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Boyfriend mad I wouldn't come over late

BeeT

By BeeT
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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

The fact that he didn't invite you over when his boys were over, when it was a decent hour for you to be walking and not in the dark, is what bugs me about how he went about this. It's like he didn't care about your safety while you were walking over at 11pm.

 

Yeah, just let him sleep the medication off tonight. It won't kill him. You just spent 2 days with him. He'll survive.

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Beenstupid44years New Member

Beenstupid44years

Posted
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I'm not saying this is your situation. But sometimes you can be madly in love and try to do everything and self sacrifice to make them happy. Just to find out they have never gotten over their ex or whomever always seems to stack up higher on the list of compatibles list even if he denies it over and over again. Unless everything works in their favour you will always let them down. Leaving your heart braking and feeling worthless.

 

Open your eyes and speak up or else years later you'll find out you were worth keeping around for convenience until someone who really rings his bell comes along or back around.

 

All the best.

Cheers

act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
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It's a perfectly acceptable reaction to be disappointed at your refusing his request, and you were completely okay in declining at that late hour. If he maintains a high level of anger over something so minor, then you need to rethink this relationship; however, it's likely that he is just disappointed and he won't pout and treat you poorly for days. It was an unreasonable time and he knows it. Disappointed? Sure. Angry and volatile for days? I would hope not. I would just text/call like I normally would and go from there.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

 

She said he's mad but he saw nothing to indicate he is mad. 'what ever' does not equate mad to me. It's a passive agressive comment we all use when dissapointed or defeated.

 

Ah, this explains the difference in our understanding. Where I live, "whatever" is rarely used. And when it is used, it's the equivalent of saying FU and walking away from a conversation. Most commonly used by teenage girls towards those trying to assert rules or boundaries.

 

Without knowing the context of the word in the OPs region, I will stick with what I know.

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BeeT Member

BeeT

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Right, so I was supposed to see him at 7 this evening, he just now texts me and says he is sorry but he's going to have to cancel today. So I asked him if everything was okay, and he said yes and that he'd see me tomorrow. But he ignored me when I asked why I couldn't come over, what I'd done wrong to upset him and he also ignored my calls twice. I am at a complete loss. Is he punishing me for not seeing him last night? I don't really understand. If there's a legitimate reason today is bad for him that's fine, but the fact that he won't tell me if there is...

 

I'm just so anxious! I have no idea what the **** I'm doing wrong here!

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Right, so I was supposed to see him at 7 this evening, he just now texts me and says he is sorry but he's going to have to cancel today. So I asked him if everything was okay, and he said yes and that he'd see me tomorrow. But he ignored me when I asked why I couldn't come over, what I'd done wrong to upset him and he also ignored my calls twice. I am at a complete loss. Is he punishing me for not seeing him last night? I don't really understand. If there's a legitimate reason today is bad for him that's fine, but the fact that he won't tell me if there is...

 

I'm just so anxious! I have no idea what the **** I'm doing wrong here!

 

Well, there are two possibilities:

 

1. Something really did go wrong, like a bad prognosis or a surgical complication, and he doesn't want to talk about it on the phone

 

2. He's being an *******

 

I'd sincerely recommend calming down. You did nothing "wrong". Just wait til tomorrow and see what the reason is. If it's #1, then you can reassure him. If it's #2, maybe it's time to reconsider your relationship with him.

knabe Established Member

knabe

Posted
Posted

You did nothing wrong.

 

This is not some "in sickness and in health" test. You aren't married.

 

My fiance would NEVER ask me to walk ALONE after 11:00 pm anywhere. Anyone who lives in the real world knows that is dangerous for a woman alone. Full stop.

 

I think he's probably pouting. Do NOT take the bait. Do NOT ask him what you did wrong or how to make it up to him.

 

This is manipulation; don't let it work.

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BeeT Member

BeeT

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He replied and said that today he just wants to chill with his friends and our sleeping patterns are different so it doesn't work. I think he is trying to retaliate for yesterday if I'm honest.

 

I replied to him and told him 'okay lets meet tomorrow. You tell me what time. I don't know what the problem is but this needs sorted if we're to carry on.' I'm seriously considering whether to end things or not, but I love him and I don't want to.

 

I said we should talk. He hasn't replied to me.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

Again, he's acting like a baby. If his way is to "punish" you, then he's not worth it. You didn't deserve to be treated like that.

 

I have to ask....has he behaved like this before?

  • Like 4
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
He replied and said that today he just wants to chill with his friends and our sleeping patterns are different so it doesn't work. I think he is trying to retaliate for yesterday if I'm honest.

