Should I still fight for him? !

[Lphan301]

My bf and I been together 1.5 years and we lived together. 8 months ago I noticed something been kinda strange with me. I was encountering symptoms like I was going thru peri menopause. Because I didn't have health insurance I prolonged in getting help. I started to have erratic mood swing, rage, anger, distant and emotional rollercoaster 10 days before my period. I started to noticed a pattern that my bf and I fought like cats and dogs every months consistently before my period. I started to see the connection but have no ideas what it was yet. He constantly accused me of being crazy, it's all in my head and maybe I was bi polar. I was desperate for answer so I believed him maybe I was bi polar.

 

I ended up doing a career change in June to have health insurance. I couldn't stand the person I became and my relationship became more straining. I love my bf very much but hormonal imbalance does weird stuff to you. Finally, beginning of August my health insurance was activated. I booked the first available appt to get help. At this point my relationship was hanging by a thread. He was so fed up with me that he became distant and snappy. The more I tried to show him affectionate- the more he pulled away. He kept saying we need space but I kept saying let's get an answer to my health hopefully it shed some light. Also to proved him I wasn't bi polar. He was reluctant but agreed. My first doctor visit I cried my eyes out hoping for answer. I described my symptoms and what I've been noticing. She agreed I could be battling peri menopause and prescribed me lexapro (anti depressant) to help keep me calm until the bloodwork comes back to confirmed.

 

Came home and told my bf. He doesn't seem pleased. Between all this, we been stress out with our home being sold, packing to move, we both have job changes, fighting and my health. I took the prescribed med immediately that day and 3 days later I had to emit myself to the ER. My body had a severe reaction to it. While I was hospitalized, my bf worked outside the city 2 hours away for 3 days a week. When I told him I was hospitalized, he got out of work at 7pm and he said he would drive down. He then called and said his car battery died. So I suggested him not to come down that night until I got further test result what's going on. I end up staying for 2 nights in the observation unit and they found out I have an underlying heart conditions. I told him the next day immediately what happened and he didn't take off work to be with me. I waited for him to come and finally I called he said his schedule doesn't permit him to leave. He been with the company for 15 years and never took a day off in his life. I'm sure if he told his boss his gf was hospitalized- I'm sure they would understand. I was so hurt because of his lack of effort. He continued to called sporadically to check on me while I was there. I was finally discharged, got home and called him. Confronted him about his lack of effort and he replied he didn't think it was that serious. ( keep in mind prior before this he already was giving up on us)

 

Next day I got a called from my doctor and blood test came back. Everything was norm but she end up diagnosed me with PMDD. I spent the next countless days reasearching and reading about it and it's some serious disorder. I told him about it when he got home after 3 days of work. He listened and broke up with me. At that time I was 5 days away from my period. The amount stress what I just went through with my heart & health diagnosed and combined with him leaving me. I had a complete meltdown and had suicidal thoughts. He got scare and called the crisis hotline. They came out to talked to me and kept me under control. The next day I check myself in and saw a phychiatrist for a piece of mind and they educated me more about my PMDD disorder. Telling me what I'm going through is normal for the disorder. I was later release and put on a diff anti depressant. My boyfriend (ex now) was packing my stuffs and asking me to leave the place we just sold. I went to stay with my sister and I did every thing I should do. I called him, cried, begged and apologized it was all my fault for ruining our relationship from a disorder I wasn't aware of. He said, he could had handled the fight and the health issues. It's the emotional blackmailing with the suicidal thought that he couldn't do. I explained to him and offered him to talk to my doctor to let him understand that it wasn't me during my flareup. He insisted we need to be seperated and he need to heal for a long time. I kept asking if there's a chance for reconciled. He's response is I don't know- time will tell. As for now, we are not together. He never said let's break up- he kept saying he wants space. When I begged and cried for another chance. He gets nasty and said all these hurtful things like not to contact him. I finally pulled myself together and save whatever left of my ego and dignity. I finally accepted it and said I will respect your wishes. The minute I said that, he said we can still keep in touch and we can be friends if I want. He also, said I care about you deeply please take care of yourself and get help. He offered to put my furniture in a storage unit and paid for it until I'm ready to move out of my sister. I felt guilty like it's been all my fault. I let my illness intigated every fight to the extreme over stupid stuffs. Do you guys think I should still fight for our relationship? My heart is in so much sorrow and pain right now. I don't know will he come back given the fact he dated someone who was bi polar in the past and he fear for his life to repeat that again. I love him very much- but I know I have to work on me and tackle this disorder or else it can crippled my life. Please, if anyone is dating and your gf suffered from this disorder PMDD. It's a serious thing. Please be understanding and know she need to get help. Sorry for the long post

[RecentChange]

I am very sorry you are going through this, I know it's not something you choose nor wished to behave like this!

 

But on the other hand, having been on the receiving end of the unpredictable actions of someone suffering from mental illness.... I understand where he is coming from. I know your actions were not intentional, but for the loved one (him) it really feels like abuse and can do the same damage.

 

Is your condition curable? Can it be managed? IS it managed right now? Are you back to "normal"?

 

You have both been through a lot, and it sounds like he has reached the end of his rope. 1.5 years isn't the type of long term relationship / investment where I would necessarily expect someone to stick by through sickness and health - especially if that illness is so personally damaging / strains the relationship so much.

