KGee Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 I've been seeing my boyfriend for a while now. I've took my boyfriend to meet my parents and they seemed to like him. Now my mum has said they want to invite him round for dinner and see what his intentions are and learn more about him. I guess this isn't normal. How would I approach this with my boyfriend I don't want to scare him if they truly grill him and scare him away!
thefooloftheyear Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 (edited) I don't know how old you are, but yes, it is normal.....especially if you are on the younger side and moreso if you are living at home...The parents of practically every girl I went out with back in those days "had the talk" with me...I wouldn't expect any less...They love you and they care...They want to get an adult perspective on it, and see how your guy really is, without your dreamy interpretation of him..... There is nothing you have to say to your guy....If he isn't a jerkoff he'll be just fine... TFY Edited August 30, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 5
Poutrew Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 I remember what I did when I was a cocky high school lad and my date's parents wanted to 'grill' me: before they started I handed them a bottle of McCormick's BBQ spice and said "You'll want to use this once the juices start flowing..." The mother seemed aghast, but the dad let out a guffaw and told me "you're alright, kid. Have her home by midnight or I'll really use this stuff..." 4
CptInsano Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 The grilling is almost a ritual, so your bf should expect it. I was once grilled by an extended family of largely firefighters and cops. I recovered from all of it, and so will your bf. He has to play along though, and cannot try to get out of it. 1
Popsicle Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 My dad wanted to do this to my ex-H, and just like you, I was mortified. We managed to dodge it because we lived a long distance away. Dad begrudgingly walked me down the isle when we married. Now I see that that was a mistake. My husband and I divorced after 15 years because I didn't want to see our incompatibilities in the beginning.
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 I was over 40 when my parents met my now husband & they still "grilled" him. Set a date for the dinner. Warn your BF ahead of time that your parents want to get to know him better & they may ask the always cringe worthy "what are your intentions toward my daughter" question. Work with him to come up with an answer before hand so he's not left stuttering & freaking out that your dad expects him to say he wants to marry you. Deflect or run interference if needed. My favorite technique when my father asked the "intentions" Q was to say "Hey dad, that's not fair because I haven't figured out what my intentions toward him are yet." It usually got a laugh & diminished the awkwardness by taking the poor guy off the hook. 1
Els Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 If you're young and your parents are somewhat traditional, it's not just normal, it's probably expected. Seriously, don't worry too much about it unless the parents are completely loony. I think most guys already know what to expect.
Rockdad Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 I think it irresponsible parenting not to check out whoever their children are involved with. Dads tend to have a very special protectiveness when it comes to their daughters. My sister dated several different guys through high school and college. It wasn't a request it was a directive he was going meet each one she dated. My father was large and in Law Enforcement, a real no non sense man. Never once did I see him grill and baste a young man like my sister was always nervous about. It was good for my sisters dates to meet her dad. It gave the boy a sense she has someone watching her back.
Redhead14 Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 I've been seeing my boyfriend for a while now. I've took my boyfriend to meet my parents and they seemed to like him. Now my mum has said they want to invite him round for dinner and see what his intentions are and learn more about him. I guess this isn't normal. How would I approach this with my boyfriend I don't want to scare him if they truly grill him and scare him away! It is normal and a little necessary because lots of women these days don't know how to or just don't screen their dating partners very well. If he really likes you, he will respond respectfully and honestly. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Besides all this, how long have you been seeing this guy? What's a while?
Author KGee Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 We've been dating 8 months so far.He is 29 and I'm 25 I asked him today and he said to let him know when it is and he'll be there. I'm just worried what this "grilling" will be
Redhead14 Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 We've been dating 8 months so far.He is 29 and I'm 25 I asked him today and he said to let him know when it is and he'll be there. I'm just worried what this "grilling" will be Unless there's something you know about him that YOU don't want your parents to know, then I wouldn't worry about it. It's SOP and it's not like it's going to be an inquisition. It will be sitting around the dinner table, your parents asking him what he does for a living, where he's from, what his interests are, etc. "Getting to know you" conversation. Don't blow this up in your head. Be prepared for your Mom to bring out pictures of you as a baby, naked in the tub
Author KGee Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 No, I'm going to beg them not to bring the baby photos out! 1
central Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 As long as by "grill" you aren't implying that your parents are cannibals, it should work out fine. I'm sure they just want to get a sense of him and his background, and he probably wants to find out if your family is sane and safe to potentially marry into.
