Dead silence.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now (I'm 29, he's 32) and it's been great. He's consistent and trustworthy. He's handled me at my anxious and insecure times due to my past issues (I got out of an abusive marriage). He told me he isn't letting me go cause I'm worth it.

 

We were video chatting today as we live a few hours from each other and like our usual he closes his eyes while on the bed and I'll whisper things and he'll smile and it's usually so sweet.

 

So today I decided I'll just tell him I love him, I figure 5 months is a good time to say it and I've been wanting to scream it for months. So I told him close your eyes and he did as we usually do and I whispered "I love you."

 

I got nothing. He kept his eyes closed and said nothing. I can't be sure he heard me but I'm like 90% sure he did cause he usually hears whatever I whisper and he has headphones on, and if he didn't he'd have asked what did you say?

 

Anyway I think I saw him get red and a little awkward? He said he needs to call his buddy so they'd go workout and I tried to act as normal as I could.

 

It's just really odd that he'd pretend like he didn't even hear it? What do I do now? Say it again? Ask if he's heard me? Let it go and pretend like I didn't say it? Pack my stuff and move to Mexico? Was he just shell shocked?

 

Honestly I'm not upset that I didn't hear I love you back, but it's like it wasn't even acknowledged!?

[bummer]

let those little anxiety and insecurity butterflies fly away!

 

If he doesn't acknowledge it and at least speak to what you said soon, you should say it again when you next see him in person when the time is right. He will have to acknowledge it when in person.

 

For now, try to remember he's a good guy, and you're a good woman, and that life is great.

[Robratory]

Next time, have an actual discussion about your mutual feelings instead of shooting for the movie scene. It's only in the movies where one person whispers passionately, "I love you!" and then the other person says, as if realizing it for the first time, "I love you too!" And they embrace and kiss, and the music soars, and the bird sing, but that only happens because it's all pre-arranged.

 

It's no big deal. Just say, "Hey, we've been together for five months now. Let's talk about how we feel about each other." Of course, you may hear news you don't like, but at least you know then.

[Caramelpopcorn]

It just came out of me really, I've been wanting to say it for a while now but I didn't want to plan it, I was like if it comes out, it comes out. I didn't have a specific scene prepared, I know I didn't want it to blurt it out on a text. It was natural...

 

But I didn't expect that reaction at all honestly in all the scenarios I've played in my head. I don't think I'll try to say it again, maybe he's just not ready to even hear it.

 

I'm a little disappointed in the non reaction mostly. Like, why? Was he just taken back?

[bummer]

IMO, assuming he heard it, he was probably taken aback and unprepared. He might want to today, he might be close to saying it in 3 or 5 more months, but he wasn't ready because like you, it didn't feel natural.

 

Now not addressing it would be a shortsighted mistake on his part. If he's good, he will respond reassuringly enough soon.

 

Let us know what he says.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I still feel just as embarrassed today, if not more. I woke up at 5 am and couldn't fall back asleep out of my pure embarrassment!

 

We texted a little after that dreaded moment and he was being overly nice? I'm starting to think he DEFINITELY heard me. I just have to pretend like I didn't say it I guess. I sort of feel stupid for saying it? He's not typically a romantic or emotional person so what the hell did I expect?

 

Problem is, I kind of need that in a relationship, the affirmation, that's my love language and I need to hear it, in the long run if he doesn't it could create problems maybe? Actions speak louder than words I completely believe that, and I don't need poems, I just need to hear those words from time to time. Could we just be incompatible romantically?

[Mike B.]

Why are you embarrassed? You told him how you feel. This is what we do in relationships. We all take this risk when we feel the need to speak our feelings in a relationship. Maybe he needs time to consider how he actually feels about you.

 

Don't put pressure on the guy. Give himself time to evaluate his feelings and don't make him say something he doesn't want to say. If he doesn't actually love you at this point, it is Ok. Give it time. As long as he is treating you like someone who does love you or at least respects and appreciate you.

[Reddice]

I still feel just as embarrassed today, if not more. I woke up at 5 am and couldn't fall back asleep out of my pure embarrassment!

 

We texted a little after that dreaded moment and he was being overly nice? I'm starting to think he DEFINITELY heard me. I just have to pretend like I didn't say it I guess. I sort of feel stupid for saying it? He's not typically a romantic or emotional person so what the hell did I expect?

 

Problem is, I kind of need that in a relationship, the affirmation, that's my love language and I need to hear it, in the long run if he doesn't it could create problems maybe? Actions speak louder than words I completely believe that, and I don't need poems, I just need to hear those words from time to time. Could we just be incompatible romantically?

