Josephgro90 Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 So, I've known this guy for a long time. I'm also a male if that matters. We have been really great friends for a while now, almost two years, and we are exclusive to each other. I really want a relationship and he knows that, but he says he just simply isn't ready. I know he has strong feelings but I don't know why he needs time. He said he really enjoys being in my life and doesn't want to rush into a relationship...im just so confused. We go to college together, see each other very often and text all the time. I'm afraid and stressed...I'm planning on talking about it tomorrow with him too. I tried looking my situation up but all of it was only "So you met a guy..." and so on. Any advice? I know he is very exclusive but I don't know what's going on in his head, Maybe someone can relate. He did have a tramtic experience when was young, his dad and mom had a bad divorce and his dad went to prison for doing meth, If that can help answer anything. Please help! Thank you!
Miss Spider Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 It could be any number of things keeping him from wanting to commit to a relationship. He could have problems with the boyfriend boyfriend thing or just being official in general with all the responsibilities that he thinks may come with it. But I have to say, is that if it's been two years and he still isn't ready, things are not looking good! You're probably wasting your time if a rship is what you want
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 I don't think he has bad intentions. I think he enjoys your company & values you as a friend / person. No matter the gender, when a person you want to date tells you they want to be friends or they need more time it's a kind way of telling you that they don't want to date you. For them they don't want a romance with you, whether because they don't find you attractive or there's something else going on in their life that precludes a relationship now, it's not gonna happen. If you keep quiet you get to keep the friendship at great personal cost to you because you want so much more. If you speak up & he still says no, things will get awkward. Neither solution is good for you.
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Yeah I would believe him and if he is not meeting your needs for a relationship then rather than pressure him, either let him go so you can get what you want from someone else (and stop being hurt by accepting less) or find a way to just be friends. I'm a little confused at the exclusive thing since saying he just wants to be friends would pretty much indicate you are not exclusive (which leaves you open to getting more hurt). I would also caution you about reading too much into family upbringing and stuff like that as excuse for why someone behaves a certain way with you in the here and now. You will end up giving a lot of people a pass and make excuses for them when all you really need to do is hold them up to your standard. Even people with sh*tty upbringings can meet your standards when you hold firm to them. (might not be this guy because he may not be interested in doing that now or ever). Gay or straight, I'd give the most weight to the reason he doesn't want a relationship is that he is in college. A time when most guys just want to have fun and be social, date a lot of people. If you add in that he is gay, he may have come out over the last year or two and be getting to have freedom and experience things now that before he couldn't. To him, as much as he likes you, a relationship=loss of freedom and obligation whereas no relationship=freedom. You could try to stay friendly or distant friends and later when he gets that out of his system, if the timing is right, things might work out. You need to be very cautious if you choose to do this. It's hard not to hang on when you still allow someone in your life who you want something more from that they can't or won't give. A lot of times, resentment and anger and problems will build in this scenario that destroy any future chances or real friendship so you might be better off being very distant friends or letting him know that you can't talk to him until you are over him. And importantly, you need to live your life now AS IF you will never end up with him so you don't have regret & because college is fun! Good luck!
Author Josephgro90 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 Yeah I would believe him and if he is not meeting your needs for a relationship then rather than pressure him, either let him go so you can get what you want from someone else (and stop being hurt by accepting less) or find a way to just be friends. I'm a little confused at the exclusive thing since saying he just wants to be friends would pretty much indicate you are not exclusive (which leaves you open to getting more hurt). I would also caution you about reading too much into family upbringing and stuff like that as excuse for why someone behaves a certain way with you in the here and now. You will end up giving a lot of people a pass and make excuses for them when all you really need to do is hold them up to your standard. Even people with sh*tty upbringings can meet your standards when you hold firm to them. (might not be this guy because he may not be interested in doing that now or ever). Gay or straight, I'd give the most weight to the reason he doesn't want a relationship is that he is in college. A time when most guys just want to have fun and be social, date a lot of people. If you add in that he is gay, he may have come out over the last year or two and be getting to have freedom and experience things now that before he couldn't. To him, as much as he likes you, a relationship=loss of freedom and obligation whereas no relationship=freedom. You could try to stay friendly or distant friends and later when he gets that out of his system, if the timing is right, things might work out. You need to be very cautious if you choose to do this. It's hard not to hang on when you still allow someone in your life who you want something more from that they can't or won't give. A lot of times, resentment and anger and problems will build in this scenario that destroy any future chances or real friendship so you might be better off being very distant friends or letting him know that you can't talk to him until you are over him. And importantly, you need to live your life now AS IF you will never end up with him so you don't have regret & because college is fun! Good luck! Welp, sorry to tell all of you but he asked me out yesterday! I told him about all of this and I asked him why he waited so long and he said "It is very hard to trust people and to fall in love, and I wanted to make sure I could trust you for a very long time and love you for a very long time." So yea, it would have been a bad idea to let him go. I'm very happy! 1
Author Josephgro90 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 You are exclusive you say? What u mean? Agree not to date anyone else or not have sex with anyone else. We are together now, so!
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