 

I replied to him and told him 'okay lets meet tomorrow. You tell me what time. I don't know what the problem is but this needs sorted if we're to carry on.' I'm seriously considering whether to end things or not, but I love him and I don't want to.

 

I said we should talk. He hasn't replied to me.

 

Maybe it's time for you to reconsider your relationship, then.

 

I mean, he really is getting pretty excessive here. Do you really want to be with someone who feeds into your anxiety like that?

  • Like 3
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
Right, so I was supposed to see him at 7 this evening, he just now texts me and says he is sorry but he's going to have to cancel today. So I asked him if everything was okay, and he said yes and that he'd see me tomorrow. But he ignored me when I asked why I couldn't come over, what I'd done wrong to upset him and he also ignored my calls twice. I am at a complete loss. Is he punishing me for not seeing him last night? I don't really understand. If there's a legitimate reason today is bad for him that's fine, but the fact that he won't tell me if there is...

 

I'm just so anxious! I have no idea what the **** I'm doing wrong here!

 

Listen your playing into his ego STOP IT! You make yourself look weak and needy to him. He's controlling you isn't he. STOP IT! We all told you don't contact me don't beg! Why in the world are you doing that! STOP BEGGING!. Let him beg to be with you. He's not begging your doing it buy your actions.

 

Do not call him do not answer his calls or text play the silent girl friend. You want him to "say OMG something is wrong she's not doing what I want her to do because I controlling her!" You see that's what your letting him do. Is that the sort of relationship you want from this uncaring baby boy! He's so spoiled and you have done this by pleasing him too much where he has lost all respect for you.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Right, so I was supposed to see him at 7 this evening, he just now texts me and says he is sorry but he's going to have to cancel today. So I asked him if everything was okay, and he said yes and that he'd see me tomorrow. But he ignored me when I asked why I couldn't come over, what I'd done wrong to upset him and he also ignored my calls twice. I am at a complete loss. Is he punishing me for not seeing him last night? I don't really understand. If there's a legitimate reason today is bad for him that's fine, but the fact that he won't tell me if there is...

 

I'm just so anxious! I have no idea what the **** I'm doing wrong here!

 

Why in the world did you ask him what you had done wrong? You sound like the victim of abuse always assuming if something is wrong it's got to be because of you. This is no way to live.

 

I know exactly how to cure your anxiety, dump the boyfriend!!

  • Like 4
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BeeT Member

BeeT

Posted
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Posted (edited)

I am the victim of abuse as a child. I'm trying to seek counselling regarding this issue.

 

In the meantime, boyfriend was the victim of abuse as a child too at the hands of his parents, they recently told him he had aspergers as an adult and they had kept it from him all that time. I told him that healthy relationships don't work in the way he is behaving. He simply said he'd see me when this had all blown over.

 

So my plan now is to not reply further until he expresses a desire to meet. In which I will, and I will tell him my boundaries and if it continues I will break up with him. His aspergers is a big part of it all- he's very childlike in these things, as you can see. To calarify he is never verbally or physically abusive towards me.

 

*childish

Edited by BeeT
fiskadoro Established Member

fiskadoro

Posted
Posted

Sounds like at the very least he doesn't know what to do when he is frustrated. When you two are talking again, establish ground rules for communicating displeasure and anger. Don't let everyone get you yeasted up to just dump him asap, it could be that this is one of those things that makes both of you stronger.

 

And if not, it can at least make you stronger.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted
Sounds like at the very least he doesn't know what to do when he is frustrated. When you two are talking again, establish ground rules for communicating displeasure and anger. Don't let everyone get you yeasted up to just dump him asap, it could be that this is one of those things that makes both of you stronger.

 

And if not, it can at least make you stronger.

He may have a disorder, but that does not excuse him from behaving like a jerk. He needs to own it and get proper therapy for it....it IS HIS responsibility to control his behavior. AND she doesn't have to put up with it if it becomes too much. It's not fair to having to cope/deal with someones mental disorder. Why should she stay in a relationship with someone that makes her feel bad. He may have troubles with it, but that doesn't make it OK.

  • Like 3
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
Sounds like at the very least he doesn't know what to do when he is frustrated.

 

He's a grown man, not a 9 yr old who can't have his Xbox because mommy took it from him. He's old enough to get himself to a therapist and figure out how to do this. OP is not his therapist and it's not her job to shrink him to fit.

 

Don't let everyone get you yeasted up to just dump him asap, it could be that this is one of those things that makes both of you stronger.

 

And if not, it can at least make you stronger.

 

She doesn't owe him a relationship just because he's got issues.

 

Anyone who tells a woman to walk to his place at 11pm after having already spent the better part of the previous 2 days at his place needs to be dropped off at the mall and she keep going.

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