere. So now I just sit back and see what happens. I go their everyday too, and see him just about everyday and it sucks. I'm still crushin on this guy so hard
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