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No-Contact?

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pictureframe New Member

pictureframe

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Has anyone ever had success with the "no-contact rule"?

 

I believe it is more suited for long-term relationships rather than short-term relationships. I just went through a breakup & it's been a little more than a week.

 

We were together around 8 weeks, a little more actually. Everyone I talk to says go "no-contact" for 30 days. I think for a relationship of that length, 30 days is a bit long.

 

I'm on Messenger and that's how we communicated when we were in our relationship. Every time I log on, in the evening she is online so obviously she's talking to "someone" or "something" on there.

 

What is the appropriate time frame?

bummer Established Member

bummer

Posted
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What's your goal?

 

Penpals and buds? Get back together if she dumped you (you left that part out)?

 

NC works because you don't get to linger as a backup plan. You get to move yourself forward faster and more clearly than if you stay emotionally attached. You win 100% of the time you stay NC and win 0.001% you dont stay NC.

Second chances are about as rare as catching rainbows and powerball jackpots.

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pictureframe New Member

pictureframe

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My goal would be getting back together. I see ppl do it all the time.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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If your goal in using in NC is to get back together, I think you are correct that it will fail because it is an eight week relationship. When people get together after NC, the mechanism at work is how people tend to miss the familiarity, remember the good parts rather than bad parts, and see the grass isn't always greener. But with an eight week relationship there really isn't much good to miss. There isn't much familiarity, memories, shared experiences. etc. for an eight week relationship to fail, I'd venture a guess you are pretty incompatible to begin with. Sadly, I think you are just going to have to move on dot com. Stay NC

bummer Established Member

bummer

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How old are you two? What has changed to woo her back? Why did it end in the first place? Is she seeing someone new? Who left who?

 

Let's define success more clearly. Success when NC is applied correctly is getting over little miss perfect and eventually forgetting her and finding someone new who wants more than 8 weeks of your time.

 

Success when NC is NOT followed is a small chance she made a mistake and was too embarrassed to contact you and by you reaching out, allows her to open up her love to you and ask for forgiveness.

 

Failure when NC is NOT followed is a more common outcome. Failure at NC is a dance of breadcrumbs and anxiety, riddled with false hopes and miscommunication. A timeless art of late night texts and stressful waiting for replies to unmatched expectations. Followed by a final end which invariably, requires correctly applying NC.

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pictureframe New Member

pictureframe

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Yeah @CookiesAndDough, that's what I think too. Maybe I should reach out and see in a couple of days. We were compatible just both were going through some odd stuff.

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pictureframe New Member

pictureframe

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How old are you two? What has changed to woo her back? Why did it end in the first place? Is she seeing someone new? Who left who?

 

Let's define success more clearly. Success when NC is applied correctly is getting over little miss perfect and eventually forgetting her and finding someone new who wants more than 8 weeks of your time.

 

Success when NC is NOT followed is a small chance she made a mistake and was too embarrassed to contact you and by you reaching out, allows her to open up her love to you and ask for forgiveness.

 

Failure when NC is NOT followed is a more common outcome. Failure at NC is a dance of breadcrumbs and anxiety, riddled with false hopes and miscommunication. A timeless art of late night texts and stressful waiting for replies to unmatched expectations. Followed by a final end which invariably, requires correctly applying NC.

 

She dumped me but it was because we had a pretty big fight and she saw a different, and very clingy, side of me. I'm the one who is at fault.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

If you are the dumpee, why not just save your dignity and not because she obviously doesn't want to be with you and that's not going to change because a week or two has passed. That 'clingy' side of you is part of you. You guys are just incompatible. She's just not into you ...

 

I know you were going to try anyway, you may not feel you have anything to lose by doing so, but it's not going to work just my opinion.

Edited by Cookiesandough
bummer Established Member

bummer

Posted
Posted

And the plot thickens...

 

You were clingy and she ended it. Now with the mystical delusion that she actually thinks you are awesome and not clingy, you want to reach out in a couple days since the "odd stuff" is over.

 

My friend, you got to let it go. You will be much happier if you stay NC. Which is what Cookiesandough actually meant if you werent such a ninja at reading what you want from between the lines.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
Has anyone ever had success with the "no-contact rule"?

 

I believe it is more suited for long-term relationships rather than short-term relationships. I just went through a breakup & it's been a little more than a week.

 

We were together around 8 weeks, a little more actually. Everyone I talk to says go "no-contact" for 30 days. I think for a relationship of that length, 30 days is a bit long.

 

I'm on Messenger and that's how we communicated when we were in our relationship. Every time I log on, in the evening she is online so obviously she's talking to "someone" or "something" on there.

 

What is the appropriate time frame?

 

 

The appropriate time frame is FOREVER.

 

 

When you break up with someone you no longer purposefully interact with them unless you have kids together. You sort your business of separation -- returning stuff, paying bills etc. Then you stop talking. You don't reach out. You don't text. You unfriend them off all social media, including messanger or WhatsApp, snapchat, IG & FB & go so far as to block them if you don't want to see what they have been doing & you don't care to give them that level of insight into your life.

 

 

If you accidently bump into them in public you can say hello & be polite. Making small talk for 5 minutes is fine but beyond that there is no reason to keep the thread tethered

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
My goal would be getting back together. I see ppl do it all the time.

 

 

 

If you want to get back together, you have to communicate. That means talking.

 

NC does not apply. It's for getting over somebody. To hope absence makes the heart grow fonder, is a mis-use of NC. It's not about manipulating somebody into missing you.

 

Especially for a short term relationship, the dumper is usually just glad to get the dumpee out of their life.

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pictureframe New Member

pictureframe

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So maybe it is time to reach out? I don't know....it was a good relationship for when it lasted, and I really think it could be again... :o:o:o:o

Robratory Established Member

Robratory

Posted
Posted
Has anyone ever had success with the "no-contact rule"?

 

I believe it is more suited for long-term relationships rather than short-term relationships. I just went through a breakup & it's been a little more than a week.

 

We were together around 8 weeks, a little more actually. Everyone I talk to says go "no-contact" for 30 days. I think for a relationship of that length, 30 days is a bit long.

 

I'm on Messenger and that's how we communicated when we were in our relationship. Every time I log on, in the evening she is online so obviously she's talking to "someone" or "something" on there.

 

What is the appropriate time frame?

 

There's a rule? Wow, I didn't get the memo, and yes, I signed up for email notifications and everything.

 

But look, if you broke up, the no-contact should be forever. I'm not saying you should make a thing about it, but I mean, if you broke up, then move on and find some other girl. Why would you have contact with this one again?

bummer Established Member

bummer

Posted
Posted

Yes, now is the best time to reach out. What's your angle? Cool guy who wants to meet for drinks, random "Hi," or long love letter?

 

If you want to try the later, consider reading more on NC here or posting your letter here and not sending it to her.

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pictureframe New Member

pictureframe

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I sent her a picture of something she gave me on our first date. It was a really weird thing. It was a piece of currency from Serbia, where she's from. It's worth like a nickel, but it was just cute and so I wouldn't "forget her" lol. Idk why she thought I would. I just said "look at what I just found in my old wallet". We'll see if I get an answer.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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