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Do girls lose interest if they think you're just a player?

Uboat74

By Uboat74
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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm sorry I did not mention this earlier guys... She is 20 years old. And living with her parents. I strongly doubt the invite into her house would have led to sex .... if not for logistical reasons, then out of respect for her parents (who I never even met) while they are home. So I don't think that was her intention to begin with.

 

I was thinking more along the lines of maybe she felt that I got a make out session out of her, and then had no interest in continuing the night further by going inside which in turn might have given the vibe I'm just using her for sexual activities and not getting to know her... which in any case is equally bad. So I'm not trying to deflect anything here, but that's how I feel I may have come off looking back. Do you agree?

 

Anyway, thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate the time and effort everyone has given to this thread. In the end, I'm not too hurt either way because I MUCH rather be too hard than a clingy creeper... but I will continue to fine tune myself and if things don't work out with this woman then I will take the lessons I've learned here with me for future endeavors . Thank you all.

Thanks for the clarification OP.

 

Well, the problem with not coming in was it looked like you were not that interested. Even if sex was off the table due to her parents in the family room staying up late to watch Fox News. A guy who is looking forward to be her boyfriend (or at least getting to know her better) would welcome the chance to come in and introduce himself to her parents.

 

Anyway OP, I absolutely agree that you do not want to be a clinger. However, the one thing you need to realize about women is that they can be quite self-protective. If they are giving you the green light and you pass it down, they will shut down themselves, if only out of pride. Despite whatever PUA may have said there are many many guys who won the girl by pursuing her hard.

 

Also, you do have to emotionally connect with her at some point, if all you do is deflect, then you are showing you are not someone to take seriously.

 

Anyway to answer your question (bolded), yes, it is quite possible indeed.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 1
Steve51 Established Member

Steve51

Posted
Posted

You would think so but my experience was that they try harder to get you. Even will share you. At age 11 I had two girls walk me to school and make out with me after school. Women knew I was a player as did my school principal and parish priest who both spoke to me and my parents.

 

My wife and all of her friends had seen my picture and heard about me years before we met as I was having sex with man girls from the neighborhood and her school. I had a reputation and while it kept the good girls away, it attracted all the bad girls and ever a few good girls who wanted to try being bad.

 

My sister's friends all knew I was player and yet all had sex with me as did all of my wife's friends at my wife's urging to show me off. Wives of my friends tried to have sex with me. I have had girls leave a friend's bedroom and join me or me and my girlfriend in bed. My wife actually asked her friends if they would like to have sex with me. She would have me show them my penis and let them touch it. She was the one in her school who was bullied and went to her prom with a cousin. Now she had the guy that they all wanted and she was shoving her face into it, or more correctly me. :)

 

Women are funny. Not all, but many want men what others have. I attracted even more women when I wore a wedding band. I used to date hot girls because I am not bad to look at myself. I also played baseball and football so I was well known.

 

If you watch the TV show, The Bachelor, you will see the behavior I am talking about. All these hot woman fight to marry a guy they just met just because the other girls want him. It is a type of mentality that he has sex with all of those women so I want to prove I am just as hot as they are.

 

My wife married me even though she knew I was poly. She picked her best friend to move in with us and be my girlfriend. I even got my wife to join us in threesomes where she learned that she really likes sex with girls. Her girlfriend is also bi but she knew it since college.

 

One thing I never thought about until I was 64 is that out of my four relationships in my life, all the women are bissexual but I did not know it until later in the relationship. My guess is that only girls who liked girls as much as I did would want a relationship with me. My ex fiance was married to a man for 20 years and is now married to a woman for the last 23 years.

 

To prove the allure of the player, although I was considered poly in my time, my wife shared me with other women and then her best friend for 30 years of our 45 year marriage. Yes, you can have your cake and eat it too. :) In short, women want what other women want. It is a challenge or they want to be considered to be on par with the type of woman a player has.

  • Like 1
GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
I went on 4 dates with a girl over the course of about 4 weeks. I'm 23 and she is 20.

 

Everything up to the 4th date ran as smooth as butter.

But after the 4th date... nothing.

 

Looking back the only possible thing I feel I could have done wrong was just game her a bit too hard and was too much of a closed book. She was asking me questions like how many girlfriends I've had, to which I would provide joking answers and flip the script on her. She also had made a few comments that I'm so confusing and she doesn't know what I'm thinking....which I also kind of played off in a semi-joking manner.