 

I wouldn't recommend "fighting for him" I would concentrate on your own health and wellbeing, and allow him the space and time he needs to heal from the ringer he has been through.

[Lphan301]

Recent change,

 

We were supposed to buy a house together, and get married until I started to feel strange. Our fights has taken a toll on us and he fell out of love with me. I understand what you're saying about him being on the receiving end. That's why I'm feeling so remorseful and in so much pain that I want to sleep and not wake up. I always heard of crazy stories about women going thru hormone imbalance. Never thought one day I will end up the most severe disorder. It is not curable but. And be managed with discipline and meds. Antidepressant and counseling to help cope the issues. The weirdest about PMDD it's only triggered 7-10 before your period. You became a nasty monster and when you get your period. You feel relief immediately. I'm currently on anti depressant and is seeing a counselor on a weekly based. She said my case is very mild compared to other women. After what I realized I put him through, I can't bared to put anyone thru this again. We were so happy until I started to feel off. There a part of me that I would give up anything to have him back but I'm realized that I can't make someone love me. I'm unbelievable broken. I was hoping that after I told him about it, he would be understanding and go with me to be educated abot it. It's my wishful thinking..,

[Lphan301]

Hi everyone, I'm on day 15 of NC. It's brutally so hard but after reading most of the post on here... I'm trying to stay strong. My empathy goes out to all the dumpees who is hurting really right now. I've been in your shoes and maybe even worst. But I must admit even it's hard to see it right now, but at Day 15 I'm feeling a lil better than day 1. It's not a miracle solution to do NC but I do agree the distant will you identified things a lil clearer. Eventhough I do want him back so badly, but I know the NC is for me to find myself. Let me share you my story how I got dumped 2 weekst ago in the shortest precise way possible.

 

I was single for 4.5 years before I met J. I dated here and there but no commitment relationship cause I didn't want to settle. Keep in mind I was married before and divorced. So I'm more selective. J and I met online and we were both in our late 30's. Our attractions and chemistry was undeniable when we first met. We hit it off so well that I thought it was too good to be true. I usually move pretty slow but with him, it was so natural. Plus we were older, I felt like this wasn't the typical "hit it and run" lol.. We made our second date the next day because we had so much in common that we didn't had enough time to shared it all.. After our 2nd date, we both knew we wanted to date each other exclusively and we saw each 6 days a week for 5 months. During that 5 months we would spend a couple nights at each other night place. I always been the one who didn't care to get married again and I never wanted children. But this man was magical.. I knew he was my soulmate and I can pictured being married to him with kids. It was so crazy. We were so madly in love with each other.

 

I met J when he just bought his place a year ago and just started a new job. He said he was tired from his old job and wanted a change. His old job was in a different city 2 hours away where the climate can get cold. So he wanted to move down to the valley and have warmer weather. After of 5 months of seeing each other, he asked me to moved in his place. I was hesitate at first but he was so reassuring that I decided to took the leap. Once I moved in I made sure we square right away with me being there and my contribution. Because I'm not there to be mooching off of him. I asked him what he wants me to contribute and he said just paid for cable and electricity roughly about $250. I told him I will give him $300 a month and I will take care of all household needs and groceries (another $800 a/month).

In the next 5 months he started to be miserable with his job and I was trying to be as supportive as possible. He end up changing to another job but was also miserable. My business started to slow down dramatically and I was working less days. It made me nervous But that still didn't effect any of my contributions. I started to feel a tad depressed with everything going on cause I felt we couldn't catch a break. But we had so much love for each other, we were trying to plow thru and think positive. We had some major big fights but we made it thru.

 

During this time, I started to feel something was off with me (healthwise). I started to noticed my menstrual was off and I was worry if I had hormone imbalance issues cause my mom hit menopause at 45. Unfortunately, I had no health insurance at that time and my business is now failing. I started to stressed, become somewhat depressed and my hormone imbalance take a toll on me and my relationship. I became more moody, emotional and angry.. I admit, I had taken it out on him a lot but at the same time I had no idea what I was dealing with. Plus, he doesn't make matter better for me. He accused me of going crazy, it's all in my head and I was bi polar like his ex girlfriend.

 

** Quick backstory: he dated a girl for 7 yrs off and on.. he claimed she was bi polar and made his life a living hell. He swear up and down that he will never put himself in that situation. Turns out she self diagnosed herself and never went to get help..**

 

While this was going on with my unknown health symptoms. He started to be so miserable at his work that he decided he wanted his old job back. He was willing to do the 4 hours roundtrip drive daily for 3 days a week. It was the money that he wanted to go back to. So I encouraged him to go back thinking it will make him happy. He went back to his old job and the drive was starting to wear him down after 3 months. My health started to escalated worst and I started to feel so moody/depressed. I decided to get a full time job and put my business aside so I can have health insurance to figured out what's going on. I end up getting a new job which made our schedule conflicted with each other. We didn't have a day off together and when I wanted to spend time with him. He's tired and vice versa.Then we started to argue a lot more and he started to nip pick me on my contribution money. We got into a huge fight about that and I told him if he wanted more just ask me. Instead he started to nip pick about the ac being high- so I offered more money. But that wasn't pleasing to him. He just want me to be more mindful of using it. I worked 6 days a week and 12 hours a day. I'm never home and he works only 3 days a week. I hate arguing about money, so I just said I will pay more. But he say no, and upset I'm not being appreciative of all the things he did like paying for everything like putting a roof over my head. I felt insulted by his comment. First of, he didn't rescue me from the street. I was living a very luxury lifestyles and gave up to be with him. I contributed what he agreed on and this is his house. With or without me, he would still pay the same. Then he accused me of stock piling money.. I have to work 2 Jobs to get by and took a paycut in one to get health insurance.

