Cheerchix Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 Hi all, I'm new to this forum. A bit about my situation, I'm newly dating my guy. We met online in July and we have been seeing each other exclusively since. When we first met I had no idea we would hit it off so well, we had an instant connection on our first date and things have been going very well since. He is a special guy, considerate, kind, smart, talented and he makes me laugh so hard it hurts. Small hiccup is he is moving back to OK early September and will be gone for a couple months. He is in the film industry and travels to be on set and runs film fests around the country so as much as he travels a lot for work, he is flexible to work remotely wherever he wants. We have discussed that we both want to wait for each other and continue building on this even while he is away, this obviously would include travelling to see him maybe once a month. My dilemma is this. I can feel myself falling for him, I get butterflies when I think about him and miss him when we are apart. I have not felt this way in a long time and I'm scared to let myself get more attached knowing he is leaving. Do I keep my cards close and protect my heart or do I let myself be vulnerable and tell him how I feel? Thanks!
Robratory Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 I'm new to this forum. A bit about my situation, I'm newly dating my guy. We met online in July and we have been seeing each other exclusively since. When we first met I had no idea we would hit it off so well, we had an instant connection on our first date and things have been going very well since. He is a special guy, considerate, kind, smart, talented and he makes me laugh so hard it hurts. Small hiccup is he is moving back to OK early September and will be gone for a couple months. He is in the film industry and travels to be on set and runs film fests around the country so as much as he travels a lot for work, he is flexible to work remotely wherever he wants. We have discussed that we both want to wait for each other and continue building on this even while he is away, this obviously would include travelling to see him maybe once a month. My dilemma is this. I can feel myself falling for him, I get butterflies when I think about him and miss him when we are apart. I have not felt this way in a long time and I'm scared to let myself get more attached knowing he is leaving. Do I keep my cards close and protect my heart or do I let myself be vulnerable and tell him how I feel? I'm glad things have been going well, but I think two months is a bit soon to pull out all the stops. Getting butterflies and missing the other person is always supposed to happen in the early days. It's the hormones. Mother Nature is trying to get you two to make a baby and not just sit around playing Scrabble. You say he's moving back to Oklahoma, which means his permanent address isn't where you live. Suppose things get better and better. Who is going to change their permanent address? That's going to be an important decision.
Author Cheerchix Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 I agree 2 months is a short period of time. It's hard to shake this feeling when I know how rare it is to find someone you feel connected to, and I don't necessarily want to throw it away. Yes, he has a shared house in OK but travels all over for work, and comes back to Chicago often. If we get to the point of having the talks of relocation he knows it would have to be him. He has mentioned his job is flexible enough where he can chose what city to work out of and he's in Chicago for work often so it's not out of the question.
Author Cheerchix Posted September 1, 2017 Author Posted September 1, 2017 Just a bit of an update, we hung out for 3 straight days last week and our time together is getting more couply and comfortable. He leaves next Tuesday and we have plans to spend all day together Monday before he leaves. I feel like I need to tell him how I'm feeling before he goes and see if we are on the same page. If he's not I think that will be our goodbye. I can't let him leave and not know how he feels and I'll regret not having the conversation face to face. Any advice or thoughts? Nervous in Chicago!
Slowlydrifting Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 Just a bit of an update, we hung out for 3 straight days last week and our time together is getting more couply and comfortable. He leaves next Tuesday and we have plans to spend all day together Monday before he leaves. I feel like I need to tell him how I'm feeling before he goes and see if we are on the same page. If he's not I think that will be our goodbye. I can't let him leave and not know how he feels and I'll regret not having the conversation face to face. Any advice or thoughts? Nervous in Chicago! You have nothing to lose by telling him how you feel. I couldn't deal with the limbo aspect. Either he will be in agreement or he won't but at least you will know!
preraph Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 It's way too early to be confessing your feelings. You have only met him in July. If you tell him now, he'll know you don't know him well enough to really know if you love him or not. Better to just say how much you've enjoyed your time. Confessing love too early scares men off. They are delicate creatures. 3
Gaeta Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 (edited) What exactly do you want to tell him after only 2 months dating. Yes you feel you are falling for him but it's normal to feel that way at the beginning, you don't even know if you will feel the same way next week. If he wants to continue this relationship while he's gone it's because he likes you a lot as well. You want a confirmation this will not blow up and he cannot give it to you. You don't know what tomorrow will bring and he doesn't know either. Asking him to confirm any feelings at this point would be too much pressure too soon on this blooming relationship. Just enjoy it for what it is, one day at a time. Edited September 1, 2017 by Gaeta 2
joseb Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 We have discussed that we both want to wait for each other and continue building on this even while he is away, this obviously would include travelling to see him maybe once a month. It kind of sounds like you have both reach discussed that you like each other and want to pursue it. What exactly are you going to say to him? That you like him? I think he knows that. If you are going to say you love him after only a few weeks of dating, then I agree that is likely to backfire. 1
Author Cheerchix Posted September 1, 2017 Author Posted September 1, 2017 No one said anything about I love you's, I want to know if he sees relationship potential so I can assess if it's worth investing my time/emotions into a long distance situation.
