Superunknown91 Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 (edited) Hi all. To give some background.. I'm 30, 5ft 6", I gym daily so I'm in shape, tattooed, well groomed, good dress sense, good job, own place. However I've never had a girlfriend since my teens. I think this is due to my disability (Deaf) and/or short height. I don't sign but I have a speech impediment and I've had years of speech therapy so it's as good as it can get. I'm on tinder/bumble/pof and I have NO problems getting dates. The women are very chatty and constantly text me. I've been on about 150 first dates in the past few years. But what I tend to get is "you're such a great funny guy but there was no spark" "no chemistry". 8 times out of 10 I get a kiss at the date or go back to hers. The date goes great, she's laughing at my jokes, flirting with me, touching my arm, we engage in on depth conversation. We arrange to meet...then what seems to happen... Their interest in me wanes... they stop texting me as much...or don't reply. Or even after we've had an apparently great time and we kiss... I get the " no spark" text. It's getting me so frustrated and depressed. I don't mess around, I don't cheat, I keep being told I'm such a gentleman, I'm a great guy, I'm so funny,I'm so handsome...yet I don't progress much with dates. I just want to develop a relationship with the right woman. I just can't help but feel that my disability and/or short height is just making them back off. I saw a woman around Christmas Time. She was so into me. Constantly texting. We had 3 dates. Kissed alot and held hands during those dates. I try to arrange to see her again. She seemed less enthused. Massive time gaps between her texts. I asked her what was up due to the massive delays between texts...She said she really liked me but she found me a bit too much. She then blocks me on Social Media. I was so gutted as she seemed to be the real deal. Met a woman 3 weeks ago. We really hit it off. We kiss. She tells me I'm fantastic. Told me that she told her friends about me and that she was happy. I think "wow...at least it's working out for me now". We meet 2 more times after that. I go back to hers and we have a great time. Since then...she's so much quieter. Lack of enthusiasm in her texts. Big delays between texts. She then says I'm such a great guy but she doesn't know about dating at the moment as she's got financial stuff happening and she hasn't got time due to work. I don't know if that's true as I can tell she's still active on dating sites. I ask her if she fancies a dog walk on XXX Day. She goes "yeah if the weather is good" but I can tell it's not really enthused. I don't push it as I don't want to wreck whatever relationship we have. I fear it's about to be a repeat of what happened to me around Christmas. I don't know what to do. Edited August 28, 2017 by Superunknown91
Robratory Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 I just can't help but feel that my disability and/or short height is just making them back off. I saw a woman around Christmas Time. She was so into me. Constantly texting. We had 3 dates. Kissed alot and held hands during those dates. I try to arrange to see her again. She seemed less enthused. Massive time gaps between her texts. I asked her what was up due to the massive delays between texts... She said she really liked me but she found me a bit too much. She then blocks me on Social Media. I was so gutted as she seemed to be the real deal. I don't think it's your disability nor your short height because they would have been deal-breakers before you got to the kissing and holding hands stage. "She said she really liked me but she found me a bit too much." That might hold a clue, especially since she blocked you on social media. You don't block people when you just don't feel a spark. You block them when they frighten you or otherwise wear out their welcome. What did she mean by "a bit too much?" 1
Author Superunknown91 Posted August 28, 2017 Author Posted August 28, 2017 I don't think it's your disability nor your short height because they would have been deal-breakers before you got to the kissing and holding hands stage. "She said she really liked me but she found me a bit too much." That might hold a clue, especially since she blocked you on social media. You don't block people when you just don't feel a spark. You block them when they frighten you or otherwise wear out their welcome. What did she mean by "a bit too much?" I remember at our last ever date...(3rd date) We kissed, held hands, and I asked if she fancied meeting again...she said yeah... I think what happened was I got a bit too keen. As I asked her about meeting again a couple of days later. She then said it was too soon to ask for another date. I asked her what was up. She got a bit flustered...told me to back off. Then said "I'm a great guy but it's not going to work out" then I got blocked.