 

Uuugghhh, I have grown to resent this kind of behaviour. My ex girlfriend had the same issue, constantly looking for reassurance. Even up to our last day together, while packing her stuff to move in with her new boyfriend she kept insisting I was the love of her life.

 

You really need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you need to hear it. And then answer that question truthfully. I'm sure it's your own personal demons and has nothing to do with the relationship itself.

 

True love should be felt, not heard. It should radiate out of his every fibre, you should see it in his face, in his gestures, the way he looks at you, how he speaks about you even when you're not in the room. Just saying it doesn't mean a damn thing, I tell you that from experience.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have a feeling he heard you and was caught off guard.

 

I wouldn't necessarily assume you are incompatible yet. He might just need more time to feel ready to say it, but that doesn't mean he won't when he feels the time is right.

 

Words of affirmation are important, but I think it's best to give it some time so that when he does say those words, they're heartfelt and secure.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Uuugghhh, I have grown to resent this kind of behaviour. My ex girlfriend had the same issue, constantly looking for reassurance. Even up to our last day together, while packing her stuff to move in with her new boyfriend she kept insisting I was the love of her life.

 

You really need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you need to hear it. And then answer that question truthfully. I'm sure it's your own personal demons and has nothing to do with the relationship itself.

 

True love should be felt, not heard. It should radiate out of his every fibre, you should see it in his face, in his gestures, the way he looks at you, how he speaks about you even when you're not in the room. Just saying it doesn't mean a damn thing, I tell you that from experience.

 

I think you're misunderstanding what I meant. I didn't need to hear it then, I really didn't, I just needed it at least acknowledged? Like saying those words for the first time felt like putting my head on the chopping board and then I got pure silence? That's what really got to me, not the fact that he didn't say it verbally.

 

Down the road yes, if we are together it would be nice to hear it from time to time. It's just how I am? I can't help it. Again not talking about huge romantic affirmations.

[kazen]

This reminds me of what happen to George in a Seinfeld episode.

Here's a clip:

 

[Caramelpopcorn]

This reminds me of what happen to George in a Seinfeld episode.

Here's a clip:

 

 

Haha, that's really pretty accurate! God, I don't think I could try again like George though, my guy has perfect hearing!

[Chilli]

Mexico sounds pretty cool.

 

Anyway, l'm thinking either he didn't quite catch it, or he sh@t himself.

But don't worry yet, the latter doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing. He could just need time on it now that it's out in the open, some people are like that.

But eh , if it was me next time l'd be like soooooo, nothing to say for yaself then ????

[Caramelpopcorn]

We haven't talked since yesterday. He texted me last around 2 pm but I didn't reply cause it was just a random message that didn't need a reply you know?

 

Frankly I don't know how to act now. I'm trying to be as normal as I can and not make a deal of it even though on the inside it's still turbulent.

 

I know I shouldn't, but I'm kind of regretting ever saying anything. Feel like now the relationship dynamic is forever altered.

[coolheadal]

I still feel just as embarrassed today, if not more. I woke up at 5 am and couldn't fall back asleep out of my pure embarrassment!

 

We texted a little after that dreaded moment and he was being overly nice? I'm starting to think he DEFINITELY heard me. I just have to pretend like I didn't say it I guess. I sort of feel stupid for saying it? He's not typically a romantic or emotional person so what the hell did I expect?

 

Problem is, I kind of need that in a relationship, the affirmation, that's my love language and I need to hear it, in the long run if he doesn't it could create problems maybe? Actions speak louder than words I completely believe that, and I don't need poems, I just need to hear those words from time to time. Could we just be incompatible romantically?

 

He heard it! I like you want affirmation I want that too always. Never second guess your partner. Remember not all men can cope with the words "I love you". If his parents didn't say it to him or what he really means to say then your out of luck with him in that department. So he doesn't want you to love him just flirt, tease, and dirty sexy to him. He doesn't want to give you the love back. Odd..

 

When you see him in person what's the first thing he does too you.

 

1. Kiss you

2. Hug you only

3. Say's what's up your name?

 

I can see you love this guy some don't understand that. He surely doesn't. Stick it out and see what happens don't change your routine with him as yet. There might be some home with ego.

 

Try this with him on the headphone.. Imagine me running to you on the beach, I am wearing a string bikini, what do you say to me when you see me?

 

I want you to ask him that also tell me when you meet in in person what happens? This will tell me what your going to have to do next?

[coolheadal]

We haven't talked since yesterday. He texted me last around 2 pm but I didn't reply cause it was just a random message that didn't need a reply you know?

 

Frankly I don't know how to act now. I'm trying to be as normal as I can and not make a deal of it even though on the inside it's still turbulent.

 

I know I shouldn't, but I'm kind of regretting ever saying anything. Feel like now the relationship dynamic is forever altered.

