Work colleagues making me have doubts!

[KGee]

I met a guy at the company I work for. He works in IT (And he travels round the country - the UK) and I work in Marketing, I am stationed at Office A and he is at B.

 

He travels around the country to different sites for a week at a time or if something breaks. I only travel for trade shows.

 

We met when I first started and rang IT a lot, IT provides some laptops etc for the trade shows and they are either present or on call, based on the problems I was having and that I needed to meet one of the IT team.

 

Thats where they sent my boyfriend. We chatted and got to know each other, at the beginning if he was down I'd cheer him up and visa versa, When he was at my office (and he'd find a reason to come see me) we'd go for coffee then lunch before ultimately going on a date.

 

That was 8 months ago and I was talking to my work colleagues today and I know I shouldn't listen to them, they are saying he will be getting bored of me and I shouldn't believe he is at other offices for a week. They say I'm boring him, they say he will start looking else where

 

- I am Celiac, So a lot of restaurants are out for me because of the prep. methods or dishes. My boyfriend knows I have this and allergies. So when we go out my boyfriend find friendly restaurants that cater for me. He will get sick of having to bow to my needs even though he said he enjoys the whole new experience.

 

- Whilst we have slept together, we haven't done anything, my boyfriend is fine with his (My work colleagues say he is getting that from elsewhere)

 

- They say because when I stay at his I bring food and drink I like (or he would buy it in and refuses money)

 

- I should offer my boyfriend money when I stay at his or at least "justify my stay"

 

- I compete professionally. I'd really like my boyfriend to come but I wouldn't know how to approach asking him because I'll be honest my work colleagues scared me.

 

- A few weeks back my boyfriend asked me if he went on a work trip to say London, Edinburgh, Cardiff etc would I like to go. I would like to. Again work colleagues have said that he was being polite

 

- My boyfriend sent me 12 red roses today, What would sort of quirky gifts could I get him back. I don't want to get him something boring

 

- I'd love to do something my boyfriend likes. I know he likes planes and the local airport has a viewing park with a resturant, even if I have to eat a salad there I'll do it. I'm conscious he does everything for me and nothing for him

 

Help me? I need someone to tell me whats what.

Edited August 22, 2017 by KGee

[smackie9]

first off, deal with these coworkers. Tell them politely that you would appreciate it if they stop talking about him. If they give you grief go to HR and place a complaint. Only talk to them if it's to do with work. If they start into your personal business, walk away. They have no right to interfere with your personal life.

 

Tip: grow a spine! If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will respect you.

[lovephule]

None of the things you listed is as much of a threat to the health of your relationship as the meddlesome coworkers doing your head in. Why not keep them out of your private life?

[KGee]

first off, deal with these coworkers. Tell them politely that you would appreciate it if they stop talking about him. If they give you grief go to HR and place a complaint. Only talk to them if it's to do with work. If they start into your personal business, walk away. They have no right to interfere with your personal life.

 

Tip: grow a spine! If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will respect you.

 

I have a photo of us on my desk, they find it their business to talk about my relationship (or anyones). One even going as saying he will dump me! or I'm sleeping with him for extra things

 

I don't want to cause trouble though as I'm still fairly new here

 

None of the things you listed is as much of a threat to the health of your relationship as the meddlesome coworkers doing your head in. Why not keep them out of your private life?

 

They went as far as ringing my boyfriends colleagues for gossip!

 

My last relationship was a disaster and I'm trying hard with this one as I feel completely different around my boyfriend

[d0nnivain]

Because it's an interoffice romance & your colleagues are crass gossipy busybodies, take the photo of your beau off your desk. If you must have one at work, keep it in a drawer or on your phone.

 

When they mention your BF, smile & ask them if they have work to do because your relationship is not an appropriate topic of conversation or something you care to discuss with them.

 

As long as you & your BF like how your relationship is going, it's nobody else's business.

 

If you share & give & take, it's all fine. You don't need to be taking all the time but neither do you need to buy his affections.