 

Also, when I had driven to her place to drop her off we made out for a few minutes. She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to come inside. I declined saying I was tired. Do you think this could have rubbed her the wrong way?

 

what do you guys think? What is the line between being a mystery, and coming off as a game playing jerk?

 

I have only read your first post and none of the replies (sorry) but you don't come over as a player but more of a ''it's like getting blood out of a stone getting to know you' sort.

 

Yes that would bore me quickly.

Communications is a big part of good relationships so I don't understand why you are seemingly sabotaging that from the off.

No women you date will be able to get to know you at all - fine if they want an FB but for dating or even just a FWB it's going to be tough on them and a lot of patience will be required. Doesn't sound like it's worth the effort on her part to me.

What are you trying to achieve with this behaviour exactly?

  • Like 1
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted

I agree with a lot of this. But, getting back to OP's situation, when the girls made overtures that they wanted sex (and you wanted it to), I am going to guess that you didn't *turn them down*. You instead made it happen. Correct?

 

You would think so but my experience was that they try harder to get you. Even will share you. At age 11 I had two girls walk me to school and make out with me after school. Women knew I was a player as did my school principal and parish priest who both spoke to me and my parents.

 

My wife and all of her friends had seen my picture and heard about me years before we met as I was having sex with man girls from the neighborhood and her school. I had a reputation and while it kept the good girls away, it attracted all the bad girls and ever a few good girls who wanted to try being bad.

 

My sister's friends all knew I was player and yet all had sex with me as did all of my wife's friends at my wife's urging to show me off. Wives of my friends tried to have sex with me. I have had girls leave a friend's bedroom and join me or me and my girlfriend in bed. My wife actually asked her friends if they would like to have sex with me. She would have me show them my penis and let them touch it. She was the one in her school who was bullied and went to her prom with a cousin. Now she had the guy that they all wanted and she was shoving her face into it, or more correctly me. :)

 

Women are funny. Not all, but many want men what others have. I attracted even more women when I wore a wedding band. I used to date hot girls because I am not bad to look at myself. I also played baseball and football so I was well known.

 

If you watch the TV show, The Bachelor, you will see the behavior I am talking about. All these hot woman fight to marry a guy they just met just because the other girls want him. It is a type of mentality that he has sex with all of those women so I want to prove I am just as hot as they are.

 

My wife married me even though she knew I was poly. She picked her best friend to move in with us and be my girlfriend. I even got my wife to join us in threesomes where she learned that she really likes sex with girls. Her girlfriend is also bi but she knew it since college.

 

One thing I never thought about until I was 64 is that out of my four relationships in my life, all the women are bissexual but I did not know it until later in the relationship. My guess is that only girls who liked girls as much as I did would want a relationship with me. My ex fiance was married to a man for 20 years and is now married to a woman for the last 23 years.

 

To prove the allure of the player, although I was considered poly in my time, my wife shared me with other women and then her best friend for 30 years of our 45 year marriage. Yes, you can have your cake and eat it too. :) In short, women want what other women want. It is a challenge or they want to be considered to be on par with the type of woman a player has.

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
I think you are quite misguided, but I'll applaud you for experimenting.

 

The basis of game is push/pull. In a nutshell, pushes are behaviours that tell a girl you don't need her, and pulls are behaviours that tell her you want her.

 

Most of the problems men have with women is that they are all pull. You are the opposite extreme in that you have been all push with this girl :laugh:

 

For a start, one date a week isn't going to keep a set stable. Expect more girls to wander off, if that is going to be your routine. Whichever girl you want stability from needs to be given 2 dates a week.

 

Cut some of the the crap on dates. Stop the clowning. When a woman is being real and trying to connect with you, be real with her back. Connect with her emotions.

 

Make a reschedule, instead of turning people down. Reward good behaviour. You punished her for being cool with you.

 

And when a woman invites you inside, do it. Not sure what you were thinking.

 

Aim for more balance in your future dealings.

 

Agreed. Except for one little thing, I'm pretty sure it's the opposite with regard to meaning. Push meaning push in and pull meaning pull away. OP has enough falsehoods running around in his head, lol.

