5 Years after breakup

[Reddice]

Hi all.

 

I was a regular visitor of this website 5 years ago, right after the breakup with my ex. We were together for two and half years, when she decided to cheat on me and move in with the other guy. That first year (2012), I spoke to her on 3 occasions: When I caved one night, when I asked her to come and pick up the stuff she had left behind and a third (and last time) when she broke up with her bf (approx. 6 months after the our own breakup) and called me out of the blue. I have been on 100% NC after that last contact, where we both poured our hearts and I told her that if there was ever any chance of getting back together, it would be completely in her hands. I had never had any intention of reaching out to her ever again.

 

The first year was the hardest, the second year a bit easier. In that second year, I heard from one of my mates that she had a new bf. I immediately told him not to mention anything about her ever again. It hurt too much to realize that she never put any effort into contacting me again. She had just moved on acted as if I had never existed and I was determined to do the same.

 

The years after, the only thing I knew of her was when Linkedin offered her as a new, possible connection (she’s not my own connection). Each time I saw it, I was a bit shaken, but recovered quite easily. That was, until this week, when Linkedin decided to suggest her again as a possible connection. However, she had a different last name… I guess most of you will understand where I’m going with this: She got married. I’ve been feeling ****ty ever since and have trouble sleeping. I even cried again over her, how pathetic is that? I suppose I wasn’t as much over her as I thought. Instead, old feelings resurfaced.

 

There was a time when I believed we were soul mates, that no matter the distance, we would always find our way back. There was a time when I believed she felt this way too. When we were still together, we regularly discussed in detail the guest lists of our marriage, location, honeymoon, children, etc. She shattered this image when she left me 5 years ago and now that she's married someone else, it hurts again. It’s quite possible that in my heart, I always kind of hoped that she would someday reach out to me. Guilt and all, tryin to redeem herself. Now my heart finally understands she never will. These emotions are so confusing.

 

In case you’re wondering, I have moved on myself these past year. I have a gf (who I’m very happy with) and a daughter of 6 months who I love more than anything else in this world. She is my pride and joy. This makes me feel guilty for thinking of my ex as much as I do.

 

I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve with this post. Maybe warning others, maybe just sharing a sad story, maybe asking for advice from people with similar experiences. I really don’t know. But 5 years after the breakup, I’m quite sure that there is no-one in my direct surroundings that could possibly understand my feelings. Maybe I have more luck here. Hope the messed up feelings pass soon.

[Maldives]

Yes I can relate to this dude my ex wife even after 6 or 7 years she had a similar impact on me but she kinda sabotaged two relationships of mine indirectly she'd reach out in subtle ways by ticking fb posts. Ur post made me realise something because I kinda feel this way about my current ex we split a yr ago and it's probably been the toughest breakup I've ever gone thru as we work together and I've already watched her go thru one romance at work where he left to go overseas and live. She's very vengeful and rubs it always in my face by talking wth male colleagues. U made me realise it a not worth pining over these trashy woman who give me and u no thought watsovever. This last ones never reached out once and is just plain cold. Ur post was painful to read because it cut close to home. But it made me realise something they're not worth it not at all dude....

Edited August 25, 2017 by Goodguy05

[Maldives]

Btw i can finally say after 10 yrs my ex wife I have nothing left for her if she was to reach out again I have the strength to not respond and even tell her not to contact me ever again and mean it. I blocked her well and truly for ever on social media..

[Reddice]

Thanks for your comments Goodguy. Good to know that more people have similar experiences, at least It's not as weird as I thought it is/was. Thinking about the whole situation, I believe what's also hard to swallow is that she found her happiness. As if she somehow "won" the breakup, while I'm still affected by it. It's as if I only moved on with my life, while she got a total fresh start. I wish her all the best, but at the same time, I do not... I'm confused by it myself. Can you relate?

 

Anyway, I'm now totally convinced I will never speak to her ever again. It makes me sad and happy at the same time.

[Maldives]

I can definitely relate. I felt exactly the same wen I saw my ex wife had got remarried she looked happy and that hurt then wen she had kids it really hurt.

 

I've finally let go and like u say my life moved on and got a fresh start by moving to my dream destination. I felt that then tables kinda turned for me and didn't have that sense of lost the break up battle anymore. I found my own happiness it's wen u really truly find ur own happiness wether that's in a career in relocating in a new relationship that's wen I find u no longer care about the ex nor really care wether they are happy etc because u r hope that makes sense. But recently I lost my real soul mate best connection I've ever had had 5 love relationships or soul mates but this was the best in the sense how we relate better than the ex wife but unfortunately she came wth a package kids and I found it very hard and we fought a lot about that until we broke up a yr ago now it's been the worst break up because we still work together and it's hard seeing her everyday. This one's very vindictive and likes to rub it in my face I've lost total faith in relationships from this because she built me up so much soul mate never met anyone like u feel like it was all just talk and still perplexed how she went from the to no feelings. She left all her kids interstate btw just for ur info long story we were together 6 yrs apart for 2 wen I moved to this dream location and she followed 2 yrs later by getting a job at my co took her son up and lost him in a custody battle but decided to stay up here. She was depressed about going back but I guess says something about her in a way I'm not one to judge because I saw how it affected her. She then split wth me and started seeing someone in the office something she swore blue she would never do but she did but he left and went overseas to work and live so In the case wth her she hasn't won our breakup but she tries to hurt me. Why I'm not really sure but it's turned me off and sabotaged us. I hope in her case she learns some hard lessons because like my ex wife she is very immature. She puts on a front but I know she's not as good as she tries to portray. She hangs around work even if she starts earlier not wanting to go home and be alone wth her void she's created for not herself but me as well. I hope one day I can trust again because basically after 5 bad breakups has made me lose any little faith I had left in relationships. All talk and bs I guess from reading the forums that's actually a red flag wen they talk like that oh ur the best everything I wish I was able to of seen this. I see my part in it it was me not really committing that caused all this in the end but it was the kids causing the doubt. Anyway. Yes u have me who's had similar. I put it down to this they were just lucky but me and u really don't know what there life is like and how happy they really are. Just because she smiles in a photo and has his surname doesn't really tell u much believe me it doesn't. One thing i been thinking of doing because I found a very good psychic was just to find out how they really are haha why not.