Fishforbreakfast Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 I'm not good at dating and just wanted some thoughts. I met a guy out at a bar one afternoon and he said he'd saw me as soon as I came in and was working up courage to talk to me. Anyway he ended up buying me a drink getting my number - kept texting me I was the most beautiful girl etc I was like your drunk wait and see how you feel tomorrow. Next day he still thinks it and asked to see me, I said I can't cuz I'm working. Next day I was so sick and he asked to come over and make me dinner and bring over a board game, I said no cuz I was sick but would like to see him when I'm not and made him stop saying complementary stuff till he meets me again because I feel like he has me on a huge pedastool. Texted a little bit more but now nothing! I text him asking him what he was up to on the weekend and he never responded (24hours since) what do you think happened, I had a theory maybe when I was walking my dog he drove past and I didn't look as attractive and so he doesn't like me anymore? I told my mum and she said that I need help if I think that because it's completely paranoid and the chances of the 15min I was out walking my dog that he drove past (when he doesn't know where I live and lives 30min away and he was meant to be working that day) are so small that that wouldn't be it. I don't know why else he would just ghost me like that?? Does anyone have any thoughts?
preraph Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Do you live with your parents? Does he know you live with your parents? Why I wonder is if you don't live with your parents, then instead of asking you out on a date, he asked to come over, which is just a move to skip the dating and have sex with you. After all, all he talks about is how you look. But if he knows you live with your parents, just make sure they are home if you let him come over, but I still feel it is imprudent to let him even know where you live yet. What if he isn't really a good guy? He's trying to move too fast. Nothing like you imagine happened, but if he's ducking you on the weekend, he probably has a wife or girlfriend which would explain why he doesn't want to take you OUT.
coolheadal Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Why don't you just call him up on the cell phone and talk to him. You know you can today. Don't second guess this, you need to know where you stand with him. Still no matter who you looked taking out the dog your dogs really loves you for making the effort him/her out like you did. Now call this guy! Report back later your findings ....
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 Do you live with your parents? Does he know you live with your parents? Why I wonder is if you don't live with your parents, then instead of asking you out on a date, he asked to come over, which is just a move to skip the dating and have sex with you. After all, all he talks about is how you look. But if he knows you live with your parents, just make sure they are home if you let him come over, but I still feel it is imprudent to let him even know where you live yet. What if he isn't really a good guy? He's trying to move too fast. Nothing like you imagine happened, but if he's ducking you on the weekend, he probably has a wife or girlfriend which would explain why he doesn't want to take you OUT. Nah I don't live with my parents, that's what I thought too I live alone and he did ask earlier if I live with my mum, I thought as if I'd let him come over to my house when I've only met him once I thought it was crazy of him to ask that too, especially when I'm sick that is not an ideal second date. And his obsession with my looks was too much, I'd rather someone like me inside the most then it doesn't matter as much what you look like or if your having a ugly day. 1
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Men ghost women all the time for no reasons. He was interested in sleeping with you nothing else. Don't trust men that tell you you are the most beautiful thing they've ever seen on a first meeting, it's a line men use play women to their bed. If you want to meet a nice man stay away from bars in the afternoon. 7
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Nah I don't live with my parents, that's what I thought too I live alone and he did ask earlier if I live with my mum, I thought as if I'd let him come over to my house when I've only met him once I thought it was crazy of him to ask that too, especially when I'm sick that is not an ideal second date. And his obsession with my looks was too much, I'd rather someone like me inside the most then it doesn't matter as much what you look like or if your having a ugly day. He did not want to come over for a 'date' he wanted to have sex. When a man invites himself to your home drop him, he's up to no good. 3
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 Why don't you just call him up on the cell phone and talk to him. You know you can today. Don't second guess this, you need to know where you stand with him. Still no matter who you looked taking out the dog your dogs really loves you for making the effort him/her out like you did. Now call this guy! Report back later your findings .... Yes my dog loves me haha my life almost revolves around him lol. I don't think I will call the guy because I don't know him enough to do that. He seemed very full on so quick which scared me also, he tried to kiss me when He was leaving the day I met him and I was like what are you doing!?! So maybe he wants someone to sleep with and realise he's not getting it from me, who knows?!? 1
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 He did not want to come over for a 'date' he wanted to have sex. When a man invites himself to your home drop him, he's up to no good. That's the feeling I got too, and he added on when he asked to come over to cook me dinner (I don't mean il stay the night or anything) like that was even an option! Thanks for making it clearer for me lol 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Sounds like he was just trying to arrange a booty call. I highly doubt he drove by your house and caught a glimpse of you unkempt and stopped contacting you. The odds of that are very slim, but you mom is right that your thought process on that one points to some big insecurity on your part. 1
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 Why don't you just call him up on the cell phone and talk to him. You know you can today. Don't second guess this, you need to know where you stand with him. Still no matter who you looked taking out the dog your dogs really loves you for making the effort him/her out like you did. Now call this guy! Report back later your findings .... He messaged me back asking what I was upto etc that morning, which is way to long to reply to a text anyway I message back "peace out" and he acted all baffled and said "I'm definetly missing something" and I said "keys, wallet, phone" and he acted more baffled and was asking what he's done to upset me and I didn't reply as if he doesn't know what's up, anyway glad It ended now before I got tricked into anything worse!
