Dead silence.

[No_Go]

I think he's a little coward. Honestly. He's giving you hints - and not in a good way. I'm betting money he heard you very well and the described conversation is NOT random.

 

 

Okay so he called again and I'm starting to think maybe he didn't hear it after all, although I can't be sure. He mentioned his friend and his gf who have been having problems cause the girl confessed she loves him and he said he doesn't, he wants to end it in fact, so he told me well when someone says I love you and you get silence that's not good, means the discussion has to come up somehow...

 

I almost died, lol.. okay? So if he in fact thinks that, then he couldn't have heard me!? God now I really don't know what to think. I was hoping we talk more cause he had a long drive ahead of him but his engine started to shake! He's heading back home.

 

What to do you guys!?

[Caramelpopcorn]

I think he's a little coward. Honestly. He's giving you hints - and not in a good way. I'm betting money he heard you very well and the described conversation is NOT random.

 

That would be really disappointing, honestly. And so shady which isn't usually like him, especially since he was just telling me he misses me and all that. If he isn't feeling it he should just come clean.

 

Maybe I should just flat out ask him if he heard me or not.

[No_Go]

That would be really disappointing, honestly. And so shady which isn't usually like him, especially since he was just telling me he misses me and all that. If he isn't feeling it he should just come clean.

 

Maybe I should just flat out ask him if he heard me or not.

 

Actually - you're right. Just ask him, or if you prefer - say it again. Hope I'm wrong!

[Slowlydrifting]

Okay so he called again and I'm starting to think maybe he didn't hear it after all, although I can't be sure. He mentioned his friend and his gf who have been having problems cause the girl confessed she loves him and he said he doesn't, he wants to end it in fact, so he told me well when someone says I love you and you get silence that's not good, means the discussion has to come up somehow...

 

I almost died, lol.. okay? So if he in fact thinks that, then he couldn't have heard me!? God now I really don't know what to think. I was hoping we talk more cause he had a long drive ahead of him but his engine started to shake! He's heading back home.

 

What to do you guys!?

 

He gave you the perfect opening to get this over with! Next time you speak you HAVE to bring it up. " Going back to our last conversation, what you said about your friend is funny because the other day the same thing happened with us!"

[dumbass2]

Poor communication will kill a relationship. It turns into game playing (silent treatment) and assumptions and misunderstandings. This is obviously a huge issue for you, so it needs to be discussed next time you're in person which hopefully will be very soon. Take the advise some other posters have mentioned on how to bring it up again, but do it soon.

 

By the way, I think you should say something like that in person the first time, but it's not the end of the world because you didn't. This is an opportunity now to find out how compatible you two are.

[hippychick3]

OP, you said you live several hours apart. Have you met in person? See each other regularly?

[ExpatInItaly]

I think he's a little coward. Honestly. He's giving you hints - and not in a good way. I'm betting money he heard you very well and the described conversation is NOT random.

 

That is exactly what I was thinking, unfortunately.

 

What a completely strange coincidence that his friend apparently had nearly the exact same situation happen to him, and that he chose to describe his friend's problem with you now.

[RecentChange]

Waaaaaaay too much of a coincidence.

 

So he just happens to know another couple where she said I love you, and he went silent.

 

And this came up, and he told you about it just after the SAME thing happened between you two.

 

Very odd.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Hey again!

 

Sorry I guess I should have explained more but he was in between calling me when I posted. I know about that friend and his gf for a while, I knew she said I love you and he hasn't. This has been a topic we talk about (about his buddy and his gf) and today I'm the one who asked about them cause I wanted to hear what he thought about that! (Getting him talking about love).

 

ANYWAY, the verdict! I asked if he heard me and what I whispered the other day and he said no!? What did you say!? Tell me! I said oh it doesn't matter, he said no appearently it did and it does if you're asking me, I'm sorry I didn't hear it.

 

I didn't tell him though. After this scare I'm thinking maybe we need more time since I had such panic about it. We had a really good talk though. He kept saying how he's very serious about this, and how when we don't text at times is because he is comfortable with me now cause it's changing from an intense crush and that high to something deeper and how he feels closer to me.

 

I can live with that for now... right?

[No_Go]

Ummm no! You don't need more time. This though will stay with you and you'd become resentful. Seriously.

 

One way is: tell him ILY again, in your next chat. Clearly so he hears you. I'm damn sure he's lying about not hearing you before but this will clear things up.

 

Btw how old are you both? How often do you meet in person?

[soyou]

I have a bad gut reading your post.

 

I think your guy has heard what you said but he's not as much into you as yoi're into him.

