Uboat74 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 I went on 4 dates with a girl over the course of about 4 weeks. I'm 23 and she is 20. Everything up to the 4th date ran as smooth as butter. But after the 4th date... nothing. Looking back the only possible thing I feel I could have done wrong was just game her a bit too hard and was too much of a closed book. She was asking me questions like how many girlfriends I've had, to which I would provide joking answers and flip the script on her. She also had made a few comments that I'm so confusing and she doesn't know what I'm thinking....which I also kind of played off in a semi-joking manner. Also, when I had driven to her place to drop her off we made out for a few minutes. She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to come inside. I declined saying I was tired. Do you think this could have rubbed her the wrong way? what do you guys think? What is the line between being a mystery, and coming off as a game playing jerk?
CptInsano Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Yes, in my experience declining any invitation to be intimate, or just the possibility of being intimate, is being received as a very strong sign of disinterest and is very hard to recover from. The flip side of the game you described is also that you may come across as less than sincere. 5
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 I'm not seeing how you came across as a player, unless you said you'd had hundreds of girlfriends or something. I don't think that's it. From her comment, I think she finds you aloof and possibly hiding something. If you were answering her questions with jokes and then turning them on her, she's going to wonder why you didn't just answer the question. Why didn't you?Where did you get the idea that being "mysterious" was a good thing? Also, you declining to go inside probably felt like rejection to her. You certainly weren't obligated to go in, but I'm guessing she interpreted it that way after your dodging her questions. But, I'm not quite sure if there is actually a problem here yet. Did she turn you down for a 5th date or something? Stop replying to you? 1
Ieris Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 If someone was answering my questions with a joke all the time, I would just switch off and move on. 7
Popsicle Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 If someone was answering my questions with a joke all the time, I would just switch off and move on. Yes. And this includes dodging the question or answering vaguely. I just switch off after that and lose interest. I don't know why a man would be so coy except to hide something and that's just a waste of time. A man turning down an invitation in is also a sign of disinterest. 7
SammySammy Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Ever see a real player without a girl? It's not what you do, it's how you do it. 1
mikeylo Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 That behavior is not of a player. It's of someone who doesn't know how a relationship is supposed to be, is hiding something, has poor communication skills, disinterested, not long term potential--- basically, making the interested person move on easily and confirming to them that you are not bf material for them:) 4
smackie9 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Player? you rejected sex with her....that stings to a woman,... that she can't get a man into her bed when she offers. Being dodgy/ rejecting sex?, she may have come to the conclusion that you have a GF or you are muti dating. 3
Author Uboat74 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 But, I'm not quite sure if there is actually a problem here yet. Did she turn you down for a 5th date or something? Stop replying to you? Yes I asked her for a 5th about 4 days after the 4th and she gave me the "I'm really busy I'll let you know". I said okay and then she told me of an event she is going to be at but I said I couldn't make it. (I really couldn't, I had plans.) That was the last time I ever heard from her. She never let me know when she could get together next and it's been 10 days since that last exchange. Thoughts?
