lost_in_chgo Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 insecurity, passiveness, self-confidence, and the ability to interpret signals from the opposite sex are not the same things. Someone can be insecure, and not be passive. Insecurity often manifests as abuse, anger, etc. Interpreting signals from the opposite sex can just be a matter of training, or lack of experience. Or it may be that he gets the signals but just doesn't know how to react to them.
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 Yes, I'm cute - whatever. It doesn't really matter when the guy you're interested in doesn't have the kahunas to ask you out and you're a spineless jellyfish. I'm freaked out, and can't imagine asking him out - even though we talk often. I'm a scared dork. Sorry. And yes it is entirely possible that he is dense. But, I would say scared is more like it. No matter how many times we ask a woman out, if she is incredibly attractive we have to muster up some serious energy to ask her out. Most of the time we feel that she is either seeing someone or is waayyy out of our league. If he's scared, and I'm scared, well, I guess it will just never happen. I'm done.
battleworn Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 I don't mean to be an ass here, but how is your gaydar? I don't know many men who would not respond to a pretty woman flirting with them like you describe. Even married and committed guys would at least play along, because hey, flirting is fun.
battleworn Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 On the other hand if he's not gay, perhaps some competition will wake him up? Flirt with someone else, mention some other guys in front of him. It always works in sitcoms, and in some real life situations I've seen. I'm not trying to be facetious about all this. I was attracted to a co-worker once who seemed alternately hot and cold. And yes she was gay, but genuinely wanted me as a friend because we had a lot in common. Which was fine after a LOT of confusion. She used to ask me if I thought certain other women were attractive, and I thought she was jealous. That uh, wasn't the case at all. Adding to the whole bizarre situation was that she wasn't out to anyone, not even herself at the time.
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 I don't mean to be an ass here, but how is your gaydar? Ha ha ha! Do you know me? My gadar is superb. As a matter of fact, I thought he was gay for a long, long time. Then he started flirting with me, and I thought otherwise. So who knows, maybe he is! And about the flirting with other guys thing, it's already begun. I met a guy a few weeks ago who resurfaced today, actually and seemed very interested. It wasn't all in my head either, because my friend witnessed the whole encounter/conversation. She called it before I even asked her if she thought he seemed flirty. I need to stop wasting my time on the maybe gay guy and keep up the flirting with the new gorgeous guy that actually seems interested - and straight!
battleworn Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 The thing about gaydar is, it can never be 100%. I mean, if a person is conflicted about whether they are gay, no way you can be sure either. But it seems you have the problem well under control.
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 Clearly, CIOC hasn't seen this thread yet - he'd tear you to shreds if he saw you proclaiming yourself as pretty/cute/whatever and thinking the guy might be gay... Crap, I didn't mean to sound conceited. There's nothing wrong with thinking you're cute. I really do! Maybe he doesn't, and that's absolutely fine!! And I'm not the only one who's thought that he was gay - SEVERAL people said it to me before I even brought it up. I was simply responding to a post that was written by battleworn as a possibility. I never said this from the beginning. This was certainly not the reason why I thought he wasn't interested in me. I always assumed it was a lack of self-confidence or that he didn't get my flirtation, or worse - he just wasn't interested. I'm not upset with you, just want to defend myself And as to your second paragraph - I totally agree. Since he's not responding to my very obvious intentions, I'm going to start flirting with men who will reciprocate. And it has already begun.
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 Phew, Star Gazer, I thought you were going to start attacking me like CIOC did to the other woman. And you're right, I think it is healthy too to have a confident self image. So many women out there don't. And it's sad. Of course, there are things about my body that I'm not so fond of, but I certainly don't dwell, and chock it up. If I didn't have that little mole on my cheeck, I wouldn't be me. Maybe one day I'll try to ask him out, if the situation presents itself. But for now, I'm done. If he doesn't get my truly obvious flirtation for whatever reason, why on earth waste my time?
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