 

At this point we are dating for 14 months already. He then told me he's selling the house to pay off his personal debt and suggested we both buy a house. He will buy one near his work 2 hours away and I buy one in the valley. He thought it would be the best idea that we can enjoyed the best of both world (weather wise) . The idea didn't sit well with me because I was raised if you're together- you go wherever your partner goes. I told him I wouldn't mind transferring my new job up to his area and lived up there for a fresh start. I expressed my concerned and told him I didn't like it. He got mad at me for not agreeing to his awesome idea and if course, we fought again. The ac issues was our biggest fight ever and he couldn't get over it and kept saying I was ungrateful. To make matters worst, the ac fight was right before this one about the move. This was not making my health better because I became such a emotional moody wreck. I cried all the time as it even annoyed him more. We started to grew a bit distance but trying to patch things up. I was focus more on my health and couldn't wait till my insurance activated after 60 days of employment.

 

The week before my health insurance was activated. We listed the house and sold it in 4 hours but re rented it back from the new owner for 2 months. He kept saying he wants us to have two places. I disagree and this is when he dropped a bombed on me and said he doesn't love me anymore. He didn't want me to moved up there with him to ruin his life, he find me unattractive and annoying. I was so hurt cause a week ago he said he love me. At this point, I asked him why he felt that way. He said we don't see eye to eye on things and we argue a lot. I apologized and told him that my health and somewhat depression is causing this. I asked him to be patience that I'm on my way to get help next week. He said he was check out. I told him please just take a few days to think about things and we'll talk once I talked to the doctor. The next day I went to see the doctor and told her all my symptoms and she suspected I'm going thru peri menopause. She prescribed me antidepressant to help stabilized me until my hormone blood panel comes back for an accurate treatment. I came home telling him everything the doctor said told him I have to be on antidepressant. Instead if being a supportive partner, he said "good luck with that, a pill is not going o cured you".. I found his comment was so insensitive and hurtful. But I was trying to justified it by saying he's acting that way because he said he doesn't love me anymore. I told him he was hurting my feelings for saying that and he decided to go up to his work a day early. He stayed at his friend's house to clear his mind for a couple of days and did not drive down.

 

During these couple days I took the anti depressant. After 3 days of taking it, my body went into a severe reaction and I emitted myself to the ER. I was in the observation unit for 2 days and He did not come down to be by side. He said he didn't know how serious it was and his work schedule didn't permit him to leave. I never heard of place where your partnered hospitalized and they would not let you have the day off. So I was deeply hurt at this point and felt that he really doesn't love me anymore. They end up finding I have a underlying heart condition which now confirmed my life will be much shorter now. I was devastated and heartbroken. I was is charged after 3 days and when I came home he just got home from work up north. He didn't hugged me to see if I'm ok. He was cold as iced. Then my primary doctor called about my hormone test and confirmed my hormone was all out of whacked. I mustered every strength I have cause I was tired from the hospital. I took the blame for everything, told him I love him and I'm sorry I let my health got out of control ruining our relationship. Now that I know what I'm dealing with, I'm going to get help to make us better. He got teary and said I'm sorry about your health and your heart conditions but it's over and ask me to move out. The same day I just got discharged from the hospital. At that moment I felt like my world just fell apart... the amount of stress I was dealing the last 5 months..

- his 2 job change

- My job change and I hate my new job

- My business was failing

- Argument and accusation

- My health and recent diagnosed

- Sold the house and now have to move

- Found out he bought a place up north

 

This is too much for a person to handled, I had a complete melt down. I told him if he didn't want to be with me anymore. I don't feel like living anymore. He got scare and called the crisis hotline and they came out to interview me for hours. I told them I'm so broken with everything is going on. They wanted to emit me into a mental institute but I refused. They ask to speak to my boyfriend privately and he came back calling his eyes out. He told me he deeply care about me and don't do anything stupid. At that point, I was literally losing it. My mind wasn't think straight. All I can think is whatever I can do to stop this pain.

 

We talked and cried our eyes out. He finally said, if you go see a phychiatrist tomorrow I will reconsidered working on us. I thought there was hope, the next day I did what he asked. He went with me and sat thru my evaluation. He seem disappointed that I was diagnosed with bi polar. He kept asking the psychiatrist if she was sure. She said, this girl went thru a lot and I'm not surprise she had a melt down. They end up prescribing me a different anti depressant that wouldn't effect my heart. As we left the office, he said he will come down weekly after he closed on his house to participate my counseling sessions. I was so happy... as we we were driving home and was 5 mins from home. He turn to me and told me, sorry but I can't do this. I need space please pack your stuffs and go. I tried talking to him and asking him what does "space" mean. He was balling his eyes out saying this was too much for him to handle. He need space to recovered and healed from my emotional blackmailing him. I was dumbfounded and shocked. I packed my belonging and left. I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attacked after the doctor told me to not out anymore emotional distressed on my heart.