 

Enjoy the roses.

[mikeylo]

You've given these people the right to give you unsolicited advise and pass judgement about you, your guy , your relationship and your life in general.Why ?

[KGee]

You've given these people the right to give you unsolicited advise and pass judgement about you, your guy , your relationship and your life in general.Why ?

 

I haven't they have interfered and got into my mind

[GorillaTheater]

I haven't they have interfered and got into my mind

 

 

Well, tell them to go piss up a rope. If they have any power in your life, it's because you let them have it. So stop.

[mikeylo]

I haven't they have interfered and got into my mind

 

The first time someone interfered, you should have stopped them immediately in their tracks. Since you didn't, it went this far. Poor boundaries on your part along with being able to say NO.

 

What you can do now is to do exactly what they don't want you to and vice versa and shove it in their face. Take your power back. Then continue with your life.

[smackie9]

It's not your job that's on the line, it's there's. They are bulling you and you need to report it. When you have that conversation with HR or your boss, stipulate that you have fears of retaliation from them. Make sure the boss understands the seriousness of this. What they are doing is bullying, and no one should ever put up with that. You shouldn't have to face that kind of crap making you feel bad and helpless.

[Imajerk17]

I haven't they have interfered and got into my mind

 

That is your problem right there. YOU. You can't be letting other people "getting into your mind" like this, and if you are then you just have poor boundaries.

 

And poor boundaries make for a horrible long-term relationship (temptations of cheating included). If I were your boyfriend I'd be very concerned about keeping my relationship with you.

[coolheadal]

I met a guy at the company I work for. He works in IT (And he travels round the country - the UK) and I work in Marketing, I am stationed at Office A and he is at B.

 

He travels around the country to different sites for a week at a time or if something breaks. I only travel for trade shows.

 

We met when I first started and rang IT a lot, IT provides some laptops etc for the trade shows and they are either present or on call, based on the problems I was having and that I needed to meet one of the IT team.

 

Thats where they sent my boyfriend. We chatted and got to know each other, at the beginning if he was down I'd cheer him up and visa versa, When he was at my office (and he'd find a reason to come see me) we'd go for coffee then lunch before ultimately going on a date.

 

That was 8 months ago and I was talking to my work colleagues today and I know I shouldn't listen to them, they are saying he will be getting bored of me and I shouldn't believe he is at other offices for a week. They say I'm boring him, they say he will start looking else where

 

- I am Celiac, So a lot of restaurants are out for me because of the prep. methods or dishes. My boyfriend knows I have this and allergies. So when we go out my boyfriend find friendly restaurants that cater for me. He will get sick of having to bow to my needs even though he said he enjoys the whole new experience.

 

- Whilst we have slept together, we haven't done anything, my boyfriend is fine with his (My work colleagues say he is getting that from elsewhere)

 

- They say because when I stay at his I bring food and drink I like (or he would buy it in and refuses money)

 

- I should offer my boyfriend money when I stay at his or at least "justify my stay"

 

- I compete professionally. I'd really like my boyfriend to come but I wouldn't know how to approach asking him because I'll be honest my work colleagues scared me.

 

- A few weeks back my boyfriend asked me if he went on a work trip to say London, Edinburgh, Cardiff etc would I like to go. I would like to. Again work colleagues have said that he was being polite

 

- My boyfriend sent me 12 red roses today, What would sort of quirky gifts could I get him back. I don't want to get him something boring

 

- I'd love to do something my boyfriend likes. I know he likes planes and the local airport has a viewing park with a resturant, even if I have to eat a salad there I'll do it. I'm conscious he does everything for me and nothing for him

 

Help me? I need someone to tell me whats what.

 

They say so much, what do you do! You listen to them. Are they with you 100% no so why the heck would you listen to them. Grown-up and take charge of your life and work life. Do they tell how what to wear, do they tell you when to sleep. No! So listen to your gut and not team mates at work. First think quit that nonsense.. Really what's wrong with you. You can't trust people you work with like in your department are only after one thing what suits them not what suits you. Remember that. Everyone out for themselves.

