LoveNoLoss Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 I always love a good debate and would appreciate some opinions, especially from some of the regulars here. What constitutes serial cheating? More than one? A certain number of years between affairs? A lifetime cheater who has cheated on everybody they have been with? Can they reform? Why do they do it?
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 1. What constitutes serial cheating? a. More than one? b. A certain number of years between affairs? c. A lifetime cheater who has cheated on everybody they have been with? 2. Can they reform? 3.Why do they do it? 1. Any or all of the above. 2. Yes, but they have to want to and put forth the time and hard effort to rework what goes on inside their heads that makes them do it. People just need to re-learn how to act and react in given situations to make better choices for the health of their relationship. It takes time and effort though. The promises of a cheater are empty ones, as long as they apologize without taking steps to re-work those behavioral patterns. Some employ lots of willpower to overcome it. Some have partners that have the ability to empathise with the behavior (not agree with it, mind you) and can help them tackle the problem instead of aggravate it with continued behaviors that cause the cheater to want to lash out at them (confrontation, aggressive behavior, martyr behavior, etc.) 3. Why do they do it? There are as many answers as cheaters... but I think these might cover some basics: a. Some people simply and privately don't see anything wrong with it, they want to do it, and so they continue to do it. b. Some do it because they prioritize their needs and wants over the needs and wants of their partner. c. Some do it because they are unhappy in their current relationships, and the affair serves as an 'escape'. d. Some have personality and emotional issues that cause them to do it not for pleasure, but to perpetuate pain and form self-fulfilling prophecies. e. Some do it out of compulsive behavioral problems and literally don't understand their own behavior. f. Some do it because they are 'people pleasers' and don't want to say 'no' to someone who comes on to them. All sorts of different reasons. Every person has a personal reason.
Cecelius Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by LoveNoLoss Can they reform? Yes, but in my experience only after losing something because of the cheating. The cheater who is forgiven and accepted back in, like a child who goes unpunished, doesn't learn anything.
lynnspies1 Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 This is my life right now, I accepted my husband back after two separate affairs that were 8 years apart. He really got off scott free with both OW. He got to have his cake and eat it too, and then I cleaned him up, put clean clothes on him and sent him back out in the world to take advantage of another woman. He has not learned a thing an has not had to because I accepted what he did. Now, I am the one paying the price. It is my own damn fault. Watch your back ladies, he is smooth! Lynn
lilmoma1973 Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Hey Lovenoloss, I would have to say that someone being a serial cheater would be that they continually do it throughout the yrs.. Why they do it ? Who knows only god knows maybe its the new and the excitement of it.. Could be that they think they can do it and we won't find out.. Men say they do it cause we argue or bitch at them..
veronese Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 a. Some people simply and privately don't see anything wrong with it, they want to do it, and so they continue to do it. Check b. Some do it because they prioritize their needs and wants over the needs and wants of their partner. Check c. Some do it because they are unhappy in their current relationships, and the affair serves as an 'escape'. Check d. Some have personality and emotional issues that cause them to do Check e. Some do it out of compulsive behavioral problems and literally don't understand their own behavior. Check (I think!) f. Some do it because they are 'people pleasers' and don't want to say 'no' to someone who comes on to them. N/A Here's a couple more: g. Because he could h. Because he enjoyed their company and fancied them i. Because it made him feel like a knight in shining armour j. Because while being a vain, arrogant, and popular man, he is also riddled with self doubt and inadequacy. k. Because they needed him and I didn't (ha, ha, ha - you think?) l. Because with each new 'friend' his confidence grew and he actively pursued certain women. m. Because he had every confidence that my committment to him was strong and assured. No fears about losing me, time to spread the wonders of his company further afield. n. Because he didn't think he would ever be rumbled, a fair assumption in view of his accomplished performance o. Because other men were doing it p. Because they all provided elements of personalities I am not in possession of. q. Because I'm a moany old bag and pretty bloody irritating at times! Can he stop? How the hell do I know? From what I have read it's not very likely but not altogther impossible. We'll see
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