 

After 5 months, if a guy is not in love with you, he never will. There are maybe some exceptions but the chance is very small.

 

You can ask all the guys here, it doesn't take them longer than 3 months to know if they see a future and are in love with their partner!

[BaileyB]

So, I had a similar experience with my guy. It was about the same time frame in our relationship. It came out rather spontaneously, as we were saying goodbye one night. I was so shocked and embarrassed... I closed the door in his face. We laugh about this now...

 

I will say, the next time that I saw him he was quick to discuss "the situation." He was very sweet, and said "about those nice words you said to me the other night... Thank you. I just want you to know that I feel the same way too." And then, the next time we said goodbye at my house, he said "let's try this again..." And as he gave me a kiss, he said "I love you too..."

 

My point being, he cared enough not to leave me hanging for too long. It was awkward and uncomfortable for me, but he was sure to tell me that my feelings were reciprocated.

 

I wouldn't have been very happy if he didn't say anything or gave me a passive aggressive story about a "friend" who had a similar experience.

 

I wish you luck and hope that you can get some honesty from him soon.

[Slowlydrifting]

Hey again!

 

Sorry I guess I should have explained more but he was in between calling me when I posted. I know about that friend and his gf for a while, I knew she said I love you and he hasn't. This has been a topic we talk about (about his buddy and his gf) and today I'm the one who asked about them cause I wanted to hear what he thought about that! (Getting him talking about love).

 

ANYWAY, the verdict! I asked if he heard me and what I whispered the other day and he said no!? What did you say!? Tell me! I said oh it doesn't matter, he said no appearently it did and it does if you're asking me, I'm sorry I didn't hear it.

 

I didn't tell him though. After this scare I'm thinking maybe we need more time since I had such panic about it. We had a really good talk though. He kept saying how he's very serious about this, and how when we don't text at times is because he is comfortable with me now cause it's changing from an intense crush and that high to something deeper and how he feels closer to me.

 

I can live with that for now... right?

 

Woah woah woah! Now you have potentially reversed the issue on to him! Maybe he is now worried and wondering about what he missed you saying?! Lol be open and honest. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you become some crazed person by letting them know.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Ummm no! You don't need more time. This though will stay with you and you'd become resentful. Seriously.

 

One way is: tell him ILY again, in your next chat. Clearly so he hears you. I'm damn sure he's lying about not hearing you before but this will clear things up.

 

Btw how old are you both? How often do you meet in person?

 

I really don't think he's lying, why would he? If he doesn't feel the same he could just say it, but he said the exact opposite about how he feels much closer. Really from his actions and words he strikes me as a very open and honest guy.

 

I'm 29 and he's 32, we meet every other weekend, but it depends really, like how this weekend we couldn't meet.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I have a bad gut reading your post.

 

I think your guy has heard what you said but he's not as much into you as yoi're into him.

 

After 5 months, if a guy is not in love with you, he never will. There are maybe some exceptions but the chance is very small.

 

You can ask all the guys here, it doesn't take them longer than 3 months to know if they see a future and are in love with their partner!

 

But why wouldn't he just say it if he wasn't into me? He called me for 4 hours today on his drive before his car broke, poor guy! But maybe I'm crazy but that's not a sign someone isn't into you? I don't know about what most guys do, but if I'm not into someone I wouldn't talk to them that long?

 

The love thing; I can't speak for him, he could be feeling it and not ready to say it like I wasn't at first, or maybe he's not in love yet and needs time. He does say he sees a future though like I said in my previous posts, so at least there is that.

[Redhead14]

Listen, you took the leap and now aren't sure whether he heard it or not. At the right time, you say it again. Saying isn't going to scare a guy off. If he runs, it just means he wasn't on the same page you are. They don't change their response because you asked or told them anything. Their feelings on either side -- before you said it or after you said it -- are what they are.

[No_Go]

Because he's probably hesitant and don't want to burn bridges yet.

 

Initially I though he's just super young and inexperienced but for middle aged man... IDK. I feel like something is very off. I hope I'm wrong.

 

Stick to my advice to try again, maybe when you meet in person.

 

 

I really don't think he's lying, why would he? If he doesn't feel the same he could just say it, but he said the exact opposite about how he feels much closer. Really from his actions and words he strikes me as a very open and honest guy.

 

I'm 29 and he's 32, we meet every other weekend, but it depends really, like how this weekend we couldn't meet.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Woah woah woah! Now you have potentially reversed the issue on to him! Maybe he is now worried and wondering about what he missed you saying?! Lol be open and honest. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you become some crazed person by letting them know.