 

Then you don't do nothing. His actions like you changed what you had which was flirting you make it serious saying "I LOVE YOU" he doesn't want that with you. He just want's what your doing with the web cam and headphones. You had spoiled it. Has he ever been in love or married like you have. It's different for those who have never felt love or been married. I dated women who don't have either in their live both shown coldness always.

 

Like I said don't do anything with him.. Push on and see what he does next. Give him a week of silence because he's acting like a jerk with you..

[Gaeta]

Why in the world would you tell him your very first ILY over video chat? *sigh*

 

Let it slide, he may want to wait till he sees you in person to reciprocate.

[Slowlydrifting]

We haven't talked since yesterday. He texted me last around 2 pm but I didn't reply cause it was just a random message that didn't need a reply you know?

 

Frankly I don't know how to act now. I'm trying to be as normal as I can and not make a deal of it even though on the inside it's still turbulent.

 

I know I shouldn't, but I'm kind of regretting ever saying anything. Feel like now the relationship dynamic is forever altered.

 

You expressed how you feel towards him. You love him. There is no shame in telling someone that they make you feel good. People get way too weirded out by these three words. Don't regret telling someone you love them. Ever.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Why in the world would you tell him your very first ILY over video chat? *sigh*

 

Let it slide, he may want to wait till he sees you in person to reciprocate.

 

Is there one specific way to say it!? I've expressed love in all kinds of ways before. I felt like saying it, and I let it out. Was that a huge mistake?

[Caramelpopcorn]

You expressed how you feel towards him. You love him. There is no shame in telling someone that they make you feel good. People get way too weirded out by these three words. Don't regret telling someone you love them. Ever.

 

Thank you, you're definitely right. Guess I should have waited for a better time or better setting, but I guess same thing could have still happened, in that case maybe it's good I wasn't physically there.

 

Thank you though, lots of wisdom there.

[Slowlydrifting]

Everyone does things on their own time. My ex boyfriend said it to me first about 5 months in over the phone. While I felt the same towards him and had wanted to say it myself for a very long time, I was caught off guard, too. I didn't reciprocate because at the moment I just didn't want to say it because he did. Needless to say after we hung up he texted me 5 minutes later with a whole paragraph about him being hurt that I didn't say it and he "poured his heart out" to me. THAT drove me insane. I'll say it when I FEEL it. Not just because you want to HEAR it. KWIM? I wouldn't overthink this and either outcome will be what needs to happen. If he loves you he will eventually tell you and if he doesn't he will let you know that too.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Then you don't do nothing. His actions like you changed what you had which was flirting you make it serious saying "I LOVE YOU" he doesn't want that with you. He just want's what your doing with the web cam and headphones. You had spoiled it. Has he ever been in love or married like you have. It's different for those who have never felt love or been married. I dated women who don't have either in their live both shown coldness always.

 

Like I said don't do anything with him.. Push on and see what he does next. Give him a week of silence because he's acting like a jerk with you..

 

That's not really like our relationship though, he's not a jerk. He's talked about the future with me, having kids, buying a house, where we would live, etc. I don't think he was just playing or just flirting. He has always been honest in that regard, we've always said if things ended it would be mutual, neither of us would be blindsided I mean. I wouldn't have said such a thing if I wasn't confident in what we have.

 

I could have read it all wrong though, I can't read minds, I just go off by my gut feeling. Maybe he's not in love and that is okay, it doesn't mean my love for him would stop. I just hope he will address it though, instead of ignore it cause I feel like that would be immature of him.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Everyone does things on their own time. My ex boyfriend said it to me first about 5 months in over the phone. While I felt the same towards him and had wanted to say it myself for a very long time, I was caught off guard, too. I didn't reciprocate because at the moment I just didn't want to say it because he did. Needless to say after we hung up he texted me 5 minutes later with a whole paragraph about him being hurt that I didn't say it and he "poured his heart out" to me. THAT drove me insane. I'll say it when I FEEL it. Not just because you want to HEAR it. KWIM? I wouldn't overthink this and either outcome will be what needs to happen. If he loves you he will eventually tell you and if he doesn't he will let you know that too.

 

I can definitely respect what you did there, completely understandable too. What happened after? Did you end up saying it eventually?

[Slowlydrifting]

I can definitely respect what you did there, completely understandable too. What happened after? Did you end up saying it eventually?

 

Yes, I did. And I meant it. Just had to be the right time. We are no longer together but we are still friends and I still love him because he is a good person. Time will tell. Stay patient

[stillafool]

People behave strangely when someone tells them ILY. Maybe he wasn't ready to say it yet, doesn't feel it yet or whatever the reason. He is spending quality time with you and that is what counts at this point. You did nothing to be ashamed of because you are in love with him and let him know.