My soulmate left me

[Brokelove]

Don't know where else to turn so I am here now

 

So I met a girl at uni. She liked me from the moment we met but it took me a while to fall for her (3 months). But when I did I fell hard and we were so in love. We were so similar, so much so that sometimes we clashed but it was all part of the relationship. I met her family and just fell in love with everything about her, her life, her friends just everything .Anyway past forward 1 year. Im suffering with depression which has badly affected the relationship. I just became secluded and demotivated. The whole final year of uni was a real bad time. We would have such good times, then really bad times too. We still had our connection which was good but we just clashed constantly. We always said we would be together forever and we called each other our soulmates, we planned our kids names and planned on getting married within the next few years to start our life together. we still expressed deep love and how we couldn't live without each other. I knew that once pass this period we would have such a great life.

 

She moved back home after uni term had ended and then one day just decided to end it, she did it so easily without a care in the world. After convincing her we ended up meeting up again for a few weeks whilst she was back at uni for final exams, we slept together and expressed our love once more. She then went home fully and literally forget I existed. She felt absolutely nothing for us anymore and told me that she got used to not seeing me within a week and that I should move on etc. She then started to get really horrible when I tried to ask why and treated me terribly.

 

2 months ago he blocked me off of everything, started seeing someone else and I will never ever see her again now, I'm filled with anxiety and cant sleep or eat or function properly. All I can think about is all the mistakes I made and there were more than a few. I was so in love with her and everything about her and I don't think I will ever be able to get over this. She was my soulmate and we connected on every single ever you can think of. How could she do this? Has anyone been through this and got any advice for me? Please?

Edited August 27, 2017 by Brokelove

[hushed3014]

I have not been in this situation. But I am sorry she is treating you this way. To end things so abruptly and to be so rude about things is totally out of line with her. With all that you had with her she should have been more sensitive and caring about the situation.

I pray you find peace about the situation and find someone that loves you with all their heart and treats you way better.

[Fishforbreakfast]

Omg I feel your pain but one advice that would help me if someone left me like that would be "she didn't want to be with me" I feel like that makes it easier then if she cheated or you cheated or something else. She left easily and without much care which is a horrible thing to do but it mustn't of been meant to be or you would be together now. My ex broke up with me because he thought I was cheating but I wasn't and i dealt with it really bad because I thought we were meant to be together forever and would of rather him say "I just don't love you anymore" then I feel like you can't argue with that because it's just facts and you can't make someone love you. You will get through this a stronger man, use the devastation as a fuel to dig dip and work on doing stuff that makes you feel useful and passionate and get outside in nature roo

[Maldives]

Yes I been thru this now about 5 times lol no joke 5 excruciatingly painful rejection breakups the most recent being almost a yr ago she built me up so much ur my soulmate never loved anyone like u I've learnt this can be a red flag. I've never ever been able to work out how a woman can just switch from loving u so deeply to moving on to someone literally within weeks it's never made sense and I know I hear it on hear all the time that they been checking out but I guess I'm different that wen I love someone I stay even at the expense of my own happiness im very loyal and can just never understand this part how they switch there feelings. I'm left confused actually wether they ever really did love me and wonder about that for yrs I feel like they're love is all about them about there needs and if there needs aren't being met they leave in a heart beat kind of selfish if u ask me sorry I couldn't help wth an explanation but I can definatley relate to where your at been there many times and takes yrs to heal and forget them

[Brokelove]

@goodguy05 She said I was everything to her. Now she's with someone else so quickly. How did you heal from it?

[Maldives]

Ur not gonna like this answer dude how did i heal? Time and lots of it. Each ones taken me I can only speak for myself a good 2 to 3 yrs to totally indifferent and over em. My ex wife took longer. We were together 10 yrs and I made the mistake of trying to m9ve on too quickly without processing the feelings.

 

The advice I can offer to maybe effectively heal better and more efficiently...process th3 emotions meaning wen u feel the pain really feel it don't try and block it out especially wth alcohol all that does is prolong the healing it'll catch up wth u one way or another. Wen u feel like crying cry. The other therapy really works in more ways than one not only gets things off ur chest but unravels the damage if u can find a really good therapist.

