MadMax20 Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Me and my girlfriend of seven years broke up. It hurts like hell, honestly, and I am the dumpee. She dumped me via text message and I just feel like that was such a low way to go about it since we were together for 7 years man. The text message has a strong "farewell" vibe to it, which sucks. I haven't responded to the message either (It's been 2 months now). So I'm about 2 months into NC and I'm confused. Since her breakup text, she has publicly broadcasted that she misses me (on Facebook) and also says things like "I am really not trying to move on" but this whole breakup is something SHE initiated. In the text, she said she wants us to see other people, but she broadcasts that she isn't trying to move on. So am I missing something here? Should I reply to her breakup text, or stay strong and maintain NC?
Frostedflake Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 You're still Facebook friends or these are public posts?
Author MadMax20 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 You're still Facebook friends or these are public posts? We are no longer Facebook friends, but the way her privacy settings operate, you can see what she writes without being her friend. So yes, these are pretty much public posts
Frostedflake Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Well, technically because you aren't Facebook friends or talking- you should not be seeing these posts. It's a telling sign to her that you're going out of your way to see what she's up to if you say anything that shows you saw them. If she wanted to get back together she'd reach out. People who truly want things will make the effort. People with hurt pride and ego will only talk about these things.
Author MadMax20 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 Yeah you're right. I looked on her page a few times, bad habit. I can admit that. But you don't find her actions confusing at all?
Frostedflake Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Yeah you're right. I looked on her page a few times, bad habit. I can admit that. But you don't find her actions confusing at all? It's only confusing if you've got expectations and are trying to align them with her words. People will show you very directly who they are and what they want. After 7yrs I suspect you know her very well and if she's capable of manipulation. Because that's what that would be, posting vague heartbreak statuses to bait your ex into contacting you instead of reaching out yourself (especially as the dumper) is manipulative. It's not something I would waste any more time dissecting. Two months NC is a milestone to many people on these forums. I would hope you don't give it up so easily for some weird statuses she's not even sure you are seeing. That is your advantage in all of this. 3
Maldives Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 (edited) Yeah you're right. I looked on her page a few times, bad habit. I can admit that. But you don't find her actions confusing at all? Yes it is confusing my take on it is this...she wants u to reach out even though she callously broke up wth u by sms btw my ex of 6 yrs did the same mine was brutal though and unlike ures, there were no mixed signals. To me she wants to regain some sense of control since u were able to go cold turkey and that's by making those posts public knowing it'll get ur attention. I say don't fall for her feelers and be strong till she completely caves in and comes back begging for u and licking ur boots dude Edited August 25, 2017 by Goodguy05 1
Author MadMax20 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 Yes it is confusing my take on it is this...she wants u to reach out even though she callously broke up wth u by sms btw my ex of 6 yrs did the same mine was brutal though and unlike ures, there were no mixed signals. To me she wants to regain some sense of control since u were able to go cold turkey and that's by making those posts public knowing it'll get ur attention. I say don't fall for her feelers and be strong till she completely caves in and comes back begging for u and licking ur boots dude I agree with you. I do think she wants me to reach out, but that's ridiculous. After all these years, I do feel as if I deserved a face to face conversation. It feels so manipulative. I believe that she wasn't expecting me to NOT reply to her text and it's causing some mental instability on her end. Would you agree? 1
Zahara Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 I have a feeling her ego is bruised that you didn't respond and she's trying to bait you to see where your head is. She devalued you. If she has something to say, she needs to be the one to win you back. She ended it with you -- even worse by text. Stop checking her FB and focus on moving on. Don't fall for crumbs. 1
Author MadMax20 Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 I have a feeling her ego is bruised that you didn't respond and she's trying to bait you to see where your head is. She devalued you. If she has something to say, she needs to be the one to win you back. She ended it with you -- even worse by text. Stop checking her FB and focus on moving on. Don't fall for crumbs. Yeah it sucks to feel devalued after that long. It's taking everything in me to stop myself from speaking my mind to her, but you're right. If there is any reconciliation in the future, it has to come from her end. Sometimes I wonder why she chose such an impersonal way to go about it. We were together 7 years, not 7 days. You know?