 

A few days later he text me to asked me how I was doing. I thought he was coming around once he calmed down. I answered and he said he wanted to meet me to talk things in a couple days. So I waited thinking he'll changed his mind. After a couple of days, I called to see if we can meet to talk like he wanted. He then changed his mind, and said we talked on the phone. Right then and there, I knew it wasn't going to be good. He repeated the same thing he told me the other day. Kept telling me he needed space to heal. I asked him if we can reconcile down the road. He said time will tell. I asked him is space mean we are broken up for good because I don't know what the hell it is... I wanted a clear clarification if it's over so I can moved on. But he refused to give me a clear answer. Kept asking for space. I did what I shouldn't do, I plea, begged and told him I couldn't live without him. He got more angrier at me and told me not to contact him ever. Finally, I composed whatever dignity I have left and said, I will respect your wishes and then he said we can be friends- we can still contact each other. At that point I was angry and hurt and just said, I need to work on me too and said goodbye.

 

I did NC for 5 days, he reach out about half of my furnitures in the house cause we had to moved out anyways. I didn't respond till 2 days later. My response was short "if you don't want it. Please donate it to goodwill. Thank you.". He replied back "you're sure? I can pay to store it for you for a couple of months until you get back on your feet"... I replied back "I'm sure, donate it".

 

I rather start from scratch cause there's was to many memories in our items. Plus I didn't want to take the chance of seeing him down the road to get my stuff. Maybe it's my stubborn and ignorant thinking. But I was so hurt.

 

It's been 15 NC now, I'm still a mess and there's days I feel better. I'm going to counseling every week to learned how to cope with everything. Plus I went to see 3 psychiatrist to see if I was bi polar like he accused me of. None of them think I am.

 

I spend a 1.5 year of my life with this man.. you think he would have the heart to just text me and ask how my health is doing knowing I might need open heart surgery.. so hurtful... I became bitter and jaded at the moment right now. This man told me I was the love of his life, he wanted to married me and wanted to have kids with me. 2 months before this went down, we were having our ups and down. But he gave me a card on our anniversary and said he love me to pieces and would never leave me when time gets rough. Lol.. there's days I'm yearning to get a text from him. But I treated like the relationship over so that will keep me sane or else I will be waiting for him to come back and not knowing if he will. Some people said I dodge a bullet but I'm still reeling from a lot of guilt like it's all my fault that I ruined our relationship.

 

Please just continue doing your NC and stay strong. I truly believe everything happened for a reason. We might not see it now but we will later. Love you all and please love yourself again. Don't take full blame- just remembered it takes two to tango.

[Lphan301]

Correction: I was not diagnosed with bi polor

[trustyourself]

To answer your question, yes they can.

 

It happened to me. But it didnt work. Once the relationship is broken, it is hard to fix and the old issues come back to haunt you.

 

It seems the general consensus is that it usually only works once you have both healed and moved on. Like after several years.

 

I know its hard. But honestly, I kind of wished she never had reached out to me. It means I have had to deal with the pain several times, instead of once.

 

I am sorry you are going through so much right now. This forum is a good place to vent and cope through. Surround yourself with people who care about you as you get through this hard period.

 

Good luck!

[vickyp]

I wouldn't want my dumper to contact me. Really what would I say? Hey, how have you been for 4 months? Or hey do you want to hear how you broke my heart and how I'm still coping with my father's death on top of it. No thank you. It's broken for a reason. Focus on yourself. Stay nc.

[Been]

Like I've always said they do but always seems at the wrong time.

And it usually doesn't workout bit in your excitement to have them back in your life yo gloss over it and months down the road the SAME problems arise again. And you really do resent them for gphirting you in the past even though you try not to.

Best example is you have this great dog and one day the dog turns around and bites you. Now you can forgive the dog but you'll never forget that the dog has shown you it is capable of hurting you so you'll never have the same exact relationship ever again prior to the dog bite.

[raditz]

Yes mine did for 6 months n I took the bait every time , every weekend she would message saying she made a mistake or wanted me back. When I replied she instantly ignored me till the next week. I torcherd myself thinking true love would save our relation ship. And we were a great couple . Until she dumped me. The guy she left me for beat her up bad n I just couldn't understand why she bailed on us n all our plans n future for some guy who beat her all the time n what not.it wasn't fair I felt like my life was ripped out of my hands.3 years together n she instantly made me feel like I was nothing.

 

Long story short I was crushed, I finally blocked her for good. She contacted my email begging for me back, for months it lasted n the tables turned.

 

I met a new woman who's awesome, n for my ex she lost pretty much everything. I shouldn't say lost, more like threw it all away. She crashed her new vehicle so I heard n was heavy into drugs, it makes me sad seeing a woman who I thought was mysoul mate just a wreck , but she did it to herself

 

Saw her a week ago in Walmart , just me n her in the isle , she looked terrible . I kept walking n she kept walking, didn't even blink . Pretended she didn't see me but tears were rolling down her cheeks , she stopped me n said wait, n she was lost for words. I stood their n she didn't say nothing , so I said " I did wait" n walked away.