 

Hang out heaps wth friends. Have a close friend u can talk about the break up that will really listen and not tell u to get over it until ur blue in the face. I been fortunate to have I guess a couple friends who have really helped and been there for me even though there sick of hearing it they know me well enough and the situation to help me heal.

The other is definatley no contact for ur healing. Times probably the most important but it's also way u do in that time. I wouldn't recommend a rebound or dating too soon altho sometimes this has helped me. Just be aware that unless it's some one better then ur ex it's gonna be a rebound and it's possible the rebound will hurt as well once that ends. I've had scenarios where I've rebounded because the pain was just too much but then because I wasn't really present wth that relationship it's ended and I've found myself in a place where I'm deal8ng wth that and the past breakup so it can get messy. Although it had also helped heal in the past. This time I kinda chose not to go down that path. Anyway that's my 2 bobs worth

[Maldives]

I wanted to add.....travels really good as in a trip overseas. I wouldn't go straight away as in wen ur still hurting badly. I've done this a few weeks after the break up i took off to new Zealand jumped out of planes just to forget the pain lol but I actually felt lonelier as the pain was too fresh and didn't have friends around to reach out to. Wait a little while til ur healed somewhat. I remember doing a trip after almost 2 yrs after the 1st break up to south America and that trip finally helped me let go and move on. Anyway if u time it right it can really help u finally let go

[Maldives]

LASTLY sorry to be a source here haha but I feel i really have somsthing here to offer u...even though things are painful and **** at the moment don't lose a grip on things.work hard improve ur prospects get a better paying role where u r or promotion learn something...really important keep fit and get in good shape. When u come out of the funk and pain u will be in a good place even though you have gone thru hell ur career is better uve come out of it better then wen u went in it..I can't emphasise this enough. Don't let the pain defeat u even though it feels like the worst thing ever it will pass it will become bearable u will heal it's how u come out of it on the other end that will count. Don't drop the ball.

 

I learnt this from my very 1st painful breakup. I did drop the ball after she dumped me I couldn't focus at uni I basically failed almost every subject got kicked out of uni put on weight I went backwards my ex on the other hand got married and went forward. It was an important lesson for me even though ur hurting more then the ex don't let it defeat and destroy u. Stay on top focus very important..

Edited August 28, 2017 by Goodguy05

[FML_101]

I've been rejected a few times myself and let me tell you the pain is real.

 

Honestly, the first few were atrocious I made every mistake that one could make when trying to heal after a break up. But I feel like I've learned how to cope better. After reading your post I do have some advice and helpful tips for you. Everybody's different so they might not work for you like they work for me but it's probably worth a shot.

 

1.) don't drink or do drugs, to numb yourself. I always make this mistake. But I've cut it back after every heartbreak. First time, I was a raging alcoholic for 2 months. The second time it lasted a month. This time around I did it for a week.

 

2.) this is a giant cliche, but it is so true. Work out and excercise every day. It realeases endorphins, relieves stress and anxiety, and builds your self confidence.

 

3.) Start writing a journal of how you feel everyday. This will help you slow down the millions of thoughts you have bouncing around your head. Force you to come to grips with what happened. And it is therapeutic. When I get an uncontrollable wave of grief, I start writing. Also when you get a month or two worth of entries in it, you can look back at your first few entries and clearly see the progress you've made.

 

4.) knock her of that pedestal you have her on. While writing your journal start pointing out all of her flaws and humanize her. I know for a fact she was not perfect. Make the list as long as possible. Stop referring to her as your soulmate. There is somebody else out there, who will make you happier than she did. I know that for a fact. You just need to start believing it.

 

5.) you need to stop asking yourself questions like. Why doesn't she love me anymore? How could she move on so fast? Or Why would she do this to me? I guarantee if you got answers to those questions, she would either be lying, you wouldn't believe her, or the truth would make you feel worse. There is no satisfactory answers that will put your mind at ease. Instead of asking those questions what you should start saying is. She doesn't love me anymore. She moved on so fast. She did this to me. It will be tough, but you need to come around to accepting it. That is the only way you can make progress.

