blackendangel13 Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Ok so I have decided to get a general consensus on this situation. If you need some background see my other posts. Me and the ex, together for a year and a half. Started having problems around the 8th month when I had some health problems. Lets just say these were bad health problems on the cancer level (I was 19) and he was unsupportive. A month after I was deemed cancer-free and a week before Christmas my mother died. It was the week he had off work and school so instead of being with me, he went to the bar with his friend almost everynight, leaving me home alone. I spent a lot of time that I should have been grieving angry at him. Next issue, we fought about the above issue several times. We were very strained for months. I tried to be completely honest with him about how I was feeling but had problems because he was never there. His best friend constantly picked fights with me and he sided with him over me. I told him this was unfair and he blew it off. In July my grandmother died and he went back to not being around again. A week after he came over and instigated me breaking up with him. He said he was selfish and couldn't give me what I needed and bla bla bla. I was crushed. I moved to this city to be with him and thought he was my soulmate. I took a year to heal myself and am at a happy place now. Through the year he sent me several times and I told him to leave me alone. We started talking again a few months ago and hung out a few times. I can't be friends with him. I think he just wants me around because he feels bad about what he did, which is probably why he apologizes so much for how he has treated me. He tells me he has changed but his actions do not show me that he has. He makes plans to hang out, then flakes. I do love him with all my heart and miss him horribly but is there ever a point when I should take someone back who has hurt me like this? I am strongly debating if its even worth sticking it out because a friendship will never satisfy me.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 If 'just friends' is not what you want, then under no circumstances should you even appear to be interested in that. You will have to be very upfront about this. Tell the guy that you have no interest in 'just friends' if that is all he has to offer. You love him, you want to be with him and work out your problems together, and settling for less is just not something you are going to do. Then, the ball will be in his court. What he says will determine your next course of action. If he waffles, and insists on "friends" - then tell him that you are sorry, but that you can't offer something that you yourself don't want and then go to 'no contact' to continue your healing process.
Author blackendangel13 Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 He knows I can't be just friends. I told him this two days into the relationship. He said when we broke up, he wanted to be friends. I said I couldn't. When we have been talking he said something about us being friends and I said he was expecting too much from me.
lostinmymind Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by blackendangel13 He knows I can't be just friends. I told him this two days into the relationship. He said when we broke up, he wanted to be friends. I said I couldn't. When we have been talking he said something about us being friends and I said he was expecting too much from me. That is always something that really bothers me. When people discuss the end of a relationship while at the beginning or still in it. If there is an end in sight then you will eventually reach it.
jadedjessie Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 I understand what it's like to not have the heart to let someone go, but I think you're better off without him. He was not there for you when you needed him, and now he is trying to act as though he cares for you when really he is still being selfish. All he is trying to do is get what he wants. I truly don't believe that he cares about what you want. He had his chance, and blew it. I wouldn't take him back, no matter how painful it is to let him go. It's still more painful to be ignored by your lover when you need him, which is exactly what he did before. Better men are out there somewhere. Good luck. Stay strong.
theclash Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 you may not want to be just friends, but time is a magical thing. In time you may change your mind about being friends, or you may not. You say you still want to be with him, but i couldnt be with someone who was never there when i needed him the most. You needed him, he knew that, and he buggered off with his mates If my boyfriends needed me at a time of sadness, id be there like a shot
sundrop Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by blackendangel13 . I He tells me he has changed but his actions do not show me that he has. He makes plans to hang out, then flakes. I do love him with all my heart and miss him horribly but is there ever a point when I should take someone back who has hurt me like this? I am strongly debating if its even worth sticking it out because a friendship will never satisfy me. Sounds like to me you don't need him, he's up to his old tricks. If his actions don't speak louder than his words, than you don't need him. If he's not acting like he wants to be with you, then he is just stringing you along. You have already been hurt enough by him. Don't let him do it again. You sound like a strong person with all you have been through, so you are strong enough not to let him hurt you again. I wouldn't even strike up a friendship with him, until he is willing to show you he knows how to be a friend.
Recommended Posts