Angelina1433 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Alright, here's the deal. I'm an attractive girl; done some modeling. I'm smart, and friendly. And no, I'm not full of myself. I don't go around saying, "I'm fabulous, you should ask me out." So, men ask me out a lot, and I'll usually go out with (almost) anyone who asks as long as they are sincere and sweet; hoping there will be attraction and mutual interest on the date. They don't have to be a Brad Pitt look a like. However, I'm rather upset. I'm interested in a specific guy that I work with - and have been (IMO) overtly flirting with him for months. Either he just doesn't get it or it's that proverbial -"he's just not interested". Sometimes I think he's interested, then I get nothing. And there's another that I've been interested in that I know - but still, I just don't get the interest vibe. "Poor, little pretty girl", I can hear you saying. But honestly, it just seems like the guys that I'm interested in just don't reciprocate. Even though I do go out on dates, often times I don't feel so confident as men I'm actually interested in don't ask me out. Please don't bash, I'm looking for some sincere advice. Any questions will be honestly answered. Thanks.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Do a role reversal .. How does it look then ?
JS17 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 no poor little pretty girl bashing from this girl. i get it, it's not quantity but quality. pretty girls can get a ton of dates but what's the use if it's not the kind of guy that works for them? you're not alone, a lot of girls go through this.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by yellow carnation No bashing...I'm in the same boat, hun. carnie Shucks .. I like ya Carnie
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Why not just put yourself out there a little.. Ask him if he would like to go grab a cup of coffee after work .. It could be anything .. He might be interested but shy .. or playing an ALPHA .. Or he might not be interested.. If you really like the guy .. Nudge a little harder I've been known on the odd occasion of not reading slight hints .. You might want to emphasize the hints
JS17 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 in my experience, when there has been a guy that i liked that isn't asking me out i will just go for it. usually i'll get to know him a little bit first before i let him know that i do like him. i've asked a couple of guys out, one of which was just shy. besides...what does an awesome woman such as yourself want with someone who can't see that? come on
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 12, 2005 Author Posted August 12, 2005 It could be anything .. He might be interested but shy .. or playing an ALPHA .. Or he might not be interested.. See Fly, that's just it. I'm totally freaked out about being rejected by someone I'm actually interested in. Then I'll think, I guess I'd just better settle for someone who's just interested in me. This sucks. However, coffee sounds like a great idea... JS17- you're awesome for the compliments I think the guy I'm interested in may be shy, but again, I'm afraid. Spineless, actually. I've already (IMO) let it be known with flirting, touching, etc. that I'm interested. I'll try for coffee, when the time seems right - MAYBE. I think I have no confidence. Even "pretty" girls can be scared ****teless.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by Angelina1433 I'm totally freaked out about being rejected by someone I'm actually interested in. Something tells me you will not be rejected Just don't let it get to you .. Ask him ..
JS17 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 well i'm probably only complimenting you because we seem to be a lot alike i get scared a lot too. it's a little more complicated because you work with this guy but feel him out and see how he acts towards you. in your case, because you work with him, i would develop the friendship first. i've asked people i work with for the 3pm slump juice break and i had no interest in them other than co-workers/friends. it's just more fun to have a little social time during work. Build the friendship, say to him "hey, i'm going to go grab a cup of coffee, want to come?" he'll probably say yes and if he doesn't say ok, see ya later and blow it off like you never asked. if you friend turned you down you would ask again so you try another time. if he keeps saying no after a few times then forget it, he's not worth your time. just try to relax and have fun with it, what do you have to lose?
Jayhawks Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 The problem is that when YOU are interested in a person you take the chance of getting hurt. When they say no and reject you your self esteem suffers. Us men have gone through this since the dawn of man so we are used to rejection and have learned to handle it. You need to develop a tough hide and just let it roll off ( like water off a duck's back ). Since you work with this guy it is a little riskier because you will be uncomfortable if he says no. I disagree with the becoming friends first because it will just increase your feelings for him and if he says no it will hurt more. If he has not picked up your signs of flirting he may be a dense guy who couldn't understand a womens signals if he tripped over them. You will have to be more direct in your approach and let him know you are interested in going out on a date. There is no harm in telling him you find him attractive and you would be interested in getting to know him better. Compliment his dress and tell him he looks good. Tell him to give you a call sometime. This should let him make the decision, if he is interested in you. I wish you luck in love and if he sees you as the person you say you are then he would be a fool to not say yes.
kellyp1 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 I have the same stuff going on. One of my guy friends was telling me how great I was with a but... He said everyone likes you and thinks you are awesome but you come across as a very strong woman. He said only a portion of the men out there really appreciate a truly strong woman due to preferences of being able to take care of their woman and their own insecurities about whether or not I would leave. Just another possibility is that he gets the signals you are sending, sees you as too strong of a woman for him and doesn't want to risk his heart being broken...