 

I feel like I came out on top but there's always what if, my advice is stay nc and heal . Being lead on by someone you no longer understand sucks, I still don't know the real reason why all this happend. I'm happily moved on now, but I'm pretty sure the new guy was feeding her lots of cocaine. N like Johnny Depp said in the movie blow. "Rats will choose coke over food, water and life! Hopefully this helps sorry for rambling on

[Miss Spider]

yea I did it. didn't end well

[TheFinalWord]

Sorry about your pain OP.

 

"In sickness and in health"...not everyone will make that commitment. A weak man will not be the rock you need to overcome the troubles of this life. This is not a man that will be there through thick and thin. He's a fair-weather boyfriend. You've seen his true colors. It hurts, but your best option is to work to regain your health and live your life to the fullest. I will pray for your health and your heartbreak.

[Lphan301]

Thank you all for your encouraging supports. I really don't know what I would do if I hadn't stumbled on this forum on my deepest darkest moment. I've spent countless night reading advices that was given to other members. It made me stayed strong during the NC period. Every time I wanted to reach out to him, I go back and read the advice to other fellow members about NC and it made me stop.

 

I lost a lot of weight, I couldn't eat, sleep or function for the last 13 days.. I only got out of bed to go to the bathroom, counseling and doctor appts. I end up quitting my new job cause I couldn't handle it mentally and emotionally. Now I'm hit with the news, that my heart surgeon suggested I should have my heart surgery due to quicker recovery because I'm still somewhat young. I end up moving to my sister house for emotional supports at the moment.

 

Counseling really helps me tremendously which I really suggested for those who is having a harder time with healing. I was very closed minded about talking to someone but when I had a melt down, I was desperate for any help. Not only my therapist was helping me recognized the bigger issues but she also provided a lot of great coping method.

 

Thank you all for reading my story. Stay strong everyone. Do not break NC. Do it for yourself at least you owed it to yourself that much. The first step to healing is to start loving yourself and to love yourself is to heal your heart again. NC will help you cause I'm at Day 15 and it's getting better with counseling, support from family and friends.

[Been]

Its not how many times you get knocked down. Its how many times you choose to get back up- but you have to make that choice to get back on your feet.

I've been where you've been. Feeling dejected. Humiliated. Lost. Overwhelmed. Couldn't eat and to be honest could barely get out of bed to go to work.

And it was a horrible experience. But I couldn't stay down even though I wanted to. I was not going to let this situation define who I am as a person. And it was hard. But I did it in first small steps and then bigger steps.

Hold your head up. We've all been where you've been and its nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

[Lphan301]

Hi everyone, if you have been reading my post you probably know my backstory about my breakup. I was the dumpee and it had happened 2 weeks ago. I did NC immediately. The only time I talked to him is when he texted me about my half of the furnitures in the house. Because I acted like a fooled, I begged, plead, cried and thought of ending my life when he dump me. I had a melt down due to a lot of other situational stressed and my health was not good. Anyhow, I felt rejected and hurt that I end up telling him to donate everything to goodwill- that's how much I rather start over than to see him down the road. Anyways, enough about this...

 

My post today is to target towards men and women to shed some light on a disorders that maybe a lot of you guys not aware of cause I was recently diagnosed with it. I've been reading a lot of forum where accusation about their partner being bi polar (the gf). I was the victim of that myself from my ex also. Before anyone thinks their "girlfriend" is bi polar. Please read about PMDD "Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder".. I was recently diagnosed with this and I had no idea what it is. I spent countless night researching about it and finally I had to joined a online support group to talk to others who has this. This disorders is real and it only effected 2-8% of the women populations. This disordered carried a lot of traits like bi polar but very different on the aspect that the symptoms only occur 7-10days before her period. It can happened to any age but women in their 30's are highly prone to this disorders. It's not lacking of hormones or imbalance. It's her body of reacting to the hormones when it plunged when she about to ovulate. She will be very consistent with the symptoms every month but only in the 7-10 day phase before her period. If she is consistent 30 days with symptoms - then that is something else.

 

The symptom of a PMDD included: depression, moody, emotional roller coaster, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, crying episode, hate the world feeling, possible violence toward other, anger, rage, delusional, forgetful, makes thing worst than it is.. it's like Pms-ing but the extreme extreme extreme version. Once she have her period, she will be back to normal immediately or a few days after.

 

I can see why my ex boyfriends think I was bi polar.. but I always been so self aware of myself that I noticed a pattern with my period. We always argue 7-10 days before my period. After that, I was back to normal and our relationship is good until the cycles comes back again. At that time, I didn't have health insurance to know what I was dealing with so he had to endured the abused every month. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with this disorder too late, he left me still thinking I was bi polar.

 

I went to see 3 psychiatrists to make sure I had the proper diagnosed. I was not convinced myself that I had PMDD. I was sure I was bi polar like my ex accused me of. But after seeing 3 specialist who specialized in bi polar and PMDD. They all agreed I had mild PMDD disordered. It was a breakthrough for me but a heart break at the same time. Remembered PMDD only show symptoms 7-10 days before her period. Any symptoms persist longer than that is something else.. maybe peri menopause?

