CosmicTrey Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 (edited) I wish I found this site sooner, the others I've found gave, well, often unfounded advise it seemed. That aside though... (I wrote a lot. I was an idiot at times, and I acknowledge that. I really hope that those reading this can give me a bit of leniency in knowing... I truly understand that I should have given her time, and that she was both my best friend as well as my lover, the only one I shared my feelings with almost all of the time... And I dealt with a death soon after we broke up. Just something I hope readers keep in mind...) I'm wondering where I should go from here. I wanted to make her happy more than anything... But, after almost two years of us being together, I became depressed. I wasn't able to make her happy as well, and this made me unhappy... Which made me less able to make her happy. After a few months, I realized what was happening and how this was creating problems in our relationship. I started trying to recognize and work through them, and talk to her about it. I also stopped playing games, which I usually use to destress, because I felt they were distracting me. About a week after I started this process, I made a mistake and she lost trust in me. I bought her a present to make it up, but she grew distant until asking for NC a few days later. I went between taking increasing breaks and contacting her for a couple weeks(... I take the blame fully), until stopping for over a week. I then invited her to the movies(with a couple friends), in a way that she could back out at any time and it , but there was a misunderstanding that she thought I bought the tickets in advance to make her feel like she had to go(I hadn't). Because of that she ended up blocking me and saying she didn't want to be friends. I stopped contacting her, and realized that NC was good for me too... There were issues that I was blinded from when I was in the relationship... Some time passed, and I eventually (after over a month an a half) asked her to talk to me in person(thanks to online advise that told me I could probably get her back if I talked about our problems... Thanks internet councilor). I did my best to talk to her how I'd changed my bad habits, and about how we could talk better and reconcile our differences in the future. That I'd found the break made me feel certain that I loved her, because I'd plugged all the holes she left in my life and still missed her... Even tried casually going on a date with another girl Long story short... She told me that she doesn't love me now, and didn't want to be friends ether. She said she likes being single I left the door open if she changes her mind... I know I shouldn't have broken NC like that... I felt like she still had feelings for me, but that she misunderstood my intentions. Not to mention my instincts were going crazy, I always feel like I should act so I leave no regrets... I'm ready now... To leave her to be, and go back to doing the things I like to do(I'd stopped some time ago... I actually broke out of my depression soon after the relationship ended, and tried to reconsile with my newly-re-found self awareness... Obviously to no avail). I suppose I'd just like a second opinion on what I should do. Lord knows I made mistakes, believe me, I know. I thought we could work past them, but... She said she doesn't love me. So... I don't know. I should just do my thing for some months and see if I still feel the same way... Is there any hope really? I'm just confused. She could have lied so that I could move on, or maybe the love could be rekindled later...? The thing is... She used to love me quite strongly. She'd give anything for me, to the point that I questioned if I really loved her until this happened. But I've begun to wonder if it could have been desperation that I saw... How would I know...? I know these things aren't what I should be thinking right now... That's why I came here to share a bit of my story with strangers who've dabbled in the affairs of love more than I... I want to know what to do without making this more painful for ether of us. Is it best I just try to forget about her? I've never actually been in love with someone... Not to mention someone who now says they don't love me... (Thank you in advance... I hope the large amount of text isn't a bother, I didn't intend to write so much... '^^) Edited August 28, 2017 by CosmicTrey Removed unnesisary sentence
Simple Logic Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 "after almost two years of us being together, I became depressed. I wasn't able to make her happy as well, and this made me unhappy... Which made me less able to make her happy. After a few months, I realized what was happening and how this was creating problems in our relationship. I started trying to recognize and work through them, and talk to her about it. I also stopped playing games, which I usually use to destress, because I felt they were distracting me. About a week after I started this process, I made a mistake and she lost trust in me." You need to address your depression problems because no one enjoys hanging with a depressed person. Consider professional help. 1
Author CosmicTrey Posted August 28, 2017 Author Posted August 28, 2017 You need to address your depression problems because no one enjoys hanging with a depressed person. Consider professional help. That is more than fair. Though... I was acting relatively normal for a couple weeks before the breakup... I might say that I only think that because I wouldn't know... But a couple months later, I still think so in retrospect. I could still be wrong. *Shrug* At this point though... I haven't felt depressed since the break up. Just sad, and, well, a lot of other things... But I hardly even think about the things that used to depress me. I don't know if it's because the pain of the break up is still fresh, but I'm out of the cycle for now. Noted incase I become depressed again... Probably would've been good to do before. Ah well. Thanks for the thought in any case, it may not seem so with me putting all this here... But I'm usually a quite private person.
Author CosmicTrey Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 It seems that... Most people can go on without messaging the person too much, or thinking about ways they could meet up... It's probably best that I leave her alone. I gave my all in trying to find ways that the relationship could be resolved... But it must have already had underlying issues if it all came apart so quickly despite me already making attempts... And she listened to the ways I planned to change things so that it really would be better this time. She ether needs time, or simply isn't interested like I am... I believe I should wait some months to see if she'll contact me at this point. I can imagine my not giving her enough space was off putting... She may come around if she finds I was being sincere. Or she may simply not come back.
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