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 12, 2005 Author Posted August 12, 2005 Just another possibility is that he gets the signals you are sending, sees you as too strong of a woman for him and doesn't want to risk his heart being broken... Interesting theory, Kellyp1. But dang it, that sucks. I certainly can't "demure down" in order to help him gain his confidence. I guess I'll just have to make it crystal clear that I'm interested, with all of my confidence in tow. Us men have gone through this since the dawn of man so we are used to rejection and have learned to handle it. You need to develop a tough hide and just let it roll off ( like water off a duck's back ). You're right, Jayhawks. Now I can be empathetic to men that I "reject". So, I'll buck up and learn to swim upstream. Thanks for the good luck wishes - I'll be carrying my lucky charm the day I finally get the courage.
lost_in_chgo Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 oh fer gods sake..... Just go ahead and ask me out already. I see you watching me.
Mary3 Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Could he think you are too beautiful ? Too pretty to be interested in him ? Have you said directly " Hey would you like to go out and get a burger ? ( sounds pretty casual and if he says no, then you will know ) I would ask him out directly. Also marketing is everything : What do you think that stands out about you ( besides your pretty face ) that he really likes ? That sounds so obvious but it really is something to think about...
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 oh fer gods sake..... Just go ahead and ask me out already. I see you watching me. Oh sweet little lost_in_chgo, I wish it were that simple If you were really him, it would be a done deal. Have you said directly " Hey would you like to go out and get a burger ? ( sounds pretty casual and if he says no, then you will know ) Um, no. I think that I should, but I'm nervous. As a matter of fact, I found out from a friend of his tonight that a lot of girls find him attractive and are interested in him. So that makes me even more scared. I heard that another woman that he gets "giddy" around is much more educated and affluent than me, so I don't know if it will really ever happen. Ever get the feeling that because you and the one you're interested in are from two different worlds, and the "twain shall never meet"? That's how I felt after I heard about this girl. Oh, well.
BeachQueen Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Um, no. I think that I should, but I'm nervous. As a matter of fact, I found out from a friend of his tonight that a lot of girls find him attractive and are interested in him. So that makes me even more scared. I heard that another woman that he gets "giddy" around is much more educated and affluent than me, so I don't know if it will really ever happen. Ever get the feeling that because you and the one you're interested in are from two different worlds, and the "twain shall never meet"? That's how I felt after I heard about this girl. Oh, well. Aww. I'm sure you've heard this before: There will always be someone prettier, smarter, with a bigger bank account than you. I read all of the posts (ok, well I scanned them ) and Angelina, you first come off saying that you're very intelligent, beautiful, etc (which you probably are, I'm not questioning that). But from this last post, it seems as though you might be insecure as well. I know it's not easy telling someone how you feel (fear of rejection) especially when it seems as though a lot of women like him. But that should make you want him even more! Now that you know several women may be interested in him, you definitely have to tell him how you feel (before they do). If he doesn't feel the same way, it will only bruise your ego, not kill you. As far as "the other woman", don't worry about her. Is she outgoing or confident? Those may be the things that attract him to her (if he's even attracted to her; you've only "heard" he is). I say, go for it before it's too late. Don't feel pressured, just do it. Good luck!
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 But from this last post, it seems as though you might be insecure as well. Was it that obvious? I think all of us are insecure in some ways. And I certainly am when it comes to getting my ego crushed. You cracked me up when you said, it will only bruise your ego, not kill you. You mean I won't actually die of a broken ego? Tee hee hee! The other woman is outgoing and very confident. I swear, when he talks to me I look down at my chest and literally can see my heart beating right out of it. That's how nervous he makes me. Sweaty, shaky, the whole bit. That middle school crush feeling all over again. Okay, so maybe next week, I'll try. But please be here to let me weep uncontrollably on your shoulders if I'm rejected. Snot will surely be involved
BeachQueen Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Okay, so maybe next week, I'll try. But please be here to let me weep uncontrollably on your shoulders if I'm rejected. Snot will surely be involved Haha! I'm actually going through a similar situation (I'm making my move tomorrow) and I can completely relate to how you feel (nervous). But I know that even if I am rejected, that doesn't mean I'm any less spectacular than I was 10 min before. Now I know how the boys feel when they approach women. Do you think your "friend" takes your shyness as disinterest?
