dburke845 Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 Long story short I've dated a guy for a year. We want the same goals in life; house, saving money, etc... But we're completely different. He's very serious and thinks that my independence allows me to not care as much. He feels our relationship should always come first, I should always include him if I go out with my friends and if I decide to do anything by myself, or just want to have dinner with my best friend that I'm being inconsiderate and not looking at our relationship as a whole. He always says that what I say and do is why he feels insecure about our relationship. Our recent fight was that I gave my brothers best friend a hug and didn't introduce him. Mind you I haven't seen him in over 5 years and I wanted to give him a hug. My brother introduce them as my boyfriend was leaving, but I didn't introduce them initially. I didn't mean to do that or make him feel like that. I think he's jealous and insecure. He hasn't called me in days. Suggestions?
Frostedflake Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 Yes, it is important to introduce your boyfriend. It shows regard for him and your relationship. I don't think you should chase him. Your post appears to want to make people think that he's being unreasonable and for someone to say you're better off without that kind of pressure- but can we be honest for a moment? People like to paint their ex as crazy and demanding and say that they aren't at fault. But there was fault or your ex wouldn't have acted that way. In fact, had he always been that way you likely wouldn't have dated him for a full year. So what happened in 12 months that made him feel insecure? It was not one dinner with your best friend that he wasn't invited to. It wasn't even hugging another guy in front of him and not being polite enough to give an introduction. Think back to all of the events that he got hurt about, when he got into this mood that eventually never lifted, and find the true problem here.
Author dburke845 Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 I agree 100% and take full responsibility for my actions. Should I leave him alone or reach out and apologize? I love him, but don't want to come across desperate. I usually contact him, but this time I haven't.
basil67 Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 He did the right thing. This man wanted more than you can give. Neither of you are wrong - it's just a compatibility issue. He needs a woman who will live her life around him, distance herself from her friends, put him above all else... and you're not her. I think you would do well with a guy who's not needy and already has a strong streak of independence. 2
Frostedflake Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 I agree 100% and take full responsibility for my actions. Should I leave him alone or reach out and apologize? I love him, but don't want to come across desperate. I usually contact him, but this time I haven't. Seeing as the fault was somewhere around being attentive to his feelings, I would suggest sending one message. Just one. It should reflect 1) Your acknowledgement of him being upset and how you contributed. 2) Resolution. What further actions you will take to fix that and be better. 3) The open ended conclusion, telling him you're ready to talk about it when he is. And that's all you can really do until he makes another move or gives you a clue about whether he wants to try again or not.
Blanco Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 I don't think there's a need to send any sort of message. And I don't think you should try again. You two aren't compatible. Don't feel bad. It's important to place priority on a relationship, but I think it's a red flag when someone doesn't want their partner to ever do anything social if they aren't involved. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 I don't think there's a need to send any sort of message. And I don't think you should try again. You two aren't compatible. Don't feel bad. It's important to place priority on a relationship, but I think it's a red flag when someone doesn't want their partner to ever do anything social if they aren't involved. I completely agree with everything above. This guy sounds absolutely suffocating and clingy, and controlling. Never wants you to do anything if he's not involved? Bad sign. Don't bother sending a message, OP. This guy isn't the right one for you and you wouldn't have been happy with him in the long run.
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