 

So guys and girls, before you think you might be bi polar cause your boyfriend think you are or before you accused your girl of being bi polar.. sit and think of her rage and her changes. When does it happened? Unfortunately there is no cure for pmdd- lots of self management or antidepressant to stabilized it. I want everyone to be educated about this because it is awful to accused someone of something that they are not. Being a women is hard enough and have to deal with hormone stuffs is beyond challenging. Lots of empathy toward your partnered please because this is a serious mattered. I wish my partnered see that I was willing to get help and work it thru with me.

 

My treatment plan for this is lots of self discipline, charting my menstrual pattern and counseling to help me cope. Anti depressant did not work for me. Now that i know I have this- my awareness is actually better and it help me identified my symptoms easier to control it. If anyone have questions, please feel free to asked! I be more than happy to answered anything to the best of my abilities since I'm still new to this diagnosed.

 

Thank you for reading and I hope I can shed some some light on someone and help them at least.

[Redhead14]

If it is only your boyfriends who are witnessing these behaviors -- you need to consider whether this really is a disorder at all. It may be a relationship problem and/or related to emotional development. People with Bi-Polar disorder don't just exhibit bi-polar behaviors at home . . . or PMDD or . . .

 

If disorder related behaviors are "contained" outside of the home, it's something else. In other words, if a person is able to control or doesn't exhibit behaviors in other environments, you need to keep looking for answers. If people at work are noticing changes in your behavior 7 days before your period too, then you might have a disorder. If you're really able to manage and control your behavior at work or with friends but lose it with your boyfriends, don't hang your hat on that diagnosis either. I'm just saying.

 

I'm glad you've found something to explore and check into. I hope treatment helps.

[Lphan301]

Hi Red head,

 

I don't know much about bi polar disordered but pmddd can be exhibit out in public. I can varies differently person to person. I myself, right now I'm 7 days away from my period. 2 days ago I started to feel the symptoms cause I lashes out to my dear loving sister. Everytime I'm in this phase, everyone annoys me. Stayed out of my way and I'm quick to angered. When I said I can somewhat manage it meaning I sometime have slip up. If I don't tried I can be worst. I cried a lot during this phase at the drop of the hat in public or home. So I grounded myself at home during this time to avoid delimma that I can possibly cause. My family, does not like the person I become during this time. It's like Jekyll and Hyde. Trust me, if I dont decipline my mind I'm a wreck. Some people have it worst where they want to be violent. I just get very angry, lashes out to people, emotional wreck and severely depressed. Once I get my period, I feel better, calm, clarity, and super nice. It's a weird disorder - I don't expect people to understand it. I just want people to read about it before they accused someone of something else.

[Redhead14]

Hi Red head,

 

I don't know much about bi polar disordered but pmddd can be exhibit out in public. I can varies differently person to person. I myself, right now I'm 7 days away from my period. 2 days ago I started to feel the symptoms cause I lashes out to my dear loving sister. Everytime I'm in this phase, everyone annoys me. Stayed out of my way and I'm quick to angered. When I said I can somewhat manage it meaning I sometime have slip up. If I don't tried I can be worst. I cried a lot during this phase at the drop of the hat in public or home. So I grounded myself at home during this time to avoid delimma that I can possibly cause. My family, does not like the person I become during this time. It's like Jekyll and Hyde. Trust me, if I dont decipline my mind I'm a wreck. Some people have it worst where they want to be violent. I just get very angry, lashes out to people, emotional wreck and severely depressed. Once I get my period, I feel better, calm, clarity, and super nice. It's a weird disorder - I don't expect people to understand it. I just want people to read about it before they accused someone of something else.

 

 

Ok, then, keep working on it.

[Lphan301]

P.s.. my family, co worker, ex boyfriend, friends always see the changes in me. They just assume I'm super moody and they felt like they walk on egg shell with me. I almost lost my relationship with my sister cause she said I was super bitchy and mean to her every month and then I'm nice again. She even said she had it with the abuse I was treating her. I'm afraid to go out in public at this time because I don't know what will happen. My road rage can be crazy which I'm not that person. I work for myself and deal clients one on one based. When I'm close to my period, everyone I come in contact with annoys me so is my lovely dear client. They know my disordered and we just stay in silent during those time. This is all new foreign to me but the fact I'm feeling this even without him in my life said something. I can't wait till I get my period to feel normal again.

[Lphan301]

A lil back story about my break up..

 

If you had read my other post about my break up. This is the shortcut version. Lots of detail are missing but it's a nutshell version.