Redhead14 Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 Hey, most people get a little nervous when they take the BF/GF home to meet the parents. Will the parents like the bf/gf? Will the bf/gf like the parents? In the end, if the relationship between the two of you is right and strong enough, it/he will weather the grilling.
Author KGee Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 I am very nervous, I hope they approve of him!
central Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 I am very nervous, I hope they approve of him! Why are you nervous? Is there something about him that you feel they won't approve?
Raena Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 I remember what I did when I was a cocky high school lad and my date's parents wanted to 'grill' me: before they started I handed them a bottle of McCormick's BBQ spice and said "You'll want to use this once the juices start flowing..." The mother seemed aghast, but the dad let out a guffaw and told me "you're alright, kid. Have her home by midnight or I'll really use this stuff..." That's hilarious!
Raena Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 This is quite normal for your parents to do this. To be honest, you should be glad you have a good support system that cares enough about you to care who you are with. As for your boyfriend, if he's a good guy he'll handle it well. There should be nothing to be worried about. It's not a bad thing for you to see how he treats your family too.
preraph Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 If a man has dated much at all, he should know that this is inevitable. So if he's truly surprised then, one he's immature and two, he hasn't dated seriously before. As long as they like him, you'll be fine. Hopefully they'll be subtle, find out what his life plan is, etc. See if they an ferret out any untoward habits or hidden flaws. I assume they've already background-checked him. If not, either you or they should. Just in case. 1
Author KGee Posted August 31, 2017 Author Posted August 31, 2017 Why are you nervous? Is there something about him that you feel they won't approve? They didn't approve of my last boyfriend.
Author KGee Posted August 31, 2017 Author Posted August 31, 2017 If a man has dated much at all, he should know that this is inevitable. So if he's truly surprised then, one he's immature and two, he hasn't dated seriously before. As long as they like him, you'll be fine. Hopefully they'll be subtle, find out what his life plan is, etc. See if they an ferret out any untoward habits or hidden flaws. I assume they've already background-checked him. If not, either you or they should. Just in case. He jokes that he will bring his police check, credit reports and 3 months of bank statements and wage slips. He seems unphased my by meeting them 3
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 They didn't approve of my last boyfriend. Well, that's probably why they want to grill the new one, to make sure you're not repeating the same mistakes. Why didn't they approve of the last one? Do those same reasons apply to the new one? 1
Bastile Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 It's normally the guys who badly want in to your family that you have to watch. Recently my uncle's step-daughter has a new boyfriend that was desperate to worm his way in. A charmer, but an obvious snake. He was soon living there. Next thing is that he has used my uncle's credit cards for thousands of pounds. I knew he was dodgy af, but you tell people and it's a case of "not him, he's great". LOL Sounds like your boyfriend is going through with it to keep you happy. Which is about the right sort of dynamic that you want in a ltr.
Author KGee Posted August 31, 2017 Author Posted August 31, 2017 Well, that's probably why they want to grill the new one, to make sure you're not repeating the same mistakes. Why didn't they approve of the last one? Do those same reasons apply to the new one? No, he is the opposite, My new boyfriend gives me freewill and freedom, My ex didn't if I went out with my friends he'd have to come or know where I was, My new boyfriend takes an interest but doesn't need exact locations like if I said I'm going to <city> he would be fine with it. Also my ex wanted me in bed/home by a certain time, I've rang my new boyfriend when I've been out with the girls because I've got lost and he come and found me and took me home It's normally the guys who badly want in to your family that you have to watch. Recently my uncle's step-daughter has a new boyfriend that was desperate to worm his way in. A charmer, but an obvious snake. He was soon living there. Next thing is that he has used my uncle's credit cards for thousands of pounds. I knew he was dodgy af, but you tell people and it's a case of "not him, he's great". LOL Sounds like your boyfriend is going through with it to keep you happy. Which is about the right sort of dynamic that you want in a ltr. He isn't anything like that he is just going with the flow. My boyfriend once found a phone on the street, he could have easily sold it but he went out of his way to ring the network then hand it in to a police station.
Els Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 He jokes that he will bring his police check, credit reports and 3 months of bank statements and wage slips. He seems unphased my by meeting them Tell him not to forget the resume and references. ....On second thought, maybe scrap the references. 1
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