zebra48 Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 (edited) Okay so know this is long but I could really really use some outside perspective on my situation. I have been tortured by this for months now and cant tell if im being overdramitic or am the victim of a common heartbreak. I met my ex gf in high school she was 2 grades below me and we became friends again when she started school at my college. About a week or 2 after her bf broke up with her we began dating in November. Both our parents live in florida so we vacationed quite a bit and became very close and fell in love quickly. This was my first gf and the only girl to really show this much affection to me but as time went on, and being a senior the follwing year I was perplexed about missing out on being with other girls because of my lack of experience, and i was just used to being on my own all the time to have her basiclly move in with me. I would like girls photos on insta, watch porn, make comments occasionally about other girls and she would get devastated each time and depressed. I felt like an ******* but me being very very insecure and only had being with one girl in my life, I felt confused but I knew I loved her and I felt horrible making her feel bad. I was also 21 and graduting in the near future and wanted to get out of my city and travel the world and work on my painting. Her being a freshman would make it difficult to do that. My girlfriend is a very cute but naïve, not stupid at all but is different and may be on some kind of spectrum. She was also born in russia and had a rough growing up (parents are hoarders and a bit crazy) I would be embarrassed by her easily and very easily annoyed. I love her to death tho but I was wondering how long I should try at this and if a future was even possible. She was thinking I was the one and so was I. she had been very upset with me figuring out I had been liking a girl on instagram who I met on tinder( it was truly platonic but unconsciously it could have been more) at the spur of the moement in april after 5-6 months of dating I decieded it was the best opportunity to end it. I told her she didn’t trust me and I didn’t see it lasting forever since I was leaving, wanted to work on my art, etc and I might have said some other mean stuff I cant remember but It was horrible because I just left to leave for work while she chased me down the stairs crying...i was so wrong and didn’t expect her to forgive me. 2 days go by and I realized I made a huge mistake, i would have given up everything for her an I told her that and she said she needed to think for a few days. A few days after that she was crying telling me she slept with a guy the night after I eneded it to a guy w(ho we knew had a crush on her but I saw over her texts she rejected him while we were togethr) I was crushed...angry sad, humiliated, confused, didn’t feel real. I felt as tho she couldn’t have loved me if she selpt with a guy that fast. She was upset heself crying saying it was because she was heartbroken herself and so on. we got back and broke up on and off over the next day or 2 . I was making remarks that it was disgusting and how could you and now I get to sleep with a girl to get even and blah blah, I probably should of ended it there but I was so in love and maybe thought it was because of what I had done. She then broke up with me. A few days later she called me crying and asking for forgiveness and a\how sorry she was and how much she loved me and so on, I told her I need time and 2 days after that we tried again and I found out that she had to **** that guy after she broke up with me for a week(including after she apologized) I was so upset and hurt thinking I wasn’t good enough and she just claimed that this *******( who was definitely taking advantage of her and using her for sex) just made her feel better when she had no one and were just friends and this guy was the one who insisted for the sex. We tried again for a week or 2, (I was miserable with these thoughts) we wenrt to a concert together(that I paid for to make her happy) and I saw that she snap chatted him a video of the show and she was crying insisting that they were only friends or some bull**** and it meant nothing, I finally told her I needed more time. A few weeks went by and i was using tinder and thinking things over being so hurt and confused while she begged me everyday to give her a chance. I confided in one of my gf guy friends who had become a good friend of mine and told him about my tinder use(bad idea). This guy is a drug addict and after his gf broke up with him he decide to confess his love for my gf and told her about my tinder use(making her cry and get upset) and other possible lies( idont know who to believe) but he ended up yelling at her and crying and coitizing her for loving me and was able to convince her to let him give her a peck on the lips and then she left. She ended up blocking him and cursing him out over some lies he said about me. She was still trying to be with me and understand why I was using tinder and I found out and freaked. I then of course told her I needed another break. The whole summer went by and now were at the end of august into the school year and she is still trying very hard to be with me. Blaming me for the way I treated her and that if I love her I should forgive like she has and me trying to establish a friendship with a possibly but she then yells at me saying she doesn’t want to be friends because she loves me and wants to be with me and always takes it wrong. I saw on her phone that the original guy was messaging her and trying to hangout but she rejected him and later blocked him but I was just upset she would even respond in the first place. Its been almost months of this back and forth and everyday I wake up crying, I cant eat im confused. Ive always had depression but this is the worst its been. I cant cut her out of my life because I know this is all my fault but I cant help