 

I was going thru hormone imbalance (perimenopuse) but didn't know what I was dealing with because of no health insurance. Turn out I was diagnosed with PMDD (premenstrual disphoric disorder). It took a toll on my relationship cause the symptoms is severe pms-sing when I'm 10 days away from my period. I decided to Leave my business to get a reg job to get health insurance to save my relationship. It took 60 days for my insurance to kicked in. Right before I went to see the doctor, He told me he no longer love me. The doctor prescribed antidepressant to stabilized me and I Had a bad reaction to the anti depressant. I end up emitted myself in the ER. Then they Found out I have an underlying severe heart conditions. Life is short but my heart diagnosed just confirmed my life is shorter. Might need open heart surgery to repair my leaking valve and I'm only 37. He did not take any day off to be by my side. After 3 days in the observation unit at the hospital they finally discharged me. I Came home and he was cold and distant. No hug or anything and dump me!! tell me to pack my belonging and move out the same day I was discharged. Also he Accused me I was bi polar after I explained pmdd disorder can make a person moody and emotional. It have overlap symptoms like bi polar but I wasn't bi polar. Went to see 3 physchiatrist to make sure I got the proper diagnosed to prove to him. Sure enough none of them said I was. I was devasted that he was so cold and kicked me out when I hit the roughest time of my life I literally didn't feel like living anymore and wanted to end my life. He intervene and promised me he will work on our relationship and changed his mind again. I finally got the rest of belonging the next few days and left. HE did text me 3 days later about half of my furnitures. I told him to donate it cause I didn't want to take the chance to see him again. I went completely NC after that.

 

During NC, I see a therapist weekly to help me cope with everything. They put me on another anti depressant and it emotionally numb me which help with pain from the breakup. But unfortunately that antidepressant doesn't work and I have to get off. I'm on day 21 of NC and today he called me...... I didn't answered cause I was shocked. I don't think he accidentally butt dial me.. I'm surprised he called instead of texting. He didn't leave a voicemail or text me after it went straight to voicemail. What do you guys think he trying to do?

 

I've been doing so wel without him in my life. I'm at the point of feeling anger instead if saddens. I guess that is part of the grieving stage. I gutless everything started to become clearer that I was better off without him cause he was a insensitive partnered to my health and that was not good for a lifelong partner. I know I read ALOT Of the advice of breaking NC will set you back. In my case he reach out and I already had my closures thru his mom. She called to check on me and I was able to speak my side if the story which he tend to leave out a lot of important info (didn't tell her I was hospitalized and diagnosed with multiple heart conditions).. she was shocked and felt bad for me that her son wasn't there for me. I told her I forgive him, cause I can't eciect someone who doesn't love me to be there for me. I thank her for all the things she did for me and said my goodbyes.

 

I guess I'm sorta curious why he called. What he want? Why don't he text me instead? I figured if it's something important he will text or leave a voicemail asking me to return his call.. but he didn't. At this point I don't think I will be set back from reaching out to him more so I will be angry at him for leaving me at my toughest time when I been there for him thru his crap. i was thinking to reach out in a few days and text something along this line:

 

" hey, just got back from my vacation. Sorry I missed your called. Was sup?"

 

Any thoughts or advice will surely help. I greatly appreciate it!

[d0nnivain]

I'm on day 21 of NC and today he called me...... I didn't answered cause I was shocked. I don't think he accidentally butt dial me.. I'm surprised he called instead of texting. He didn't leave a voicemail or text me after it went straight to voicemail. What do you guys think he trying to do?

 

* * *

I know I read ALOT Of the advice of breaking NC will set you back. In my case he reach out and I already had my closures thru his mom. She called to check on me and I was able to speak my side if the story which he tend to leave out a lot of important info (didn't tell her I was hospitalized and diagnosed with multiple heart conditions).. she was shocked and felt bad for me that her son wasn't there for me. I told her I forgive him, cause I can't eciect someone who doesn't love me to be there for me. I thank her for all the things she did for me and said my goodbyes.

 

I guess I'm sorta curious why he called. What he want? Why don't he text me instead? I figured if it's something important he will text or leave a voicemail asking me to return his call.. but he didn't. At this point I don't think I will be set back from reaching out to him more so I will be angry at him for leaving me at my toughest time when I been there for him thru his crap. i was thinking to reach out in a few days and text something along this line:

 

" hey, just got back from my vacation. Sorry I missed your called. Was sup?"

 

Any thoughts or advice will surely help. I greatly appreciate it!

 

If you want to know what he said call him back. Your proposed message is passive aggressive. It reads like you are playing a power game, not maturely trying to resolve things, listen to him or even get closure.

 

He called because that was the more mature thing to do. Texting is the WORST way to deal with this. A break up is emotional. It needs context & non -verbal cues. Texting loses all of that. Do not text. If you don't have the wherewithal to call don't bother.

 

Like you said if he wanted to talk to you he could have left a voice mail. He didn't most likely because he was scared perhaps embarrassed. Do you know it wasn't a drunk dial?

 

I'm glad you got to say your piece through his mom. I can't imagine dumping my relationship stuff on my SO's mother but then I was never a big believer in dragging other people into my relationship dramas when they happened.

 

Bottom line if you want to know what he wants call him back.

 

If you must text be more direct: you called. I'm available now if you want to call me back.

 

Skip the I'm sorry. Don't mention your travel. It's none of his business.

[Lphan301]

Donnivain: thanks for your advice. Greatly appreciate it.

 

I guess the breakup makes me feel angry at the moment right now because he was being so cold and kick me out on the sane day I just got discharged from the hospital. He said very hurtful things during the break up when I begged, plea, and cried. I had gathered whatever dignity I have left and respect his decision. I did NC to work work on my health. Mentally and emotionally I'm doing better each day. Im seeing thing more clearer. First 2 weeks I wanted him back but now I really don't or need my time too. I realized he made my health worst by not being a sensitive partner. I felt like I was the crazy one thru out the relationship cause he said I was.

