Galantas Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Hey everybody! Went on a fantastic date with a cute guy last night, we both seemed to be having fun and he opened up emotionally to me. At the end of the night when he dropped me off home, I told him I had really enjoyed myself and would love to do it again (if he wanted too) to which he replied 'I'll think about it. It might take me a while to respond to a message but I always will. I won't just ignore it." So, thoroughly confused I told him there was no rush. I'm not wanting to message him as I am interpreting his statement as a soft no. I suppose I just wanted to get some more insight, because a few of my friends are telling me I should just message him because they think he's just playing it cool. I don't particularly feel like reaching out if he doesn't want to see me again, and if he is interested and really does want to see me again and needs to 'just think about it' surely he will reach out to me? Anywho, would love to hear your opinions, lol. Cheers!
act00 Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 I would not reach out. You already reached out by letting him know you had a wonderful time and extended an invitation to have another date. He'll "think about it," then added the disclaimer, he may or may not communicate with you for who knows how long...which is probably never...but he won't completely ignore you if you message him first...eventually he'll get around to it, I guess. He's not interested. If he was, he would have said he'd love to see you again. If this is "playing it cool," it's a crappy way of going about it, and I question if I would want to be with a guy who's "cool" demeanor involves hurtful actions. So no. Don't bother with this guy. Chalk it up to a fun night that didn't work out, bummer. 11
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Went on a fantastic date with a cute guy last night, we both seemed to be having fun and he opened up emotionally to me. At the end of the night when he dropped me off home, I told him I had really enjoyed myself and would love to do it again (if he wanted too) to which he replied 'I'll think about it. It might take me a while to respond to a message but I always will. I won't just ignore it." This happens a lot. YOU had an amazing time and YOU felt you connected. He DIDNT'. If this man felt the date was fantastic and you had connected emotionally he would have said he'd love to see you again and ask you when you are free next. He would not have given you this sh&tty reply that he'll think about it. Block and delete. Your time is too precious to be giving time to a man that feels so-so about you. Your friends are bad advisor, they're suggesting you become the chaser and make a priority out of someone who hardly considers you an option. 9
Sara1989 Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Noo please do not message him again, an interested guy would never say that. 3
Redhead14 Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Hey everybody! Went on a fantastic date with a cute guy last night, we both seemed to be having fun and he opened up emotionally to me. At the end of the night when he dropped me off home, I told him I had really enjoyed myself and would love to do it again (if he wanted too) to which he replied 'I'll think about it. It might take me a while to respond to a message but I always will. I won't just ignore it." So, thoroughly confused I told him there was no rush. I'm not wanting to message him as I am interpreting his statement as a soft no. I suppose I just wanted to get some more insight, because a few of my friends are telling me I should just message him because they think he's just playing it cool. I don't particularly feel like reaching out if he doesn't want to see me again, and if he is interested and really does want to see me again and needs to 'just think about it' surely he will reach out to me? Anywho, would love to hear your opinions, lol. Cheers! Clearly, he didn't have the same experience you had. Don't reach out to him. He's implying that you should/would chase him. If he reflects and decides he does have more of an interest, he'll reach out first soon. Let the guy lead for the first few dates. Even he just seemed like he was shy, he'll push through it if there's enough interest. He definitely isn't very smooth. I've never had a guy who was actually interested say "I'll think about it"! I'd rather have them say nothing than something like that. It's kinda insulting . . . I wouldn't hold my breath for this one. In fact, I'd probably delete and ignore if he did call. If he left a really thrilling voicemail that included specific and interesting plans, maybe I'd think about it. 5
Author Galantas Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 Thanks everybody! You're all pretty much reflecting how I feel about the situation. I don't want to chase a guy who obviously (at least to me) doesn't seem interested. I'm glad I posted this question, I know my friends mean well, but I just don't want to date and chase a guy who says stuff like that and has no follow through. It's nice to get the perspective of a neutral party. 1
fred123 Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Im a guy. I would never say that to a girl i was interested in even if i was playing it cool. And if i said that and was playing it cool i would have probably sent a message that night or next morning saying i had a great time and more IMPORTANTLY say when you are next free. I had a funny situation with my ex gf. After the secomd date i got home and a couple days later asked her if she was free friday or saturday for dinner and i wanted to take her out for a third date to a nice restaurant. She replied " can do". i should have realised back then that its not a response a girl says if they are interested right? She ddint sound enthusiastic or excited. After we broke up she told me she was playing it cool which to me is bull****. Either way even if a guy was playing it cool with you OP you would still know by his actions he is interested. But actually in my.opinion if someone has to play it cool leave them. Im 29 not 16 anymore. 1
Robratory Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 That was his way of letting you down easy. The great time you had was unfortunately not mutual. But this is exactly why it's a good idea to plan the second date at the end of the first date. If the other person isn't interested, you'll know right away instead of spending days and days wondering if you'll hear from them again.
