daylightsa Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 (edited) I dated a guy for about 5 months. For about 3 months it was great, then his demons seeped in. I won't go into detail, but I discovered a profoundly troubled, confused man lurking beneath the surface. He is lost in life, with his job, his feelings, burdened by past relationships... etc. For the last 2 months I tried my damndest to help him, support him, be the loving girlfriend. I ignored his warning signs "I can't love anyone," , "I think I'm doomed to be alone,", "I don't think a relationship is good for me right now." I asked him what his longest relationship was in the last 7 years and he said "7 months." He admitted that he ended all of them, and agreed it was self sabotage. I was out of town this weekend and he called me late at night, and cried over the phone, saying he felt terrible for hurting me and he wished he could be the partner he wants to be but he just can't right now. He admitted he was feeling suicidal, and that he had even pulled out the gun (unloaded) he had in his house and stared at it for hours that night before calling me. We met two days ago to discuss the dissolution of our relationship but instead ended up having the dirtiest sex I've ever had. I remember in the morning I looked on his nightstand and saw a post it with the word "capricorn" on it. He's into astrology, and capricorns are considered a perfect match for his sign (my sign, on the other hand, is considered a disaster). For some reason that really hit me. He's clearly thinking about his future mate, not me. Which of course bears the question - is he truly so messed up right now that he can't be in a relationship, or is it just that he can't be in a relationship with ME? I suspect the latter. I realized today I needed to end it. I did it via letter, which I left at his house, since face to face was impossible. I texted him and told him I was leaving, and I apologized for not being able to do it face to face. He called me "amazing," said he had so much to say but didn't know how, and thanked me for putting up with his depressive self for so long. I'm sad, but relieved. Yes, yes, part of me of course hopes that he'll fix his life and come crawling back but... I know. I know I need to move on. It was only 5 months, but both of us agreed we'd never had such deep, personal conversations with another person, that we were the first people we could truly be ourselves around. It will hurt to lose him, not just as a partner... but so much so as a friend. It will be a profound loss for me. Life, man. It sucks sometimes. Thank you for letting me vent. Edited August 29, 2017 by daylightsa 1
preraph Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 I think he has mental problems and knows he's dysfunctional, so I commend him for letting a person know he can't be in a relationship and make it last, but I hope he is seeking help to fix it. There's always the chance he's hiding a drug addiction from you as well. 1
Author daylightsa Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 (edited) I think he has mental problems and knows he's dysfunctional, so I commend him for letting a person know he can't be in a relationship and make it last, but I hope he is seeking help to fix it. There's always the chance he's hiding a drug addiction from you as well. Oh absolutely, he was very open about his substance abuse issues in the past - cocaine, mostly, but also alcoholism. He has been drinking very heavily in the last couple of months, so yes, that was a problem too. He is a musician as well, an enormously talented one, and is in a band that he hates being in. He kept saying he wanted to leave the band but couldn't because he "felt bad." I saw a lot of parallels between our relationship and his with the band, unfortunately. :/ I figured I could do one last nice thing for him and break it off so he didn't have to. When I met him he was clean, healthy, and happy. He said ever since he began his new job in May everything went downhill. I know he is not relationship material right now... I am the type of person that wants to fix and help everyone around her, so I guess I also take this as a personal failure as well. I suggested therapy but he said he's tried it in the past and it doesn't work. So he is not seeking help. He's trying to do it all by himself. Ugh.. I know it's not my problem, but he's my friend and I care about him. NC will be hard. Edited August 29, 2017 by daylightsa
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