but feel unloved but I know I shouldn’t be with her over previous thoughts of questioning her intelligence and stability and her annoying behavior but I cant help to love her and wanting to protect and take care of her I would still die for her if need be but im also still so angry at her and tired of feeling this drowing feeling of hopelessness. Does she love me? Should I move on? Should I tell her how it is? Am I being a baby or is this a ****ed up situation for anyone in my position? Were both very insecure and emotion so maybe it’s a recipe for disaster. Ideally I would like to remaian friends or aquatinces and be single and if we still have the same feelings we can try again but its hard when she texts me that she misses me and loves me almost every night. Is there no right answer at all? Thank you. Edited September 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merge two similar threads
Frostedflake Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 (edited) [] I was able to gather a few key points from your post. 1. This girl is younger and was 2 weeks fresh from a breakup when you started dating. 2. Dating her gave you confidence that made you want to explore the dating world with other girls and you started treating her badly and saying and doing things you KNOW are wrong to elicit tears and boost your ego. 3. You guys often play back and forth. When one is into it, the other backs out. This is a recurring theme in your relationship. Arguably, one you started when you made her feel insecure and shoved other girls in her face. 4. She had sex when you were broken up and you want to rub that in her face because that's the only dirt you have on her that even comes close to what you've been doing this whole time. 5. This girl attracts jerks with her sensitivity and willingness to please because she got the attention of her guy friend that treats her just as crappy as you do. 6. You can't see the wrong in your actions because you said her guy friend revealing that you use Tinder (which you do) was 'lying' to her. Conclusion, my God.. leave this poor girl alone. You sound like you don't know heads or tails of treating someone with respect or what it means to be in a relationship. The reason she's even coming back to you is majorly dependent on that she is younger and naive which you only seem eager to take advantage of. Edited September 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Moderation edited starting post for paragraphs
Author zebra48 Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 i agree with you on a lot of points, i was ginna tell her i was on tinder if we got back togther and she was lying to me about only being with that guy once and i had to find out on my own. and my friend didnt lie about tinder but he did lie about me sleeping with other girls but i agree if the tables were turned i would have slept with another person and would have never taken me back but i =m readyt o change and not make the same mistakes ever again. this relationship taught me a lot.
bummer Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 About a week or 2 after her bf broke up with her we began dating in November... Does she love me? Should I move on? Should I tell her how it is? Was I the bad guy in all this and should I not be upset from her actions? Am I being a baby or is this a f’ed up situation for anyone in my position? Were both very insecure and emotion so maybe it’s a recipe for disaster. Ideally I would like to remain friends or aquatinces and be single and if we still have the same feelings in the future we can try again but its hard when she texts me that she misses me and loves me almost every night and yells at me when I try to establish a break. Is there no right answer at all? Thank you. PS I know im a dick but I do love her and just want her to be happy no matter what. Whoa. First, you were a rebound. Simple. Second, this has a lifetime of Jerry Springer like qualities at literally every turn. I can't follow it. And that's the point, young, confused, reckless, insecure, immature, and bat**** on both your parts. You got to try NC, it's like magic for your brain. It will make all this go away eventually. For her too. Both of you will grow up happy and healthy if you DON'T fall into this mess deeper by trying to stay friends or whatever. RUN. For both of you, run away from each other and stay single for a few days at least. Please.
Maldives Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 (edited) This is a messy situation haha but no laughing matter either.theres damage and baggage on both ends. Can u repair it? I'm not sure there's a lot of hurt and when there's hurt it's hard. Her contacting u and keeping u hanging on is also tearing u apart. What she did the reminders that's not easy I know I been thru it it's like wen they hook up wth someone else when even if u r broken up it's kinda tainted love. It's not the same. The trust is gone out the window. U need to get some perspective and for ur own sanity before it traumatizes u (I know sounds dramatic but I'm being serious) u need peace right now meaning for your own well being no contact. One thing that's evident is her contacting u telling u she loves u sure it's great but u have a conflict going on at the moment an internal conflict where love and hurt is playing out. I think for your own sanity go no contact and heal. Personally I think there's a lot of damage done it's evident from ur soaring emotions get them back into order. Get happy again give yourself a break from the pain dude. No contact dude. your porn addiction likely really hurt her I did the same took me a long time to see that it did. She was hurt and felt not good enough. I know where your coming from it's just getting your rocks off but her Seeing it it is not good and sloppy dude. You do that stuff not in front of her but in private on your own lolz Edited September 1, 2017 by Goodguy05
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