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Just broke 1 month of NC with a letter of apology, is it the right thing to do ?

RightHand

By RightHand
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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RightHand Member

RightHand

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So here is my story.

 

Me and my girlfriend had been on a distance relationship for 6 months, we had been through up and down but the last month was pretty stressful, we both was tired and I called it quit, she agreed, nothing harsh happened and we stopped talking, it was a nice and quiet breakup.

 

Well, things was nice, wasn't it ?

But I messed the break up, BADLY.

 

After few days, I became highly emotional and texted her, she knew that I was depressed because of the break up.

 

After few more days, I asked her for a second chance and of course she said no.

 

After few more days, I asked her friend to tell her to reconsider her decision, she told her friend that she has lost all the feeling for me and she also knew that I talked to her friend (oh my, I messed it up so bad).

 

I texted her to apology and she said that I was not who I used to be, that I ruined my image as an mature men in her mind but she doesn't hate me and she still has alot of respect for me, she told me that I shouldn't text her for awhile.

 

Everything happened in just 10 days and I went no contact ever since.

 

I know I messed up, I have no intention of winning her back now, I just want to know that is there a way to regain some dignity in her eyes ? because I'm feeling guilty ever since.

Edited by RightHand
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted (edited)

When a person wants to get back with you, they want to get back with you, so whether you grovel on the floor and whine or remain in dignified silence the outcome is the same, THEY WANT YOU BACK.

If she wanted you back she would not care that you got highly emotional in fact she would have liked that in a way, as it shows you really care.

The fact she does not want to give you a second chance means she is oblivious to anything you do now.

Do not beat yourself up for caring and wearing your heart on your sleeve.

YOU gave it your best shot, it just wasn't to be.

Edited by elaine567
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RightHand Member

RightHand

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When a person wants to get back with you, they want to get back with you, so whether you grovel on the floor and whine or remain in dignified silence the outcome is the same, THEY WANT YOU BACK.

If she wanted you back she would not care that you got highly emotional in fact she would have liked that in a way, as it shows you really care.

The fact she does not want to give you a second chance means she is oblivious to anything you do now.

Do not beat yourself up for caring and wearing your heart on your sleeve.

YOU gave it your best shot, it just wasn't to be.

 

I know that there is no hope now, but the fact that our relationship was very beautiful and I ruined it in just 10 days keeps me wide awake everynight.

 

I wonder that everytime she thinks about me, she thinks of a caring and thoughtful men or she thinks of a needy and immature men as I had been during the breakup.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Based upon the years of seeing you as the good guy I'm sure she hasn't completely revised her opinion of you negatively because of some post-break up begging.

 

She may be relieved that you have stopped but as the years go by, she will only remember the good things (unless you continue making a pest of yourself).

 

Don't worry. You haven't lost as a much face as you fear but do spend your time healing & taking care of yourself.

 

Going forward to your next relationship don't ever try to have an emotionally laden conversation like reconciling from a break up through text. It doesn't work. Texting is for quick things not deep emotional stuff. You lose all the non-verbal communication & usually do more harm then good.

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marky00 Established Member

marky00

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The answer is simple.

 

 

The way you regain dignity is to STOP TRYING TO REGAIN DIGNITY.

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breadbin Established Member

breadbin

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Walk away and forget about it and you have all the dignity you need right there. It doesn't matter if she respects you. It only matters that you respect you.

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RightHand Member

RightHand

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It's her birthday today and I had sent her a gift before the break up, do you guys think I should send her a birthday greeting message ?

guy45 Established Member

guy45

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It's her birthday today and I had sent her a gift before the break up, do you guys think I should send her a birthday greeting message ?

 

Come on OP now is the time to be a man. I guarantee you there is a woman 50x better out there for you.

 

You need to move on. Relationships come and go. Being single is not the worst thing in the world. If you found love you can find it again someday just with someone else.

 

If you want to regain your dignity prove to us that you can move on.

 

Be brave , don't fear the future, and most importantly don't linger in the past.

 

You are never alone.

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stockyoldfrump Member

stockyoldfrump

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I'd say no.

 

Firstly, she asked you not to text her. It'd still probably be a "no" even if she hadn't done so, but to text her now would be to ignore an explicit request from fewer than two weeks ago. That'll only give her more ammunition.

 

Secondly, I think you should be sort of annoyed with her. Yes, I'm sure it wasn't thrilling for her to hear you ask for another chance, but obviously she knows you were distraught. No need to say something like "you ruined my image of you as a mature man." That's an attempt to make you feel inadequate at a time when you're already vulnerable. She likely also had emotions governing her response, but it was still not a particularly necessary thing to say.

 

I think the essence of the situation is that, for whatever reason, her opinion of you has changed and anything you do to win her over is going to be read in a way that keeps with her new, negative opinion. She wants to be left alone, so the only considerate thing to do is honor that request. She'll see anything else as disrespectful and desperate.

 

I know it's hard, as I am in a relatively similar situation, but you need to stop trying to please her. The minute she broke up with you/denied your attempt at reconciliation, she forfeited the right to have you tripping over yourself to make her happy. Respect her wishes, leave her alone, and try to pretend she doesn't exist as much as possible.

 

If she ever contacts you, then it'll be up to you how to respond. But for the sake of both her wishes and your well-being, you shouldn't reach out again.

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georgino New Member

georgino

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To tell the truth, 6 months is not relatively a huge amount of time that she could have bonded with you. Especially that you stayed in a long-distance relationship.

