Why do men take a lot less time to move on?

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I was single for an exceptionally long time, longer for my liking or what I would normally recommend. I went out with my most recent boyfriend for nine months. I was pleased, deliriously happy and eternally grateful, I started to lose weight, look good (he wasn't so happy with my weight loss) but I felt I was having the time of my life. He ended our 9-month relationship two weeks ago on the phone. I thought I was so good to him. I was a real gift giver; I would make him dinner, and occasionally he would take me out to dinner but complain if it was too expensive.

 

We went on a holiday he took all these photos on his new glitzy camera but didn't post a single one of them on social media. But just recently, he posted forty photos of him going to the zoo with a new girl. I was shocked, two weeks after we break up he's already dating someone else.

This seems to always happen to me, as soon as I break up with someone they meet someone and date someone as soon as we break up, making me believe that the guys i dated were never into me in the first place. Today I've already gone to the gym to take my mind off it. I just know I'm single for years between relationships but guys usually take a lot less to move on and find someone to stay committed to

Edited August 26, 2017 by Daisy-oliviaWentcher

[salparadise]

It's just not true. For every girl who has been dumped by someone who is with a new person in a matter of weeks, there's a guy bewildered by the same thing. The dumpers can do it because they're already checked out, but the dumpee is often blind-sided and in addition to being still in love, they experience trauma and rejection, and it can take a long time to recover.

 

Don't ask me how I know.

[alphamale]

women are usually much more adept at moving on right after a relationship has ended

[No_Go]

women are usually much more adept at moving on right after a relationship has ended

 

Disagree. All my female friends take months to years after relationship ending. Most of my male friends - days to weeks to log back online or go to a bar.

[No_Go]

It baffles me how people rebound so fast. Even when I've been the dumper I'll keep thinking about my ex in the next months at very least, if not years. Not thinking how to get back with them, but thinking about them - definitely. And this makes it really hard to rebound.

 

It's just not true. For every girl who has been dumped by someone who is with a new person in a matter of weeks, there's a guy bewildered by the same thing. The dumpers can do it because they're already checked out, but the dumpee is often blind-sided and in addition to being still in love, they experience trauma and rejection, and it can take a long time to recover.

 

Don't ask me how I know.

[Shining One]

Most of my male friends - days to weeks to log back online or go to a bar.

As a guy who has done this, I'd hardly call it moving on. Yes, I may move on to another woman's bed quickly, but I'm not moving on to another relationship quickly.

[Cookiesandough]

It's not that he's a man, it's that he he's the dumper. He wanted out, so why wouldnt he move on?

[No_Go]

This guy is an a**hole. He dumped you over the phone after nearly an year of dating and he's already posting pictures of his new toy? You're lucky he dumped you.

 

 

I was single for an exceptionally long time, longer for my liking or what I would normally recommend. I went out with my most recent boyfriend for nine months. I was pleased, deliriously happy and eternally grateful, I started to lose weight, look good (he wasn't so happy with my weight loss) but I felt I was having the time of my life. He ended our 9-month relationship two weeks ago on the phone. I thought I was so good to him. I was a real gift giver; I would make him dinner, and occasionally he would take me out to dinner but complain if it was too expensive.

 

We went on a holiday he took all these photos on his new glitzy camera but didn't post a single one of them on social media. But just recently, he posted forty photos of him going to the zoo with a new girl. I was shocked, two weeks after we break up he's already dating someone else.

This seems to always happen to me, as soon as I break up with someone they meet someone and date someone as soon as we break up, making me believe that the guys i dated were never into me in the first place. Today I've already gone to the gym to take my mind off it. I just know I'm single for years between relationships but guys usually take a lot less to move on and find someone to stay committed to

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Disagree. All my female friends take months to years after relationship ending. Most of my male friends - days to weeks to log back online or go to a bar.

 

I agree! It isn't fair!

[alphamale]

Disagree. All my female friends take months to years after relationship ending. Most of my male friends - days to weeks to log back online or go to a bar.

 

actually studies show that men have a much harder time finding a new mate after a relationship is over.

[No_Go]

actually studies show that men have a much harder time finding a new mate after a relationship is over.

 

That I understand, I was just saying men start *looking* immediately. Women - rarely. I dated a dude that was super mean to me for couple of years and still took full 9 months before even dreaming about going on a date with someone else.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

studies show that men have a much harder time finding a new mate after a relationship is over.

 

This hasn't been my experience at all which makes going to the gym and working on my body (even though my ex-hated me losing lots of weight as he was convinced other guys looked at me more often) even more of a priority. However, what appears to be his new girlfriend only looks slightly plumper than i am now.