 

6.) Somethig I've just done is write my ex a letter (do not send it). Essentially the letter was me telling her why we cannot be together. I got a moment of clarity as I finished and I felt normal for a bit afterwards. I keep rereading when I start thinking that maybe we can be together and it puts me right back on to the path of healing.

 

Also check out the website breakuprecoveryguide.com reread it everyday if you have to. I've reread it 3 times since my breakup. It's a great resource which helps you come to grips with everything you are going through.

 

I know this sucks, all of us here have been through/ are going through the same thing, but you will persevere and recover like the rest of us!

Edited August 28, 2017 by FML_101
Missed a word

[FML_101]

I can't believe I forgot about this tip! This is the most important. NO CONTACT! Do not try to get in touch with her. I know you said she blocked you, but you would be well served to return the favor.

 

I would not be surprise if she contacts you out of the blue, just to check in on you because she feels guilty. You risk misinterpreting her pathetic relief of guilt as her trying to make amends. And then whatever healing you've done goes out the window and you start all over again. It's awful how people don't understand how terrible "checking in" is mentally for their broken-hearted ex.

 

Delete or throw out all photos, videos, mementos, and anything that reminds you of her or that she had a connection with. Dwelling on these items will keep you from moving forward and you will find the waves of grief will be much less frequent if you don't have as many things in your life that remind you of her.

 

This is all much easier said then done, I know. I just got around to deleting all of the photos I had of her on my phone. I don't want to risk looking at them and falling backwards on my path to recovery.

 

Our old relationship doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is me! The same goes for you!

[Kelly08]

I've had my fare share of heartbreaks, if there's one lesson I learned it is if they left then it wasn't meant to be, there's someone much better in your future. All the advice listed so far by other users is the way to deal. No contact and workouts are one of the best things you can do.

I also don't believe in soulmates anymore, relationships are work by both you and your partner, you will meet someone new who deserves you when you are ready. For now just work on getting back to being you, and eventually being happy by yourself. words like all happens for a reason is the last thing you want to hear right now, but you will come out of this stronger, and one day will be able to look back at it as a lesson.

Also checkout videos by Tony Robbins, there's enough free content on YouTube. When I recently messed up watching them really helped me to get control over my thoughts, emotions and actions that I was taking under stress and fix things.

[FML_101]

I agree with Kelly08, soulmates are something that should be left to C+ romcoms. Real relationships take work, understanding, and selflessness. If the person you were with didn't have the ability to give that to you, than that is a relationship you shouldn't have been in.

 

I gave that to my ex, she wasn't willing or able to give it back. The sooner I wrapped my head around that (after she broke up with me) the sooner I started feeling better.

 

Even when I was with my ex, willingly giving her my unconditional and selfless love (I really did love her and thought I would marry her). I always knew in the back of my head that there were other people out there, who could give me happiness. I never had the ability or will to cheat (I gave a hard pass to every opportunity. And I am still proud of myself that I did that, and would never change how I handled it). But I also knew that love was a chemical reaction of your brain, and that there are other people, who could flip those switches, and potentially give me happiness in the same way.

 

Trust me my friend, you are going to be better off once you learn acceptance, and stop yourself from commiting self pity. There are plenty of people, who will love to love you. You just need to learn how to love yourself first.

[Sweetfish]

Soul mate? Like someone took the time to produce another human just for you? Nope.. doesn't happen.

[Brokelove]

Long story short the love of my life left me after she told me she no longer loved me. I would love to say I did nothing wrong but I did a million things wrong (not cheating or anything like that) but now its haunting me every where I go and everything I do.

 

My anxiety has gone through the roof I cant eat,sleep, move around. I just blame myself all day and its the worse feeling ever.

 

She now hates me because I took the break up so badly. I will never see her again.

 

Someone please send me some advice

[preraph]

I'm sorry you're hurting. Now that you realize you played a big part in running her off, spend some time thinking how to fix yourself so you don't do it again on the next woman. You've crossed the line with her and it's over and done. So you need to leave her completely alone and respect her decision and move on.

 

Spend time with friends but don't dwell on it except to assess your own failings and how you can do better next woman. Good luck.

[Growing_Changing]

Just went through it, you're welcome to go and read my story if it helps. 2 year relationship, I'm two months deep, one month deep into No contact. It is important that you focus on you, the phrase fake it to you make it applies here..

