Biscous Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 So I've been talking to this girl about a month. Talked to her through online dating, met once, she paid for most of the date (she was late) and we kissed. Mostly lip kissing, no tongue. The past few dates have quite been tumultuous for me. I recently lost my father. I intended on taking her to a cooking class but given the recent events that fell through. She was very understanding, kind, and empathetic through it all. She gave me space during all that and I ended having a second date with her. Second date we had dinner together, hit up downtown a bit. Really hit it off. She broke the touch barrier with me, was biting her lips, intense make out. I got a sweet message from her. Third date was over a week later due to her being out of town. This one didn't go exactly as planned. Not due to lack of preparation but I'm new to the area. I made a bunch of food for us to eat and I was intending on going hiking at the park. Turns out it was a very active park and I was ill dressed. She was making fun of me for wearing jeans at the park. that's cool. She really enjoyed the food I made. We played around a bit and I showed her a few MMA moves lol and eventually I caught on she wasn't keen on doing them at the park, but I grabbed her and kissed her a few times. Intense. Given that we started things late, sunset was early and she suggested we go bowling. I paid for us this time (last times she's always split). This was fun. Lots of teasing me, laughing, having fun. I touched her legs a bit, she made an inappropriate joke or two a bit, touched me a bit. We walked around and talked. I kissed her a little bit more and she was slightly closed off. The thing is that she is introverted. She always talked about taking things slow and building a friendship first before jumping into things because she's learned from her mistakes. I strongly respect that. The thing is that it is incredibly frustrating with communication now. She isn't necessarily the type to send me a bunch of compliments, though she will say things like "very dashing sir! " or even after our last date say "You need to put an extra pair in the trunk just in case one day lol". Dropping things like that implying that we are doing something in the future. Given her schedule I'm only seeing her once a week, but she always suggests that if we can't do something on one day, we do it on X day. I know she likes me, but that could mean as a friend too, but we've made out many times now and she's always very excited in her texts. She is just very reserved and introverted. I'm used to gives that are into me blowing smoke up my ass lol but I sort of know with many 30+ year old women is that they hold back a bit. I can't say she is using me either because the past few dates she has split with me. Even the first date paid more. I paid everything on the third date but she offered. BTW I'm spinning other plates, talking to other women but I really like this one girl because we have great conversation, she's very thoughtful, empathetic, active, and very attractive, but what is up with this girl!?
SunnyWeather Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 (edited) Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. What jumps out at me is maybe she's not comfortable with all the PDA? I know I wouldn't with someone I just met. She might want to have an exclusive relationship and not want to be giving you the wrong impression by making out in public with someone she barely knows. If you want to take it to the next level how about taking her out to dinner? Make it a more formal date. Edited August 25, 2017 by SunnyWeather
Author Biscous Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. What jumps out at me is maybe she's not comfortable with all the PDA? I know I wouldn't with someone I just met. She might want to have an exclusive relationship and not want to be giving you the wrong impression by making out in public with someone she barely knows. If you want to take it to the next level how about taking her out to dinner? Make it a more formal date. Thank you! I've taken her out to dinner. She always offers to pay. I think she's interested..just not interested enough if that makes sense. She may not be comfortable with PDA either and I realize some people aren't comfortable with that. Who knows. I just like to gauge interest ya know? I called her and she called me back a while ago though so that was nice.
spiderowl Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 I think maybe she likes you but has not fallen in love with you yet and is not sure she will. She is keeping it light at the moment with no commitment. PDAs show some kind of commitment. But some people don't like them anyway so that may not be it. If she's still happy to see you and kiss you, then things are going in the right direction. Maybe she just wants to ensure you respect her as a person before taking any further steps physically. She wants to see if you are in it for the long term not just until sex. 1
Author Biscous Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 I think maybe she likes you but has not fallen in love with you yet and is not sure she will. She is keeping it light at the moment with no commitment. PDAs show some kind of commitment. But some people don't like them anyway so that may not be it. If she's still happy to see you and kiss you, then things are going in the right direction. Maybe she just wants to ensure you respect her as a person before taking any further steps physically. She wants to see if you are in it for the long term not just until sex. I think she likes me too but not smitten. I recall on the second date I said something about my father's death and realizing what I want in life. I told her that I think that we may have something special and she interjected "It's too early." which deflated me a little but later on we had a lot of fun that night and she started touching me more. She even bit her lip which I know means she wanted a kiss and all. It's just I'm not used to the slow pace and I'm worried if I do that then she may just friend zone me lol but I may just keep it light and fun like you mentioned.
