wmacbride Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 Hi;) I wonder if anyone who has been in a poly or open relationship can give me some insight. I met a guy some time ago and we spent some evenings together, mainly walks and eating. We clicked and had a strong physical attraction, but I didn't let him kiss me then. We remained in contact and met again. He told me since the beginning that he has an open relationship with his wife (that have a 8 yr old child and live together, but have separate bedrooms). She has a side relationship, he also had one. So i met the guy again and we had sex and I obviously developed feelings for him, he says he has feelings/desire for me too and would like to meet again (we are unfortunately 500 miles apart). His wife knows about me. I'm divorced and single, my kids are grown, but haven't met anyone I liked so much as this one. As we are long distance we communicate by texts, but not very often and he rarely initiates. He says he doesn't like online communication, but there is no other way. I would really like to meet him again, but I feel (although he assures he is into me, although the communication sucks...) that I will be in a powerless position. He will always live with his family and I will be a side distraction. On the other hand his sexual relations w his wife are poor (were non-existent for years) and we have potential for something good. I have lived with very little sex for the last 10-15 yrs, because I am very picky (recently discovered the term demisexual). For me it's a huge thing to be into someone physically. I wonder if what he says is true and he can really love me besides his wife? Their relationship is quite rocky to my knowledge but better thanks to the open status. I haven't had a partner for years (just some flings) and I wonder maybe I should explore other things like poly etc , because the traditional partnership doesn't seem to do that for me. I can't find a partner in the traditional sense after my failed long term marriage (emotional and sex incompatibility). I would appreciate the answers of folks who are in an open/poly relationship... does it work if there is a single woman in the mix;)? Before you ask that, I would confirm , with his wife, that his story is true. If it is then you need to ask yourself if this is really a relationship type for you. Some people are fine with it, and it's actually their preference. Whatever floats your boat. Just make sure there is no deception.
Just a Guy Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 Hi Steve, your post was very interesting and illuminating. I had a question or two for you if you would feel inclined to answer them and be kind enough to do so. Firstly, you have mentioned that this girl friend of your wife and you had a husband of her own but you have not mentioned him being a part of your conjugal mix. So was he aware of his wife's activities and condoned them or was she just cheating on him? If he was in agreement with her extra marital activities did he too, have the same freedom and did he exercise it? Also, when your girl friend got pregnant and asked you and her other lovers whether any of you ejaculated in her did she have a DNA test for the baby to establish it's paternity? Would be obliged if you can answer these questions but only if you feel comfortable doing so. Hi gia, I've been wanting to ask you how old you are? You say you have grown up kids and have been divorced from your husband for a whole. That would mean that you would be in your late forties or early fifties. If that is true then you should find someone from a pool of widowed or divorced men in your age group. The Poly syndrome at this stage of your life may be a little difficult to adjust to. It takes a lot of hard work and requires tremendous understanding between all the partners involved. There used to be a lady poster using the moniker Jen1442 or something similar, who was very knowledgeable about polyamory and other alternative life choices. I have'nt seen her posting recently but she may return. If she does you could ask her. Warm wishes.
Author gia37 Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 If that is true then you should find someone from a pool of widowed or divorced men in your age group. Ha ha you made my day, I guess no widowed men at my age, their wives are still alive and beautiful:). I understand that your advice is sincere, but is the same as to say "there are billions of men on earth, why just pick another one". I broke up with him anyway, I cant do the multiple partners thing if he has a main partner who is also his long term partner and mother of his child. If she were just his GF, then ok... Anyway this experience has opened my eyes to other possibilities and that is not a bad thing. 1
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