Soulful_Hero Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 I am a 25 year old male and I only had two girlfriends, both of which were introduced to me by mutual friends. I don't understand how guys hook up with women. I tried dating apps like Tinder and I did get one date so I am not totally socially inept but that rarely happens honestly. Am I just suppose to just stick to these online dating apps? How do you guys actually meet women? Am I suppose to just go up randomly to a women I find attractive and be like "Hey"? 1
Robratory Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 First, do understand that it's not like everyone's getting lots of action but you. Most of us guys aren't exactly "meeting" women. The dry spells are long, the months go by, and then something happens. And maybe it works out for a few months, but unless we move forward we're soon back to rubbing grooves into our phones. Am I suppose to just go up randomly to a women I find attractive and be like "Hey"? That's a very good idea. If you can learn to chat with strangers, it's only a matter of time before you find yourself chatting with an attractive woman, at which point, since she's already pretty sure you're not an ax murderer, or she wouldn't be chatting with you, she's likely to say yes if you make a move to see her again. 1
SammySammy Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 In sales, we call it opening and closing. You have to get comfortable and good at opening anyone. Starting a pleasant conversation with no intent with anyone. Old man. Old woman. Teenager. Police officer. Homeless person. Anyone. I've done this so long, I really feel like I can open anyone at any time. When you get there. Talking to women - attractive women - is not a problem. It's natural for you. However, realistically, you ARE interested in something else. That when you have to learn to close. And that starts with talking to women who are interested in what you have to sell. But, ... where do you start? Getting comfortable talking to anyone. Including attractive women. 3
mortensorchid Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 As to put yourself in situations to meet people? Talking is one thing but if there is no one to talk with/to, that's where we have this new situation since the advent of technology and OLD. Get involved in your community more, there are many avenues in which to meet people. Even if you are not clicking with others, it's opportunity. I know tons of people, but none of them want to date me. It's what it is, extremely popular but not the one you want to date. I'd make one rockin gf / wife to someone but ... It's what it is. You're 25, there is so much in the world still for you to see and experience. I'm 42, half my life is behind me but I keep calm and carry on.
GemmaUK Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 A bit of practice with this: In sales, we call it opening and closing. You have to get comfortable and good at opening anyone. Starting a pleasant conversation with no intent with anyone. Old man. Old woman. Teenager. Police officer. Homeless person. Anyone. I've done this so long, I really feel like I can open anyone at any time. When you get there. Talking to women - attractive women - is not a problem. It's natural for you. However, realistically, you ARE interested in something else. That when you have to learn to close. And that starts with talking to women who are interested in what you have to sell. But, ... where do you start? Getting comfortable talking to anyone. Including attractive women. Followed by this: In addition to talking to random people like MidKnight says, you should talk to the same people as much as possible. I tend to stop by the same restaurant often for lunch. There is this cute little blonde working there that is obviously into me. She compliments me when she sees me and gets all nervous when I stop in. Now, she's cute, and obviously into me, but it would be tough to just hit on her out of the blue. Instead, let people get to know you a little, become comfortable with you. Then, if you meet someone who shows interest, ask her out. This approach works exceedingly well for me. Step one and practising at it will give you confidence enough to not worry so much about the outcome of approaching a woman. Step two involves getting to know someone a little bit over time so you have an idea of their personality and they have an idea of yours also. It doesn't need to be a girl in a coffee shop - could be anyone, a friend of a friend, someone involved in a hobby you are interested in, volunteering, anything. But, like Enigma did you look for little signs she is interested in you before you ask her out. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 As others have told the art of making small talk is key. At 25 the world is your oyster if you can work it. Part of it does start with a smile & saying hello. You do need to go out of your house, get off your computer & pick your face up from your phone. Places to look for women: 1. Bars 2. Parties 3. Concerts 4. Whereever you get your morning coffee 5. The grocery store 6. Singles event (use your computer to locate events near you) Use the niche ones rather than the meat market ones. I did one called Leashes & Lovers because I was able to bring my dog. I had planned on signing up to do one where they put you in a foursome -- 2 men & 2 women -- to play golf. There are ones that go hiking or skiing; others play board games & go to the movies; some focus on craft beer tastings. My point is you can find one that fits your interests. 7. Through Meet Up groups that get together near you to do something you find interesting. 8. Alumni events / groups 9. Adult education ight classes -- not academic ones but ones to learn cooking or interesting or basic car mechanics 10. Through volunteer groups working toward something you are passionate about: rescuing animals, fighting diseases, politics, etc. 11. At work; not necessarily your company but who's around at lunch or in the building 12. Through mutual friends 1
SammySammy Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 Exactly. I came here to give this very advice. I'll just add a few things. I like to network a bit. The more people you know, the more likely one of them will be into you. Maybe a month or so ago, a girl I knew when I was 15 (we kissed once) was chatting in a Facebook post with a mutual friend we both hung out with back then. We became FB friends. Less than a week ago, she suddenly starts sending me messages referencing posts I made online around 2 years ago. Obviously, she spent some time looking over my page. Turns out, she and her BF just broke up a few weeks ago. We talked for a bit, I told her that I am seeing someone, and she said my GF was lucky to have me. She is a nice, attractive, relationship type girl. If I was single, I would have easily gotten a date out of her. A lot of the work in getting a girl is just being in the right place at the right time. This goes with networking. If you meet someone, add her to your FB. Co-workers, classmates, girls you meet at a party, pretty much everyone, even if she is seeing someone. She might not be available now, but maybe 6 months from now she will be. If you networked with her, you might have the opportunity to pounce when the timing is right. Most decent women don't stay single for long, so you gotta be ready to jump at those opportunities when they arise. In addition to talking to random people like MidKnight says, you should talk to the same people as much as possible. I tend to stop by the same restaurant often for lunch. There is this cute little blonde working there that is obviously into me. She compliments me when she sees me and gets all nervous when I stop in. Now, she's cute, and obviously into me, but it would be tough to just hit on her out of the blue. Instead, let people get to know you a little, become comfortable with you. Then, if you meet someone who shows interest, ask her out. This approach works exceedingly well for me. Ah. That's great insight. Because after opening, the next step is establishing rapport. Create a level of comfort and familiarity. Might as well practice that also. Good stuff. 2
kortz Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 All the best relationships or women I've dated have come from meeting in person, not through OLD or apps. As a lot of people have said it's often about being in the right place at the right time, but being a regular at places certainly helps create these opportunities much more often. My biggest piece of advice is that when you want to go talk to someone or ask them out is to remind yourself 'what have I got to lose'. If you think about it rationally, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain as long as you go about it in the right way. By right way I mean strike up a friendly conversation (as many have mentioned) and go from there and always be respectful, the worst that could happen is they say no and life goes on!
Recommended Posts