ButtonPusher Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Well surprise surprise I'm back here again. I made it to over a month of NC and then I got a call from a private number during the middle of the day. I answered as I was expecting a call about a job interview, and I assumed that it wouldnt be my ex as she would be at work. But uh oh it was my ex. I had been feeling so much stronger and felt like I was well on my way to getting on with my life. I havent run to other women since being dumped, I've been trying to be happy being single and I have been happy with this. I dont feel heart broken anymore. Anyway, in this call she didnt really say much. Found out she lost her job, so thats why she was able to call during the day. But she didnt really say anything of importance, and then when I mentioned that I was feeling stronger and she said she'd talk to me soon (this is what she'd said when we last talked which was over a month ago), I said you dont have to call me if you dont want to, and then she seemed to get angry/hurt/upset??? I dont know which one, but she then says that it hurts to talk to me (5 months after she dumped me, and she seemed to have gotten over me in a few weeks a long time ago), and that its probably best for both of us that we dont talk anymore. If it hurts to talk to me, why did she pretend for 5 months that she was over me? Why call me if it hurts to talk to me? Yeah I know what you're all going to say, NC has made her behave this way. But what makes this so hard is, is that everytime our conversations since breaking up have turned to how she feels about things, she cant get off the phone soon enough. I just wish she'd be open with me about everything one last time, say whatever she needs to say, even if its to say she hates my guts, so that we can both get on with her lives. I havent forgotten all the times in the last 5 months that I was upset on the phone while talking to her, and she was almost laughing at me, not being able to understand why I hadnt gotten over breaking up with her (and what makes it harder to understand is that she said to me when we were together that if we ever broke up she didnt think she would ever get over it). But I know this girl better than anyone in her life, and my instincts tell me that she's running from how she feels and trying to hide everything inside her. Hence the thread description. If she'd done that then I'd have moved on with my life months ago. I realise that if that had happened then I'd be dealing with a lot more self esteem issues and trust, but this situation I'm in sucks just as much.
freebird Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Why does your situation suck? She's not a weirdo stalker, you don't seem neurotic - move on with your life. It's best not to talk to her and just move on with your life so you can meet somebody new. Just wish your ex GF well, let it go into the universe but stop looking back...there are women out there worthy of your attention who WILL be open and honest and you can have the flowing, loving relationship you deserve.
westernxer Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Hang in there, man. What you're feeling is what most people feel when they break up. Just accept that it's over, and that her phone calls mean nothing, because they don't, especially when they leave you hanging. If it's a private number, don't answer. Let voice mail pick it up.
JS17 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 you should be thrilled that she didn't leave you for someone else. just read some of the responses from people on this site that have been cheated on. what westernxer said is right, just hang in there and keep away from her as best as you can. what you're going through is normal break up stuff.....hang in there
bhsunny21 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 I agree with everyone else...I think that you should just move on. NC means NC, and people do this for a reason. Sometimes I think that ex's try to get ahold of us just to make themselves feel better. It seems this is what she was doing. Once she figured out that you were actually doing okay and not pining for her like before, she got upset. She is unemployed now...she is probably feeling vulerable and loser-ish (for lack of a better term). I suggest moving on with your healing. You deserve it after what she put you through. That's just my opinion. Good luck!
Author ButtonPusher Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 My point in saying it might have been better if she'd run off with someone else was that at least that way you know for certain that they dont want to be with you and its easier to get on with your life. I had a previous ex that I dumped after walking in on her having a threesome with 2 guys. I got over her pretty quickly, even though the relationship was getting quite serious. I said it sucks this time because it feels like one of those annoying movies where people dont have the balls to tell each other how they feel, and they waste time and maybe ultimately miss out and regret things at the end. For months I had accepted that she was well and truly over me and didnt miss me and I was happily moving on with my life, but now after 5 months she tells me it hurts to talk to me. I've read plenty of posts here, and from these and my own experience its usually the dumped person that gets hurt talking to the ex. The dumper usually has no trouble talking as just friends. So why does it hurt her when she talks to me???
JS17 Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 I don't think that it's true that the dumper doesn't hurt. They still have lost a relationship and there is probably some guilt involved as well. It's more likely though that the dumpee hurts more but that's not always true and there's no formula. why didn't it work out in the first place? and who dumped who? does it hurt you that she's hurting?
Author ButtonPusher Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 She ended it 5 months ago. And to be honest I've never been 100% certain as to why she did. We lived a part which obviously played a role, and she gave me a list of reasons including "we're just not right for each other", which is a strange conclusion to come to after telling me for 2 years that I was perfect for her. I think though that she ended it because it was hurting her too much to keep saying goodbye to me evertime we had to go back to our own cities. But i'm not certain about this either as when I said that I would move to live with her later this year she told me she didnt want me to do that. As for hurting, the funny thing is I dont feel hurt by whats going on now. I'm just confused.
cosis Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 yup be glad she didn't leave u for someone else, makes it twice as hard. in my case my girl left me for a complete loser so I am not worrying about it.
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