 

You think I should still tell him I love him and find out once and for all? I think if I did it again I would do it in person, and also say something like "I'm falling for you!" Instead of "I LOVE YOU!" OR, say it on a cookie like in sex and the city and watch him eat it all.

 

Thank you so much by the way, I've really appreciated your feedback and insight a lot!

[Caramelpopcorn]

Listen, you took the leap and now aren't sure whether he heard it or not. At the right time, you say it again. Saying isn't going to scare a guy off. If he runs, it just means he wasn't on the same page you are. They don't change their response because you asked or told them anything. Their feelings on either side -- before you said it or after you said it -- are what they are.

 

That's very true, I agree, I took the leap once already so at least I felt like I was ready. I would like to find out anyway.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Because he's probably hesitant and don't want to burn bridges yet.

 

Initially I though he's just super young and inexperienced but for middle aged man... IDK. I feel like something is very off. I hope I'm wrong.

 

Stick to my advice to try again, maybe when you meet in person.

 

He is really stable and independent, like he is a manager at his job at a young age and owns his own house, like he doesn't seem too unstable from that aspect, and he has had only 3 relationships and the shortest was 3 years long, he said I don't throw relationships away, not when I invest into them.

[Redhead14]

You think I should still tell him I love him and find out once and for all? I think if I did it again I would do it in person, and also say something like "I'm falling for you!" Instead of "I LOVE YOU!" OR, say it on a cookie like in sex and the city and watch him eat it all.

 

Thank you so much by the way, I've really appreciated your feedback and insight a lot!

 

If he does or says something nice, you say it then -- "You know what, Xname, I love you". And, don't leave a pregnant pause, just start a new sentence. Try to be as casual as possible. He'll interrupt you to say it back if he's ready. If he doesn't say anything but he at least has a nice grin on his face with a little blush, just leave it alone. He'll say it in his own time.

 

As long as this guy is making you FEEL loved and treating you well, just let it be for a while longer after you say it.

[No_Go]

He is really stable and independent, like he is a manager at his job at a young age and owns his own house, like he doesn't seem too unstable from that aspect, and he has had only 3 relationships and the shortest was 3 years long, he said I don't throw relationships away, not when I invest into them.

 

Maybe he just wants to be very sure then, before saying ILY. Like he wants to be sure this will continue long term.

 

If you're seeing each other every other weekend, this will be just 10 meets or so, right? It is quite early. Not like you're neighbors and see each other daily for 5 months.

[Caramelpopcorn]

If he does or says something nice, you say it then -- "You know what, Xname, I love you". And, don't leave a pregnant pause, just start a new sentence. Try to be as casual as possible. He'll interrupt you to say it back if he's ready. If he doesn't say anything but he at least has a nice grin on his face with a little blush, just leave it alone. He'll say it in his own time.

 

As long as this guy is making you FEEL loved and treating you well, just let it be for a while longer after you say it.

 

Oh you know I actually do like this idea a lot! Like yeah why should it be this nerve wrecking thing, or make it this big deal I have to prepare a scenario for! I think that's a really cute way of saying it, thank you!

 

And he does make me feel loved, he's not good with his words but he is with his actions, he's always been there for me, always listens to me, helps me with things (like staying up til 2 am to help me write a cover letter for a new job when he had to wake up at 6:30 am)

 

He said I will never buy you flowers, cause I know you don't like them, but I show my affection physically, and by spending quality time, and I do feel like he does give me a lot of his time.

[Redhead14]

Oh you know I actually do like this idea a lot! Like yeah why should it be this nerve wrecking thing, or make it this big deal I have to prepare a scenario for! I think that's a really cute way of saying it, thank you!

 

And he does make me feel loved, he's not good with his words but he is with his actions, he's always been there for me, always listens to me, helps me with things (like staying up til 2 am to help me write a cover letter for a new job when he had to wake up at 6:30 am)

 

He said I will never buy you flowers, cause I know you don't like them, but I show my affection physically, and by spending quality time, and I do feel like he does give me a lot of his time.

 

Yeah, just keep it kinda casual, no pressure, matter of fact. And, if he doesn't say it back, then you leave it for now. What you can start doing once in a while then is, say at the end of a phone call or when you're saying goodbye, do the quick "luv ya" thing. "Ok, see ya' Xday. Luv ya" and keep going. Not every time. Throw it in here and there.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Thank you everyone for helping me go through this little not so fun experience of revealing my feelings for this man, who does deserve this love, and who does deserve to know that he is loved and appreciated, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions that he must have heard me and ignored me, cause that's not like him at all... that was my bad there.

 

I'll keep you all updated if anything else happens, thanks again!