The most toxic girlfriend I've ever been with

[rathernotsay1]

Hello, so I'm new to the forum and after some research I came across this blog so I wanted to share with some of you my experience and can help me better understand what went wrong?

 

So a few months ago I met this girl on campus and we really hit it off, the bad? She had recently broke up with her ex so she was still somewhat vulnerable. Anyways, we went out and had sex and she even slept over my place for the next few days. A few days after that she wouldn't text me as often and then she said that her ex was looking for her and I got a bit upset, I was about to graduate so I was about to leave and she knew that so she started playing that you are about to leave, why do you want me card?

 

Eventually she got back with her ex and I didn't really care because at that point all it was for me was sex. She texted me the next day and asked me to meet her so I did, she told me that she got back with her ex, but she also said that she couldn't stop thinking about me. She then said that she didn't want to let me go, but at the same time I was leaving. So then we came into an agreement that I was going to stay around while she was dating her boyfriend (Not too proud of that) The only reason I agree to it it's because she said that he was really bad to her and all these bs, and that she missed her family a lot and she didn't want to be alone. She assured me that if I would stay longer she would stay with me and leave him in a heartbeat.

 

Anyways, a few days later getting closer to me leaving, I told her I had to stop seeing her because I was catching feelings. I told her that what we were doing was wrong and that I didn't know exactly why she wanted me around if she had a boyfriend. She kept saying that I made her happy and that I was really handsome, funny, energetic, and full of life. And that she was miserable with him. She said she didn't want to let me go, but I had to let her go. I'm about to leave and I really start missing her so I txt her, She txts me back saying that she misses me too.

 

We agree on meeting before I left, this time we didn't have sex, but we did make up and hug and talk about us. I thought that me being away from her I was going to be over her, but no. She would text me saying that she missed me and that she wished that I never left. She would text me all the time and even call me or send me pictures of her (I'll leave that to y'all s imagination). She then told me that she got in an argument with her boyfriend (again) and she broke up with him. I remember that day she facetime me and we were talking for a very long time, not once did she seem upset. If anything she seemed really happy. She then told me that she wanted to be with me.

 

I thought it was a bit crazy, doing the whole long distance, but she said that I was worth it and that she wanted to be with me because only I can make her happy. She said that after she was done we could live together so it was going to be worth it at the end. I really had feelings for her so I agreed. I trusted her because who in the right mind would suggest something like that you know? So we started dating, we would txt, call, facetime all the time despite the time difference and all that. I was a bit insecure because I knew her ex was still around so it was just a matter of time. A few days later I heard from my friends that her ex was with her and she never told me that. She finally called me and she said that she wanted to talk to me, she was mostly scared because she said that she thought I was going to break up with her. We talked and she said that he was looking for her, but that she told him that we were together and we were happy.

 

I believed it cause I wanted to trust her. Then she said that she went to his place to pick up some of her stuff, but when I asked her where the stuff was she said she threw it away.... I told her that the whole situation was sketchy, but I wanted to trust her. The next day she's getting ready and she told me that she was going to go out with her friends. I asked her if she wanted to go and she asked me if it was ok? So I said I trust you, I want you having fun, just don't do anything stupid. She was texting me for a bit, then she stopped. She even turned her phone off. A few hours later she told me that her phone died and that she was sorry. She stopped texting me again. A few minutes later her ex texts me a picture of her throwing up in her dorm trying to blame me for not talking her out of going out. My first thought was what is he doing there?! so then I called and he answered. He tried to act tough at first, but then we calmed down and we started talking. The truth was revealed. He said that she went looking for him the day she went out and that even before that they were texting and she was telling him that she was going out and he had agreed on picking her up from the club. He then said that when he asked her about us that she said that we were only friends and that she didn't have feelings for me. She told him that we never had sex and that we only met once.

 

Then when we were talking she told him that I was lying to him and that she asked him to put me on speaker because I was lying. I then hanged up and blocked her from social media. I was done with her lies. Especially since he told me that this wasn't the first time she would do that. I went to sleep and when I woke up i had a few missed calls from her and even a messenger request from her sister. Her sister started telling me that she called her crying saying that she loved me and that she misses me a lot, and explained to her everything that happened. She asked me to hear her out so I did. She called and she said that she was sorry and that she loved me and that she wanted me. I told her that so did I, but I couldn't trust her. I told her that if she really wanted me she had to win me back because we were only going to have issues as long as her ex was around. So she said that she wanted us to start over and I told her that she had to show me and she said that she was scared that she'll be trying to show me, but I end up not taking her back. I told her that that was the risk she needed to take. So then she said she was going to, she even said that she was going to go see me because she loved me and cared about me. She said that she didn't want her ex and that she was going to block him and never talk to him again.

