beauty0815 Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 (edited) So I've been in NSA relationship with this guy I met 8 months ago when I was out one night celebrating my friends birthday. We hung out outside of the bedroom as well on a couple occasions, but not as much as the s*x we were having. We didn't really agree on being FWB or NSA , nor have I ever been in a relationship like this before but it kind of just happened that way. Throughout those 8 months we've have had long text conversations( we literally would text from 7am till 12 at night and the conversations were never sexual). Although contact wasn't everyday I didn't trip too much seeing as though we are not in a committed relationship. He would rave on the fact that we share similar interests in some things, we both compare financially, asset wise, and beliefs. He loved my cooking ( I cooked breakfast for him one day). We didn't dive too much into our personal family life but we talked a lot about work, school, politics, relationships etc. In person , our chemistry was great as well. He confides in me about his problems whether they are financial, friends and he talked to me about when he got in a car accident and showed me pics of his car. He would send me pics of his outfits before he bought them to get my opinion on them. He also did the same with his cooking, he would send me pics of what he cooked because he was learning how to cook. He would give me advice about some of my problems and I would do the same. Overall I believe he is a great guy ,he went to school, has his head on right in terms of where he wants to be in the next five years and is a hard worker with a great personality. We compliment each other so well. He likes every single one of my pictures on Instagram, looks at every insta snap story and sometimes comments( I do the same). He would tell me that he thinks I'm beautiful, I'm the whole package etc. He was the first person to congratulate me on being accepted to the college of my choice. FASTFORWARD I started catching feelings for him and decided to tell him. His response was something along the lines of he was shocked that I had caught feelings for him and suggested that we slow down the "relationship" ( that's what he called it). He thought that we were moving at a great pace and he doesn't want me to feel like he's playing with my emotions but we can still be friends. The response did confuse me a bit and although I was hurt I just texted back "ok". However, that same day I decided to protect my feelings, focus on myself and go NC. (no texts, calls, looking at his social media) After 3 weeks of NC ( I didn't reach out to him , he didn't reach out to me, but has been liking my recent social media pictures) he sees on FB that its my birthday and says happy birthday via text. I didn't want to respond but since I still have feelings for him I just didn't want to ignore him completely. Even though he rejected me , he did let me down easy. We got to texting about my birthday plans and then he asked me when was the day we met, when I told him the day, he said it felt like we knew each other longer (strange idk ) and then he asked me when can I come over to hang out . I told him I would come on Wednesday, and he agreed to it. Well Wednesday came and he basically bsed and said he had to work and rescheduled for Thursday. Well Thursday came and he texted me that day but hinted nothing about us meeting up or mentioned it , we just casually texted about him going to hang with friends etc ( text lasted about 10 minutes not nearly as long as before). I didn't really press the issue of meeting up because deep down I knew I would catch feelings again and didn't want that, but for some reason I couldn't say no. So here I am now planning to do NC all over again. I did go on a date two days ago with a nice guy but am taking it slow. Im not sure what to do , I do still care for him but am not going to stop my life, I know I may have to move on. I do want a relationship and he rejected me. I am going to do this no contact to focus on myself and get a level head. However, I do want some feedback. Why did he contact me if he had no intention of really meeting up?(assuming the whole work thing was a lie). Why is he still liking my pictures if he doesn't want me to feel anything for him, wouldn't he just cut off all contact? He never gave me a real reason as to why he didn't want to move things into a relationship with me ( not ready for a relationship, seeing someone else, he doesn't think we're compatible ). What should I say if he tries to contact me again? I really don't want to be cold but if I have to I will be. Has anyone else been in a NSA/FWB relationship and caught feelings? Did it ever work out in your favor or did you eventually have to move on. I do like him though , I wonder if he cared at all. (feedback is welcome please) (I see I may have put this in the wrong forum LOL, so I will put this into Friends and Lovers as well) As of today, I am in NC again 4 days Edited August 21, 2017 by beauty0815 1
PogoStick Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 You are FWB, simple as that. He likes and treats you like a friend, but enjoys having sex with you. He made it clear that he doesn't want more than that, whatever the reason is. You don't need to figure out why, just accept it. Since FWB is no longer acceptable to you, it's time to move on. don't worry about being cold, just be direct and honest. Tell him it's not working for you and for your own sanity you can't talk anymore (or at least for some months until you can handle it). 1
