pulchino Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 I am from Europe and met my wife in Quebec 10 years ago, we had our 1st child very quickly which is kind of where the problems began. My career where I had to travel a lot became a massive issue once our children were born, I even missed a work flight due to my wife stopping me from leaving, which put an end to my career effectively. Maintaining a relationship with family and friends has become difficult to say the least. My family doesn't get on very well with my wife anymore and don't feel welcome so probably wont visit again. My wife will not allow me to travel with the children alone (they haven't been to Europe in 3 years), which she is legally allowed to do, but I have raised the children probably 50/50, but don't really have any authority as a parent. My wife threatens me with filing for emergency custody of the children if I ever feel the urge/need to spend time in Europe. Birthday's, celebrations even normal events sadden me as I am unable to share these experiences. I'm worried by the future in the event of separation as I would struggle to find work close to my children, would be unable to maintain joint custody and my families relationship with the children would probably deteriorate further. I am basically touching the surface here but its a horrible situation where I have no answer for very old questions.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 OP, have you consulted an attorney? I think you need to find out exactly what your legal rights would be in the event of divorce, as I don't see how you can remain happily married to someone like this. What is her opposition to you traveling with the kids to Europe, and why can't she join you?
Author pulchino Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 I haven't seeked legal advice but just the threat alone is a constant reminder of my situation, it's constantly there. Her opposition is that she doesn't really like my family but if I've never taken them alone after 9 years and not been together for 3 years it's not going to happen soon, it's undermining my role as I'm an active involved father. She could come too but insists staying elesewhere and I foresee squabbles over the children, which has happened before when my parents came too visit. It's getting very old
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 I haven't seeked legal advice but just the threat alone is a constant reminder of my situation, it's constantly there. Her opposition is that she doesn't really like my family but if I've never taken them alone after 9 years and not been together for 3 years it's not going to happen soon, it's undermining my role as I'm an active involved father. She could come too but insists staying elesewhere and I foresee squabbles over the children, which has happened before when my parents came too visit. It's getting very old Please, do talk to a lawyer. Find out what your rights actually are instead of assuming that everything your wife threatens is true. I am Canadian too, and I do know you cannot take your minor children out of the country without her express consent. However, you still need to become much more informed as to what custody and your rights at the father would be if you leave. She sounds like a nightmare.
gpete3008 Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Holy cow! I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a terrible situation, and I can actually hear your desperation by reading your words. It sounds like you are trying to do a lot on your own. Have you considered talking with a counselor or a pastor. They usually have experience in helping people in situations similar to yours. Maybe a counselor or a pastor can help you develop a plan to balance your work/family life situation and also help you communicate to your wife why it is important to you to be able to spend time with your children both at home and in Europe. You never know, that may lead to strengthening your relationship too. I'm praying for peace in your heart as you work through this hard time.
Author pulchino Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 I haven't seeked professional help as we have struggled financially. I have made some progress recently opening up to friends etc which is a relief.
preraph Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Well, sounds like you need to fix your family so they can get along with your baby's mother, for starters. And instead of you taking off to Europe with the child, have them come visit BUT stay in a hotel.
Author pulchino Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 Cultural differences aren't generally fixable. It's a slap in the face for family members to be expected to stay in hotel, my family helped a great deal financially with buying our house etc. Pay $5k to see ur family for 2 weeks???!!
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