Brad5150 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Ok... So let me preface this by saying that jealousy is probably one of the worst emotions there is to have but I'm human. Now to the issue at hand... Well there's this lady I've been talking to since last October, we've hung out a couple times and have been kind of serious for a while (although not officially dating) and her reasoning is because of how her marriage ended horribly a couple years ago, I understand that. So my issue is that even tho she's got me on officially unofficial or whatever and has told me there's no other competition, over the last month I've begun to wonder. She's been hanging out with this guy who she says she met last summer (going to the fair and dinner and bowling and dinner etc). What I'm wondering is what should I do? Should I take her word that they are just friends? or should I say something else (I got fed up and confronted her last weekend and she told me the same thing), There's a little more background of us but only so many characters. Thanks
Miss Spider Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 You have been dating almost a year and she will not call you "official". Just keeping it real... she ain't that into you. She's still playing the the field and you are one of her 'plates'. Sorry! 3
Author Brad5150 Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 You have been dating almost a year and she will not call you "official". Just keeping it real... she ain't that into you. She's still playing the the field and you are one of her 'plates'. Sorry! Well I guess that's the thing. The 2 or 3 times we've hung out, I guess she didn't consider them dates. All the other stuff is there tho, Talking all the time, Good morning texts, goodnight conversations on the phone before bed, etc. But yeah maybe :/:sick: 1
HarmonyDriven Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 ....we've hung out a couple times and have been kind of serious for a while (although not officially dating) IMO, since you are officially unofficial, it sounds like she is keeping you on the sidelines for when she is bored. Case in point, going out with another man to the fair and dinner; going bowling and dinner. I would not like to be treated this way. IMO, I would cut ties and let her go unless you like being on the sidelines. Find someone who wants to spend time with you....officially.
Miss Spider Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Well I guess that's the thing. The 2 or 3 times we've hung out, I guess she didn't consider them dates. All the other stuff is there tho, Talking all the time, Good morning texts, goodnight conversations on the phone before bed, etc. But yeah maybe :/:sick: Wait, let me get this straight. You've been talking since last October, have been "kind of serious" for awhile, but you've only seen her 2 or 3 times in person??!! What is this? Long distance? What's keeping you from seeing each other more often? But yeah, from this vantage point it looks like you are just there for her to burn time with. You should do better for yourself. Find a girl who is crazy about you and doesn't want to see other guys! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 OP, forgive my bluntness: How are you "kind of serious" with this woman if you've been talking for nearly a year but have only met 2 or 3 times? That's barely even a friendship, my friend. It's certainly not dating. For what it's worth, I doubt she is just friends with this other man. It sounds like they're dating. Compare how often they see each other with how often you don't see each other. I'm sorry, man. You're her friend, not her love interest. 4
GemmaUK Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 It doesn't really sound like you're anything much aside from a friend - maybe a FWB if you have been intimate? It's not going to lead to a relationship though, she isn't interested in that way or not interested enough in that way.
doyathinkso Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 She is dating the other guy. YOU are the one on the sidelines, you know, the late game substitute when her real boyfriend is injured or tired. She sounds like a real winner ...... NOT!
Robratory Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Ok... So let me preface this by saying that jealousy is probably one of the worst emotions there is to have but I'm human. Now to the issue at hand... Well there's this lady I've been talking to since last October, we've hung out a couple times and have been kind of serious for a while (although not officially dating) and her reasoning is because of how her marriage ended horribly a couple years ago, I understand that. So my issue is that even tho she's got me on officially unofficial or whatever and has told me there's no other competition, over the last month I've begun to wonder. She's been hanging out with this guy who she says she met last summer (going to the fair and dinner and bowling and dinner etc). What I'm wondering is what should I do? Should I take her word that they are just friends? or should I say something else (I got fed up and confronted her last weekend and she told me the same thing), There's a little more background of us but only so many characters. Thanks You've only seen her twice in ten months? And meanwhile she's been going to the fair, going bowling, going to dinner with this guy? Man, I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think you mean much to this woman. Ask yourself, how did it get to this point? Things are supposed to happen in sequence fairly quickly. You meet, you date, you have sex, and then you either form a relationship or you go your separate ways. How did you get stuck at step one? I can see a month or two, but ten months? You shouldn't have let her do this to you. To paraphrase Sarah Palin, "If you don't f***, get back in the truck."
