preraph Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 They often have to give up their friends to get sober because their friends are used to him the way he was and not the way he will be. You can't always see when someone is using a needle, and it doesn't really matter needle or not. If he hadn't reached that stage yet, on heroin, he soon would have. Heroin is the WORST addiction anyone can have. You can't make a life with a heroin addict. 1
harrybrown Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 Please get a new boyfriend. You deserve better. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 You don't have to get a divorce to get sober but it often happens. It happens because the non addict partner has had enough & wants no more of the addict's lies & problems or if the partner is a user too, when the person gets sober they don't want to be around other users including their partner any more. While I don't logically understand your adamant desire to stand by this guy, I realize it's an emotional issue. You think this is what a good GF does & you are not entirely wrong. However, because you are dealing with an addict who has lied to you for your entire relationship who has underlying psychological issues (which in fairness may be why he turned to drugs to mask his pain) IMO it's more likely then not that this is not rock bottom & you are going to lose yourself as he drags you further down. While he's on the straight & narrow, OK, if you want to try to build a life with him, fine. But for your own sanity & peace of mind, have a boundary. If he relapses again, you need to be done. If keeping him costs you your mom & other members of your family the price may be too high.
Author vc87 Posted August 31, 2017 Author Posted August 31, 2017 You don't have to get a divorce to get sober but it often happens. It happens because the non addict partner has had enough & wants no more of the addict's lies & problems or if the partner is a user too, when the person gets sober they don't want to be around other users including their partner any more. While I don't logically understand your adamant desire to stand by this guy, I realize it's an emotional issue. You think this is what a good GF does & you are not entirely wrong. However, because you are dealing with an addict who has lied to you for your entire relationship who has underlying psychological issues (which in fairness may be why he turned to drugs to mask his pain) IMO it's more likely then not that this is not rock bottom & you are going to lose yourself as he drags you further down. While he's on the straight & narrow, OK, if you want to try to build a life with him, fine. But for your own sanity & peace of mind, have a boundary. If he relapses again, you need to be done. If keeping him costs you your mom & other members of your family the price may be too high. When I think about how much I've put up with, I know I wouldn't have still be here if this was anyone else I was dating. Might be a stupid reason, but I really am in love with him. Only explanation I have. I thought I loved guys before in previous relationships but things are on an entirely different level with my boyfriend now. Can't even compare - when things are different you just know and he is my proof of that. The way I feel with him isn't something that comes around often. I know he did lie about this drug issue.. it's not an easy thing to ever tell someone, not making excuses but I could understand why he did or would hide it. I'm sure he was ashamed and he didn't want to lose me. It still upsets me to no end when I think about him hurting himself like that. Despite it all, he is a good person deep down (his caring heart and kindness still amaze me daily) but unfortunately he has a lot of issues and demons which he is hopefully getting help to manage better now. I know recovery is a long road ahead.. but life could be beautiful for him again.. his addiction made him lose sight of that. I already have told him that if he gets out and goes back, I can't allow myself to go thru this again.. that would be the ender for me.
BaileyB Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 One of my distant family members is recovering from an alcohol and drug addiction. His addiction and mental health was so bad last summer that he had several failed suicide attempts. It was devastating for our family. He did treatment last summer and the recommendation of his counselors was that he NOT return home to the same city for the first year - because there were too many triggers here. He decided to move home, but he has taken an apartment separate from his wife (they were having some issues and are undecided about the future of the relationship - he is choosing instead to focus on his sobriety). He has lost friendships, changed his daily routine... changed his life. My understanding is that heroin is the worst addiction. The one thing we learned last year... most addicts are not successful after one stay in treatment. This is a lifelong problem for many people and relapses are the rule, not the exception. You are at a time in your life when you should be looking for stability, marriage, a family... You should be building the life that you want right now... what kind of a life do you think you will build with a heroin addict and convicted criminal? Is that the life you want? Is it worth the cost - your dreams for the future, your relationship with your mother, your finances, your mental health?
BaileyB Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 (edited) When I think about how much I've put up with, I know I wouldn't have still be here if this was anyone else I was dating. Might be a stupid reason, but I really am in love with him. Only explanation I have. Dear girl, it's very clear that the fact that you believe yourself to be "in love" with this man is the only explanation. Because - if you were thinking with your head instead of your heart, you would not be choosing to stay in this relationship. Love doesn't conquer all. It just doesn't. Edited August 31, 2017 by BaileyB
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