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 Sounds like he was just trying to arrange a booty call. I highly doubt he drove by your house and caught a glimpse of you unkempt and stopped contacting you. The odds of that are very slim, but you mom is right that your thought process on that one points to some big insecurity on your part. I know it's a bad paranoia, I twist anything into if someone doesn't like me it's because it's what I look like and I really believe it too. I was talking to someone on tinder and then he disappeared (he lived 3 hrs away) and I put it down to he somehow found out where I work somehow and walked past and happened to see me and didn't like the look of me and so ghosted me and I really believed this theory until it was proven otherwise (he turned up again it's just turns out he had a gf already) it's exhausting
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 He messaged me back asking what I was upto etc that morning, which is way to long to reply to a text anyway I message back "peace out" and he acted all baffled and said "I'm definetly missing something" and I said "keys, wallet, phone" and he acted more baffled and was asking what he's done to upset me and I didn't reply as if he doesn't know what's up, anyway glad It ended now before I got tricked into anything worse! I think your response was kinda rude but whatever......he only wanted sex so you're much better off! I think he also might not be single.
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 I think your response was kinda rude but whatever......he only wanted sex so you're much better off! I think he also might not be single. Yeh it prob was a bit rude but also a bit of a joke like I know what's up now and not bothering to take him for his word anymore and he was rude by not texting back till the next morning and trying to deceive me for the purpose of sex so I don't feel too bad
Redhead14 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 (edited) No offense to you, OP, but I am really flabbergasted about men/women who go on a couple of dates with a guy and they don't hear from them again and calling it "ghosting". To me, you go on a date or two, even 3 dates, decide whether you're interested enough to continue or not and there's no obligation or expectation on either side. Either they call you again or they don't. Calling it "ghosting" just kinda says "hey, a guy seemed like he was interested so I want him". People need to get a grip on things here. Because when they don't, all they are doing is creating dating anxiety for themselves. Sure, yeah, YOU liked them and hope you see them again. But don't hang your hat on them. I can't give a real time frame for what's considered ghosting, but it sure isn't not hearing from a guy or girl you went out with two, three times. If you've declared "coupledom" and the person disappears without a word, then I'd call ghost. Falling apart if a guy you went out with a couple of times doesn't call you again, is desperation. It's kinda like a fisherman who had a nibble on the bait and it gets away. He doesn't fall down on the bank of the river and cry. He throws the bait back in. It's a nicer thing, perhaps, if they tell you they aren't interested but that doesn't happen often and never really has. And, even if they do, the other person is deflated anyway so what's the difference? I have never heard anyone say they felt better because they heard that. I've been told by guys maybe twice in my 58 years, that they didn't want to continue seeing me after 2 or three dates and I've been "ghosted", as people are calling it these days. Either way, the message is the same. Shake it off and keep moving. True ghosting stories come from women and men who were with a partner for years and one day that partner walks away without a word. Leave a family behind without a call, a letter -- nothing at all. And, no, they weren't dead. That's ghosting. It happens more often than people realize. Best to hope that you don't find yourself in that position. Edited August 26, 2017 by Redhead14 1
smackie9 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 You rejected every advance he had......he felt it was a hint that you have no interest in him anymore. The "I'm working, I'm sick excuses" are the typical ones used by people. I understand you were being honest, but he doesn't know that. To him he has heard it all before and decided to quickly move on.
knabe Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 True ghosting stories come from women and men who were with a partner for years and one day that partner walks away without a word. Leave a family behind without a call, a letter -- nothing at all. And, no, they weren't dead. That's ghosting. It happens more often than people realize. Best to hope that you don't find yourself in that position. Thank you! All this talk of ghosting after a couple of dates or so - or before even MEETING - just silly. 1
joseb Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 He messaged me back asking what I was upto etc that morning, which is way to long to reply to a text anyway I message back "peace out" and he acted all baffled and said "I'm definetly missing something" and I said "keys, wallet, phone" and he acted more baffled and was asking what he's done to upset me and I didn't reply as if he doesn't know what's up, anyway glad It ended now before I got tricked into anything worse! That's a very rude response. Noone is tricking you. He has been pretty upfront in that he's attracted to you and probably wants to sleep with you. If you don't want to, then that's fine. But no need to send weird rude messages. And you acting like him trying to kiss you is a crime? How many times have we read on here about girls being disappointed if the guy doesn't show some signs of intetest, and how lame it is when he doesn't. All he did wrong was give you some space after you fobbed him off...