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 A guy that emotionally opens up on a first date? red flag: He's not ready for something serious IMO. It's possible he's still lingering over his last relationship. So yes everyone is right.....it's pretty much a no. Don't reach out, there is no point.
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Like the others said just leave it. He said effectively: "maybe" to another date. He said effectively: "hard yes" to let me have the ball in my court to get in contact. He was clear about being the next one to be in touch and wavered about next date. Doesn't look good. Needless to say, let him make next contact otherwise you would be chasing. Sorry, good luck--don't think you will be missing anything with throwing this one back
coolheadal Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Thanks everybody! You're all pretty much reflecting how I feel about the situation. I don't want to chase a guy who obviously (at least to me) doesn't seem interested. I'm glad I posted this question, I know my friends mean well, but I just don't want to date and chase a guy who says stuff like that and has no follow through. It's nice to get the perspective of a neutral party. Wait a second here why would he say that to you? What really happen on the date? You had an amazing time but what did he do on the date that was so amazing? Did you talk a lot more about yourself or did he not say a word other than can we please have the check. When a guy said I'll think about it? He has questions about you as a person. Your either right for him or your not? This was a simple sentence though, my feeling here is that you have told us that really happen on the date. For him to say that rejection is unheard of today. Something you did, or say or the way you look turned him off from you? This guy you can forget about anymore dates, you should have figured this one out in a heartbeat because the date didn't go so amazing after all did it. Did he ever hold your hands, did he even give you a kiss? Did he seem interested in you or did his eyes wonder the room.
SevenCity Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 I don't think he wasn't interested at all, just that he wasn't interested as much as you were or in the same way. It sounds like he's got another woman / women he would rather date but will bang you if things don't work out or if he gets horney. I would classify as low interest and think you can do better than a guy who is "meh" on you. An interested guy would be excited to go on another date. One thing you should be aware of is that women won't go on a second date if there is no interest. Guys, on the other hand, will often turn you into a FB / FWB / ONS.
JuneL Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 That was his way of letting you down easy. The great time you had was unfortunately not mutual. But this is exactly why it's a good idea to plan the second date at the end of the first date. If the other person isn't interested, you'll know right away instead of spending days and days wondering if you'll hear from them again. But this may put the other person on the spot in case s/he doesn't want to have another date.
preraph Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 I'll think about it makes it pretty obvious he's not really interested. 1
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 It can be a fantastic date, with making out at the end, and a promise to have another date....still doesn't mean they are interested in you...Surprised by this response? We just had a guy post a thread that he did just that and admitted he wasn't attracted to her and had no interest in another date. He made out with her because the of the alcohol. To boot, he forgot his wallet so she gladly paid for the meal, then he said he will pay next time.....he wanted to know how to get out of it.
Miss Spider Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 (edited) "I'll think about it. ... Lmao. Hope you guys both had a laugh because he's a jokester. That's the kind of thing you think and don't say out loud. If he wasn't joking, he lacks a filter/people skills. May or may not be something he can help, but I don't think I would date him. Edited August 25, 2017 by Cookiesandough
bene Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 he opened up emotionally to me When I was younger I also often thought something like "oh, he shared something personal, he must feel that we have a special connection". I have found that people can share a personal story about self esteem issues, dramatic weight loss, difficult childhood (examples from my experience) etc quite easily and I was probably not the first person in the world who heard about it. In fact it can even be just a way to get women into trusting them when dosed carefully. Something like "oh, he's so tough on the outside but only I see the real him" I don't want to project anything but this is what I've observed. 1
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