Pete.Zah Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 (edited) When I was a child, I had a neighbor girl who was my best friend. I have an old picture, taken in my mothers kitchen, where the 2 of us were in our "walkers" together. We were inseparable from toddlerhood to age 17. We went to the same school, rode the same bus, played together, discovered life together, questioned each other about everything, and loved each other like something that is impossible to find words for. Not surprisingly, she was my first kiss. It only takes a second to taste that peppermint ice-cream cone kiss which is etched in my memory. It was the perfect childhood, with the perfect best friend. We lived on neighboring farms in the 60's and 70's. Her mother and my mother were also childhood friends, worked as telephone switchboard operators, and had open doors to each others families. The first 13 years were as nearly ideal as any fairytale story I've ever come across. That all changed when we were getting off the bus after school in 8th grade. It was common for her to go home, change clothes, and set out to my place where we would discover something new until we heard mom call for supper. But on this day she grabbed my arm and said she needed to come over without going home to change first. The way she did that was alarming. We got into the house and she immediately clung to me like glue. She was shaking, and tears were starting to flow, and I was getting pretty freaked out. I asked her what was going on, what's wrong? She told me she needed to "show me". She started dis-robing right in front of me in our kitchen. I was starting to shake now. I had never seen or even wanted to see a girl pull all her clothes off at this stage in life, and the tears started to come down my cheeks now. She got all the way down to her underware and I could see traces of blood where it would make sense that she was just simply in the middle of her period. But it wasn't the case. She was completely naked now, and pointed to the blood and sobbed something that I had to ask her to repeat because it was so unintelligible. "This is what daddy did to me last night". In those days, you didn't have any of the services that kids can go to for help, so what was she to do? What was I to do? I mentioned it to mom when she got home, and she scolded me for trying to get my best friends father into trouble over the 2 of us "playing doctor". Well that was just the tip of the iceberg in trying to get word out from my end, but everyone in the culture in those days wasn't equipped or prepared to hear something like that. She stuffed it, unfortunately, and I know that it continued on happening to her, because everytime I tried to ask questions, she'd get this lost wild animal look and change the subject. After our junior year in 1977, I found her in my childhood treehouse........and an empty bottle of sleeping pills, a glass with water still in the bottom 1/4 inch of it, and her precious, beautiful, perfect, flawless 17 year old body. She had written me a note and it was just lying in front of her on the floor. "My name, I'll always love you. I can't do it anymore". I still visit her grave after 40 years now, but this year, I layed down on that spot where we put her to rest, and balled like a little boy. I think she was to be the love of my life, because I've had nothing but failed relationships from that day until now. Edited August 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
grays Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 Thats so heartbreaking for both of you. Im so sorry! Im happy she had a true friend and love. I am sure you were a bright light for her.
preraph Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 I'm so sorry. Both of her parents should be lined up and shot. Her mother knew something was going on. Your mother should also be ashamed for not taking it more seriously. No child confesses to something like this unless it's serious because it's too humiliating. I'm so sorry. We live in a messed up world still. 2
Author Pete.Zah Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 I know that if this happened today, it stands a chance of still being very hush, hush, but back in the 60's and 70's there just weren't networks where you could go. Now-a-days we have so much available help, but the help is mainly for after the event, or prevention for furthering of it. I never had a good relationship with anyone after this event. It proved to be a hidden dark passenger for me for years. The thing that turned me around (very slowly) was getting married to a woman who had this happen to her starting at age: 6 mos. and it ended in her life around age 20. I had no idea that she was a victim of abuse until we had been married for 5 years. I could write a book, but it would have to be categorized fiction because no one would believe it.
Author Pete.Zah Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 Your words are very kind...thank you!
burnt Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 Hi Pete, How did your wife she was being abused from age 6 months? You said you messed up every relationship since your friend killed herself at 17. How have you handled your relationship emotionally with your wife? To be absolutely, your story is SO out there that yes you are right that it sounds like it falls into the fiction category. To say I am sorry is an understatement.
Author Pete.Zah Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 burnt, She knew she was digitally raped by her maternal grandfather by the testimony of her sister when she , in fact, witnessed it from an "I was there when it happened" standpoint at age 5. The sister was in the same room and experienced it from a "this is what families do" warped mind controlling grandfather. This kind of thing happened to that family and it was a huge hush, hush secret until my wife had a mind altering breakdown after a traffic accident. She was injured in the occipital nerve that connects the base of the skull area at the top of the neck. It triggered the suppressed memories and after years of research on my wife's part, the facts and people involved slowly came to a head. The family also had another couple of women come forward. I could go on and on, and the details are horrifying, but the grandfather was dead after all this came to a reality. Turns out there were brothers, cousins, "friends"(I hate that word) that all were a part of it. It was like the satanic ritual abuse type stuff that seems unreal.
Author Pete.Zah Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 I have handled it emotionally the way most of us handle things traumatically. Anger, denial, escapism, tears, realization, confusion, running away, logic, acceptance and around the chipmunk cage we go. I have confronted family members, been in discussions that left me lost, angry, resentful, "I can't deal with this", but the bottom line is........you somehow have to move forward and support yourself and try to survive using whatever tools you can. We live in a crazy world......a lot of it is good and a heck of a lot of it is bad......beyond bad. I have not even scratched the surface of my life's story, but, I remain sane and functioning. This year and in particular, this month has been especially hard for me. There must be something about the number 40 that has significance for me.
wmacbride Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 op, stories like this make belive there could be something running our universe after all You were in her life as a true friend. you were there for her when no one else was, and you were likley a huge source of comfort to her. You have no idea how much that meant to her, and it gave her the strength to keep going for as long as you did. even if you were never able to actually secure help for her, she saw you trying so hard. i am not exaggeration when I say that you were probably the one spot of light in the bleakness of her life...not only that, she could trust you. I believe she loved you as much as you loved her, and also that it would break her heart to know you are still hurting this much. Please forgive yourself and honor her memory by going on to have a good and happy life.
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