purplesoccer34 Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 I met a guy about 3 months ago at work, and at first I didn't think much of him, except that he was another coworker. Soon enough though, he started flirting with me and I started to fall for him. At work, he'd compliment me on my clothes/general appearance, and would stop by my desk many times throughout the day just to chat. He'd surprise me with things like coffee or donuts in the morning, and if I ever needed help with anything, he'd be there to help me right away--no matter how much work he had to do. We'd also frequently go out to lunch together, and his body language indicated interest I think--he'd get close to me, put his hand on my arm, etc. In addition to this, he would text or call me everyday after work, invite me to things such as dinner, long walks, etc. When we did hangout, he just wouldn't want to leave. One day, I was home sick and he offered to come over and help me out as well. With this kind of behavior, I assumed he was single. I must have been too quick to assume that however, because I overheard him talking about his gf to another coworker. Indeed, he does have a gf but she lives many, many miles away. I was a bit torn, but I made it a point not to spend time alone with him anymore--both for him and his girlfriend, and for me as well. I wanted to give myself a chance to get over him. He still consistently calls and texts me (some of his texts are very flirtatious--they contain hearts and kissy face emojis, as well as the numerous nicknames he has made up for me), and asks me to hangout, but I usually decline these invitations. In general, I'm trying to keep our communication outside of work to a minimum. Especially since he straight up told me that he finds me attractive, and would be ready to hook up with me if I wanted that as well. I was shocked to hear this--I could have never thought of him as a cheater. Now knowing that this guy was willing to cheat on his gf, my attraction for him has decreased. I definitely wouldn't want a relationship with him, but I still can't deny that I find him at least a little bit physically attractive. It's difficult because I see this guy everyday, and he continues to call/text me everyday after work, and asks me to hangout. If I could, I would go completely no contact in order to get over him. Any advice on how to deal with this?
smackie9 Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 (edited) Tell him he's a dog and if continues to contact you you will show his GF all the messages he has sent. Then block/delete his number. Lastly cut him off if he starts flirting with you or otherwise. Make sure he gets the message that you are done. Once he backs off, and you block his number, it will be much easier to let go. If he is reaching you through your work's phone, tell your boss he is harassing you and you want it to stop. Edited August 28, 2017 by smackie9 1
Author purplesoccer34 Posted August 28, 2017 Author Posted August 28, 2017 Tell him he's a dog and if continues to contact you you will show his GF all the messages he has sent. Then block/delete his number. Lastly cut him off if he starts flirting with you or otherwise. Make sure he gets the message that you are done. Once he backs off, and you block his number, it will be much easier to let go. If he is reaching you through your work's phone, tell your boss he is harassing you and you want it to stop. Thanks, I'm seriously considering this. It baffles me that someone could be in a relationship, yet be contacting someone else with this much frequency.
smackie9 Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 He might be justifying his actions to have someone on the side because his relationship with his GF is long distance. I am so not surprised. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 If you are really serious about this then you need to call him out on his dodgy behavior and stop seeing him outside of work. The fact you haven't done this yet has only given him the impression that you will cheat with him if he is persistent. How do you start to get over him. Firstly, like Smackie said, you need to block his number, and also make it clear that he crossed a line and not to contact you outside of work. Secondly, focus on the negative facts about him. Whenever you start to think he is sweet, remind yourself that it is all a facade. He is a not a good guy, he really isn't. I can imagine how disappointed you must feel. He seemed like such a catch, but it was just an act. You know that now, he spelled it out for you. He wants to get laid on the side, nothing more. Don't fall for any of it. 1
NexttP Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Obviously you don't want to ruin the work environment. That's not to say that you have to pretend everything is fine. You could politely tell him to stop his advances because you're not interested anymore. You can just ignore and block him like others have said. As for your "I still find him attractive." Well, I'm sure you find many unavailable passerby's attractive throughout the week. Just think of him as another stranger. If he bothers you at work beyond work related stuff, you can complain for harassment (or a less harsh approach, that he's interfering with your work schedule).
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