 

His mom, was very involved in our business in a good way. He was very close to his family but they live across the states. So he face time them everyday. When she called is because he told her he left me and that I had a melt down blah blah blah. She wanted to check up on me to see why I would do not. That's why I had to end up telling her what happened to my health. I did not once paint her son in a bad light. I even made an excuse for him why he couldn't be at the hospital. But she figured it out why. Also, I was startled she brought up his past ex gf who was supposedly bi polar and asking me to empathize why he did what he did. So I had to tell her I wasn't and was properly diagnosed by 3 psychiatrists. I told her I took 100% of the blame for the ruin relationship and if he felt he was somewhat at fault let him know I forgive him. Told her she raise a great son and I had to work on myself. I guess my closure was I was being painted to be this bi polar gf like his ex and able to explained my disorder was my way getting closures. I guess the fact she is a women and she can relate to hormone imbalance while he thought it was all in my head. I knew better not to dump anything negative about her son.

 

 

I know for sure it wasn't drunk dialing because it was on his work day and he gets out at 6pm. He usually called me at 6:10 when he clocks out. So the missed called was at that exact time. If it was on his day off, then probably that would be something to look at because he drinks everyday accept his work days. Which is another problem I'm feeling indifferent about.

[springy]

"I was better off without him cause he was a insensitive partnered to my health and that was not good for a lifelong partner."

 

No, no no no nooooo...do not call or text him back. Your quote above sums up everything. If he really wants to talk to you let him call back or text. He actually sounds like someone who should be blocked from your life entirely...

[Lphan301]

Because I was curious about his intention about the call. I post here to see how I should approach it. I know for sure I got my closure already and I know I won't be set back if I respond.

 

So I listened to donnavain advice by keeping the text short like you advised me. So I did, he Response 20 mins later and said...

 

"Hey.. just a a few minutes yesterday and was wondering how things were going with you and to let ya know I hope all is well.."

 

I respond an hour later : I'm doing well. Thank you and I hope all is well with you too.

 

Too be honest, I didn't feel anything at all like sadness or anything. I think I already come in realization that he wasn't a good partner for my health. So I'm going to continue back to NC and focus on my health. I already convinced myself that I wasn't going to hear back from him and I was surprised I did. I don't have any illwil towards him but I also have no desired to hear from him again.

[Lphan301]

Do they come back after hard N/C?

 

I've been reading post after post for the last months trying to find some way to cope with my break up. Every single advice all comes down to NC to help the dumpees healed and moved on. Even though I understand the gist of NC but I find that every dumpees somehow subconsciously hoping the NC will make the dumper comes back. We go thru the unbearable pain doing NC just to have an inkling of hope that they will come back. A lot of the post I read, where it's pretty obvious that the break up was a blessing in disguise but still the dumpee still wants the dumper back.

 

My question is .. Do you think there's a higher chance of men dumpers comes back than women dumpers?

 

The reason I ask is because I need some insight. I was dumped by my boyfriend a month a ago. We were together for 1.5. The breakup was somewhat ugly but very emotional for the both of us. Leading up the breakup we had so many changes in our life one after another that causes us to argue a lot. We just couldn't catch a break and when I finally able to seek help for us. It was too late- he fell out of love with me and broke up with me when I got discharged from the hospital. I went in for some medication reaction fluke and found out I have 3 underlying heart conditions. Got home and got dumped because It was to much for him to handle. Like I said, this might be a blessing in disguise for me. But god damn, I can't stop loving him cause our good time was really good. I made the classic mistake begging, pleading, and crying which made him nasty towards me. The minute I accepted and respected his wish he became nice to me. Offering his friendship and open communication line. I didn't bother to acknowledge his offered and just ended by telling him I will be here when you change your mind. I went NC immediately. He texted a week after about my furnitures cause we lived together. I simply replied "donate them. Thanks". I donated $4000 worth of furniture not to see his face cause I was angry and hurt. 2 weeks later he called me but I didn't answered. He didn't leave a message or voicemail. At that point I was slowly accepting and healing somewhat due to intensive therapy sessions and prescription drugs I was on. I was too emotionally numb from the anti depressant that I knew it couldn't set me back if I reach out. So all I texted was "you called. I'm available now call me back if you want". He replied 30 mins later " hey, I got a few minute yesterday and was wondering how you are doing. Hope all is well." I replied back " I'm doing well. Thank you and hope all is well with you too". Never heard from him since and it didn't set me back. I have not reach out since. I broke down and cried briefly today after a month. But I'm on the road to recovery. I will continue my NC, everyday it gets easier but somewhere in my subconscious mind hoping he come back. Is this even normal to hope the dumper comes back by ignoring them? I know it's not a game. It's suppose to make us healed. I guess I want to get your guys insight to see what are the chances a guy likely coming back?

[hurtagain2]

In my case it was the guy. I went no contact completely. The first time he came back after 2 weeks and the second time after being broke up for 3 months. He was the dumper on each occasion and the one to initiate contact to come back. We are broken up now for a third and final time. But each persons situation is different so could be either one . That's just my personal experience .