loney_girl Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Sorry if this doesn't belong in this forum. After having my heart destroyed last year, I finally ventured back out into the dating world. A man who works in my office introduced himself to me via Facebook and we began chatting which then led to seeing each other for about 2 months. He then started acting weird and distant which I called him on. He said he doesn't want to do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing because his standards are too high. I don't meet them.... Oh I see..... I want to staple things to his face. That is probably the most insulting thing that has ever been said to me. I was terrified to start dating again and it took a lot for me to let my guard down for someone. This experience has really kicked me right in the ego.
bummer Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 May I recommend the Swingline brand of stapler as they don't tend to bind as much? Seriously, he is either callous or dim to think that was the appropriate customary breakup line to use. Either way, you at least got some experience with what men are still like out there! 9
Miss Spider Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Saying you don't meet his standards is like a much less tactful way of saying you guys just aren't a match. It doesn't mean he is better than you or you aren't an amazing woman. This is a sad risk both people take when they date months hoping feelings will grow a lot. I'm sorry. Rejection always sucks, but just because this one particular guy doesn't feel you are a match for him doesn't mean there isn't a ton of better matches out there for you 6
central Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 That was crass and unkind, and you didn't deserve that - no one does. Perhaps you aren't what he's seeking, but that's not an excuse. He's shown his true character, and it isn't good. 6
BaileyB Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Indeed - you dodged that bullet. Stapler, pellet gun, taser gun... what a cruel and heartless thing to say. Try not to let this idiot dim your light... his comments are more of a reflection on the kind of person he is, and not reflective in any way of the person you are, dear girl. 4
spiderowl Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 I am sorry about what he said to you. I think stapling things to his face is a brilliant idea. No seriously, it's against the law, sadly. What I would do is to treat his comment as casual and stupid and respond by saying that he does not meet your standards, then walk off. He is just trying it on, trying to make you feel you have to work harder somehow. Or, he is just treating you as a casual bit of fun. What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander (or vice versa). Just treat him casually. I would not show any distress, just laugh and tell him he'd have to do better than that to meet your standards. This guy is not worth your time. It would shake him up to think you had opinions on his worth. 4
SammySammy Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Saying you don't meet his standards is like a much less tactful way of saying you guys just aren't a match. It doesn't mean he is better than you or you aren't an amazing woman. This is a sad risk both people take when they date months hoping feelings will grow a lot. I'm sorry. Rejection always sucks, but just because this one particular guy doesn't feel you are a match for him doesn't mean there isn't a ton of better matches out there for you Agreed. I don't have a problem with him having standards, but he didn't have to be rude about it. Take it as him saying he's not right for you. Which is true. Doesn't mean you aren't a perfect match for someone else. And very much worthy of love, respect, and appreciation. 5
preraph Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 You could make it look like an office mishap. Seriously, this guy is either totally backwards socially and doesn't know the meaning of the word "tact" or he is a really mean jerk trying to make himself feel better by tearing you down. Be no more than icily polite to him and wear spiked heels sometimes in case he gets too close to you in the hall. 2
act00 Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 What a cruel thing to say. (((I'm sorry))). Do your best not to let it get to you. This really shows what kind of person he is, and you really don't want to be with a guy like that. As far as dating, there are a lot of misses, and you won't be the ideal girl, and vice versa. And it hurts, of course, when you see some potential they do not. But this guy comes across as highly critical and judgmental by his words, and that is really not a place you want to go...ever. Even just a lack of tact can lead to some seriously cruel words at any point in a relationship, and if he hasn't learned by now to maneuver difficult situations with some tact and kindness by now, he's hopeless. I agree to just play it cool when you see him at work; be polite, say hello, and do not let him see you hurt or behave like a kicked puppy or bitter or cold. Kill him with confidence and kindness and be glad you dodged that bullet. You don't have to socialize beyond the general pleasantries at work, but being happy and brushing this off (externally) as a happy "miss" (dodged that bullet), is the best revenge. Remember, there was something about you that had him reaching out to you in the first place, so keep being you. Swingline is a good brand.
kendahke Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 Sorry if this doesn't belong in this forum. After having my heart destroyed last year, I finally ventured back out into the dating world. A man who works in my office introduced himself to me via Facebook and we began chatting which then led to seeing each other for about 2 months. He then started acting weird and distant which I called him on. He said he doesn't want to do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing because his standards are too high. I don't meet them.... Oh I see..... I want to staple things to his face. That is probably the most insulting thing that has ever been said to me. I was terrified to start dating again and it took a lot for me to let my guard down for someone. This experience has really kicked me right in the ego. The one thing I learned when I went through my horrible break up and began dating again was that not every guy you run into is obligated to read your script on how you feel they should consider you or to provide you with the relationship you think you're ready for. Not every relationship is supposed to work out. Some are learning experiences to get you familiar with character types who are not good for you. This guy is not good for you. What ever isht he's on, let him be on it--it has nothing to do with you or your worth or your standards. People who stand in the gutter have high hopes of getting onto the sidewalk. This is also a good lesson about never pooping where you eat. 1
Shining One Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 While I'm pretty blunt myself, I would never have used these words. You two are incompatible, just leave it at that. You shouldn't take it personally. With that being said, shame on all of you who are condoning violence.