preraph Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Too early. If you have the "Where is this going," you are taking a big chance that he will think you're just going to be one of those women who wants to get committed and marriage and pregnant too soon. It's not even 2 months!! 1
joseb Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 No one said anything about I love you's, I want to know if he sees relationship potential so I can assess if it's worth investing my time/emotions into a long distance situation. "We have discussed that we both want to wait for each other and continue building on this even while he is away" Well in that same it sounds like you have already discussed it. Not sure what else you need to know... No-one has a crystal ball to give you some kind of guarantee it will work out... 2
Miss Spider Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 (edited) No one said anything about I love you's, I want to know if he sees relationship potential so I can assess if it's worth investing my time/emotions into a long distance situation. It's not too soon to talk about where he sees it going. Some people have that after a few dates. The only thing right now you are scared of is the truth. Finding out what he feels. However, the truth remains the truth irrespective of whether you are aware of it. Don't you want to be aware if he sees this "thing" going anywhere so you can make the best decision for you? He should know by now if he sees a relationship with you in the future. That's not too much to ask. You aren't even asking for a commitment right now. A lot of people would already be in a relationship after 2 mo. I will say if you have no idea if he wants a relationship with you at 2 months then the answer seems clear to me, sorry to say. Long distance/traveling relationships are really tough, and most guys just aren't wired for it. Edited September 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 We have discussed that we both want to wait for each other and continue building on this even while he is away, this obviously would include travelling to see him maybe once a month. I don't know that I would confess my feelings right before he moves. If he brings it up, fine. I'd hold my tongue & enjoy the time before he goes. When you go to visit him the 1st time since you said that is the plan, talk about it then, after you see how the LDR goes & what the new normal looks like. If you can't survive the 1st month, then it will be easier to heal from the break up. In short -- be optimistic but cautious.
Author Cheerchix Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 We had a chat last night, i didn't spill, rather it was a conversation about realistic expectations for both sides given our situation. You guys are right being that we've only been dating for 2 months it's too soon to put unnecessary pressure or asking for some kind of reassurance that this is going to work. He doesn't know that, nor do I. We did end the conversation with him telling me he is all in, and wants to give this a shot. We already started talking about me flying out to see him at the end of September. I think that's the reassurance I need from him, just to know he sincerely wants to give this a chance. The rest will happen naturally, and if we can make it through the couple months apart the feelings will get stronger and be more appropriately expressed. I feel better knowing him and I are on the same page. Can't wait to spend the day with him monday without this looming over my head. Now if anyone has any tips on how to stay connected, feel free to share. Wish us luck!
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 You stay connected using all the technology at your disposal. Don't forget snail mail. That tangible letter can be more comfort then a text or e-mail. As we were about to be separated by distance, an EX of mine bought be a heart pillow with arms for when I needed a hug. It was very cute. (Don't worry; the distance is not what broke that EX & I apart)
kendahke Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 (edited) Hi all, I'm new to this forum. A bit about my situation, I'm newly dating my guy. We met online in July and we have been seeing each other exclusively since. When we first met I had no idea we would hit it off so well, we had an instant connection on our first date and things have been going very well since. He is a special guy, considerate, kind, smart, talented and he makes me laugh so hard it hurts. Small hiccup is he is moving back to OK early September and will be gone for a couple months. He is in the film industry and travels to be on set and runs film fests around the country so as much as he travels a lot for work, he is flexible to work remotely wherever he wants. We have discussed that we both want to wait for each other and continue building on this even while he is away, this obviously would include travelling to see him maybe once a month. My dilemma is this. I can feel myself falling for him, I get butterflies when I think about him and miss him when we are apart. I have not felt this way in a long time and I'm scared to let myself get more attached knowing he is leaving. Do I keep my cards close and protect my heart or do I let myself be vulnerable and tell him how I feel? Thanks! As attractive as he is to you, he is an unavailable man, and that may be why he is so enticing to you. If he was not leaving to work all the time and was staying put, that would be a different scenario. You'd have way more time for face to face, in-person time with one another, Right now, this has the potential of both of you building up the each other in your heads and falling in love with that idealized version rather than the real one who has faults, smells, bad habits and a whole life that went on before July. You need to figure out if it's more your feelings for him or if it's the notion that you can't have what you want and that makes you want him more. Also, if you're cool with being in an LDR with him being on the road so much. He may be flexible right now, but he can't speak on the demands on his time in the future. Life has a way of messing up plans. IF he's traveling all the time for his job, that means you're going to have to put up with stretches of time where he's not going to be in town, especially after the first of the year when all the film festivals begin taking place. That means days like Valentine's Day may be missed because he's working out of town. Right now, you need to keep your feelings to yourself until you see exactly how often he really is out of town, how he acts when he's out of town and you two have become more comfortable with each other out of each other's presence. You're dealing with each other's representatives right now and both of you are on your best behavior, but the day is rapidly approaching when those representatives will be dismissed and the real you's come to the fore---and that is who you will be having the relationship with, not the character you're dealing with now. Unrealistic expectations are fertilizer for future resentments, so keep your expectations in check and in alignment with what the length of your relationship can bear. Edited September 2, 2017 by kendahke
Author Cheerchix Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 I don't think the lure of an unavailable man is the driving motivation here at all, if anything it's made us have to think outside of our shiny new relationship. We know it's won't be easy and that it'll take work and transparency, believe me it's not a very attractive or ideal scenario. You are correct in saying we both don't know how we will act with the distance, I guess only time will tell. We've already been pretty open with eachother with our true selves, he's already seen my idiosyncrasies and I've seen his. Do we know everything about eachother, of course not but I think we are beyond the "best behavior" show that a lot of couples go through in the beginning. We are both willing to try and think that says a lot, and that's all that we can do..
Gaeta Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 (edited) Now if anyone has any tips on how to stay connected, feel free to share. Wish us luck! I know personally phone conversations where I can hear my guy's voice, where I can hear him laugh and tell me stories, is the best way to stay connected with him. To me that is a real close and intimate exchange. The texting and emailing can't be compared to that. I'd say make phone calls or skype your main way to touch base. Good luck :-) When I met my ex-H he left the country for a tour of duty only 1 month after our first meeting. I waited his return 7 months. Back then there was no email or texting, we wrote to each other and I got 2 phone calls in 7 months. Edited September 2, 2017 by Gaeta
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