[carhill]

Depends on the ability to emotionally attach and level of the attachment. Everyone is different. While young men may be different, emotions were generally beaten out of my generation of males, literally in some cases. Hence the man of few words and the strong silent type that never let anyone see him sweat. Showing emotion, like despair from a breakup or divorce, is a marked sign of weakness with fellow males so the appearance of shaking it off and moving on is/was a socially acceptable way of handling the pain, like getting knocked down in a fight and getting up, shaking it off and taking another swing. People love winners and hate losers. Shaking it off and moving on is winning.

[OatsAndHall]

I've read studies that go both ways. Some state that women move on quicker after a split and others state that men do. I do think that this does vary from person to person and situation to situation. But, I do agree that the "dumper" is far more likely to move on quicker than the "dumpee".

[fred123]

He never posted pics of u guys together? U not ask him why? Yet he posted of the new girl?

[Gr8fuln2020]

I think he was never that convinced that you and he would be a long-term. That is why he never put pics of you. I also believe, as some others, he was checking out, so easier for him to find someone new AND more promising. Sorry. Just my thoughts.

 

As per who rebounds faster, men or women, well, I believe men are motivated by sex much more than women. Finding the next hot girl is a priority. Women, on the other hand, tend to have a deeper, emotional connection, so more difficult for them to move on.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I think he was never that convinced that you and he would be a long-term. That is why he never put pics of you. I also believe, like some others, he was checking out, so easier for him to find someone new AND more promising. Sorry. Just my thoughts.

 

As per who rebounds faster, men or women, well, I believe men are motivated by sex much more than women. Finding the next hot girl is a priority. Women, on the other hand, tend to have a deeper, emotional connection, so more difficult for them to move on.

Just makes me want to go to the gym more often for some reason. I'm gutted that he thought I was never good enough for him.

[basil67]

Men (and women) who move on easily are those who stopped loving their partner before ending the relationship. Been there, done that.

[rushed]

I don't think it's a male thing. I think it's more of an individual thing. There were times when I started dating immediately after the end of a relationship. And there were times when I just felt like sulking for months after a relationship ended (even with me being the dumper) and not dating at all. (I'm female btw.)

 

Like others have said, this guy did you a favor. He sounds like a jerk.

[Frostedflake]

Be wary of gender stereotypes. They ensure you'll never truly understand your situation or the situation of others. If there was a one size fits all for this then we wouldn't have so many different stories on here.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Just makes me want to go to the gym more often for some reason. I'm gutted that he thought I was never good enough for him.

 

Do it for yourself! Being healthier is a win-win for you and relationships. Get in shape, look amazing and the next guy may not be so fickle.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Be wary of gender stereotypes. They ensure you'll never truly understand your situation or the situation of others. If there were a one size fits all for this then we wouldn't have so many different stories on here.

I'm a woman. And every time I like a guy or get close to a guy or go out with a guy, the guy always move on quicker, like a week later quicker. I was much thinner in this relationship than I ever was in any relationship. I thought if I were small, it would make him more likely to stay. Unfortunately, not even being tiny would make him stay. In fact, he hated me getting smaller when most other guys seem to appreciate it. I'm annoyed because this seems to happen every time.

[BC1980]

I think he was never that convinced that you and he would be a long-term. That is why he never put pics of you. I also believe, as some others, he was checking out, so easier for him to find someone new AND more promising. Sorry. Just my thoughts.

 

I agree. He might have always had some reservations. Sometimes, you can't tell how invested someone is.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I'm a woman. And every time I like a guy or get close to a guy or go out with a guy, the guy always move on quicker, like a week later quicker. I was much thinner in this relationship than I ever was in any relationship. I thought if I were small, it would make him more likely to stay. Unfortunately, not even being tiny would make him stay. In fact, he hated me getting smaller when most other guys seem to appreciate it. I'm annoyed because this seems to happen every time.

 

What happens every time? Anyway, you seem to be aware the MOST guys appreciate you or women in general, who are 'smaller.' You are going to the gym, getting fitter, toner....that is the right move. The healthier move. Like I said earlier, make certain you are doing it for yourself FIRST and the benefits of the gym will pay in dividends beyond your dating...self-esteem, health. Do you believe your size was the issue here?

[BaileyB]

Just be glad that he is her problem now, not yours...

 

Seriously, so what if he has moved another woman into his bed. It won't be long before he starts to treat her as badly as he treated you and then, it won't take her long to show him the door. She will learn what you already know... That this guy is nasty and he doesn't know how to treat a woman with respect.

 

YOU are on your own journey. Quit looking at his social media, focus on becoming the best that you can be, and get out there and have some fun because someone is waiting to meet you...