kazen Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 With that being said, shame on all of you who are condoning violence. Shaming people is just as bad as violence. Shaming people is a cruel form of punishment which can lead to suicide. 1
fiskadoro Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 Shaming people is just as bad as violence. Shaming people is a cruel form of punishment which can lead to suicide. The shaming that leads to suicide is not the same as someone being told "shame on you".
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 You need to flip this around -- He doesn't meet your standards; you date kind men who don't go around saying cruel mean-spirited socially inappropriate things to people. If he was a good guy, the kind who met your standards, he simply could have said he wasn't ready for a committed relationship & this wasn't working out for him. You did nothing wrong. He's the sub-standard one here. 6
knabe Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 I'm pretty sure people are talking about staplers and tazers tongue in cheek to elicit a smile from the OP in her down time....but feel free to wig out lol OP, he sounds like he has very low EQ. You don't need a guy like that. 1
smackie9 Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 Tip: don't ever date coworkers. Secondly he did it on purpose. He wanted you to hate him so he can cut this clean off. Maybe he's hoping you will do something rash and get yourself fired. KEEP YOUR KOOL. Don't let him win by getting a reaction out of you. Hold your head up high, be confident, start dressing more attractive to give you a boost, be cheerful....make sure he knows he isn't going to bring you down. That's how you win. 4
Jethro Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 Oh boy, you better thicken that skin before putting your toes in the dating water...
vickyp Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 You should of told him, YOU don't meet my standards and I had lowered them to see if your a good guy. Don't beat yourself up. On to the next guy.
leogirl876 Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 I'm so sorry this guy was a jerk to you. Be grateful he showed you who he was early instead of a year or more into this. Always remember and take this as a learning lesson for next time, don't get emotionally attached to any guy too early. The early phases of dating are to see who this person really is instead of what you hope or think they are. Always be in data gathering mode. You're gathering data on him by seeing how he treats you and how he shows up, and seeing if he's relationship material. If he shows you he's not, move on, and don't believe him or let him manipulate you in thinking he'll change or will be different. When a man shows you who he is, believe him the first time! This man said the mean things to you, because he's not healthy or mature enough to tell you you're not a match. The way he handled himself is the way a little boy handles himself, not how a high value man does. I've also had to learn how to manage my expectations, not just from men, but all people. Instead of me expecting someone to be a certain way and getting emotionally hurt in the process, I accept someone how they are and decide if it's something I can put up with or not. I've also learned that the way people are is they're stuff and nothing to do with me. If I keep my side of the street clean, their actions has nothing to do with me. If I don't like their behavior and determine them to not be a healthy person, then they can't be in my life. I'm only looking for healthy people because those are the only people you can have real relationships with. Take this time to take care of yourself. Move on from him, that's the best form of revenge, to not give that person a second thought.
preraph Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 That guy deserves to be flushed like the floater he is.
Author loney_girl Posted August 31, 2017 Author Posted August 31, 2017 Thank you for the kind words everyone. I've basically just been ignoring him. I deleted him off Facebook, from my phone, and the IM program at work. We have no reason to interact with each in the office as we are on different teams. The only problem is his desk is about 30 feet away from mine and we face each other. Not such an issue when sitting because my computers block me from seeing him but there he is every time I stand up or have to leave the office. I've caught him looking at me a few times but I just look away. A girl at work told me she was surprised we were even dating because she knows what a nice person I am and what a selfish, stuck up person he is. I didn't know him at all until this whole thing began. She said if he and I had gotten any further, he would have made me miserable. So conclusion, dodged a bullet indeed. PS I loved all your stapler comments 3
Romantic_Antics Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 May I recommend the Swingline brand of stapler as they don't tend to bind as much? Lmao. That made my whole day. Thank you. But then you had to go mess it up with this: Either way, you at least got some experience with what men are still like out there!Don't paint all of us with that same broad brush, young lady. I happen to be a very nice man and some of my ex's might even agree!
Romantic_Antics Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 With that being said, shame on all of you who are condoning violence. Nobody is condoning violence. We're just indulging our imaginations in a little poetic justice for Shallow Hal. I'm sorry that such an awful thing was said to you OP. It's really inexcusable. Do you know what the irony is? He's not up to your standards. You deserve better.
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