noun123 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 It's been almost three months since the BU. We have completely cut of any contact. His parents were a huge part of our lives and I have not spoken to them since the BU. For some reason in our previous breakups I always found this to be a big trigger for me when I was in the denial stage of things. Now that I have let go I really feel the need to send a short letter to them saying goodbye. I deleted them all of any social media and felt huge guilt but I knew it was something I had to do for my own well-being. It's a very short note, saying goodbye but mostly expressing my gratitude for everything they have done. I would hate for them to think I didn't care or took them for granted. I feel like three months is long enough without saying anything. I also added a note for them not to feel any pressure to write back, I would actually prefer if they didn't. Does anyone have any experience with a goodbye letter to the parents? I feel so guilty for not reaching out but not sure the rules surrounding this.
guest569 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 I kind of see this as an extension of breaking NC and holding on.
Author noun123 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 I kind of see this as an extension of breaking NC and holding on. That's fair. I assumed I would hear that. But I would like to assure you these is just a last step in letting go. The reason I have waited so long is because up until this week I was holding out hope on reconciliation. I have now accepted this is not an option. However the guilt is still there for not reaching out to the parents. I will wait to send my goodbyes.
Frostedflake Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 I don't find it appropriate. :/ Parents generally side with their children, even if their kid is in the wrong/did some awful stuff during the breakup. You don't have to be the "good guy(girl?)" in their eyes. You won't be associating with them any further so their opinion of you does not matter. I know we all want to be on good terms with everyone and have people think the best of us but we don't always get that. I must suggest that you don't do this.
Author noun123 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 I don't find it appropriate. :/ Parents generally side with their children, even if their kid is in the wrong/did some awful stuff during the breakup. You don't have to be the "good guy(girl?)" in their eyes. You won't be associating with them any further so their opinion of you does not matter. I know we all want to be on good terms with everyone and have people think the best of us but we don't always get that. I must suggest that you don't do this. There was no 'bad' guy in this situation. Was a completely amicable breakup despite the fact that I am not able to move on. We were always close so it feels very weird not to say something, she (mom) has always reached out in the past so I know its coming. Guess I would like to steer that conversation away and just say thank you and end it at that. Thank you for your thoughts though, I will wait on this until more time has passed.
preraph Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Don't. It might trigger one of them to not let go of you and complicate your life. Every adult understands the rules here. You don't try to be friends with ex's family. 1
dumbass2 Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Don't. It might trigger one of them to not let go of you and complicate your life. Every adult understands the rules here. You don't try to be friends with ex's family. This right here
Zahara Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 (edited) I would suggest not doing this. It's been 3 months and you're now choosing to regurgitate the past again. Don't do it. They've moved on and you should too. Usually the 3 month mark is when you start to get an itch to break NC and I feel this is your junkie brain trying to justify contact. PS: It isn't 3 months since the break-up. You have a post just a few weeks ago about the two of you being in contact and possibly rekindling. You should refrain from making contact and focus on your healing. Edited August 25, 2017 by Zahara
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