This requires a lot of hard work, sacrifice and trust. During this period, you need to be overly cautious, creative and the god knows what's more. Believe me, my friend, women sometimes need incredible things to stay with a man. And it's not all about money, comfortable condo etc. bu feelings, emotions you are able to provide. The more she is brainwashed in terms of feelings(I mean there is a galaxy full of super novas), the more she will be attached to you. Women are filled with emotions. We men, are led by a logic. That's how it works. Consider tranquilly what did you provide with her? Maybe this long-distance relationship has diminished her feelings, enthusiasm? Distance can obliterate even the most beautiful, perfect and sophisticated relationship.

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SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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The man most likely to gain respect is one walking in his purpose and his integrity.

 

When you no longer need her approval - or anyone's approval - you'll be at a place where people are most likely respect you. Just remember the most important respect is self-respect.

 

So, just live your best life and not worry about what she thinks. All that's important is you learn from the experience and strive to be the best you can be.

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magnesium Established Member

magnesium

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The man most likely to gain respect is one walking in his purpose and his integrity.

 

When you no longer need her approval - or anyone's approval - you'll be at a place where people are most likely respect you. Just remember the most important respect is self-respect.

 

I'm writing this down.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It's her birthday today and I had sent her a gift before the break up, do you guys think I should send her a birthday greeting message ?

 

Not if you want your dignity back.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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RightHand Member

RightHand

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Me and my ex girlfriend had been in a relationship for 8 months (5 of which was LDR). Everything was good, but the last 2 months was stressful (I can feel it too), so we decided to break up (it was mutual and silent without fighting). The next day she admitted to my friend that she still loves me but the distance put a stress on her.

 

After few days I came up, asked her if we can work things out again, she declined and said that her feeling for me wasn't there anymore (wow, so fast). I posted a status on facebook (I didn't mention her, nothing bad, just a "let it out my chess" so I can feel a little bit better) and some guy did bad mouth (I know, I messed up). I texted her to apology, she said that I was immature but she didn't hate me and she still respects me alot, I have gone NC ever since (3 weeks until now).

 

During that 3 weeks, I just lived my life and had fun with my friends (although I still miss her badly), she viewed every instagram story of mine, often just minutes after I post it and she liked some of my pictures and statuses, but out of the blue, she unfollowed me on instagram.

 

Am I that bad ? because she hasn't unfollowed anyone of her ex, she just unfollowed me especially, that makes me feel like I'm the worst person she has ever dated.

Edited by RightHand
PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
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she viewed every instagram story of mine, often just minutes after I post it and she liked some of my pictures and statuses, but out of the blue, she unfollowed me on instagram.

Okay, you need to stop cyber-stalking her. This is not NC. It is holding back your recovery and making you feel worse.

 

Am I that bad ?

Are you what bad? Nobody said you're bad at all. You're micro-analysing her social media activity. You need to stop that.

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Captivating Established Member

Captivating

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Hi,

My assumption is that she wants to move on and it is hard to do it if you stalk your ex daily on social media. "No contact" accelerates healing and keeping tabs on social media is a form of contact elongating the moving on process.

So, I don't think that it was done maliciously.... it was done for self-preservation.

You should stop immature postings on social media, it's a reflection on you, always be respectful with people and expect the same.

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darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

Posted
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was there ever a more popular insult than immature?

 

believe me, we oldies so stuff too, nobody crosses a barrier, abandoning their character with the passage of time, am 65 years old here saying so, we may modify our behaviour, but then, so do kids

Edited by darkmoon
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RightHand Member

RightHand

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The status was just a "let it out", nothing blaming or mean stuff, I didn't mention anything about her but some guy did bad mouth, maybe she found it offensive. I respected and cared for her alot during our relationship

 

But I learned my lesson, the hard way.

 

I stopped stalking her instagram and facebook for awhile, but I recently find out that she unfollowed me (none of her ex she unfollowed, just me), it hit me like a truck and reset my healing process.

Edited by RightHand
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You broke up due to distance. If you were still in close proximity things may have been different. My guess is that she missed you & unfollowed you because it was just too hard to only have a virtual part of you.

 

This wasn't about you being "bad." It was about her wishing things could have been different

 

If some time in the future, the distance ends & you are both still single, consider trying again. Don't count on both of those things happening.

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kortz Established Member

kortz

Posted
Posted

 

Am I that bad ? because she hasn't unfollowed anyone of her ex, she just unfollowed me especially, that makes me feel like I'm the worst person she has ever dated.

 

You're reading too much into it, but at the end of the day whatever it was it doesn't matter. The fact is you're broken up now and shouldn't be in contact or in each other's lives which includes social media. If she wants to delete/unfollow you then respect her right to do so and the mature thing to do is to move on yourself. The hurt is just part of the process and in time you'll feel ok about it but try not to over analyse it because either way it makes no difference and changes nothing in your life.

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RightHand Member

RightHand

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I know that is none of my bussiness, but man it still hurts as hell.

She still follows her ex but unfollow me specifically, like she wants to get rid of me for good.

Been Established Member

Been

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Or maybe she has stronger feelings for you then her ex and she unfollowed you to prevent herself from acting on those feelings.

See how you can look at that both ways?

NC means EVERYTHING. No texts. No social media. They don't exist anymore to you.

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RightHand Member

RightHand

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Do you think I blew my chance of possible getting back together in the future ?

Oh gosh, I miss her, no matter how hard I throw my self at study and GYM I still miss her every night. I dreamed about her every night, is it normal ?

preraph Established Member

preraph

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She caught herself still being invested in what you're doing, so she decided she needed to move on and that it would be best to just go no contact and not focus on the breakup. It doesn't mean you're terrible at all. She has said as much. You just weren't right for each other and she knew it.

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RightHand Member

RightHand

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Screw me, I just broke NC today. I viewed her instagram and oh my god she is beautiful, but what broke my heart the most was knowing that she's having something with a guy at the GYM, I still didn't text her though.

Jesus, the pain is so much to endure....

Edited by RightHand
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