elaine567 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Yes I asked her for a 5th about 4 days after the 4th and she gave me the "I'm really busy I'll let you know". I said okay and then she told me of an event she is going to be at but I said I couldn't make it. (I really couldn't, I had plans.) That was the last time I ever heard from her. She never let me know when she could get together next and it's been 10 days since that last exchange. Thoughts? After 4 dates women want to start getting to know you, you have already hooked her in, so playing cool, acting mysterious, gaming her, and not answering questions is not going to work. She started with a blank canvas and if after 4 dates you are still a blank canvas to her then she is gong to give up. She asked you into her home I guess to also get to know you better, have sex and enjoy some pillow talk and you declined so where does that get her? Absolutely nowhere so she was in no hurry to schedule a 5th date, but offered you another chance to see her which again you declined... What exactly was more important to you than trying to salvage this "relationship". I give up...and so did she... 1
knabe Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 I went on 4 dates with a girl over the course of about 4 weeks. I'm 23 and she is 20. Everything up to the 4th date ran as smooth as butter. But after the 4th date... nothing. Looking back the only possible thing I feel I could have done wrong was just game her a bit too hard and was too much of a closed book. She was asking me questions like how many girlfriends I've had, to which I would provide joking answers and flip the script on her. She also had made a few comments that I'm so confusing and she doesn't know what I'm thinking....which I also kind of played off in a semi-joking manner. Also, when I had driven to her place to drop her off we made out for a few minutes. She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to come inside. I declined saying I was tired. Do you think this could have rubbed her the wrong way? what do you guys think? What is the line between being a mystery, and coming off as a game playing jerk? And THIS is why you don't try PUA, RedPill, jaded games with a real woman. She'll walk away, as she should. Lesson learned. 3
Author Uboat74 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 After 4 dates women want to start getting to know you, you have already hooked her in, so playing cool, acting mysterious, gaming her, and not answering questions is not going to work. She started with a blank canvas and if after 4 dates you are still a blank canvas to her then she is gong to give up. She asked you into her home I guess to also get to know you better, have sex and enjoy some pillow talk and you declined so where does that get her? Absolutely nowhere so she was in no hurry to schedule a 5th date, but offered you another chance to see her which again you declined... What exactly was more important to you than trying to salvage this "relationship". I give up...and so did she... the thing is that when she offered that last opportunity to see her I took it as a "I'm not really interested in going out with you anymore but to make yourself feel better sure come and see me if you want" type deal... So since I declined was the ball passed back to me after that to Attempt at making another date?
thefooloftheyear Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Women usually do....Not sure about girls... TFY
elaine567 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 the thing is that when she offered that last opportunity to see her I took it as a "I'm not really interested in going out with you anymore but to make yourself feel better sure come and see me if you want" type deal... So since I declined was the ball passed back to me after that to Attempt at making another date? At 10 days I guess you are probably a bit too late to try and pick up that ball again, but next time IF you really like a woman, then if you genuinely cannot make it, suggest a follow up date or be very open to working out a day when you can meet up. Do not leave it hanging in the air and hope she will desperately try to contact you. Do not assume women are hostile beings that you need to manage with games and rules and you need to second guess everything they say. Woman are just people, relax, play it by ear. Interested people act interested, by playing it too cool you did not look interested to her so she lost her interest in you. 1
CptInsano Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Thoughts? Its game over unless you are into extreme grovelling. What were you trying to accomplish? She gave you the green light, anyhow. What else did you want? 2
smackie9 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Thoughts? she's moved on, possibly found someone else.
Bastile Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 I think you are quite misguided, but I'll applaud you for experimenting. The basis of game is push/pull. In a nutshell, pushes are behaviours that tell a girl you don't need her, and pulls are behaviours that tell her you want her. Most of the problems men have with women is that they are all pull. You are the opposite extreme in that you have been all push with this girl For a start, one date a week isn't going to keep a set stable. Expect more girls to wander off, if that is going to be your routine. Whichever girl you want stability from needs to be given 2 dates a week. Cut some of the the crap on dates. Stop the clowning. When a woman is being real and trying to connect with you, be real with her back. Connect with her emotions. Make a reschedule, instead of turning people down. Reward good behaviour. You punished her for being cool with you. And when a woman invites you inside, do it. Not sure what you were thinking. Aim for more balance in your future dealings. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 (edited) I went on 4 dates with a girl over the course of about 4 weeks. I'm 23 and she is 20. Everything up to the 4th date ran as smooth as butter. But after the 4th date... nothing. Looking back the only possible thing I feel I could have done wrong was just game her a bit too hard and was too much of a closed book. She was asking me questions like how many girlfriends I've had, to which I would provide joking answers and flip the script on her. She also had made a few comments that I'm so confusing and she doesn't know what I'm thinking....which I also kind of played off in a semi-joking manner. Also, when I had driven to her place to drop her off we made out for a few minutes. She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to come inside. I declined saying I was tired. Do you think this could have rubbed her the wrong way? what do you guys think? What is the line between being a mystery, and coming off as a game playing jerk? THIS was where the ballgame was lost OP. Sorry. It may sound to some like an unfair double-standard of the genders. We as men tend to be OK with a woman deferring first-time sex for later. It does not work that way with the genders reversed. Turning down a woman's offer for first-time sex as you did is going to be perceived as quite a rejection. She put herself out there for you and you said no. Basically you flubbed a very important step in The Mating Dance. Why did you decline. If you were really that "tired" then maybe you were not that into her? Were you trying to play hard-to-get or something? Edited August 24, 2017 by Imajerk17
Robratory Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 what do you guys think? What is the line between being a mystery, and coming off as a game playing jerk? Well, that's the problem right there -- you're trying to perfect an act. Why aren't you just yourself? Why try to "game her" at all? Stop visiting those PUA sites if you're looking for a normal relationship. That whole "community" of playas, seducers, and pick-up artists are losers. 2
elaine567 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 She put herself out there for you and you said no. Basically you flubbed a very important step in The Mating Dance. Why did you decline. If you were really that "tired" then maybe you were not that into her? Were you trying to play hard-to-get or something? My guess and I could be wrong - fear.