amaysngrace Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Sounds more like the pickle is in you I'm sorry to say 1
Author Brad5150 Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 Wait, let me get this straight. You've been talking since last October, have been "kind of serious" for awhile, but you've only seen her 2 or 3 times in person??!! What is this? Long distance? What's keeping you from seeing each other more often? But yeah, from this vantage point it looks like you are just there for her to burn time with. You should do better for yourself. Find a girl who is crazy about you and doesn't want to see other guys! Yeah basically. No it's not. Actually I probably wouldn't be so pissed off if it was. She works a lot, and most of the time she talks about how her parents would feel, and that because my family has had a rocky road (legal troubles) that they might judge on that because her ex husband went to prison so now they're overprotective on steroids. So that's been preventing us from meeting except for when she's already gonna be somewhere. Yeah that's probably true. You're right I need to
Author Brad5150 Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 It doesn't really sound like you're anything much aside from a friend - maybe a FWB if you have been intimate? It's not going to lead to a relationship though, she isn't interested in that way or not interested enough in that way. No we haven't been. I really don't care about that though, I'm not in it to just get laid (I've made it this far without it, not by choice but that's another story I probably wont be sharing here). Yeah... I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. My patience only has so much limits
Author Brad5150 Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 OP, forgive my bluntness: How are you "kind of serious" with this woman if you've been talking for nearly a year but have only met 2 or 3 times? That's barely even a friendship, my friend. It's certainly not dating. For what it's worth, I doubt she is just friends with this other man. It sounds like they're dating. Compare how often they see each other with how often you don't see each other. I'm sorry, man. You're her friend, not her love interest. The way we talk to each other, the amount of time we spend talking to each other. That's what I mean by serious. The conversations we have are not convos that "friends" have. Yeah I'm doubting it too. Hence why I posted this :/. It is possible to be platonic friends with the opposite sex tho. Thanks for the input tho
act00 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 You don't have a relationship. In nearly a year, you've seen each other 2-3 times, and please explain how you're unsure if there was a third date in there somewhere. Who knows if this other guy is around in the same capacity as you or if there's more between those two, but whatever it is, you're certainly not someone she considers as even a potential boyfriend. How old is this woman? to have her parents dictating her life and being over protective is yet another issue that even without the other circumstances, I would question if you would want to pursue this woman anyway. I mean, overbearing family and inability to set boundaries as an adult woman is not a good situation along with what seems to be a lot of baggage from her past she hasn't let go of. If you want to maintain this friendship, do so knowing you will never be her boyfriend/husband and it will be strictly platonic. Meet a woman who's really into you. Get out there and date!
Imajerk17 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 (edited) Sounds more like the pickle is in you I'm sorry to say Or rather, the other guy's "pickle" is in *her*! Sorry OP but what the others already said--she is dating this other guy. I strongly suspect that what this woman told you about her horrible marriage holding her back was just to keep you at an arms length all along. Edited August 26, 2017 by Imajerk17 1
Author Brad5150 Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 Or rather, the other guy's "pickle" is in *her*! Sorry OP but what the others already said--she is dating this other guy. I strongly suspect that what this woman told you about her horrible marriage holding her back was just to keep you at an arms length all along. Well... Your name is very aptly named and exactly why I was extremely reluctant to use a site like this for advice. Yeah maybe. Idk. Thanks all for the advice so far
Author Brad5150 Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 How old are you and how old is she? She'll be 32 in a couple days and I'm 30
Robratory Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 Well... Your name is very aptly named and exactly why I was extremely reluctant to use a site like this for advice. Yeah maybe. Idk. Thanks all for the advice so far Hey, I think he was just making some word play. Please don't be offended. The joke pretty much wrote itself. Plus I think everyone was pretty sensitive with their advice.
Author Brad5150 Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 You don't have a relationship. In nearly a year, you've seen each other 2-3 times, and please explain how you're unsure if there was a third date in there somewhere. Who knows if this other guy is around in the same capacity as you or if there's more between those two, but whatever it is, you're certainly not someone she considers as even a potential boyfriend. How old is this woman? to have her parents dictating her life and being over protective is yet another issue that even without the other circumstances, I would question if you would want to pursue this woman anyway. I mean, overbearing family and inability to set boundaries as an adult woman is not a good situation along with what seems to be a lot of baggage from her past she hasn't let go of. If you want to maintain this friendship, do so knowing you will never be her boyfriend/husband and it will be strictly platonic. Meet a woman who's really into you. Get out there and date! Yes I know that. That's why I'm getting so annoyed is because we don't. I don't recall mentioning a 3rd date. What I was saying was I don't know if she considered them dates. Well she's told me that she does. She's 31, will be 32 within a few days and yeah I've mentioned that too, part of that reason is because after her divorce she had to move back home so she has to be careful how much she stands up to them I guess. Yeah good point. I just assume that maybe once they get to know me that things will get better on that front, It may not be easy but yeah. Yeah, thanks and no I'm not really planning on that. At this point in my life I'm not looking for a random fling, I want to set up for my future. Someone who is in it for the long haul.
Author Brad5150 Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 Hey, I think he was just making some word play. Please don't be offended. The joke pretty much wrote itself. Plus I think everyone was pretty sensitive with their advice. Yeah true lol you're probably right. I know this is the Internet after-all and trolls are abound. I can see the humor though. Yes they have been and I appreciate it
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