Miss Spider Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 Asking for a first date a couple days later is not too soon. She just wasn't interested. That's okay. It's hard to know exactly what the issue is without examining you on dates or more having more information. Sadly, getting a kiss only means they bare minimum physically attracted to you, these days. You might come off a bit insecure since you want that second date and you are self conscious about your heightd and disability, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 I agree that your height and disability doesn't appear to be a hindrance since you're getting dates, hand holding and kisses which is better than most on first and second dates so kudos. Have you met any women OFF of OLD? Or is OLD your go to for meeting and dating women? I ask because anyone active on OLD can be and are often easily distracted. If you're dating 'pretty' girls, they're likely getting plenty of attention from other men online which means you're a 'great guy' but someone even greater is just around the corner and/or blowing up their inbox as you're having your first kiss. Competition is fierce even when you have it all going on. Side note, being on multiple dating sites all at the same time seems a bit...aggressive...with a dash of desperation? Why so many profiles? Why not concentrate on one at a time? Have you taken any time to consider the types of women you're asking out? I mean, there seems to be a clear pattern developing here. If you're being consistent then perhaps your picker is off and you're picking the same kind of women who aren't really available or of the right mindset for dating a good guy. Just a thought but one you might want to think about a bit more. Good luck.
Miss Spider Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 I also want to say another reason why I think it might be a confidence issue is the girl basically gaslighted you to get out of a date. Made you doubt your own sanity for asking her for a second date.
Author Superunknown91 Posted August 28, 2017 Author Posted August 28, 2017 I agree that your height and disability doesn't appear to be a hindrance since you're getting dates, hand holding and kisses which is better than most on first and second dates so kudos. Have you met any women OFF of OLD? Or is OLD your go to for meeting and dating women? I ask because anyone active on OLD can be and are often easily distracted. If you're dating 'pretty' girls, they're likely getting plenty of attention from other men online which means you're a 'great guy' but someone even greater is just around the corner and/or blowing up their inbox as you're having your first kiss. Competition is fierce even when you have it all going on. Side note, being on multiple dating sites all at the same time seems a bit...aggressive...with a dash of desperation? Why so many profiles? Why not concentrate on one at a time? Have you taken any time to consider the types of women you're asking out? I mean, there seems to be a clear pattern developing here. If you're being consistent then perhaps your picker is off and you're picking the same kind of women who aren't really available or of the right mindset for dating a good guy. Just a thought but one you might want to think about a bit more. Good luck. Thanks for your replies. I only do OLD because 99% of my friends are all settled down and don't go out. Plus I have lots offemale friends but they tend to see me as a 'gay best friend'. Also I find it difficult meeting women not OLD due to my deafness. With OLD, I can explain my hearing loss beforehand...it gives them a chance to prepare and not be shocked. I've tried chatting up women in bars but they can't understand me due to my speech impediment and automatically put up a shield. I have multiple profiles as I know many women only use one or the other. I only ask out intelligent women who seem down to earth. Believe it or not I'm not attracted to supermodel types. I do go for physical attraction but I find that personality and conversational skills is more important.
Author Superunknown91 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 (edited) What I've noticed seems to happen....there are mainly two events...: 1). We have a date..kiss...hold hands...she's laughing, flirting, responding great, we talk for hours and time passes by fast. I get a text saying she's had a nice time but no spark. Or 2) Same as above. But we meet again. Then again. Then when I suggest meeting again...they go silent, or don't respond as quick. Their tone changes. Then they say they aren't ready to date or they haven't got the time. It's really depressing me because I've never had any form of relationship between the age of 19- now. All I've known is countless first dates, constant rejections few one night stands and fleeting encounters. How do people get into relationships eventually? As I haven't a clue. The women just seem to push the brakes before things take off. Edited August 29, 2017 by Superunknown91
Author Superunknown91 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 (edited) Does anybody know? Thanks. I haven't a clue how a relationship develops as it's never happened to me before. I go on numerous dates only to have the woman decide not to see me again when I'm keen to see her. Edited August 29, 2017 by Superunknown91
Bastile Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 How do people get into relationships eventually? As I haven't a clue. Just do what comes natural. Go out with a woman, enjoy her company. She pressures me (along with social pressure) into a relationship. More commitments, responsibilities, etc. That's the norm. Don't think it's something that needs to be learned. It's all just intuitive. 1
Author Superunknown91 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 Just do what comes natural. Go out with a woman, enjoy her company. She pressures me (along with social pressure) into a relationship. More commitments, responsibilities, etc. That's the norm. Don't think it's something that needs to be learned. It's all just intuitive. I'd love that. I've never been given a chance to let things develop naturally as they often back off after 3rd date.