 

The next day we were texting and she sent me a screenshot of her ex txting her to prove me that she wasn't replying to him. She said she was going to block him and that she was going to send me a screenshot, but she didn't. I asked about it and she said she was texting him, i asked her why and she said she wanted to tell him. She said multiple times that she wanted me and that she loved me and missed me, but she was scared that I could never take her back. I was like so you are going back to you ex? cool she was like no I want you, he only makes me miserable. So then I was like I'm far away and it seems like he's the easier option so you should go with him. She was like I don't want him, but you are right. So then she asked me if we could start over and then I said that i was going to take her back but she was playing games so then she said that she wanted me and if I could please take her back. I had to go inside for a meeting so I couldn't text her back.

 

When I got out she said that she wanted me and that she wanted me to go over and meet her family because it was going to help us stay closer. I called her and she said that she didn't know who she want because she felt like she was going to hurt both of us. I was texting her ex and he told me that last night they had sex and that she told him that she wanted him while doing it. I got mad because when she called me asking me to take her back she said that they didn't had sex. So I called her and I told her that I was done and that she was a terrible person and that everything that came out of her mouth was a lie. I hanged up and she told me that she wanted to tell me about them having sex and I told her that it was too late and that she was going to regret messing this up. She said that it wasn't too late and that she already regrets it. I stopped texting her and a few mins later she called me. I ignored it so she called me again. At the same time her ex told me that she was calling him and I told him that he could have her. I went inside work and haven't talked to her since. I'm sure her ex took her back and they're most likely together now. Her sister texted me asking me how it go and I told her. She got really upset because she doesn't like the guy.

 

She told me that her sister was being dumb because she feels lonely but that she know that she wants me and loves me. She said that when she called her telling her what happened that she was really upset and crying a lot, she said she's never seen her like that. She said that she would speak highly of me and that she even told her that she would 100% marry me because I was so awesome and nice to her. Her sister even said that she was going to regret it because her ex and her are not good for each other and that she's only with him because she doesn't want to be lonely. It's been 2 days now and I haven't contacted her or neither has she. I really miss her, but I'm being strong about this. She's still blocked from my social media and I cut all communications with her and her sister.

 

Sorry for the long post, but I guess I'm just trying to understand why would someone do this? Ruin something so good for someone that even they know aren't good for them. I have a feeling that she misses me too, I don't want her back, but part of me still wants her. I just felt a really strong connection with her, but all she did was lie.

Edited August 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Maldives]

Her going back and forth demonstrates one thing she's very insecure and she doesn't know what she wants. U know and can feel she's sabotaged anything wth u now u can't trust her and trust is a huge thing in a relationship trust me pardon the pun. Once that's broken it's virtually impossible to get back.

 

U can't trust her she's lied to u numerous times. Dude she's not worth the headache or pain despite ur connection she's ruined it. If u keep taking her back u know in the back of ur head u won't feel at peace wth trusting her. I know it's hard because u had a connection but she is toxic very toxic. As hard as it is walk away. I been there wen my ex cheated and she did the same thing and I gave her a few chances till it just hurt too much and I finally cut her off and set her loose it was the best thing i did for myself.

Edited August 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[elaine567]

1) she is young so doesn't really know what she wants.

2) she had an ex, which she was still very emotionally attached to.

As soon as you found that out, that was the moment to walk away.

NEVER get involved wth people who still have an ex hanging around as it is always YOU that gets very hurt. They either string you along as plan B or to make the ex jealous and then dump you to go back to the ex, or they realise that neither you (the rebound) nor the ex are really what they want and they move on to someone else totally. They may "choose" you by default if they cannot get their ex back but that is no basis for a proper relationship.

[Been]

I second that- never get involved with someone who has an ex orbiting around.

Been there. It was almost like she wanted it to work out with her ex and when it wouldnt she would comeback to me crying about how great I was.

Then her ex would contact her or she him and he had "changed" and shed drop me like a bad habit. Of course he didn't and a month would go by and she would contact me and "suddenly" realize how great I was.

This went on for awhile until I got exhausted by the back and forth.

Save yourself the headache unless you enjoy being the back up plan.

[Bromeo]

1) she is young so doesn't really know what she wants.

2) she had an ex, which she was still very emotionally attached to.

As soon as you found that out, that was the moment to walk away.

NEVER get involved wth people who still have an ex hanging around as it is always YOU that gets very hurt. They either string you along as plan B or to make the ex jealous and then dump you to go back to the ex, or they realise that neither you (the rebound) nor the ex are really what they want and they move on to someone else totally. They may "choose" you by default if they cannot get their ex back but that is no basis for a proper relationship.

 

This is very, very wise advice. I wish I had known this when I started dating the ex that brought me to loveshack. Please listen to this.

[ZayKayWill]

I don't think I'll ever understand why so many people see exes as such a threat. I guess my experience is just different. Not all people that keep exes around are doing it as a means as a Plan B in case things go wrong. I'm still very good friends with one of my exes and at one point was really good friends with her boyfriend. Just because 2 people stop dating doesn't mean you stop caring about that person. Some exes turn out to be the best of friends and that's literally all it is and nothing more. You may still love that person, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're still in love with them. Sure those 2 ex lovers could get back together, but any opposite sex friend you have has the potential to become something more, not just an ex. *shrug*

Edited August 28, 2017 by ZayKayWill