MarvelFan1 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Wow this thread is a revelation!! I was the dumper, I was tired of being talked down too and arguing all the time, meaning I soon felt out of love with her. So after 14 months together, I broke up with her. She said she would change and wanted to fight for me, as I was doing the break up face to face, but my gut said 'No' to staying with her. It hurt upsetting her and I get bad, as I still had feelings, but it wasn't love. She said she could see in my eyes I love her, I had just buried it, and I would regret leaving her. I never heard from her after the split, and I was always hoping she would reach out, as I missed her terribly. She was one of those people where she has to have the power, I had to always beg and apologise, so she would never contact me first in a million years. She told friends how much she missed me and wanted me back etc, but never said to to me, it was relayed to me. And after reading replies on here, it's obviously her ego was hurt and bruised that i left her, no way would she contact me to reconcile even though she wanted too. So I did message her and then decided she wasn't worth getting back with, and have been NC ever since. She's back on the dating scene after 4 months apart anyway. I haven't even moved on yet... she's probably looking for a rebound ego boost...
Marc878 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Her words mean nothing her actions have told you everything you need to know. Stay blocked and no contact means no pain shopping 1
Author MadMax20 Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 You guys are right. Her actions show everything. It's just upsetting to watch an investment like that be flushed down the toilet! It's disappointing to watch things end that way
Marc878 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 You guys are right. Her actions show everything. It's just upsetting to watch an investment like that be flushed down the toilet! It's disappointing to watch things end that way There is nothing you can do to fix this. You go your own way. Like she did. Do you really think there is a future with some one like this?
Author MadMax20 Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 There is nothing you can do to fix this. You go your own way. Like she did. Do you really think there is a future with some one like this? Yeah it's no future with somebody like that. But that's a hard reality to face after 7 years. But you're right! The way I'm feeling, I don't think I could take her back even if she did contact me. Space makes you look at things differently for sure
ayoung73 Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 It seems to me she doesn’t have closure, the text wasn’t enough and is having second thoughts about the whole thing. That’s a long time MadMax20, 7 years, it’ll take some time, but stay strong-think of it this way – after seven years she doesn’t have the respect and honor to come talk to you in person, to even give the relationship a chance to heal or to be repaired; you are better off getting yourself back together and don’t be shy to reach out to someone close, they may have some great insight. And if you find yourself in her company, have her explain herself and apologize: that is no way to break up with someone! Years ago, before I met my wife, I dated someone for five years, seven if you count all the ‘friends with benefits’ and the multiple reunions and breakups. Years later, married for over 15 years, I saw her when I went home to bury my mother two years ago and it was amazing how feelings linger. I love my wife, would never consider this other woman, but my point is that it’s been decades, at least two, and the feelings remain….odd. My good friend told me later on she told him that she should have never broken up with me. NC is the best way to go, doing it any other way will only reopen the wound and it’ll take longer to heal.
Author MadMax20 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 It seems to me she doesn’t have closure, the text wasn’t enough and is having second thoughts about the whole thing. That’s a long time MadMax20, 7 years, it’ll take some time, but stay strong-think of it this way – after seven years she doesn’t have the respect and honor to come talk to you in person, to even give the relationship a chance to heal or to be repaired; you are better off getting yourself back together and don’t be shy to reach out to someone close, they may have some great insight. And if you find yourself in her company, have her explain herself and apologize: that is no way to break up with someone! Years ago, before I met my wife, I dated someone for five years, seven if you count all the ‘friends with benefits’ and the multiple reunions and breakups. Years later, married for over 15 years, I saw her when I went home to bury my mother two years ago and it was amazing how feelings linger. I love my wife, would never consider this other woman, but my point is that it’s been decades, at least two, and the feelings remain….odd. My good friend told me later on she told him that she should have never broken up with me. NC is the best way to go, doing it any other way will only reopen the wound and it’ll take longer to heal. Thank you so much for this comment. I really appreciate this. I do agree that she doesn't have closure, especially because I never replied. But the story you told of yourself is very interesting! All of those years went by and feelings still remained. It seems as though people don't know what they had until it's gone. Realizing how devalued I was, due to her text message, makes me upset because I invested a lot of time into that relationship! We had our ups and downs like any other couple but to get completely blindsided by that, was such a horrible feeling. But I am getting better! And comments like yours make this healing process that much easier!
