How do you know when your READY to move on?

[totallyconfused]

How do you know when your READY to move on? Post: 1 | Quote:

 

i just recently broke up with my x of 4 years a good month ago. it was a pretty devastating ending as i caught him cheating/lying to me. i got over it about a good week or two and have just been doing my own thing.

 

well suddenly im caught in the whirlwind of flirting incessantly with a co-worker for the past month. hes not really a co-worker b/c i'm only an intern and will be outta there at the end of the month. we have a great time and talk alot. i've never met anyone like him who can keep up with me! b/c of work, we go out to lunch together everyday and we've hung outside of work twice. we have a fantastic time just talking and laughing hysterically. he tells me he's really comfortable with me. and i am comfortable with him. its about that time now tho...i feel like it needs to go ahead the next step, and he's been saying "...whenever your ready" kinda deal. and now throughout all this fun i'm having, my x wants to get back together with me. but i cant go back to him b/c he's messed up so badly and i just dont think i believe in second chances.

 

so now that i'm NOT in a relationship, i'm not so sure how to know when im ready? i feel like, yeah i might be on the rebound, but this guy is so awesome. like hes defenitely a keeper rebound or not. he's got great values and we just have a good time together. he's been single for almost a year and he's had a similar past as mine (though no cheating!) so i think we'd do great.

 

i feel like i am only holding myself back only b/c everyone seems to tell me not to rush into things. i'm trying to be smart, but i'm just doing things/saying things that come naturally. how do you know when your ready to get back in the game? is there a time limit? like over 2 months or something?

 

of course i still care about the x, but i just know that i dont want to get back with him b/c he will hurt me again and he wasnt right for me anyways. but this guy, the chemistry is there. so do i just jump on it and hope for the best? times a wastin, my internship is ending very soon...lol. and what can i expect after it? im going back to school about 6 hours away from him so...idk. shud i just keep myself on the down low or have fun with no strings attached?

 

i guess i've been out of the dating game for so long, idk what is the etiquette anymore

[pearlsasinger]

Four years is a long time. Did you love him? In my own case I think I would need at least 6 months or a year to even begin to think about dating anyone seriously again.

 

Maybe you owe it to yourself to take a break for awhile, reflect on the relationship and what you learned. I know it's easy to get lonely. But give your heart some time to heal. Maybe discover yourself again.

 

There really is no time limit. It's whenever you feel ready.

 

Would you be able to come to terms if it didn't work out? Are you prepared for heartbreak again so soon if that happens to be the outcome? If you not sure, why not just stay friends for awhile.

[my_manda]

I do not think anyone can answer the question of whether it is too soon but you. I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years and we broke up six months ago. I can tell you that the first couple of months, I thought my hurt would never cease, and I felt like my world was going to collapse in on me half the time. In short, I was MISERABLE. Then, one day, I woke up and willed myself that I would not cry over him anymore. That did not mean things did not hurt, but it meant that I had resolved to get out there and live again. A month later, I had a pivotal day, I went through a day without thinking of him, and the next.....I remember walking to the breakroom at my office and thinking "Gee I have not thought about him in a few days!". I have had shorter relationships that took me much longer to heal. Because of circumstances, etc, I think that if you feel ready to move on and like you have met someone special then there is no reason to not see what happens. My one word of caution........TAKE THINGS SLOW!

 

I have made the mistake of not trying to replace my ex, but the relationship too quickly with men I date, and it scares them off. In addition, a relationship takes time. As long as you know you are trying to start something new and not re-create the past feelings you have had, I think you will be fine! Good luck to you, I am thrilled to hear you have met someone who makes your heart sing, that is the first sign that you are on your way to healing, when someone else can move you in ways you thought only your ex would be able to. Take care.