 

This guy you like him in your IT department neat.. New trend now to ask someone in your department out for lunch or etc. To me I've tried and it works. Now I am in a different department and new manager. I don't think we should be together in the department with the same manager. I found he was getting to much into my business. Can't trust managers they are there to manage not to be your friend or buddy even at work. If they try to cross that line then have a private word with them. My gf from work doesn't like everyone to know our business she's right it can get out of hand. I am glad I don't have what's going on with you and your team mates telling you what to do.

 

You have special food requirements why not cook some food you like and have a picnic in the park, if it's a nice day. Eating out is expensive and food is not always A-1 and you can't eat it I see.

 

12 roses seems a lot to get your attention and I guess the sent to you in your department so the others can say who and la at you.. You have enough to deal with you don't need them in your love life as well. Put a Stop to them and don't be scared of team mates you can go directly to your boss or hr rep and complain in private. Get them off your back!

[Robratory]

I have a photo of us on my desk, they find it their business to talk about my relationship (or anyones). One even going as saying he will dump me! or I'm sleeping with him for extra things

 

I don't want to cause trouble though as I'm still fairly new here

 

Boundaries! Especially because you're still fairly new, you shouldn't have put a photo of you and boyfriend on your desk because he works there. Even if dating co-workers is not prohibited (it rarely is in the US), you should keep your personal life and your professional life completely separate. Nobody at work needs to know you're dating him.

 

As for your coworkers, say, "Enough. I don't want to discuss this," and walk away.

As for what to get him, he won't care. The fact that you get him something will be enough.

[KGee]

Thanks for everyones input. I know I shouldn't really have a photo of him on my desk, everyone else has these sorts of photos sort I thought it was okay.

 

He was in our office today we had breakfast and he said he didn't care who knew but understood what was going on.

 

My section is being split away from this department and becoming our own independent department in a different office so thats something and I wont be talking to any of these guys about my boyfriend.

[act00]

The only thing I can add is stop talking to your coworkers about your boyfriend, and frankly, just stop talking about your personal life in general. They seem to revel in taking you down a notch with criticism and judgement, and they love the gossip. Don't give them anything to gossip about.

 

Stop listening to their negativity. You and your boyfriend are doing well, and that's all that matters. Take down the picture, keep it in your drawer or private. Don't display any photos of anyone unless you are open to discussion about them.

 

Be vague when they want to talk to you about him. The cat's out of the bag, so you need to just start creating boundaries and redirect them. "He's going to get bored and leave you." "Maybe, but I got roses. Have you finished the WENUS?"

 

Bottom line is don't let them get in your head. He cares about you. It's been 8 months!

[KGee]

The only thing I can add is stop talking to your coworkers about your boyfriend, and frankly, just stop talking about your personal life in general. They seem to revel in taking you down a notch with criticism and judgement, and they love the gossip. Don't give them anything to gossip about.

 

Stop listening to their negativity. You and your boyfriend are doing well, and that's all that matters. Take down the picture, keep it in your drawer or private. Don't display any photos of anyone unless you are open to discussion about them.

 

Be vague when they want to talk to you about him. The cat's out of the bag, so you need to just start creating boundaries and redirect them. "He's going to get bored and leave you." "Maybe, but I got roses. Have you finished the WENUS?"

 

Bottom line is don't let them get in your head. He cares about you. It's been 8 months!

 

Im not going to be listening to them, The roses really wind them up so I've left them on my desk and will bring them home when I finish tonight.

 

 

He shows me how much he loves me and I show him too. Like today I went to his office to meet him for lunch and pick up some merchandise (His office is completely different more mature, his colleague made me a coffee and chatted to me about how am I settling in to my job and the nearest we got to gossip was who keeps emptying their biscuit tin.

 

Its hard to believe 2 different offices have different cultures.