arlington Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 My boyfriend and I that I have been dating for 4 months broke up yesterday. He broke up with me saying that his heart is not feeling anything other than friends. I told him that with relationships it takes time for people to fall in love - you first have the infatuation part and then you get past that and learn each other's quirks and then you fall in love with that person. We were friends for 6 months before we started dating so we had a good friendship to start with. He intiated the relationship and came on very strong at first saying that he hasn't felt this way and that he was falling for me hard, etc. Then a few months later when I started recpriocating the feelings he seeemd to back off. Anyway, I have been stressed lately so after we broke up yesterday afternoon I hopped on a plane to come to FL and I didn't tell him I was going nor did we speak. He called this morning and I didn't answer and I decided to call him back this afternoon and he said he was worried about me. We talked and he kept calling me honey and sweetie. We also talked about how we were feeling - he thought I was totally in love with him - I care for him, but I want to take things slow. He said he wasn't aware of that and that he wishes I would have told him that before. I am not sure what's going on with our relationship. I would like to continue to be with him and see where things go, but I have no idea what he wants. We have seen each almost every day since we have been together and I think the space will be good for both of us. Any advice on what I should do here?
renee70 Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes two people need space away from each other, some alone time. Doesn't mean you love or care for the person any less but you just need to time for yourself.
Author arlington Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 I am hoping that he will miss me. My friends say that I shouldn't call him and not answer his calls nor call him back right away. Thats hard to do since we always talked several times a day. One friend mentioned that since he is still calling me baby and sweetie after breaking up with me yesterday that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to know I am here for him all the time and I need to break that cycle and perhaps cause him some anxiety and make him worry about losing me. Anyone got any good advice for doing that? :-)
bhsunny21 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 It is a terrible thing you are going through. I know, because I went through the same thing. My ex wanted "space" and all that same jazz you mentioned. We went for about 3 days without talking or seeing each other. We ended up talking on the 4th day and got together to see each other that day. It was great, but it was lost after that. He was all "I miss you", "I love you", "I want you in my life"on the day we met. And then he breaks up with me in an email 2 days later. If he is saying he wants a break, I suggest giving it to him. Give yourself a timeline and if he tries breaks it, be STRONG! Stick to it! And if he is not ready by that time, perhaps you should start looking for different options. Obviously, he wants a break for a reason, whether it be he is confused or whatever reason he gives. I should have given a timeline in my relationship so that I knew he was getting the message that I did appreciate that he needed his space. Instead, I gave in to my heart to give in to his wants and needs (not necessarily what we thought was best for us), which was the demise of us. He could see I wanted to be with him and see him and he took advantage of that. I don't know if we will end up together, but, as he said, if we are meant to be we will be. Take your space, like Renee said, and let him take his. Gain your independence again. Gain your life again. I am sure you won't regret it. That's just my opinion...from a similar experience. Good luck and let us know how it goes, Arlington!
Author arlington Posted August 12, 2005 Author Posted August 12, 2005 Thanks Sunny! He just called me to 'check on me' meaning I think he wants to see if he is still making me feel upset. I told him that I slept like a rock and just woke up. I agree with you - I need to withdraw and gain back my independance and think about me and I can do that while I am down here for a few days away from him. I guess I'll have to see what happens when I get back. Thank you for sharing your experience - I will see if I can learn from it. :-)
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