Sweetfish Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 Thank you so much for this comment. I really appreciate this. I do agree that she doesn't have closure, especially because I never replied. But the story you told of yourself is very interesting! All of those years went by and feelings still remained. It seems as though people don't know what they had until it's gone. Realizing how devalued I was, due to her text message, makes me upset because I invested a lot of time into that relationship! We had our ups and downs like any other couple but to get completely blindsided by that, was such a horrible feeling. But I am getting better! And comments like yours make this healing process that much easier! You spent 7 years investing in a relationship... now its time to invest in your self 100%
Author MadMax20 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 You spent 7 years investing in a relationship... now its time to invest in your self 100% This is true. I've been doing pretty well lately. I just hope I can keep it up!
clw Posted August 29, 2017 Posted August 29, 2017 i was in a 6 year r/s and he broke up with me via text as well..still hurts so much and today is exactly 1 month since that text. i tried reaching out twice but was ignored. Was there a reason why you didn't reply to her b/u text the first time? Push on ..you can do it
Author MadMax20 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Posted August 29, 2017 i was in a 6 year r/s and he broke up with me via text as well..still hurts so much and today is exactly 1 month since that text. i tried reaching out twice but was ignored. Was there a reason why you didn't reply to her b/u text the first time? Push on ..you can do it I didn't reply because I realized that she didn't deserve a reply! In your situation, 6 years is a long time to be with someone too. After that much time, if they don't have enough respect for you, to look you in your eye and be an adult, then they don't deserve anymore of your time. That's what I've been learning myself. I'm not really worried if they're wondering whats going on in my head, because if they really wanted to know that, then they shouldn't have sent me a text message to break things off! 2
djung87 Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 Read through this and I am sorry to hear about the end of your relationship in such a insensitive matter. She didn't respect you and as much until she does she does not warrant anymore of your attention. I think she is definitely fishing to see if you are still interested and she just wants your attention. It doesn't mean she wants to get back together but she is most likely hurting as well. I would wait it out continue to focus on yourself she will reach out again in time I am sure of it. In the meantime think over about the negatives in your relationship it took me a long while to see all the warts of my relationship and when you have that revelation (it will take a few months and some deep soul searching) you can make a better judgement call for yourself. The more you focus your efforts and your attention on bettering yourself the quicker you will heal and regain your footing. It hurts bud I have been there but post here to vent and continue to do things that make you happy it will get better I assure you.
Author MadMax20 Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 Read through this and I am sorry to hear about the end of your relationship in such a insensitive matter. She didn't respect you and as much until she does she does not warrant anymore of your attention. I think she is definitely fishing to see if you are still interested and she just wants your attention. It doesn't mean she wants to get back together but she is most likely hurting as well. I would wait it out continue to focus on yourself she will reach out again in time I am sure of it. In the meantime think over about the negatives in your relationship it took me a long while to see all the warts of my relationship and when you have that revelation (it will take a few months and some deep soul searching) you can make a better judgement call for yourself. The more you focus your efforts and your attention on bettering yourself the quicker you will heal and regain your footing. It hurts bud I have been there but post here to vent and continue to do things that make you happy it will get better I assure you. Thanks for your response! I do have a question for you: If she doesn't want to be back together, what is the point in fishing to see if I'm still interested? Those mixed signals are stressful man, lol. It's pretty much a farewell text, so if that's how she feels about everything, I don't see the point in throwing out subliminal messages about missing me. You know?
Author MadMax20 Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 You spent 7 years investing in a relationship... now its time to invest in your self 100% I agree. That's a long time to put your all into something that crashed and burned that fast. It's almost like you were living a lie the entire time
djung87 Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 Thanks for your response! I do have a question for you: If she doesn't want to be back together, what is the point in fishing to see if I'm still interested? Those mixed signals are stressful man, lol. It's pretty much a farewell text, so if that's how she feels about everything, I don't see the point in throwing out subliminal messages about missing me. You know? Well it hurts and it took me a long time to realize it she just is not that in to the relationship anymore. Look more deeply at why the relationship was unhealthy for you both like deeply look into it. We are so in our love goggles especially if we are with someone for such a long time we just let things get swept under the rug. She saw something unhealthy with the relationship couples grow apart it hurts but that's how it is. Not sure how old you two are but boredom of a long term relationship being young could of been it too. You may never get the answer but the point is she choose to end things and feels she is better off without you. You guys were together along time of course she misses you but remember she is "choosing" to not be with you and actions are everything. Her actions speak that she may miss you but she would rather not be with you right now. Do not give her anymore of your attention bro and make sure you go no contact. She choose to completely abandon you and playing games to get your attention I assure you if you chase her now she will only run away. If you want any shot of getting her back work on yourself and raise your attraction by then you may not even want her back anymore. For now focus on healing and ignore her messages if she wants you back she will make it known. If you are ever temped to reach out post on here for support and keep it up bud. I know its really hard but this is a great chance for you to find yourself again find what makes you happy and focus on goals.
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