carhill Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Since you're dating other women, continue and, if synergy with one stands out, it'll flow into an exclusive dating milieu. If you aren't interested in taking things 'slow', that's OK. People, good people, miss all the time. No harm in that. Date women whose style of romance fit well with your own. Billions around. 1
Dis Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Date women whose style of romance fit well with your own. Billions around. I agree She could just be a little guarded but if I were you, I would want to date someone that reciprocates my gestures of affection and is on the same page with me about where we are Maybe start to shift your focus a little...to other women that might be better suited for you. Easier said than done though, I know
darkmoon Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 (edited) take it slow is not so bad, in fact, she is serious about you to say that and to pay for you she needs to build up a cerebral relationship is what she means, check it out, ask her, communicate... you have not known her that long, but i can relate to what she is saying thru personal experience, imho Edited August 27, 2017 by darkmoon
Author Biscous Posted August 28, 2017 Author Posted August 28, 2017 take it slow is not so bad, in fact, she is serious about you to say that and to pay for you she needs to build up a cerebral relationship is what she means, check it out, ask her, communicate... you have not known her that long, but i can relate to what she is saying thru personal experience, imho Makes sense. It can come off as frustrating because it seems like she isn't showing interest. She is present when we are around though which is great. But stuff like texting it seems I have to initiate a lot.
d0nnivain Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 I don't see the problem. She is going on dates with you. You are kissing. She is comfortable enough to tease you. What do you want? If she said slow she means no sex. What more do ou want her to be doing that she's not doing? 1
smackie9 Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 I don't see the problem. She is going on dates with you. You are kissing. She is comfortable enough to tease you. What do you want? If she said slow she means no sex. What more do ou want her to be doing that she's not doing? Yes my thoughts exactly. She doesn't want to jump into a sexual relationship right away. She's being old skool keeping her legs closed until she trust that there is commitment from you. You are spinning other plates as you say so I can understand why she is taking her time with you. She is probably aware that you might be dating other women so now it's up to you to prove her worth.
coolheadal Posted August 28, 2017 Posted August 28, 2017 So I've been talking to this girl about a month. Talked to her through online dating, met once, she paid for most of the date (she was late) and we kissed. Mostly lip kissing, no tongue. The past few dates have quite been tumultuous for me. I recently lost my father. I intended on taking her to a cooking class but given the recent events that fell through. She was very understanding, kind, and empathetic through it all. She gave me space during all that and I ended having a second date with her. Second date we had dinner together, hit up downtown a bit. Really hit it off. She broke the touch barrier with me, was biting her lips, intense make out. I got a sweet message from her. Third date was over a week later due to her being out of town. This one didn't go exactly as planned. Not due to lack of preparation but I'm new to the area. I made a bunch of food for us to eat and I was intending on going hiking at the park. Turns out it was a very active park and I was ill dressed. She was making fun of me for wearing jeans at the park. that's cool. She really enjoyed the food I made. We played around a bit and I showed her a few MMA moves lol and eventually I caught on she wasn't keen on doing them at the park, but I grabbed her and kissed her a few times. Intense. Given that we started things late, sunset was early and she suggested we go bowling. I paid for us this time (last times she's always split). This was fun. Lots of teasing me, laughing, having fun. I touched her legs a bit, she made an inappropriate joke or two a bit, touched me a bit. We walked around and talked. I kissed her a little bit more and she was slightly closed off. The thing is that she is introverted. She always talked about taking things slow and building a friendship first before jumping into things because she's learned from her mistakes. I strongly respect that. The thing is that it is incredibly frustrating with communication now. She isn't necessarily the type to send me a bunch of compliments, though she will say things like "very dashing sir! " or even after our last date say "You need to put an extra pair in the trunk just in case one day lol". Dropping things like that implying that we are doing something in the future. Given her schedule I'm only seeing her once a week, but she always suggests that if we can't do something on one day, we do it on X day. I know she likes me, but that could mean as a friend too, but we've made out many times now and she's always very excited in her texts. She is just very reserved and introverted. I'm used to gives that are into me blowing smoke up my ass lol but I sort of know with many 30+ year old women is that they hold back a bit. I can't say she is using me either because the past few dates she has split with me. Even the first date paid more. I paid everything on the third date but she offered. BTW I'm spinning other plates, talking to other women but I really like this one girl because we have great conversation, she's very thoughtful, empathetic, active, and very attractive, but what is up with this girl!? She's sounds very reserved, just have to deal with it or just move on or just keep her as casual dating friend with no strings attached. You want more and she doesn't want to jump in and take things slow usually means to see other people besides you. No 100% commitment then you know when they say take things slow.
NexttP Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Attraction, compatibility, and trust. To her you're attractive enough to touch and kiss. Compatible enough that she's present. Now you two need to build that trust, which unfortunately takes time. But that's okay, during this time you can further formalize that attraction and compatibility, just to be sure she's the right one for you (not just because she's hot). Sex (or whatever this "more" is that you keep wanting out of her) should be the result of trust, not the catalyst for. And like others have said, nothing wrong with taking it slow. The world today is lacking patience and you NEED to have it for any relationship, might as well practice that now. Until she definitively friendzones you, it's still moving forward.
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