fstedy7 Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 4 months ago I started to date a woman that was like an angel fallen from heaven. I was sure I was going to fall in love with her. She was a recovering alcoholic, and just out of an abusive relationship that lasted 10 years. She had some unfinished business with him, something that could have been taken care of through the US postal system as far as I was concerned. Two months ago she gave him her E-mail address, this was so she didn't receive any phone calls at her parents house where she lives. 4 weeks ago she told me that her X sent her a E-mail that was personally adult rated. She forwarded the mail to me, it was as adult rated as it gets. This was honesty that I didn't see coming, kind of hit me sideways. After regaining my balance a day or two later, I asked her what was her reply to the E-mail? She said she didn't reply to it. Then I asked her why she didn't tell him that it was improper and she was involved with someone, and she cant be receiving E-mail like this, she didn't have an answer. A couple days ago I called her, she had worked from 8 till 4:30 that day it was now 6:00PM, just to see what she was doing. She said she didn't sleep at all the night before, restless night. The day before this she worked second shift 4-10:30 and was up the whole day, so I could see why she would be tired. She was up for almost 36 hours from what she told me. She said she was going to stay home and get some sleep. At 8:00 that night I was Instant messaging and noticed that her X was on, me and him were friends before, this was before he found out about me dating her, so we aren't on good terms now. I messaged him something that might insult him a little. He messaged me he was talking to his lover, I even made a comment "whose your lover your hand?". Two minutes later my girlfriend pops up on the IM and tells me she is talking to her X on IM. My heart stopped. "Why aren't you asleep?" is what I messaged her, she replied that her nephues were all wound up, or something like that, so she couldn't sleep. The conversation ended with see you tommorow. I was to pick her up after work 3:30. I was crushed, what should I think? My mind was going a thousand miles an hour, how long has this been happening? what were they talking about? was that the only E-mail? So what did I do. I wanted to call the next morning and ask her father if he could pick her up, but I didn't. I was feeling hurt, betrayed, and miss led. I did pick her up and I made an excuse to end the day quick, I told her I felt sick, I actually did feel sick, this whole situation. When I returned home I wrote her an E-mail, this letter was the breakup. I couldn't stand to be with a woman that wanted another mans attention, if she didn't want that attention why didn't she stop it after that first adult E-mail. I went to my authority on relationships my mom, told her the whole story, she looked at me and said the problem is that she craves attention, and that she might even do this on a subconscious level, she also said that when she didn't tell him the adult E-mail being improper, meant that she encouraged it, otherwise she would have stopped it. The reason that she told me about the adult E-mail was so I would know there was another male trying to win her affection, and then I would give her more attention, it worked. The weeks following the adult E-mail I tried to make the sex as intense as I possibly could, to give her all the attention I could. Am I crazy? Is my mom right? I pushed her away, did I do the right thing?
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Ultimately, you did do the right thing. You showed her firm consequences for her actions. You showed that you will not enable her behavior. You stood up for yourself. You got yourself out of what would have ultimately been a baggage-laden mess with multiple bouts of cheating. She has some problems to work out, and there is no sense sticking around for the fallout. As for being unsure... the first truth is never the whole truth. Her showing you that email gave you a false sense of security, and allowed her to pursue it with you none the wiser. If she were not interested in pursuing this guy, she would have told him that his email was improper, borders on harassment, that she is involved with someone else and does not want him to contact her anymore. Instead... You know the story. My guess is that she will soon be back, so prepare yourself for how you are going to handle that. Honestly, I'd suggest that you just go complete 'no contact', and put her far far behind you.
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