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 He messaged me back asking what I was upto etc that morning, which is way to long to reply to a text anyway I message back "peace out" and he acted all baffled and said "I'm definetly missing something" and I said "keys, wallet, phone" and he acted more baffled and was asking what he's done to upset me and I didn't reply as if he doesn't know what's up, anyway glad It ended now before I got tricked into anything worse! I'm sorry, but your message is baffling. What the heck does "keys, wallet, phone" mean? I don't see how he was trying to trick you. Yes, it seemed like he wanted to hook up but I don't think he was necessarily attempting to mislead you about it. It's perfectly okay to not want to see him again, but I'm not clear what the rudeness and cryptic messages are accomplishing for you. 2
Miss Spider Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 (edited) First of all, he sounds like a total player. And not even a good one lol. Laying it on thick like that is playground game. Don't fall for that. He is just a player and he has found his next victim and forgot about you. Sorry. He's now telling her she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. She'll probably let him come over, sleep with Him , and be surprised when he ghosts her smh. Seen this exact thing happen to girls I'm acquainted with all the time Edited August 26, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Seriousperson Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 He did not want to come over for a 'date' he wanted to have sex. When a man invites himself to your home drop him, he's up to no good. I agree w/this, been there quite a few times (I did not sleep w/these guys). Be wary of the early flattery.
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 I'm sorry, but your message is baffling. What the heck does "keys, wallet, phone" mean? I don't see how he was trying to trick you. Yes, it seemed like he wanted to hook up but I don't think he was necessarily attempting to mislead you about it. It's perfectly okay to not want to see him again, but I'm not clear what the rudeness and cryptic messages are accomplishing for you. It wasn't really cryptic he said "I'm missing something" to me when I go out i check I have my "keys wallet and phone" i wasn't trying to be cryptic just having a joke because I couldn't be bothered answering seriously because don't want him to have to feel like he has to explain himself, I honsestly didn't/don't think he will care too much, it's done now.
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 First of all, he sounds like a total player. And not even a good one lol. Laying it on thick like that is playground game. Don't fall for that. He is just a player and he has found his next victim and forgot about you. Sorry. He's now telling her she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. She'll probably let him come over, sleep with Him , and be surprised when he ghosts her smh. Seen this exact thing happen to girls I'm acquainted with all the time Yeh I was suspicious of his over flattery the only thing which made me give him a bit of credit is my ex was exactly like that when we met and never changed till the day we broke up (2 years) so I thought maybe some guys are just like that and don't have alternate motives!
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 No offense to you, OP, but I am really flabbergasted about men/women who go on a couple of dates with a guy and they don't hear from them again and calling it "ghosting". To me, you go on a date or two, even 3 dates, decide whether you're interested enough to continue or not and there's no obligation or expectation on either side. Either they call you again or they don't. Calling it "ghosting" just kinda says "hey, a guy seemed like he was interested so I want him". People need to get a grip on things here. Because when they don't, all they are doing is creating dating anxiety for themselves. Sure, yeah, YOU liked them and hope you see them again. But don't hang your hat on them. I can't give a real time frame for what's considered ghosting, but it sure isn't not hearing from a guy or girl you went out with two, three times. If you've declared "coupledom" and the person disappears without a word, then I'd call ghost. Falling apart if a guy you went out with a couple of times doesn't call you again, is desperation. It's kinda like a fisherman who had a nibble on the bait and it gets away. He doesn't fall down on the bank of the river and cry. He throws the bait back in. It's a nicer thing, perhaps, if they tell you they aren't interested but that doesn't happen often and never really has. And, even if they do, the other person is deflated anyway so what's the difference? I have never heard anyone say they felt better because they heard that. I've been told by guys maybe twice in my 58 years, that they didn't want to continue seeing me after 2 or three dates and I've been "ghosted", as people are calling it these days. Either way, the message is the same. Shake it off and keep moving. True ghosting stories come from women and men who were with a partner for years and one day that partner walks away without a word. Leave a family behind without a call, a letter -- nothing at all. And, no, they weren't dead. That's ghosting. It happens more often than people realize. Best to hope that you don't find yourself in that position. I used the term ghosting loosely. I don't mean it exactly I just mean he changed his tune quickly- so so full on then nothing. It would be devasting to be ghosted in the true sense of the word (together for years and they up and go without a trace)
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 That's a very rude response. Noone is tricking you. He has been pretty upfront in that he's attracted to you and probably wants to sleep with you. If you don't want to, then that's fine. But no need to send weird rude messages. And you acting like him trying to kiss you is a crime? How many times have we read on here about girls being disappointed if the guy doesn't show some signs of intetest, and how lame it is when he doesn't. All he did wrong was give you some space after you fobbed him off... I didn't fob him off, I literally was sick and had work if that's all it takes for him to be put off then that's good to find out now. The more I think about it I really don't think my response is very rude. It was easy going and letting him off and him asking if he's done something to upset me just goes to show he knows what he's done or else he wouldn't ask that - that's how I see it anyway.
stillafool Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Men ghost women all the time for no reasons. He was interested in sleeping with you nothing else. Don't trust men that tell you you are the most beautiful thing they've ever seen on a first meeting, it's a line men use play women to their bed. If you want to meet a nice man stay away from bars in the afternoon. This is exactly it. He bombed you with compliments hoping you would let him come over and hopefully have sex with you. When it didn't happen within his time frame he moved on to another candidate.
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