Insecurity Issues..

[blocker]

I have been cheated on before and it sucks. I feel like the fear and worry has never really left me even though this was a relationship i had 10 years ago.

 

I've been with my current BF for two years. I always struggle with his work trips (less time together, less communication and more anxiety = insecurities)

 

He is staying in a hotel, and working alongside another female who is also staying at the same hotel. So tonight, he calls me and says he is going for dinner with her and some support crew worker. Dinner is dinner. People have to eat. But my heart is skipping a million times a minute knowing its been 3 hours and its 1030 PM. I know it is so wrong to expect that he text me updating me on his every move, but i can't help but wonder if his night has ended, or not, and where...

 

I can't just turn off my thoughts. I feel like the unknown fuels something inside of me..

 

Help!

[d0nnivain]

Try to remember that your BF is not your EX. Your EX cheated. Your BF has been faithful so there is no reason to believe that he will stop being faithful.

 

Trust him. Without trust you don't have much

[7675]

How attractive is she?

[blocker]

How attractive is she?

 

lol -- I've never met her. She was flown in from another city.

[7675]

lol -- I've never met her. She was flown in from another city.

 

So they don't actually work together... That actually makes it worse.

 

Look, everyone has the potential to cheat. EVERYONE. The key is to respect your relationship and stay away from any situations that could potentially lead down that road. However, trust is important. You need to put your insecurity aside. Distract yourself with something and simply trust that your bf will not do anything like that

[rushed]

My very first boyfriend when I was in my teens cheated on me. I was a wreck after that, always jealous and insecure. That stayed with me for years. And then one day it just hit me, an epiphany - Why would I want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me? And that thought has stayed with me since.

 

These days I'm no longer jealous or insecure. My current boyfriend hasn't given me any indication that he would cheat on me. And I don't worry that he will. I know he's still friends with his exes. I know he finds one of his female coworkers cute. But I don't worry at all. If he cheats, he cheats, and it will come out eventually. I'm not going to stress myself over what ifs.

 

You can't stop your significant other from cheating if that's what they want to do. What you can control is how you respond. And I have no qualms walking away from someone if that happens.

[smackie9]

You should be keeping yourself busy going out having movie nights with the girlies, or dinner with a friend, rather than sitting at home gnawing on your finger nails. The busier you are the less time you have to think about what he is doing.

[kendahke]

I have been cheated on before and it sucks. I feel like the fear and worry has never really left me even though this was a relationship i had 10 years ago.

 

I've been with my current BF for two years. I always struggle with his work trips (less time together, less communication and more anxiety = insecurities)

 

He is staying in a hotel, and working alongside another female who is also staying at the same hotel. So tonight, he calls me and says he is going for dinner with her and some support crew worker. Dinner is dinner. People have to eat. But my heart is skipping a million times a minute knowing its been 3 hours and its 1030 PM. I know it is so wrong to expect that he text me updating me on his every move, but i can't help but wonder if his night has ended, or not, and where...

 

I can't just turn off my thoughts. I feel like the unknown fuels something inside of me..

 

Help!

 

Does he know you don't trust him like this? Have you two talked about this in the past? Has he ever given you reason to believe he will forget he's in a relationship with you and go have sex with his female coworker?

 

If the answer is "no", "no" and "no", then perhaps you weren't emotionally ready to get into a new relationship because you didn't process out all of the issues in the relationship that ended with cheating--and you're making him own what your ex did by not trusting him; especially if he's never given you a reason to distrust him.

 

Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, why are you with someone you can't trust? That's a waste of time and youth.

 

Perhaps, for you, this pain is what you identify as love.

 

Look up Esther Perel videos on youtube and listen to what she has to say.

[kendahke]

You can't stop your significant other from cheating if that's what they want to do.

 

This. All. Day. Long. They don't have to leave town to cheat if that's what they want to do.

 

OP, if your boyfriend wants to cheat, he would do it on his lunch hour... cheaters make time for cheating, so don't believe that he doesn't have the time for it because he's always with you. Not if he's working.

[Robratory]

I have been cheated on before and it sucks. I feel like the fear and worry has never really left me even though this was a relationship i had 10 years ago.

 

I've been with my current BF for two years. I always struggle with his work trips (less time together, less communication and more anxiety = insecurities)

 

He is staying in a hotel, and working alongside another female who is also staying at the same hotel. So tonight, he calls me and says he is going for dinner with her and some support crew worker. Dinner is dinner. People have to eat. But my heart is skipping a million times a minute knowing its been 3 hours and its 1030 PM. I know it is so wrong to expect that he text me updating me on his every move, but i can't help but wonder if his night has ended, or not, and where...

 

I can't just turn off my thoughts. I feel like the unknown fuels something inside of me..

 

Help!

 

Remember the Serenity Prayer, or learn it if you haven't heard of it.

 

"May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,

The courage to change what I can change,

And the wisdom to know the difference."

 

You cannot change anything your boyfriend does. If he's going to cheat on you, he's going to cheat on you. Nothing you can do will change that. And if he's not the kind to cheat, he's not going to cheat, and again, nothing you can do will change that.

 

Now, you say you've been with your boyfriend for two years. What's the plan? Are you living together? Why hasn't he proposed? Have you grown as a couple over those two years, or has little changed since your first six months together? Perhaps your anxieties are not entirely baseless. If a relationship is not growing, it's only reasonable to wonder where it stands.

[Robratory]

How attractive is she?

 

lol -- I've never met her. She was flown in from another city.

 

Uh-oh! You know they only fly in the hot ones, right?

 

Ha, ha, just messing with ya!

 

But seriously... like everyone's saying, it's about him, not about her. If he were a cheater and she wasn't there, he could still cheat -- he'd go to some bar after work, hookup with a barfly, and blow eighty bucks on a Motel 6 room.