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 GOOD LUCK, BeachQueen!! Please post back and let me know what happens. What is the story with this guy? Does your heart pitter-pat like mine does? I'm dying to know. You know, he may very well take my "shyness" as disinterest. However, I do feel like I have been pretty obvious with my flirting in the past. I guess because (although he reciprocated) he never made a move, I kind of stopped, and have had virtually no contact lately. I just thought that he could surely pick up on my signs and would have made a move by now. There was at least 3 months of the back and forth flirting... Yeah, now I feel for the boys as well.
BeachQueen Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 GOOD LUCK, BeachQueen!! Please post back and let me know what happens. What is the story with this guy? Does your heart pitter-pat like mine does? I'm dying to know. Well, believe it or not, I've known him pretty much my whole life (we "grew up" in church together). I went astray and left the church (I still returned, but I was definitely not going every Sunday like I should have been) and for the past couple of weeks I've returned to my old church in an attempt to "change" my life. Of course I noticed how much my friend had grown up to become this attractive, sweet man and I had a really strong vibe that he was interested (or at least attracted to) in me; I was pretty shy when he approached me both times (a couple of weeks ago; he was M.I.A last week) and I wish I'd just taken the initiative and given him my number. I found out from a family member of mine that he's leaving for the Air Force in a few weeks, so I'm definitely going to put everything out on the table soon (if not tomorrow). I'm debating what exactly I should say to him (a few male friends are telling me to just tell him how I feel, be honest; another one is telling me not to be too honest, in case he has a g/f, which I don't think he does), but I'm definitely saying something. Haha! My heart pitter-patters a little when I'm around him....ok, I sweat like a fat man in a hot dog suit! It's just a weird transition from "Yuck, boys have cooties" to "Wow, he's a man now!" I'm a dork, I know. 3 months of flirting huh? Hmmmm, I would definitely tell him how I feel if I were you. When do you see him (sorry, I'm too lazy to go back and read the "history" again )?
Mary3 Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Girls its time WE asked them out ! And to the original poster. : It really IS all about marketing ! What do you have that all the other girls dont have....you need to show him so he will pick you ! Now thats assuming he is interested....lol
Author Angelina1433 Posted August 14, 2005 Author Posted August 14, 2005 BeachQueen, what happened today at church? Did you talk to him? I'll see my pretend boyfriend this week. Probably tomorrow. I'll figure out something... Now thats assuming he is interested....lol Yes, Mary 3, that's the key We'll see what happens.
DeaconFrost Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Let me let you in on a little secret.....us men are flattered by a woman being forward and taking initiative. Let me take it even further....If we like you, we find it incredibly sexy. And yes it is entirely possible that he is dense. But, I would say scared is more like it. No matter how many times we ask a woman out, if she is incredibly attractive we have to muster up some serious energy to ask her out. Most of the time we feel that she is either seeing someone or is waayyy out of our league. I say that you should quell your curiousity and just move in for the kill. So what if another girl is interested. A little competition never hurt anyone. Besides, if you do succeed think about how sweet it will be to say to yourself "haha, I got him and you didn't!" If that's not a massive ego boost, then I don't know what is! There's a first time for eveything and I seriously think now is your time. The only way to overcome fear is to face it head on...
JanieQP Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Omigosh, I'm in the same boat as all of you. (Except I've never done any modeling. ) For a while I was going with the forget-it-he's-just-not-into-me, but I have to find out for sure.
loony Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Some of the cute guys are pretty and pretty insecure that's why they dig the self-confident girls, maybe with a motherly touch. They can be quite passive and do not even realize the signals that women send them. If a woman becomes interested enough and actively pursues them they very likely will go with her (when she's not extremely ugly or stupid). I don't think that you being too beautiful would be a reason for him not to ask you out. If he was interested in you, he would start to watch you more closely and notice the signals you were giving him. You said you had been flirting with him a lot, so I can assume you have given him some signals. Unless he's very very insecure he should understand by now that you're interested in him. If he is still in doubt I wonder if that's the kind of guy that you want. If he's just cute, not very self-confident and also has nothing else to offer you're not going to have a lot of fun with him in the future.
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