Find a new hobby or master a hobby you already have, you have the opportunity to really sling shot from all this and be a bigger and better person at the end of it. Its best that you hide all thoughts of her and tell yourself things like,"I can do this." in the mirror.. It helps, really.

Try and rebuild that confidence, the biggest thing that has helped me is

THE GYM

Seriously it helps so much, stick to it, take a long shower afterwards and blast cold water at the end.

Some other ideas

 

1. - Listen to motivational speeches on youtube when you're feeling weak.
   
2. - Look up Coach Cory Wayne (so many great videos on coping)
   
3. - Get new clothing, change the hair, groom in general
   
4. - Start research on something completely new
   
5. - Talk to someone you find attractive
   
6. - Eat healthy / look up nutrition plans
   
7. - Take time to see old friends/ vent to close friends
   
8. - Adventure somewhere new
   
9. - Read a book about progressing yourself
   
10. - Find a new genre of music completely unrelated to her
    

 

 

I understand man, my ex told me she no longer loved me too, hold in there. Go no contact, leave it in the rearview mirror brother, You're not alone. Now rise up and show the world your worth, you're just scared and weak but that skin sheds.. Wake up! You got this!

[Brokelove]

All I can imagine day and night is my ex sleeping with other guys. How can I stop this? Can anyone else share their thoughts or experiences please? Will this stop?

[preraph]

It will stop once you face reality and also start dating other women. Also, you need to get active so you don't have all day to sit around and dwell. I mean, what does it take away from you when your ex is seeing other men? You were never going to be with her again anyway.

[Brokelove]

You really think seeing other women will help?

[Popsicle]

I have felt this before. It's a sign that you really did enjoy sex with that person. I think you're not really imagining it, but more fearing it will happen. Once it really happens (she has sex with another) you will finally let her go.

 

Alternatively, you can do what preraph suggests and move on to seeing other women that you like. That will also break this possessive bond you have with your ex. As your possessiveness will transfer to another woman. You have to like the new woman a lot though. (It's possible!)

[d0nnivain]

It is a painful image. When I broke up with one EX my biggest fear was that he'd start dating a former friend of mine who had been a mutual friend. Made me nuts.

 

You just have to remind yourself that she's your EX which means she's free to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants & it's no longer any of your business. Just like you are free to live your life without her interference. You also remember why she's your EX & why you are better off apart. Even if you are the dumpee; you are better off apart because you deserve to be with somebody who wants to be with you.

[Brokelove]

I had the best relationship with the best girl. I mean the best and she loved me purely for me, it was great. We connected on all levels possible, we could even see what we were thinking before anything was even said. We both got so close to each others family too.

 

A year into the relationship I kissed another girl on a night out and whilst usually people could brush it off I could not. The guilt ate at me like nothing else ever will. I couldn't confess or she would leave so I kept it to myself, over the course of the next year the guilt destroyed me and it eventually destroyed the relationship to the point now she hates me and I haven't seen her in months and probably never will again.

 

How can I live with myself, that one action killed the best thing that ever happened to me and now thats eating me up. Please some advice would be great

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I had the best relationship with the best girl. I mean the best and she loved me purely for me, it was great. We connected on all levels possible, we could even see what we were thinking before anything was even said. We both got so close to each others family too.

 

A year into the relationship I kissed another girl on a night out and whilst usually people could brush it off I could not. The guilt ate at me like nothing else ever will. I couldn't confess or she would leave so I kept it to myself, over the course of the next year the guilt destroyed me and it eventually destroyed the relationship to the point now she hates me and I haven't seen her in months and probably never will again.

 

How can I live with myself, that one action killed the best thing that ever happened to me and now thats eating me up. Please some advice would be great

 

I'm curious how the guilt of it destroyed your relationship without you even telling her. What were you doing? How were you acting?

[spiderowl]

You didn't explain whether or not you told your girlfriend what you had done. I don't think kissing one girl on a night out is the greatest mistake ever. It is cheating but if that was as far as it went and you never plan to do that again with anyone other than your girlfriend, then I think you are blaming yourself far too much.