Just broke 1 month of NC with a letter of apology, is it the right thing to do ?

[PegNosePete]

Jesus, the pain is so much to endure....

Yes... the more you break NC, the worse it will be.

[RightHand]

My ex gf broke up with me 1 month and 15 days ago (we had been in a 8 months LDR), I said something that she found offensive and she couldn't take it anymore (she was really stressed at the time).

 

I asked for a second chance and she refused, I gone NC ever since (5 weeks until now). And today I have sent an email of apology. Here is it.

 

Hi

 

First and foremost, I always respect your decision and I’m not trying to change your mind by writing you this letter. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for what happened. There are many things that I wish I had done differently.

 

What we had was amazing and started for all of the right reasons, but I know that we rushed ourselves into an unfortunate circumstance without solution. In retrospect, I can see why we broke up. This summer when you were lonely and eveything in your life was not going the way you wanted, you need somebody to lean on in the time of sadness. I aware that I didn’t do my job as a boyfriend, who you can trust, to whom you can turn to relieve your stress and frustration.

 

Last week I had a conversation with an old friend. What she said made me truly understood what did you feel. The words I said hurted you deeply in a way that I have always regretted ever since. I wish I have opportunity to make it up to you, maybe a cup of hot chocolate and a long walk with more lame jokes (which are actually funny I promise), maybe taking you to see your favorite movie in a rainy sunday afternoon, or maybe just simple as me giving you a flower and saying “Babe I’m so sorry”. But with the difficulty of distance, all I can do is writing you this letter of sincere apology.

 

About the status that I posted on facebook, I can see that I was immature at the moment. I acted out of desperation and that was an indecent thing to do. There were some inappropriate comments that maybe you found offensive, I privately inboxed them and talked to them and eventually they wanted send you their apology for their behavior. But I want you to know that the status I posted, I didn’t mean anything harmful to you.

 

There isn’t a day that goes by that doesn’t remind me of the great times we shared - The early walk by the beach, late night conversations, we doing your homeworks together, the silly stories I told to make you laugh, the songs I sang to you with a voice of a pig giving birth to farm tools. But I know that was just memories, things happened from the past that I shouldn’t cling to.

 

So please accept this as an apology from an ex boyfriend who's learned to let the one he loved go.

 

She hasn't reply yet (maybe she never will). But did I do the right thing ?

[bluefeather]

First and foremost, I always respect your decision and I’m not trying to change your mind by writing you this letter.

 

It's never a good idea to start a letter off with a lie. And I believe that is what you did.

[RightHand]

It's never a good idea to start a letter off with a lie. And I believe that is what you did.

 

I truly want to let her go, things just not working.

But if you get the impression like that then maybe i screwed this up.

[Hbroken]

the letter is more about about you than about her. by this i mean that somewhere you want something from her and this is why you have reached out to her. If you dont want anything from her, you will appear stronger and less needy if you dont reach out to her in any way.

 

If you do want something from her then i guess this is a sweet way to reach out to her although you are giving her some power and control and my own experience tells me that women will seldom respect you showing them your vulnerability and will use this as an additional step to get 'over' you or push you in the friend's zone.

 

You seem like a nice guy. Dont beat yourself about this. Learn from this and be a better and more importantly stronger person and partner in your next relationship. When you start doing this, you never know...she may suddenly even reappear:-)

[ExpatInItaly]

I am sure you had good intentions, but you should really only ever send letters like that if you're comfortable not getting a reply, or not the reply you'd hoped for.

 

What was it you said that offended her to the point that broke up with you, and what is this about a FB status post? Without knowing the details it's a bit hard to advise.

[RightHand]

the letter is more about about you than about her. by this i mean that somewhere you want something from her and this is why you have reached out to her. If you dont want anything from her, you will appear stronger and less needy if you dont reach out to her in any way.

 

If you do want something from her then i guess this is a sweet way to reach out to her although you are giving her some power and control and my own experience tells me that women will seldom respect you showing them your vulnerability and will use this as an additional step to get 'over' you or push you in the friend's zone.

 

You seem like a nice guy. Dont beat yourself about this. Learn from this and be a better and more importantly stronger person and partner in your next relationship. When you start doing this, you never know...she may suddenly even reappear:-)

 

I'm not sure if I'm over her or not, but I'm not in pain anymore and I think that I hold reponsible for what I had done. We broke up in good terms. But I have learned much from this relationship :-)

 

I am sure you had good intentions, but you should really only ever send letters like that if you're comfortable not getting a reply, or not the reply you'd hoped for.

 

What was it you said that offended her to the point that broke up with you, and what is this about a FB status post? Without knowing the details it's a bit hard to advise.

 

I don't think she will ever reply, she doesn't have to. i just want her to read it.

I basically said that she's indecent, the relationship was already in stress at the time.

About the fb post, I posted a status in a "let it out your chess" group (I didn't mention her or insult her) but some guys in the group did badmouth to her and she read it all.

[William]

Good morning,

 

Moderation merged three threads chronicling this breakup so there may be some overlap or duplication of content. Please continue the discussion of this breakup in this thread only. Thanks!

[usa1ah]

I see nothing wrong with an apology when you do something to hurt someone.

 

Where you messed up was putting in the personal things about your past with her. That is what screwed it up. Instead of being an apology and all about her, you made it more about yourself.

[dumbass2]

It's not the end of the world.....as long as you learn from these mistakes. I think if you had not messed up at all after the break up, that she was still not coming back to you, so don't beat yourself up too much. Second chances are nearly impossible. Yes the apology letter was an awful idea. Like I said, as long as you learn from this and don't ever repeat the same mistakes you'll be fine. Best thing now is to tell yourself you've done all you can, she knows how you feel and try real hard now to finally move on. Really focus on improving yourself and learning from this last relationship so you can be at your best for the next one. At this point, full NC appears to be best for you.