 

Reward good behavior is excellent. If you want someone to keep doing what they are doing, reward it. Even kicking the can down a road with a reschedule and better excuse--"oh bummer, so tempting, i have a huge work/school day tomorrow so can we do it friday?--qualifies. Then you sell her on the idea that you are a guy with good priorities that she can understand--responsible about work or school and sweet/complimentary vs. i'm tired (selfish/boring/lame).

 

I would add that a lot of guys who think they have game by pulling back are completely transparent and we can see through it.

 

Anyway, OP, IMO Bastile has a pulse on game better than almost anyone I can think of on the site (with respect too) which will get you far with the ladies.

  • Like 2
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
I'm sorry I did not mention this earlier guys... She is 20 years old. And living with her parents. I strongly doubt the invite into her house would have led to sex .... if not for logistical reasons, then out of respect for her parents (who I never even met) while they are home. So I don't think that was her intention to begin with.

 

I was thinking more along the lines of maybe she felt that I got a make out session out of her, and then had no interest in continuing the night further by going inside which in turn might have given the vibe I'm just using her for sexual activities and not getting to know her... which in any case is equally bad. So I'm not trying to deflect anything here, but that's how I feel I may have come off looking back. Do you agree?

 

Anyway, thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate the time and effort everyone has given to this thread. In the end, I'm not too hurt either way because I MUCH rather be too hard than a clingy creeper... but I will continue to fine tune myself and if things don't work out with this woman then I will take the lessons I've learned here with me for future endeavors . Thank you all.

 

um, you missed the point when you initially turned her down. It's actually to the contrary of what you believed at that time. It's equally possible, actually more likely IMO, that turning her down to come inside and keep hanging out with her, maybe a little make out, is something she is going to conclude that you just want sex and there's no chance of getting it so you are not going to put much effort in, like you believe now.

 

Doesn't make her feel good about herself or a future with you. To say you are tired is kinda insulting. Girls can be overly romantic and tend to think if you are into them you aren't going to want the night to end (much like we are conditioned to want), if you do for a boring reason, she'd be like "eh" about you after the fact, especially if she good looking and has other prospects or good sense of self-esteem.

JuneL Established Member

JuneL

Posted
Posted

 

Anyway, OP, IMO Bastile has a pulse on game better than almost anyone I can think of on the site (with respect too) which will get you far with the ladies.

 

I agree with your assessment ;) Though Bastile's approach seems to be ideal only for getting into casual relationships, multiple casual relationships concurrently.

  • Like 2
guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted

It's ok that you rejected sex. (We are presuming that was part of her invitation into her house, not the conversation, which seemed a bit lacking). But just saying "I'm tired." made you sound completely uninterested or asexual or just being a jerk. You could have said something more if you wanted to see her again. Instead you said "I'm tired" and rejected her event invite and left it at that. Of course she is going to move on!! You have given her no choice as in her eyes, there is nothing there.

  • Like 1
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted

OK.....now Im confused....

 

Many of the ladies stating that the guy bailing on going into the house with this woman sunk him...yet in the other thread, if there was a manual on how to turn a woman off and show her he is disinterested, this guy could have won the Pulitzer Prize, but somehow that guy got shown a bunch of love by a lot of the female posters..?? I mean, this guy did everything wrong...

 

"He's patient, he's measured, he's shy, he's an introvert, he's a scientist"....blah blah....

 

Are we having fun yet???:laugh:

 

TFY

Bastile Established Member

Bastile

Posted
Posted
I agree with your assessment ;) Though Bastile's approach seems to be ideal only for getting into casual relationships, multiple casual relationships concurrently.

 

 

You'd be surprised, madam!

 

I'm a good guy. And you can ask my mum if you don't believe me. She thinks I'm the best :D

 

 

Anyway, thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate the time and effort everyone has given to this thread. In the end, I'm not too hurt either way because I MUCH rather be too hard than a clingy creeper... but I will continue to fine tune myself and if things don't work out with this woman then I will take the lessons I've learned here with me for future endeavors . Thank you all.

 

With that attitude, you won't go far wrong.

 

Great stuff.

  • Like 1
act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

I'm really with everyone else that you come across as totally disinterested. Deflecting, joking, gaming, and rejecting. Granted, you don't need to spill your guts right away, things come out as the relationship evolves, but you completely blocked all efforts for her to know you better, and you joked and weren't serious and then you were too tired. I'm guessing date #3 was nearing the end, and one last try, still nothing, and game over. She wasn't inviting you in for sex, but to extend the evening, and you were just too tired.