Miss Spider Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 (edited) you looked disinterested Edited August 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough
MJJean Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 As a woman, I'm not going to continue seeing a guy that deflected my attempts to get to know him and then turned down sex with me. I'd assume he isn't into me and move on. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 I went on 4 dates with a girl over the course of about 4 weeks. I'm 23 and she is 20. Everything up to the 4th date ran as smooth as butter. But after the 4th date... nothing. Looking back the only possible thing I feel I could have done wrong was just game her a bit too hard and was too much of a closed book. She was asking me questions like how many girlfriends I've had, to which I would provide joking answers and flip the script on her. She also had made a few comments that I'm so confusing and she doesn't know what I'm thinking....which I also kind of played off in a semi-joking manner. Also, when I had driven to her place to drop her off we made out for a few minutes. She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to come inside. I declined saying I was tired. Do you think this could have rubbed her the wrong way? what do you guys think? What is the line between being a mystery, and coming off as a game playing jerk? Yeah, I've lost interest. If a player vibe was in combo with turning down an invite to come in, along with a blunt comment that you were tired, yeah that would probably do it. BTW, I don't think joking around about the how many gf's you've had, counts as game. It might have come off as immature on your part and where she hit a wall with wanting to "go deeper" not be with a closed off guy who then turned her down. I don't see much "player game" in what you posted in your initial post. Just that she might have gotten over it. I don't necessarily think she was in the right herself or that it was very mature of her to ask about other gf's but she will make a conclusion about what happens in that interaction based on what she wants. So in the future, you could use that as an opportunity to "open up" in some way but not necessarily answer the question about past gf's since we all know that is a minefield! Good luck
Author Uboat74 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 THIS was where the ballgame was lost OP. Sorry. It may sound to some like an unfair double-standard of the genders. We as men tend to be OK with a woman deferring first-time sex for later. It does not work that way with the genders reversed. Turning down a woman's offer for first-time sex as you did is going to be perceived as quite a rejection. She put herself out there for you and you said no. Basically you flubbed a very important step in The Mating Dance. Why did you decline. If you were really that "tired" then maybe you were not that into her? Were you trying to play hard-to-get or something? I'm sorry I did not mention this earlier guys... She is 20 years old. And living with her parents. I strongly doubt the invite into her house would have led to sex .... if not for logistical reasons, then out of respect for her parents (who I never even met) while they are home. So I don't think that was her intention to begin with. I was thinking more along the lines of maybe she felt that I got a make out session out of her, and then had no interest in continuing the night further by going inside which in turn might have given the vibe I'm just using her for sexual activities and not getting to know her... which in any case is equally bad. So I'm not trying to deflect anything here, but that's how I feel I may have come off looking back. Do you agree? Anyway, thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate the time and effort everyone has given to this thread. In the end, I'm not too hurt either way because I MUCH rather be too hard than a clingy creeper... but I will continue to fine tune myself and if things don't work out with this woman then I will take the lessons I've learned here with me for future endeavors . Thank you all. 3
Miss Spider Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 You still rejected her. Ego shattered, interest lost. Playing hard to get is a thin wire to walk. You're better off with people interested enough that you don't have to game them that hard. Especially if you want a rship and someone with 1/2 a brain 2
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