Author Superunknown91 Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 323 views and not many responses? Could anyone help My situation is getting really depressed and is affecting my confidence.
Author Superunknown91 Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 3 weeks ago I met this amazing woman. She told me she likes me and that I'm everything she wants in a man. We met 3 times. At first her texts were so quick and really long. I loved chatting to her. Over time her texts became more withdrawn. She then tells me she likes me but she can't date at the moment due to work and money and her problems were overwhelming her and she didn't want the added pressure of dating me. I get a bit frustrated and ask her if it's me or anything that I said or did wrong. She says no but I could tell she got annoyed at that question. She then suggests it's probably best we don't speak anymore. I suggest I'm happy to give her space until she gets stuff sorted. She gives me various ambiguous answers. We had such an amazing connection and I don't want to lose her company. What do I say or do?
Miss Spider Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 (edited) 3 weeks ago I met this amazing woman. She told me she likes me and that I'm everything she wants in a man. We met 3 times. At first her texts were so quick and really long. I loved chatting to her. Over time her texts became more withdrawn. She then tells me she likes me but she can't date at the moment due to work and money and her problems were overwhelming her and she didn't want the added pressure of dating me. I get a bit frustrated and ask her if it's me or anything that I said or did wrong. She says no but I could tell she got annoyed at that question. She then suggests it's probably best we don't speak anymore. I suggest I'm happy to give her space until she gets stuff sorted. She gives me various ambiguous answers. We had such an amazing connection and I don't want to lose her company. What do I say or do? I think I see a bit of what you're doing wrong. You sound a bit overwhelming.. She told you she can't date because she has work and money problems and didn't want to pressure. That is a bogus excuse. Let's just get that out-of-the-way. But what you did next was the exact opposite thing you want to do with someone who is pulling back or telling you were adding pressure. You turn the heat on and chased. You came off clingy and insecure. She got annoyed. You don't want to ask women if/ why they lose interest in you. You will rarely get a straight answer, and won't know in the rare chance you do, so I suggest to not do it And after all this, she tells you she is no longer interested, yet you continue! You tell her you will give her space. You don't need to tell someone you will give them space. You just do it. An important thing to remember is we can't pressure or talk people into changing how they feel about us. Nothing is what you do. The answer is nothing Edited August 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Miss Spider Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 323 views and not many responses? Could anyone help My situation is getting really depressed and is affecting my confidence. You need to work on your confidence. I have a strong suspicion that you might be too "try-hard"(for lack of better term) and inauthentic/forced in your interactions with women. Could this be the case. It is something to ponder.
Author Superunknown91 Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 I think I see a bit of what you're doing wrong. You sound a bit overwhelming.. She told you she can't date because she has work and money problems and didn't want to pressure. That is a bogus excuse. Let's just get that out-of-the-way. But what you did next was the exact opposite thing you want to do with someone who is pulling back or telling you were adding pressure. You turn the heat on and chased. You came off clingy and insecure. She got annoyed. You don't want to ask women if/ why they lose interest in you. You will rarely get a straight answer, and won't know in the rare chance you do, so I suggest to not do it And after all this, she tells you she is no longer interested, yet you continue! You tell her you will give her space. You don't need to tell someone you will give them space. You just do it. An important thing to remember is we can't pressure or talk people into changing how they feel about us. Nothing is what you do. The answer is nothing Thanks very much for your reply. I'm just a bit confused as it was working out so well and she told me I was such an amazing person. We had sex one night and she told me she's never felt that way before. Then she got a bit more withdrawn and it made me confused. Just I've been rejected many times, often told there's been no spark, and then I start to wonder if it's my disability or height. Then all sorts of doubts start to play in my head. Yes you're right, when I do sense something has changed, I do turn the heat on so to speak. How do I stop that? I would love for them to chase me, not the other way around.
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