Steve51 Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 I lived with a female friend with benefits. We dated others but she slept in my house and enjoyed a lot of sex. She was insatiable. It ended when she asked my visiting friends to gangbang her. No kidding. We were sitting there watching a football game and she was stoned. She just up and asked us to gangbang her. Needless to say, she did not live with my much longer. Months passed and she calls me up to ask me to meet her for lunch. She would not say why. I thought it over and finally agreed to meet her. We met and she was talking about spiralling out of control and having sex with men who treated her bad and she kept on seeing them. She was a country girl from tiny town in the Midwest stuck in a large city that chewed her up and spit her out. She wanted to go home to live with her mother but needed something from me. My sperm. She told me that we would make a great baby together. She cited my looks, IQ, and sense of humor. She also said that she did not want to let me know where she lived or have any contact with our child. I told her that as irresistible as that sounded, I had to refuse and that she was out of her mind. You never know what will happen when a FB contacts you again after a long time apart. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 (edited) You want more - he doesn't. This FWB has run its course. Stay NC Edited August 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Versacehottie Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 [quote=beauty0815;7396540 Why did he contact me if he had no intention of really meeting up?(assuming the whole work thing was a lie). Why is he still liking my pictures if he doesn't want me to feel anything for him, wouldn't he just cut off all contact? He never gave me a real reason as to why he didn't want to move things into a relationship with me ( not ready for a relationship, seeing someone else, he doesn't think we're compatible ). What should I say if he tries to contact me again? I really don't want to be cold but if I have to I will be. Has anyone else been in a NSA/FWB relationship and caught feelings? Did it ever work out in your favor or did you eventually have to move on. I do like him though , I wonder if he cared at all. (feedback is welcome please) (I see I may have put this in the wrong forum LOL, so I will put this into Friends and Lovers as well) As of today, I am in NC again 4 days Awww I totally feel for you. I think it will get better in one way or another. You just need some time. I don't have the exact or all the answers but here are my point of view on the ones that stand out. *He contacted with you to meet up, maybe it was genuine intention but low priority so that's why he flaked. He also could be realistically trying to come to grips with how he feels about everything. He misses you but for the unknown reason doesn't want to make it a relationship (now, maybe not ever, idk). Maybe he really did have to work--i know, i know, less likely. I'm going to guess that he may have made the plans and then thought better of it, like it would just get messy if you have different goals, i.e. doesn't want to use you as FWB since he now knows that is not what you want. He is either unsure of what he wants and wavering, optimistic at times, scared at times OR he doesn't want what you want and had a moment after plans were made that it wouldn't be fair to you or easy for him. One of the most likely reasons he made the plans is he said he wanted things to still be FWB so thus he was trying to keep that going. He's going to push for what he wants. *He still likes all your IG pics because a)you are still a friend to him b)your friendship on IG makes him look/feel good about himself c)to keep you hooked in or on the back burner d)he has some feelings for you and will act on little ones that are very non-committal such as this *It's too bad that he wouldn't give you a reason but like other "breakups" the reason wouldn't likely "do" anything. It's not anything you can change necessarily and it would maybe just hurt you further and that may be why he didn't tell you. Also, he may want to keep his option open and not really wrapped his head around why he doesn't want to move forward right now, i.e. he hasn't "decided" so there is no concrete answer to give. *If he contacts you, hmmm this one is hard. I think you handled the birthday thing fine and i think you are doing the right thing with NC now. I would just see based on what he reaches out with next. You have to be extremely careful though because sometimes guys (or people) are just checking back in to make sure you are still an option or FWB option. I think you need to be really honest with yourself. Each time you re-engage with him it is harder to get over him and on with the rest of your life. Some guys are so anti turning a FWB into a relationship it's in the core of their values. If you think he is this type of guy and you would probably have an instinct after 8 months, I wouldn't open yourself up to talking to him again. Just the other day I read a good stat in your favor that lots of people start relationships as FWB, like a decent percentage. That said, you are already at a slight disadvantage because he initially has turned you down. In the last few weeks, a big deal was made in the media about Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher getting together that way. *I do know a couple of couples that have gotten together this way and lasted for a good bf/gf period of time but not too many. I think there are so many other factors at play too. If the guy is still in college or just out, it just may not be in his mindset at all to have a gf, not really to do with you. Good luck 1
fred123 Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 8 months if he was into you he would have taken you for dates and probably already bought u a presenr for your birthday and u would have met his friends and vice versa. He doesnt see you as rship material sorry. 1
Author beauty0815 Posted August 22, 2017 Author Posted August 22, 2017 Thank you everyone for your opinions whether good or bad . I will stand firm in my decision to go no contact and not meet up for anything . I just never been in this type of relationship before so I was just taking it as it went and when I caught feelings I told him. Unfortunately it didn't turn out how I wanted but I'm a strong woman ,I'll survive . I knew before asking him I could get turned down but was willing to take this risk. NC for me is the best way to go , I'm already starting to forget about him . 1
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2017 Posted August 22, 2017 NC requires you to unfriend him on all social media platforms. EXs don't get that kind of window into your life. Go to school. Find fellow student to date. You will be fine & he'll be a distant memory. 2
Author beauty0815 Posted August 22, 2017 Author Posted August 22, 2017 Yes I was thinking as deleting him on social media as well , that is my next step. Thanks for your advice I really appreciate it !
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