caffefrappe Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Hello I posted about a month ago about my separation. I broke up about a month ago with my girlfriend (33 - im 38) who initiated it after a year and a half together. Three months ago, we were supposed to move in together and I pulled back when we were about to sign a contract - saying that I thought it would be better to take our time even - if deep down I was doubting my feelings. She was obviously hurt. Despite going on holiday together and keeping a nice relationship going, staying at mine 5-6 times a week, our intimacy fainted a little over the next few weeks. She engaged few times discussions about family and kids, and even I said I wanted to have some - it wasn’t currently my priority. About a month and half ago, before I was going away to see my relatives (she had to work) - she asked me to seriously think about us and that she didn’t want us to break up. When I was away, I told her we should have a nice chat about us when I was back - she replied with a engaging “yes!” with a smiley. When I got back, she was cold and distant - started to say that she thought we were too different, that we were missing something and didn’t have the same priorities in life. I was a little puzzled and didn’t know what to say. Then we were kissing, she kept crying saying that she didn’t want to loose me, that she adored me. I was a little in shock and really didn’t know what to say. She left saying that we could hang out later during the week. I messaged her to explain my feelings and point of view regarding our relationship, that I was so sorry for not moving in with her and that I really wanted us to be together and if she was feeling the same we should talk. At first she said we could meet up to discuss, then saying that she knew despite her deep feelings that it was the right thing to do and that we could maybe stay friends. Its been about 3 weeks now, we exchanged few messages and last week I suggested to meet up when I was back if she felt like it. She replied without any reference to meeting up and just wishing me to enjoy the rest of my holidays. I really hope we can meet up so I can tell her face to face that I love her and that I wasn’t ready at the time to fully commit but Im now. Even if i think that if we are meant to be together - we will be, i'm still feeling very sad. Part of me feels she was insecure in our relationship and that I didn’t reassure her at the right time and now she’s all closed up - or she simply had a change of heart and think we are not made for each other. Thanks in advance for your thoughts
Author caffefrappe Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 anyone any thoughts? thank you
Maldives Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Part of me feels she was insecure in our relationship and that I didn’t reassure her at the right time and now she’s all closed up - I think u pretty much answered your question here dude. It seems she changed after you pulled back on the lease. Which is fair enough she should respect your decision if that's how u feel but unfortunately woman it's all about commitment and wen us guy's show a lack of they start to think about leaving. My ex wife did something similar wen I wasn't ready to have kids wen she wanted them. Don't be to hard on yourself u didn't do anything wrong accept express the truth. The reason your feeling this way now is because she rejected u. Remember this rejection breeds obsession. We suddenly want them more. I think dude if she took u back u need to ask yourself would u possibly start having the same doubts? it's that push pull effect that commitment in any shape or form has on us. It's a big step. Try and think why you weren't ready to make that commitment and I think you will find the root cause of your reluctance to commit. Now, how to move forward thats a good question ill leave that one to u
Author caffefrappe Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 Thanks for your reply dude Well, i wasn't sure about my feelings and didn't see a future with her even if things were going well - i wanted more and thought i wasn't really in love with her. I know what you are saying - she obviously felt that i wasn't into her as much as you would expect, and coped with it for some time and thought there's no point to waste more time as its not what i want/ Looking back tho, I know the fact that i was doubting created a void between us - and we lost somehow our intimacy and connection. I think i regret what our relationship could have been - a loving, tender and fulfilling relationship, and the fact that she was talking about kids and family make me feel maybe we could have had the relationship we both want and deserve, if we could have talked about things openly.
Recommended Posts