 

As far as how many have you been with or girlfriends - no, no, no. That is a recipe for disaster. I guess at young 20 it carries more importance, but it was also that age that I learned not to ask that sort of thing because it just leads to trouble. Can open, worms everywhere. A response could be, "I don't think it's important to know all the details of past relationships. I've had <number> serious girlfriends and dated a few others." "Things just didn't work out with my last girlfriend. I can tell you more later, but just know, I don't want to trash talk her, but she just turned out to be nuts."

 

On not wanting to stay (or maybe you did but playing hard to get?), "I would love to come in, but I have work/school/study group/help a friend move tomorrow, early. Let's plan tomorrow <whatever day>"

 

You need to actually put something out there. Sure, we don't want to put too much out there too soon, but part of dating is getting to know each other and building a wall and deflecting with jokes and gaming, turning tables, and never answering direct questions gets tiresome. I'd be giving up about now too. Let her know you're interested.

guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted
You need to actually put something out there. Sure, we don't want to put too much out there too soon, but part of dating is getting to know each other and building a wall and deflecting with jokes and gaming, turning tables, and never answering direct questions gets tiresome. I'd be giving up about now too. Let her know you're interested.

 

That's right. You don't have to give your life story or text incessantly. But on dates, yes, open up a little! She wants to know you!

  • Like 1
JuneL Established Member

JuneL

Posted
Posted
You'd be surprised, madam!

 

I'm a good guy. And you can ask my mum if you don't believe me. She thinks I'm the best :D

 

 

I thought you're the one preaching your "rotation" stuff (or is it called "spinning plates"?) :p I only learned such terms from this forum.

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
You'd be surprised, madam!

 

I'm a good guy. And you can ask my mum if you don't believe me. She thinks I'm the best :D

 

 

 

 

With that attitude, you won't go far wrong.

 

Great stuff.

 

I have to agree with Bastile's assessment of himself. Reading between the lines I think he's a really good guy. I think it's likely been his choice girlfriend or casual relationship and he gives guy type advice to guys seeking to work on game. The content of what he gives in it (if they follow!) should give the guys similar choices. Let's just say (and be honest), he makes it look far easier than it is. Maybe it's easy for him but it takes practice for the rest. Maybe that came from practice or just naturally (which some guys have).

 

OP, gets points for how he graciously answered us. that lesson goes far: you catch more flies with honey..... (same with girls!)

  • Like 1
Deidre Established Member

Deidre

Posted
Posted

I don't think anyone should ''play hard to get,'' but just be sincere about intentions. If you want to have sex, be straight up about it. If you want to wait to get to know someone, same thing applies. But, ''playing hard to get'' to get a reaction or whatever, that would turn me off. But, I was one to wait until I was in a relationship to have sex with a guy. I got married a few months ago, so this was just how I handled it when I was dating. :cool:

  • Like 1
Bastile Established Member

Bastile

Posted
Posted (edited)
I have to agree with Bastile's assessment of himself. Reading between the lines I think he's a really good guy. I think it's likely been his choice girlfriend or casual relationship and he gives guy type advice to guys seeking to work on game. The content of what he gives in it (if they follow!) should give the guys similar choices. Let's just say (and be honest), he makes it look far easier than it is. Maybe it's easy for him but it takes practice for the rest. Maybe that came from practice or just naturally (which some guys have).

 

OP, gets points for how he graciously answered us. that lesson goes far: you catch more flies with honey..... (same with girls!)

 

It's not easy for me. []I'm going to make a thread full of rejections that I've been getting for a laugh. Sometimes it's really funny.

 

Everyone over-estimates their success stories. And few talk about the struggle it takes to get there. Any guy doing good is really like a duck: might look smooth on the surface, but really the feet are paddling away underneath ;)

 

We would all be better off, if we were just honest about that.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

Posted
Posted (edited)
You'd be surprised, madam!

 

I'm a good guy. And you can ask my mum if you don't believe me. She thinks I'm the best :D

 

 

I also wanted to add that whether you only engage in multi-dating casually has nothing to do with whether you are a good guy. I was just pointing out a fact that you have admitted many times on this forum. It might take different skills to move a casual relationship to a serious relationship (there, you need to show some degree of vulnerability; merely perfecting your game may not be enough).

Edited by JuneL
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